In the 1970s, my grandmother went on a trip to Sochi. Their group was accompanied by a guide, let it be Vera, as the grandmother said, a very good woman. They became friends during the trip.

Once it turned out that Vera was from Omsk, like my grandmother. The further dialogue:

B: On which street do you live?

A: Oh, I live in the most beautiful place of Omsk, on the Irtysh Shore.

B is yes? I am there too. In which house?

A: In such a way.

B: I am the same. And the apartment?

A: The 55th

B is :? I have 56!



This is how my grandmother met her neighbors. Then they communicated for a few more years until Vera moved.

As an anecdote:

Two mathematicians sit in a restaurant. One went to the toilet. The second called the waitress and asked her:

“Girl, could you, when I ask the question, just answer x in a cube for three?”

She agreed.



His colleague returns and he begins a discussion.

“People know mathematics very well. Here we argue on a cocktail of cognac that the arbitrary waitress knows the integral number? He joyfully agreed.



He calls the waitress and asks:

“Well, girl, do you know what is equal to the integral x square by de x? “”

She replies, “X in a cube for three.” A colleague in shock. Then the waitress added:

Plus a constant!



And now history.

My friend and I, a professor of mathematics, are traveling from Toronto to Boston. On the way we go to McDonald’s and order two identical combos. The seller calls the price: 13. and 73.

My friend said it was wrong and the price should be fair.

What she answered:

The tax is charged from the total amount. “”

If you have begun to be jealous of an unfamiliar man, then you have plans for him.

Seven in the morning, the Moscow metro, a very crowded line. The situation in the car is "seldy in a barrel on the brink of civil war". People become nervous by the end of the week, very nervous and angry.
A middle-aged man sits, reads a tablet, taking him to his knees. At the station, a cock in a expensive coat + all sorts of shorts on the shirt + a massive watch bracelet on the lap + o-de-colon - accessories that hint to the entire surrounding village that "I am on the march, only it broke and my radiance decreased."
The cock in the lap has a massive case with which it is uncomfortable in the crowd. And case comes down on the knees of a sitting uncle, almost breaking the tablet.
What are you doing, shit? The man was angry.
He throws pork through his lips.
The surroundings are interested in pulling their necks - will they beat or not? Weight categories are very different, and how to fight here? There is no birth or flight.
The train departs to the open area and the cock gets a cell phone. Judging by conversation, it reports to the boss. A business sausage. The eyes on the ceiling.
The man, meanwhile, leads his hand along the case, brings the tablet to his eyes and suffers the chumadan on his knees.
At the transit station, the kaban with the crowd flies out of the wagon, the case unexpectedly unfolds and papers, pens, a diary... And the people run away. The crowd, the stream. The Kaban splashes people, receiving in response the rays of diarrhea and dozens of wishes of various perversions and ways of death. Papers are returned to the case in unnecessary debris and dirty form. A sweaty and evil cock clamps the suitcase and a stream of mate erupts from its mouth. Inscription with a mark on leather (or plastic?) “I give in my ass without rubber 300 bucks/night.”

In an interview with Google:
How did you know about our company?

An unknown man has sent about $910,000 to the municipal authorities of Eichime Prefecture in western Japan.

On January 29, a package arrived at the address of the governor of the prefecture of Echime Tokihiro Nakamura. In a cardboard box were packages of 10,000 yen notes.

In a letter in the box, an unknown sender asked to use the money for good deeds. He wrote that the name and address indicated on the mail are fictional and he wishes to remain unknown.

Governor Nakamura said on Thursday he welcomed such a donation. According to him, this money may be someone’s savings for a lifetime.

The governor added that the prefecture would consider using the money to support childcare and restoration work in areas affected by last year’s heavy rains.

I was 13-14 years old and one happy day my parents left me alone at home. The year was 98-99 (even before all these of your entornets) and the prospect of watching REN-TV at night, I was quite seductive. I lived, by the way, in a private house with a small plot and we had a dog of the Doberman breed, which was considered in the family a model of security qualities.

