Yes, I look like I’m 15, and my passport cover is stupid – with Batman.
In the neighboring store, I can't remember one single cashier, when buying tobacco always asks for a passport. On another passport check, I say: “Let you remember me by passport? I’ll tell you I have a passport with Batman.” I agreed.
Now, every time I ask for a passport, I say, I’m Batman.
Oh of course! Hi to! Please please.
I need to see people’s faces in line at the box.

Commenting on the results of the survey, according to which 41% of Russians aged 18 to 24 want to leave abroad, Peskov noted: "This is not such a high figure."
And indeed, in the family of Peskov himself, this figure is 100%.

I work as a computer technician. I live in Kazakhstan. We only have one global provider across the country. One day our internet speed dropped, and customers across the city call and tell us that they don’t have the internet, ask us for help, because it’s better to call us than the provider. We don’t think long we pick the number of the provider and there is such a conversation where the TS is our specialist, and the OP is the girl operator:



OP: My name is Asem, how can I help you?

TS: Hello to you. People in our city complain that they don’t have the internet, why?

OP: It’s not just you, it’s all over the country. There were technical difficulties. No one has internet.

TS: How is it anyone? In our organization there is, only the speed has fallen.

OP: Aaaah, this is probably the internet that hasn’t had time to end, it’s all coming to you now and will end.



Then we silently put on the phone. Those arguments cannot be disputed.

My friend and I work in different areas of the city, and some time after work at 19. 30 agreed to meet to drink a beer in a neutral territory. I arrived on time and my friend was late.

The time goes by, the comrade is not there, and my cell phone is loosely unloaded, I ask a man standing next door (M):

What time is it?

M is 19. 45 is

I... I breathe.

Happily, what is the meeting?

(I) and UGU...

Q – Is it late?

(I) and UGU...

(M) - Well, if feelings are serious - wait! And at this very moment the comrade comes in, we greet and leave... It was uncomfortable.

My wife is a teacher at a rural school. Today he says:

We will arrive at 15:00 in the Saxony village.

Come on, and why?

We are gathered for a webinar!

Who? who? 0 - O

District Department of Education.

Do you know what a webinar is?

A woman with a breath:

In “education” they don’t know.

By the way, we have a wired internet in the village, from "kakoitotamtelecom".

They arrived. In ten minutes they are all out. I ask :

Is it all?

- Oh, they have a problem with the internet at school, the webinar failed.

But they the event.)

In the 2nd grade, I threw candy to my classmate and left it on the party. I decided to admit, I decided to admit for a long time. And it all ended up with the fact that she... no, she wasn’t fat. In short, in her head came that it was done by a cute and mysterious boy from a parallel class. I admitted that I put it. But she did not believe. And she killed with her logic: “Of course he is, he is so mysterious, otherwise it can’t be.” What is it！？



In the evening of the same day, I decided to commit suicide, nothing wiser than drowning in the bathroom. Then I noticed that the skin on my fingers was bored （washed ）and pale, I decided that with my face is the same （I did not dare to look in the mirror. I was afraid of becoming a grandfather. I ran out of the bathroom naked, crying and screaming that I was old. My mom and dad somehow reassured me, and then punished me because I was a dude, well, because we had my older sister’s girlfriend at our guests.





After that I did not fuck anymore. And like all the boys of my age, I pulled the girls for the stitches and ran away.

An hour ago I went on business, I passed by the police station, I watched my friend come out of there. I slowed, yelled at him, he sat down to me.

I ask, what kind of wind did it bring?

He said, “Yes, a couple of papers I had to sign. My smart clock was removed yesterday.

I am interested in the details, he says:

In general, I came to training yesterday, exercised, dressed up in the dressing room to go to the shower, next to me a couple of men are changing clothes. I removed the watch from my hand and threw it into the closet, took the towel and went into the shower. I go out, the dressing room is empty. I began to dress up, the clock in the closet did not catch my eyes, I thought that apparently on the machine in the bag they were thrown, and not on the shelf, and decided that I would get home, and with them.

I come home, the bags from the bag in the laundry, and the clock is not inside. Hm is strange.

I go into the appliance on the phone, look at the GPS, and my clocks in another area are determined.

