bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124078
 07.02.2016
Review of electric toothbrush in one well-known online store:
If you still have doubts, then my advice to you is better to try once than to suffer with guessing - how does it work / is it convenient?

It works. is comfortable.

I thought about buying an electric toothbrush for a long time, and then just dumb-drunk bought this miracle. I am very pleased"

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124077
 07.02.2016
My friend was coming home from work. Time about 9 p.m. Further from his words.



I go, I don’t touch anyone. In the store bought beer, sausages, even there for small things. I paid and went home. This is like in a cheap detective: three people were arrested. Oh, all under 2 meters tall, a little more beautiful than the devil. “Are you smoking?” “I don’t smoke,” he said, “and I saw you buy cigarettes in the store.” “No guys, it’s not for me” and “Who?” “Who’s the beer?” And then my friend immediately came up with the thought that they didn’t want cigarettes. Well he’s a whisper like me, he just knocked, “No, guys, let’s go.” And here’s one of them just hitting him in the face (the time is around 21:00, it’s dark, there’s no one around). My friend slipped and fell. And here, where you can’t get, GBB. Those three were laid on the ground, and their eldest friend said, “Live?” “The living.” It turns out that the GBR was monitoring these three species, but there was no reason to take them, and there was a robbery of clean water. They apologized to a friend for coming so late, they needed to record the very fact. They said you would come to write tomorrow and accompany them home. The verdict has already entered into legal force, from 6 to 14. There was also a recurrence.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №124076
 07.02.2016
It was in the pool this afternoon. Children were taught to swim on neighboring trails. They fool, they fool, where without it. But especially fairy was the cry of the teacher in the hall: "Zhenya, I asked not to run on the water!"

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №124075
 07.02.2016
At the time, my lecturer in literature served in the army. He served after the 4th graduate of Philfax. He served normally, although he was called after 20 years. And his nickname in the army was Pushkin. All because he did not beat his ghosts. He had nine soldiers. Four of them are from the Caucasus. During the province, he did not beat them with boots, did not put on glasses, did not blow their head.



He forced them to teach poetry! If he fixed the flight, he approached and said, "Radovoi Katayev, dress up! Pushkin’s Tale of the Goldfish. This meant that the fighter had to run to the library, take Pushkin's fairy tales and be prepared for the fact that at any moment he could be dragged and he would have to "respond to the lesson". If someone disregarded the task, he got it. Rarely, very rarely, they were still pined, but most often they stood up in the wildest clothes. As a result, after some time, all nine people knew Eugene Onegin by hand. One day, during a regional commission, as a demonstration of the active creative activity of the part, he showed the papas number. Several soldiers in the roles read Pushkin. Four of the speaking Caucasians read better than the Russians. Some noted, the company was designated as exemplary, everyone was very pleased.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №124074
 07.02.2016
Southerners do not understand when after a month with air temperature -40 and with a fierce wind comes -15 and silence.

Great weather today.

It is just warm.)

“When it’s snow, it’s always warm.”

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124073
 07.02.2016
Testers of a large IT company:
Q: The text editor does not support Klingon) try it yourself)
I: Emm... and how does it show up? Do you want it for Star Trek fans or for extraterrestrial races?)))
Q: Do few people use our product and for what purposes))
I: Well I can tell you, you can ask the designers what they would add)) And then the Klingons are quite hard (((
P: I mean in general, the problem is there)
I: And the elephant by the way supports)))The elves are simply more solvent than the clingons, so the product is primarily aimed at them)
Q: They live in the woods, this is a shorter coincidence.
And: Then probably our director is the Dark Elf)))

[ + 16 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124072
 07.02.2016
Vodka is a budget option of happiness.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №124071
 07.02.2016
But culturally it is beneficial.

The words of a friend. A beloved aunt decided to visit her grandson for Christmas - from Peter directly to the French-speaking Geneva. I was flying a Swissair flight in the morning. I fell asleep and had breakfast. She calls the stewardess and, since she is not strong in the foreign, tries to ask her to bring breakfast. Nothing at all. And then the brain, having conducted one known analogy, gives a set of familiar and seemingly appropriate sounds in the situation, but absolutely incomprehensible to him:
“Monsieur, je ne mange pas six jours” (Monsieur, je ne mange pas six jours)

To my surprise, it worked! Two servings of breakfast! True, I had to eat everything under the supervision of a caring stewardess and the victims of what is happening in the crisis in Russia neighbors-francs...

Messie, I don't eat for six days - Kisa Vorobyaninov from "12 chairs"

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №124070
 07.02.2016
At work in the dining room today was Indian beef in curry sauce. None of the crowd of visitors even thought about what was going on.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124069
 07.02.2016
If you are attacked by a vampire, bite him first. At least he will be offended.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №124068
 07.02.2016
XXX is:
A funny story. My daughter (7 years old) became interested in how we jump up, and in Australia (from the other side of the Earth) they still jump up, they also head down.

explained and explained. Then he opened the unit, threw a sphere of 1000 meters in radius on the stage, put a pair of characters: "This is Earth, this is in Moscow, this is in Australia, this is how they jump."

Everything immediately became clear. Gilmore is rolling.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124067
 07.02.2016
The tax on gasoline in Russia from April 1 may rise by two rubles. According to the head of the Ministry of Finance, the increase in excise taxes, if it will be approved, should not lead to an increase in fuel prices.


[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №124066
 07.02.2016
Wife instructs how to put a one-year-old son to sleep:
Don’t look him in the eyes, otherwise it’s over. Better to pretend to be dead, then he goes around and lags behind.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №124065
 07.02.2016
I thought as a child that boys and girls become boys and girls depending on how their parents dress.

Not so much you were mistaken.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124064
 07.02.2016
Marrying and marrying no one is hindered either by children or past relationships. But now, when the new lover is hanging on his ears with endless stories about how all three ex-wives who escaped had become pregnant, themselves gave birth, and I was a furry rabbit here has nothing to do with such a goat, such a goat, and I am an unfortunate sheep, at twenty years of age, not knowing, apparently, that from THIS children are - then the new lover inevitably makes the conclusion that it is not about a rabbit or a sheep, but with ameba, whose all around is to blame for amena brainlessness. Well, or does not make conclusions and soon complements the list of "gay and goats"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124063
 06.02.2016
Have you ever been in a seat?

ALA: It was in the seat, I did not like it. When you are on the big, he does not cross from foot to foot, does not breathe hard and does not walk on the sidewalk, that you have to keep balance every second. I am more on bicycles. And the horse loves to feed carrots and apples, and they are beautiful!!!! to

And I love them more in the baseball. Sorry to. No bikes at all.

Are the roofs rough?

Andrei: We are out of the bearings.

[ + 20 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124062
 06.02.2016
From reviews to condoms on Aliexpress:
Ordered on November 11, placed on December 30 in the box. The child was born ".

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124061
 06.02.2016
xxx: Very smiling phrase: “I took a tough step, forcing a whole group of employees to use Android smartphones instead of iPhone.”
Worse than 10 years of Gulag.

[ + 37 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124060
 06.02.2016
xxx: I know your English fucking, the cat and the teeth are not in order to put, and the tooth is a tooth.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124059
 06.02.2016
Freedom Angela Davis, freedom to Julian Assange.

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