At about 12 a.m., the dog stumbled, began to knock on the door, apparently demanding to go out with her. When I opened the door and went out to the doorstep, I heard the compressed tones that were being delivered from the corner of the site. It was dark, though the eye was scattered, in addition there were trees and bushes, so that the source of sound I could only determine by the method of sound localization. Going to check the stones in the dark seemed to me a bad idea, and the stones were scary, I thought then they were mortal, maybe the addict is dying or something like that. “Fuck the question! I have a superdog! At first I decided, but the dog did not react to all the commands, only looked closely at the sound and rattled. I stood in full shyness, because I used to drive Doberman to training and she listened to me unconditionally. Suddenly, the dog with the appearance of “let it be done” turned and fell into the open door.

For a couple of minutes I listened to these stones, standing on the doorstep in tapes, they were not monotonous, they were somewhat afterlife, and repeated with different volume. I didn’t want to climb into the wet grass in the shoes, but I thought I just had to find out what was there. I took the blade, turned off the light on the doorway so that my eyes would get used to the darkness and started slowly going to the sound. It was scary to be a writer. I got closer and closer and the stones stopped. I approached the place where the sound seemed to come from, but I saw nothing unusual. I stumbled and suddenly the stone repeated half a meter from me and I saw... I saw the cat fucking the cat fucking! I’m standing like an idiot whispering with a spade, and the cat is fucking the cat and looking at me, the bastard.

After pulling out a couple with a knock of my legs and shouting, I went into the house. Judging from the sight of the dog coming out of the couch, she was very pleased to see me alive. I then told her for half an hour what a shit she was and that the house should be guarded and not hidden under the couch.

On the eve of my 27th birthday, the mystery of the strangest event in my life was uncovered... 10 years ago.

I met a young man, as if everything was “serious.” It is time to lose your virginity. We met and fulfilled my wishes. We went to the outskirts of the city, to the dacha. Winter, forest, snow shines from the light of the lamp, calmly. We approach the gate, I am going out, I turn my head to the right and I see... A girl runs barefoot on the snow in some shirt of acid-yellow color, and behind her grandfather... with a tail... and then both in the shadow... We are in shock, what was it? They released the police, they went and left... Naturally, the romance all went away and I asked to take me home. The MMC was very dissatisfied. And how it all broke out after that...

Last night I met him at TZ. They talked about this and he tells us that he married that girl... As it turned out she ran barefoot on the snow - hardened, and her grandfather walked after her - guarded.

I finally found out that everything was fine with her!

xxx: I once asked a lecturer at the university at the Faculty of Linguistics why we are taught English so silly, and she honestly replied that this is the informal wish of the dean of our Faculty of Mathematics: "We should only be able to read the report in English at an international scientific and practical conference, and for greater English we should not know because in this case we will quickly leave the country." I learned English at a language school and left the country. The End

I missed the dean! It was necessary to teach mathematics heroically that no one needed it!

I sit yesterday in the hospital, I do not touch anyone, writes some left guy type give 58k loan, I will give my mother swear.

Well, I am ready for such a scheme already, I say, of course, no question. I have a special card. These sums are not sent to the left. You need to give me 500 rubles first and then I will send you back as much as you want and those 500 rubles. This is where my scheme worked for years always ended. But not today.



500r is here. on the map. I’m thinking what to do with them...

Politics is sewage: it smells awful, but without it nothing.

The words of a friend.

In response to the story about the daytona: https://www.anekdot.ru/id/996138/

A few years ago, in the summer, I woke up at five in the morning from loud sounds. There was such a thunder as if someone decided to spray a sheet of metal with a circular saw with large teeth. I put my head under the pillow and tried to fall asleep.

We repeated the next day, with the only difference - the craftsman began to shave 10 minutes earlier.

On the third day, I jumped out on the street with a firm intention to kill somebody, but it was quiet on the street. Only a bird flew from the roof of my house.

As I should have thought and realized that the time of the beginning of the craftsman's work correlates very well with the rising of the sun, I suspected the bird that flew away (to consider it properly I did not have time).

On the fourth day, I set up the alarm 15 minutes before sunrise, quietly went out and saw the metal pipe of my house as a thief sat down and began to forget it. The frequency of shocks was stunning – not in vain I thought it was a circular saw. I threw a stone, but I missed it. He looked at me with contempt and fled.