I fall into the car, go to the gym, call the police on the way. I go to the manager and describe the situation. Admin's brain didn't fuck, immediately showed me the cameras who came out of the dressing room in front of me. The first man we threw away, as he would not have opened my closet at the second, but the mouth of the second he printed to me, and a little later the mentions that came told the FIO of this man and the phone.

The coins on the base broke, the address beats with what the app shows me. We went to him for guests, went to the floor, we called the house - he opens with his own person, with my clock in hand.

“You,” he said, “what to you?

I say :

- Yes, you brought the charging, or the battery will sink soon.

He immediately stumbled and confessed. Anger, he said, has gone by. I saw it in your room and I liked it very much.

Mint him under white pencil and into the department, the testimony to record.

WOW is WOW.

News on Yandex. The average salary of the Moscovites is 80t.p.

Here recently in the trend of children’s hooliganistic stories and discussions about leaving children (for a short time) alone.
My son is six years old. The conditional reflex has already been developed (hopefully strong enough) on height, sharp-cut-hot objects, bicycle, highway, reservoirs, etc. I have long thought about how to develop a reflex of respect for electricity. Insert the independent charging from the tablet in the socket (under my obligatory supervision!But there is no real danger. I remembered my hooligan childhood, took a strip of food foil, twisted the ends, hold passages. I will take my son to a safe distance, an instruction, such as: "...the electricity is not visible, but it is very strong and dangerous, it passes through metal objects..." And this foil in the socket... Something I did not calculate with the width (thickness) of the strip, and the apartment machine for some reason did not work, but it was very serious, the foil burning in all directions... I myself broke up, but I do not show the type, it should be.
I quickly destroyed the burning pieces of foil. The son's eyes are "quadratic", the ears are reflexively closed with his hands. “You see, my son, what can electricity do to you if you don’t treat it carefully? Do not repeat the experience!” Respectfully and frighteningly.
Fighting with pedagogical pride, I clean tools, foil. And suddenly the son says, “Dad, let’s go again, I’ll close my ears in advance!“...

Mom, I washed the dishes, did the lessons, finished school and universe, married, gave birth to children, can I go for a walk?

XXX: What is the most stupid solution to the problem that has worked?

yyy: I think it's my favorite story about a server that had to be restarted when it finally hanged. The decision of McGuire?(This is about a character who has found unusual methods of solving problems.) Take an old PC with a CD drive, and every time it lost contact with the server it opened the drive to which a stick was attached, which pressed the restart button.

The line between genius and madness was completely blurred.

Don’t think our rulers are so stupid. It is much worse.
To dress a tree, you need to have a tree. To lie beautifully, you need to know the truth.

Hourly Hourly!

My father had three brothers and all had seven children together. In the summer, these children were taken to the village of Elan in the Volgograd region, to their grandmother. Different sets, different numbers, but in the summer several grandchildren pushed in the house constantly.
The youngest, three-year-old Maxim, was left to his grandmother for the first time. The big and strong boy did not cause the grandmother trouble: calm, not harmful, and most importantly - with a good and constant appetite! The dream of every parent.
He walks in the courtyard, plays in the sand and with machines, especially not to watch every movement. Even if he could fade like a pig, but my grandmother wasn’t upset. The perfect child, what to say.
The child refused to eat. Without apparent reasons.
No, in the morning he ate a little, then went for a walk - to the big village courtyard, but in the lunch, midday and dinner he hanged his head, not opening his mouth and not touching the food.
Since Maxim was quite fed up, they did not immediately panic, in children this happens, especially since signs of exhaustion and hungry fainting were not observed, and even vice versa - there was the impression that the child was growing like yeast.
So it lasted a few days until the older sister followed Maximka more closely.
He was constantly running to look at the funny little pigs. He loses a little, and then says, “Posada!” And falls to them. Who could have thought that he not only admired, but also regularly eaten crumbs! Combined for a week.
With bitter tears he went back to human food. They don’t argue about tastes, they say... Nothing, grown.
The year of the pig.

The ornithologist stumbled when the crown, which was sealed by him, said:
“I agree!”

The only difference between a bank and a taxi dermatologist is that a taxi dermatologist scratches the skin only once.

