News in the publication VK:
In the hypermarket IKEA was found a machine that killed four people.
I knew they could make a machine from their furniture.

Time about 12 nights. I went to a store where they sold alcohol. In front of me, a 25-year-old man quietly asks the saleswoman:
M: Girl, can I have a beer?
Q: Do you have documents?
A man trained in the movement gets a police certificate (or like there) and shows it to the girl. After a second, a confusion appears on the man's face and he slowly clears the documents.
Q: Well, you have 18, I see, but unfortunately, after 10, we don’t sell.
The curtain.

Regarding the coverage of the Olympics in Western media: a day ago on the PBS television channel in the U.S. a guest said that on the site of the Olympic village in Sochi was carried out genocide of the Khazarian people, that is. "The opening of the Olympics will actually be held on the bones of the Hakas people".

And the fact that the entire Homeriga is built on the bones of the ideals - nothing terrible, they can!

I talk to my grandmother on the phone.

B: What did you do all day?
I cleaned up, the refrigerator unfreezed.
In short, all in creative works.
Why in creative? in economic
You always approach everything creatively.
Yes, the freezer is frozen.
B: Here is what I am talking about.

and :)

upviqq: Yesterday I saw a price for my shoes in a local store. He stumbled, looked underneath the staircase and left.
JJ: You need to drink less.
Upviqq: That’s what I’ll write in a book of reviews and suggestions.
Upviqq: Shoes are twice as expensive as delivery from America to the door at a convenient time.
Upviqq: I thought they were either carried out illegally in the rear or there under a heroin pad.

The wife, preparing for the upcoming birth, read the educational article and addresses me:

I don’t want to give birth anymore. Is it too late to refuse?
I: This is for you, my dear, my revenge for forcing me to turn my socks before washing.
I’t be happy early in your place. It is written here that the usual sexual life is restored only 3-4 months after birth.
I: I hope that’s not about oral sex?! to
J: Maybe, but I don’t think you’re going to be very pleased with me doing it after what happens to me when I give birth.

A Russian couple had sex for 20 minutes live on PlayStation 4 before they were betrayed.
Commentary :
Igor is not.

The case was at the end of August. I walk through the street, I look at the girl ahead, figure of nothing, decided to roll. Followed by the standard:
Let me meet you, I am Miss.
She turned her sympathetic face to me and said:
And our name is Legion, for we have no number.
Fuck, I immediately wanted to get to know.

of the Habra. Extensions for browsers.
U menya stoit drigoi plug-in, gadskii, menyaet vvodomii text na saitah! Hoshu wrote' “Wau! Kakie siski, ya bi vdul" A poluchayu - What a wonderful girl with an organically structured figure, I will grow up - I will marry! poetomu tol'ko translit menya spasaet!

Yippidy to Yippity!! to

Irkutsk -30, the world hockey championship with the sword, the teams of Somalia and Mongolia. This is a feather"

The ball! With a ball!! And with the swords, both teams are not difficult to present.

He: What would you tell me if I found pictures of some left-handed women in my phone?
She: First I’d have to explain what shit I was doing on your phone...

If the phrase “who is the last to jump into the pool” is heard, then you know that you are the last – you still have a way out. Do not jump!

Review of Tomb Raider (2013)

Conversation of Bandits:
Who is she such?
She killed Vladimir Vladimirovich!
What? what? He killed the Russians?
And not one! Dmitry Anatolyevich...

And you are throwing the cockroaches in our localizers...

by Fugu_Fish

Have you ever thought about moving to the EU?
I have no chance there.
Are you a Communist?
I am not blue.

From the Fire:

One day I was riding on a neighboring shelf with a sailor. A real seafarer, just a miner. That is, he is a sailor in general, because he has traveled the Tue mountain through the seas for years. I don’t remember who he was, a bozzman or somebody else, but the main thing is that he’s a sailor. So he can poison the sea bikes until the sea devil whispers on the mountain. All the time he doesn’t sleep. I boarded the train at 6 in the morning, naturally after a night of charges without a fight I surrendered, and at 11 I learned that a sailor was driving in front of me. Because at 11 he woke up and opened his mouth, and only closed it at 23, and that is because he was closed under the pretext "Everyone is already asleep, it's good to bask." And all that time he was running bikes. The Marines. In a few years of sailing, he has accumulated much more than 12 hours. It’s like driving in a coupe with Jack the Sparrow. And when the appropriate sea tales stopped coming to mind, he remembered that he was actually a miner now, and began to tell mining tales. Because he once sailed on the seas and decided to descend underground. For the diversity. What to do - from the water right under the ground. It was a reasonable explanation, but I can’t remember it now. But the point is that he is a sailor, but now is a miner, and can tell about the life of a miner. It is as if there is little sea.

The protesters put on the barricade in front of the “demilitarized zone” a screen with loudspeakers and show VVšnikom and “Berkutu” the broadcast of the channel “24”. In response, the speaker was adjusted and the news was silenced with the songs of Ivo Bobul!
They deny the cruelty of Berkeley.

I may be a fool, but I am careful. I just saw the catapult on Maidan. Well, why did you argue, like great specialists, about the catapult? This is not a catapult, it will require it.

My girlfriend is calm, quiet, a little slow, and her guy is the opposite.
Boy: I have such a wonderful girl, just a miracle... as long as I get to her, I’ll be able to escape.

Do you really want to connect with me so much?
I want to be crazy!! I’ve just stopped before, here.
Sergey: Why did you hold back?
Lizi: Well because
HZZ Why
Because I am a girl.
I was fucking fucking at first.
Serena :D :D :D

of Crimea. The beach. There is a blonde next to me. To her fits a man, 50 years of age, all in stickers, can only be seen from the zone. He puts her camera:
Girl, please take a picture of me. I need a picture so that...
Put on the avatar VKontakte!
What is? In short, I need to hang on the refrigerator so that the fat does not fade.