Searches on the Internet revealed that the dots bite the house in two cases. One - if they hear that there are bugs inside the wall. But it was unlikely that the thief tried to get to the bushes through a sheet of metal. Other dots knock around the house, indicating their territory and attracting representatives of the fair sex. The louder the knock, the more attractive the knocking. My daddy found the perfect source of sound, a metal tube, and was clearly not going to stop his morning concerts.

I went on the path of war. Throwing stones and screaming made no impression on him. He continued to dumb. Eventually, I bought a child’s water gun and shot it with a stream of water. From surprise, the devil fled. But the next day he just moved over to the other side of the pipe so that I could not see him, and on the third day, having raised his wings, he took a pleasant shower and then continued to crack. To admit the defeat was inferior to my human dignity (although I was already accustomed to meeting the dawn in anticipation of the dawn), so I decided to overtake it.

Since the sound was important to the dart, I covered the pipe with pieces of foam and, in order to keep them in place, wrapped them with a metal grid. For the first time in a long time, I went out before dawn in anticipation of victory. Dyatel, as usual, flew, sat on the trumpet and struck with a clove. There was no sound. He shrugged his head and tried another place. The result was the same. The pieces of foam were thick (packaging from the TV), so he couldn’t break them into small pieces and pull them out of the grid (as well as break the grid). After two days of torture, he left forever. I started sleeping quietly in the morning, proving (at least to myself) that I was smarter than the day.

Exclude the decree from the working period. Include the decree in the working period.
Allow the drivers to promile. Drivers are prohibited from promile.
Prohibit the collection. Allowing to collect.
Remove commercial kiosks and bars. Restore commercial kiosks and bars.
Prohibit the sale of alcohol in the vicinity of social facilities. Allow the sale of alcohol in the vicinity of social facilities.
God, how much work the Russian officials have! No time to rest!

When I was 14, my uncle often took me and his son to the country. He himself built a house, and sometimes they slept there in a construction wagon.

The area was quiet, some areas were abandoned.

Here we sleep at night. In my dream, I feel someone pulling my hand. I wake up, and this brother is on the floor and looks at me with wild eyes. I say, Pacha, you are the type of what? And he points my finger to keep me quiet and knocks out the window. I looked out the window and felt the blood in my veins shrink. From the window it was clearly visible that someone was looking at us from the street and terribly moving his hands. I wavered greatly. I tell my brother to wake my father. His father usually slept on the other side of the car. He said he was afraid of noise. He started whispering trying to wake his father. But he is silent. It is not visible in the dark. And then I realized that this man on the street and is my uncle, just went to smoke. He just often went out in the evening to smoke and pretend what can be done with the car driver later. And I calmly say so loudly, Pacha (brother), that he has borrowed. And then from the other end of the wagon comes the voice of the uncle: "Boys, why are you not sleeping? “”

In France, I was not sold beer at the McDonald’s at Disneyland without snacks. Strange people. I ordered eight beers and a little potato.

The xxx:

A friend from the clothes shop on the letter R said.

They were discharged one day of the seller-consultant (PK) on the results of the "Secret Buyer" (TP) check.

On the recording sent to the office, the beginning of the conversation in the store is clearly heard:

“Good morning, tell me, is this a new collection or an old one?”

Q: “What do you do, docks fashion?”



yyy: Enter a reduction to use it once and not completely? 😳

You are a perfect perfectionist?

I always teach my grandson to be a gentleman. Once we get out of the center, the grandson breaks forward, opens the door to a group of elderly ladies and screams to me, "Daddy, see, I, like a gentleman, hold the door for a bunch of old ladies!"

Sometimes an understanding of many things opens the eyes. It turns into an irreconcilable enmity.

A acquaintance told me.
Her mother is 82 years old. I went with some pain to the local therapist. She (obviously to reassure her) offers to come back in 20 years. “Are you sure I’ll find you here?” My grandmother asked her.

In Moscow will be launched an unmanned tram. But there will still be a man in the cabin to run out and break the arrows on the rails.