Lydia Petrovna came out of the entrance, turned to the house and found through her eyes the windows of the daughter’s apartment. From the kitchen window, two grandchildren smiled. The six-year-old Nikita showed the big finger of his right hand. The grandmother in response, smiling, showed ten fingers and threatened with a mark, which meant: in ten minutes, my mom will come, look, don't bother! Nikita cleverly shrugged and shrugged his head. Giving a backbone to a three-year-old brother, he urged him to sneeze as a sign of consent.

The day was a miracle! The fresh snow was appetizingly crushing under my feet. The trees, carefully wrapped in pearl clothes, gave the feeling of a tremendous expectation of magic. Lydia Petrovna rushed to a date with a girlfriend. Luba just came from the sanatorium and offered to meet in the cafe. They will sit at a separate table, hit a cup of coffee with a liqueur, chew ice cream, thickly rinsed with chocolate, and will talk, talk. I missed it! Could something wonderful happen? Lydia Petrovna dreamyly struck the glowing eyes, her face broke down and acquired a cuddly expression. The walk became smooth. The coat did not hide the exciting movements of outstanding parts of the mature body. Despite the euphoria, Lydia Petrovna gladly noted that men are paying attention to her. “Why not,” she thought, “fifty is not an age yet.” Two men, bypassing her, looked around, and smiling widely, tossed their tongues and showed their fingers: "What does good weather do to people!"

My friend is waiting next to the cafe. “Lyubochka!” Lydia Petrovna shouted joyfully and opened her arms to embrace. To her great surprise, Luba instead of a greeting walked behind the back of a friend, and from there the outrage spread: "Here is the Arharov! This is the helmet I did with my grandmother! Okay Nikita, I’ll put you in! And you, grandmother Lida, probably went here and played all the way with her steep hips? Here I will pour him!” Loba came out from the back of Lydia Petrovna. In her hands she held a removable gate made of a black and brown fox pulled from her grandmother's coat, with a glow that played the role of a tail.

The State Duma is preparing a bill to mitigate the punishment of officials for forced murder, forced theft and forced prostitution.

The case was in July. Our equipment is outside the city. There is an admission commission in the technical school, former nine-grade students bring documents for admission.

I am the director of the technical school, 52 years old, I consider myself a man at the height of strength.

I have to go to the city administration. I go out of the building, side-sighted, I see two girls out of the reception committee. I get into the car and start moving. I stand next to the girls. The girls don’t know me, I know them too.

I am I, D is girls.

Ladies and gentlemen, hello. In the city?

D is yes.

Sit down, I will take you.

I looked and sat in the car.

Did you come to the Technical?

D is yes.

So I decided to raise them.

I. And you were told in school that you can’t get into a car with strangers?

D has spoken.

Why did I sit?

And here they offended me.

If he were a driver, he’t sit down. What are you afraid of?

I bought a Korean apartment. Korean carrot was scattered on the market

Well, after making repairs, I decided to put the apartment on guard, as she is not often at home.

The technicians put the controller, sensors, volumes and brought to the security controller.



As soon as we come to that house to work the alarm - the hostess stupidly forgot to remove from the guard.

I apologized, said he went to the toilet, and here you have already arrived.



Just decided to leave, as it fits and knocking eyes into the floor asks - and you can in the bedroom your cameras to remove, or my husband and I the second year in the bathroom fucking already)

It’s uncomfortable when you look.



It was invaluable to see her facial expression when she was explained that it was not a camera at all, but volumetric motion sensors.

Oh, and my husband and I in the bathroom for the second year fucking where your cameras are not!

We have acquaintances, they are for a healthy lifestyle and healthy eating. Making pasta without gluten, products only natural, from alcohol - no more than a throat of red dry, and cake or sausage - no-ni!

How many of them I remember: sweets and sausages are completely negative.

Well, they came in means somehow on an appetizer, talk-eat. We, of course, all on the table, cheese, tomatoes... half-cocked sausage.

I see, a friend on the sausage sat well. I am not sorry for health. But he seemed to have rattled, haram and all that.

I ask :

You don’t eat sausages, right?

And he so, chewing and swallowing, seriously, without blinking the eye:

I said we won’t buy it.