bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №124198
 10.02.2016
In one deaf forest, a hunter found the thrown loose horns. And he attached them to a tree in a thick bush. So that part of the horns was above this bush visible. And as soon as the hunting season begins, there is always a whirlwind in this area. And in the unfortunate tree with horns already two hundred rifle bullets.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124197
 10.02.2016
My husband went on a business trip on Wednesday. I think I don’t want to miss alone, I’ll call my girlfriend, even if we talk without strange ears. I write a message: “My husband is on a business trip. Come to visit.” And... by chance I send it to whom? Right to my husband! An instant call: “Who are you inviting there while I am not there?” He explained everything, as if calming down. In the evening a friend came, we sat talking. Calling the homephone. His friend came for the drill. Mysteriously walked around the apartment, swallowed our pizza and left quietly. Drill has never been taken.”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124196
 10.02.2016
At six o’clock my mother left me with my grandfather. She was terribly worried, and when she arrived, she saw me with a wrapped hand. When asked what happened, I replied, “I was bitten by a crazy dog.” A week later she left again. My mom called me every day and arrived three days earlier. He sees me healthy and calming. And I run to her joyfully and woe: “Mommy, and I was hit by the air!” My grandfather didn’t leave me anymore.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124195
 10.02.2016
Every mistake proudly considers itself an exception to the rule.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №124194
 10.02.2016
The wife asked to deal with toys that the children no longer play with. The result: kicked on a children's synthesizer, assembled a puzzle, built a tower, played a tank fight. My wife said she would clean it by herself.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №124193
 10.02.2016
The Red Hat! A grey wolf cried out.
The grey coat. The girl cried.

[ + 13 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124192
 10.02.2016
Today there was another joke about ITshnika at work:

and oh! Why are you so beautiful today? A date tonight?
I broke my jeans yesterday.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124191
 10.02.2016
[15:01:09] lexicon2004: a whisker?
Isaeva Maria: No, I’m a fuck
Yuriy Petuk: But this is already a call to overthrow power...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124190
 10.02.2016
It is obvious that all the buildings are built on the land belonging to the city, and therefore illegal to whom they belong, the question is secondary.

I’m sorry, but I can’t argue with people who operate with such logical constructions. It is above my capabilities.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №124189
 10.02.2016
Description of the game Dinosaur Hunt:
He appeared in the game, on the shore. by POKAL. I picked up the cocktail, it will be useful.
It is cold, you want to drink and eat, you need to move the bulls otherwise here and you will remain in the form of a corpse.
You go and collect berries. Oh! What beautiful black berries, probably delicious. He ate and fell unconscious. The raptor came and ate your body with all the tricks. Oh well! I don’t eat black beans anymore.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124188
 10.02.2016
1954 and I support it.
Exchange the apartment, if it is shared with your brother, let the young people eat and buy plush mice for their money, and grind the dirt on their own. Living in the same house with people who have fundamentally different approaches to life is a mutual hell.
And there and see how much brother one on one with a loved one will last. Per, only the level of comfort that the sister provides does not allow him to notice the shortcomings of his wife. Or maybe he has found his happiness, and he will be happy, despite the lack of money, empty refrigerator, dirt and noisy dirt. Each his own.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124187
 10.02.2016
by 19534

Love me without consequences.
** by
Married on the 25th (not even the fifth, ah), after thirty years.
No abortion in any form, no viral or chlamydia.
Gondons should be tightened.
This is the "disproportionate experience", ah.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124186
 10.02.2016
XXX: February 14: the programming day, the day of mentally ill people in Germany, the day of lovers, in Japan the holiday of naked men, and in the United States the day of condoms. What are we celebrating, gentlemen?
YYY: The day of the naked programmer in a condom.
XXX: with a mental disorder?
YYY: Only if he is a German at the same time.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №124185
 10.02.2016
XX: We have a C++ practitioner - 80 year old grandfather. Direct programming and any application tasks in principle do not exist. Write a class, shit. Overload the operator, shit. A lot of stuff to do, shit.
YYY: You are hollowing. The man fucked the pluses when they were still on the tails of the Louvre.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124184
 10.02.2016
1: News - "Recently, Russia is waging a real war with piracy. And Deputy head of the Ministry of Communications Alexei Volin is confident that it is already bearing fruit, and the number of buyers of legal content in Runet is ahead of the ministry’s plans. “Notice” with reference to Alexey Volyn"...
2: The Fantasy
Maybe it's Mikhalkov sitting all day and buying a million copies of his films?
2: Again, at the expense of the Film Foundation... Fighting piracy

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124183
 10.02.2016
They are good at IKEA.
Advertising in the store:
There are three things parents can look at for a long time: fire, water, and order in the nursery.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №124182
 10.02.2016
Discussion of childhood.
XXX: The cars were not shot down, but if my mom knew where we went, she would have killed herself. But nothing, and survived, and my mother did not know.
YYY: Survived mostly because my mom didn’t know.
ZZZ: But sometimes some people came, my mom knew, and we got the ass.
WWW: And the most terrible phrase is when somewhere he walked, came back into the courtyard and you say'mother was looking for you'

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124181
 10.02.2016
XXX is
This is the main argument in any case. "I’m in the house!" And everyone, no one will do anything...

YYY
Then you should not forget about "baby" and "all"

XXX is
Speech of the Prosecutor:
- "Comrade defense representative, do I see your further discourse failure? And in the light of the newly revealed circumstances, I have the full right to declare - Be-be-be."
- "Oh all of you!"

XXX is
and the accused:
"And I am in the house! Now" = (

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124180
 10.02.2016
Sdn: I don’t like when my wife changes my shoe settings at night

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №124179
 09.02.2016
1954 to be burned.

And here’s another thing: I think it’s impossible to live to at least 15 years without realizing that the absolute majority of people are fools.

Hopefully when you’re 16 you’ll realize you’re one of them ?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna