bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №124398
 14.02.2016
Yesterday the elderly had a trial GIA, the average third day of the flu, the younger tooth...
Early this morning (on dawn) the phone rings... I answer the call, and there a guy asks:
Alleluia, where did I get?
I answer him:
The 17 Intergalactic Jedi Council.
With such a lost voice:
Oh sorry, please...
And he adds:
May the strength be with you.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124397
 14.02.2016
Decided on the occasion of Valentine's Day to chew yourself to tea sandwiches with pasta "Sweet". No soybeans and chemicals in the composition, only garlic spice. Who could have thought that "15% of plant ingredients" is one solid garlic. It was delicious, but... festive sex was cancelled, there were only gentle looks at a respectable distance. This is the prophetic name for this thermonuclear mixture!

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124396
 14.02.2016
I have been studying depressive states for a long time. Until the counterfeiting of the student and the purchase of the medhalat and the illegal visit to the first Medal lecture in Moscow in Klin.im.Korsakov)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124395
 14.02.2016
The oldest brother with the dungeon originally congratulated:
Andrew, you are 25 years old. Do you think to rejoice? Fuck you here! You've been a brother-in-law until the most insidious age, when some aunts 10 years older than you, may look like your peers. But some of your peers, Suki, look 10 years older than you, and that’s at best.
He then said a lot more, but after these words, I now feel really scary.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124394
 14.02.2016
The husband:
The owner of the apartment (repair) is worth being. I asked him to take a shower from the bath so he could reach out. And so that there is no confusion, the owner says that this is a shower for washing the cat pot. I came up today, not to be confused, the universal name - "Kishkin shower"! and Oops:

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124393
 14.02.2016
The Russians remember! Our police work on a plan on which their salary depends, do not expect them to understand.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124392
 14.02.2016
We do not pay for service years (except for a limited number of offices), but for the result. You can’t predict and guarantee the outcome – you’re not ready to be the first in this matter.

In many industries, the result cannot be felt or taken into account in quantitative terms, from this work does not become necessary.

Classics of genre
Speak the jump.
What is?
No, the boy must know what to jump.
So you find first the unit of measurement of my labor, and then ask what and the jump.

(from the monologues of Arkady Rykin)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124391
 14.02.2016
"In the Sunnychnogorsk region in a month caught more than 800 drunk"
A good catch. At the end of the day they went...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124390
 14.02.2016
The postcard:

The user Luntik added a video of the "Luntik - Trailer 451 series. Friends anyway. Released on February 19th"

The trailer! A four minute series.

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124389
 14.02.2016
List of beauty competitions:

I used to be stupid and young. Now it has begun to develop. I think I need to expand the space.
and AGA. Then spread the microphone to the next participant, please.


[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124388
 14.02.2016
Doctors study in clinical hospitals. There is the word "clinical" - there will be students. And your contempt for students, cries - "Drive out all!" will turn for you then curved seams, cuts not in place and other delights. The doctor will not be taught. And there are no interns there - there are postgraduates and postgraduates, and these are people who have completed a full course of honey, do you seriously think that they have not seen anything else in the genitals? In fact, students after 3 courses already have medical practices - with trips, recordings in the map and assistance at operations.

[ + 11 - ] Comment quote №124387
 14.02.2016
When arranged for work, men are more effectively negotiated / negotiated on the size of the salary. They tend to overestimate themselves.

Conclusion: Men will become perfect prostitutes

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124386
 14.02.2016
My mother burned again.
I told her that it was necessary to call the gas maker - to clean the forks, because they are polluted and the gas is going badly. I am afraid of the gas plate. My mom made me laugh:
She was going to call the gas driver. Do not laugh at me! Everything is easily removed there, I will come myself, take everything up and clean up.
The concepts of "mama" and "disassembly of the gas plate by false means" did not want to be matched in any way. But if my mom says it’s easy, then it’s. If she does it, I will do it too.
This morning, finding the drill, I wrapped all four screws, but the cooking panel did not want to be removed. I call my mom.
- Four screws from the plate I screwed off, what next?
What are the four hats???? to
Those with which the top of the plate is attached. But it is not filmed anyway.
God... Why?
I need to clean the forks. Well, you said that it was easy to remove there, that you did this often when you cleaned the forks.
I am standing at the half-broken gas plate. There are four screws on the table, a screw in the hand, a doubt in the eye, a phone in the ear. And here from the tube sounds a very timely question:
What are the forks?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124385
 14.02.2016
I lie with my wife. and silence. We are already beginning to fall asleep. And here she says:
You know, but you could not have gone on a wedding trip.
I answered confusedly:
I didn’t even drive...oh.
The Wife:
Well then okay.
Laughed to tears.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №124384
 14.02.2016
Alexander is
May give you a book on thermorectal cryptoanalysis on March 8.

Elena
I already have the solder, you will give the manual.
A shit to find.

Alexander is
The adventure you find.

Elena
Well yes. There are adventures, but no asses.

Alexander is
With the same motivation, the girls come to the gym.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124383
 14.02.2016
From Habr, on the recognition of images:
xxx: Another error: 5 rows from the bottom, 3 columns to the right is SOVA
YYY: There is no mistake. Everyone knows that a sova is an accidentally leaked alpha version of a cat.

[ + 14 - ] Comment quote №124382
 14.02.2016
YYY: And the first thing they do is a gravy bomb.

Whatever the scientists work on, they still get a weapon.

c) Someone there

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124381
 14.02.2016
<xx> Chota thought that it was necessary for Christian Labuten to release the model Nah..

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №124380
 14.02.2016
I am faced with the fact that a trainee student will be present at my birth. And when I categorically refuse - I hear him say, "Okay, go to Caesarean, there is complete anesthesia, she will not even know."
≈≈≈≈≈
In Germany you just don’t even know they’re trainees, hehe.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124379
 14.02.2016
Sal: Misha talked about subtle mental organization, renunciation of material values and creative realization. He cried, prayed and wept.
Sal: But deep pregnant Marinka and her father made it clear: marriage, work, mortgage.
Sal: So in our company the expression "pro@#$t youth" at 17 played completely different colors.

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