bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157823
 31.03.2022
It is better to understand something without changing anything than to change something without understanding anything.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №157822
 31.03.2022
The date was announced - March 22, well, and doping scandals.
The 1976 year. After the Winter Olympics in Innsbruck, where the USSR national team shone, our district school leaders, being in euphoria, decided to hold a spartakiad on ski races on this day. I, a seven-year-old, had to run 15 km in a 10-degree frost. There were 6 kids in our school team. And I had two neighbors, two brothers - Vitya and Tola, much older than me. Vitya worked at the "Gutalin" factory in Tula, and brought empty aluminum tubes from under the cream for shoes, and Tola worked in the Lipetsk region at the factory, where he produced condensate, which he also brought to the village (naturally, everything stolen). And the condensation was ordinary, and with cocoa, and with coffee, everything was deficient. And we poured this condensate (with coffee, with cocoa) into the tubes of shoe cream (shoe cream, brown) and took it with us to the competition, where we ate it during the race. Delicious, delicious and adding strength. On March 22, 1976, in the race we took all the first 6 places, and about 200 people started. There was, as I would say, a doping scandal. Everyone said that the body skiers cannot be defeated, because they are on the track "Gutalin jurt".

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №157821
 31.03.2022
When refugees coming to Israel from Ukraine are asked whether they are Jews by their father or mother, they answer – by the president.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №157820
 31.03.2022
For a day, I have been tormented by one question. Russia wants to sell gas to Europe in rubles, and Europe wants to buy it in euros. So why is Israel still silent, which could have long ago announced that the issue for both sides can still be resolved by some commission?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №157819
 30.03.2022
The alarm of the lover to sleep after the call is instinctively frightened.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157818
 30.03.2022
Reading about your childhood, school, your shop shelves, trips for potatoes and other agricultural work..Yes, by the way, but no one ever mentioned that his distraction to the Soviet farm interrupted any production cycle, or, a scientific stream, I am not afraid of this word, which led the country to ruin. Riding and diverting.
We emigrated to Russia in 1984. In the Russian village. Yes, that was dying. And that was even a little truth, for I had never seen so many empty houses and land before. I personally drove out of interest. It has remained with me until now. I lived in the Far East, lived, studied, and then served in the army in Siberia. This is another. As everywhere. But here is central Russia, it was and is America for me. And we moved here.
I lived in the Soviet Union for almost a year. It was boring. Total indifference to everything from the leadership, from the working masses. And it would be with them, but work must be rewarded. And that was... no. He showed himself in action. I promised the director to revise my salary: - wait, this is as soon as the seedling is over... now we will finish the seedling... we will finish the seedling, we will remove the grain... we will excavate the potatoes.
Yes, the question is – you, the boss assistant, who was concerned about the outcome of your work? Anyone ever wondered what happened to your potato? And the cabbage? Where are they divided?
I’ll tell you, they’ve been cut off. And what else can happen to the vegetables stored in the bucket under the open sky all autumn, and then winter, and then spring? and? At least something remains. Food for cattle. But why not thank the bosses for their help with the delivery to the school, or work dining room of these vegetables that are then rotten in the barrel? It was not even considered. Should the economy be economical?
Okay well. I have to live and I have to go back to transport. Located in the automotive base. The structure is as follows; in Moscow the ministry, in the regional center of the glaciers, in the district centers mechanized columns which carried out this same amelioration under agreements with the Soviet farms. Where to dry, where to drain. My task is to carry them to the pipe object for digging.
The wolf feeds the feet, the driver feeds the flights. And then there was a mess; as long as the brigade comes from the district center to the object, as long as it is cracking, and it is time to swallow the pits. Working day until 6 p.m. and travel time is included. Therefore, I have a flight a day, rarely two. And that is little. And I suggested a shovel - I will load the pipe larger, and we will then scatter them on flights. The probation entered. It is even good for him - if bad weather happens, in the field is not just a loaded straw to pull, empty not to pull out. The tubes are already in place.
I came to load. The crane dropped the package. Please give me more? is loaded. There’s a man here, and will you get another? I will take. ... and more?
It turned out to be mr. Engineer of the base. We loaded the pipes with the pyramid.
Carefully reached the field. I had to drive metal. I made a couple of flights, and on the tubes, count, three came out. It is interesting to live.
The first bell ringed the day after three - the counting woman stumbled. Her husband worked in the same house.
You load a lot. It is dangerous. cannot be
I need to earn.
My husband and I always have enough money.
Sculpture and Sculpture. I do not pay attention. But a couple of days later, the authoritative guys came to me in the base - you hear, little, you load a lot.
I need
We don’t care about yours. We don’t want it to be ours.
I am a boss, as a job?
Oh well well!
Drivers are worried that they will be driven like this.
Give it to them, I will not smite anyone. Let them load. They don’t want, they don’t need.
I went out and gave an answer. The drivers looked me in the eyes – well, we warned you.
Two weeks worked. I come to another loading, loading the original package of pipes and that’s all. Why is?
Banned
Who is?
- there - and point to the window in the office.
I come. A doll is sitting. I am her, what’s it about?
I am prohibiting.
And who are you?
I am a cargo master.
Where did you come from? You were not there before.
I didn’t do it before, but now I’m here and I forbid it.
I go to the engineer. He goes down and lets the team load.
To my happiness, Mr. Ing. As a puddle, it is always in place.
Okay well. The reporting period passes and when I appear again on the load, they require me to rise to the head.
Hi and Hi. So, small, the pipes are metal, metal is the first class of cargo. Yes, they are empty and long, and we decorated them in the fourth class. And since you drive a full body, we will now design them for you as a first class. Go to load.
It was previously heard that cutting prices in Russia is the usual game of office workers in the struggle for "productivity growth". Now I convinced myself. However, I have a bonus – for me, columns, scraps. They were the last to pay for transportation. I mentioned their benefits.
I am worried. Go to the object. I give papers. He writes to me instead of the former ones.
So went the summer.
The sky breathed in autumn.
Again, I was sent to go to Mr. Bush. entered
Meaning so is. When you drive. We’re going to ask the chief who would drive it all like this.
Sit on the pope. I will go to the glacier myself.
He did not load, turned around and went to the glacier. Time was afternoon. There was no main head. It was his. A man in a ping jacket and a tie.
He told everything. Not to hide. The entire epic. Please leave me alone.
The man sat down, twisted the pencil. – I don’t understand, but why? Why can’t they drive like you do?
It was not for the sake of grandparents to make a revolution that their grandchildren would smell.
You are walking, right? So I can.
It cannot. I explain; if you, tomorrow, make them load like this. It will be as follows: I will be filled with a mouth and I will go away. They are loaded. And they will do as last time. about the past time, about him in the smoker with laughter told me by the drivers themselves when I just arranged. I had to move some cargo somewhere. I don’t remember the reason, but it wasn’t in their heart. They were loaded and sent. And they. Arriving at the track. Arrive to the first post of the GAI and, to the Haishniks – brothers, commanders, you will see what they creatures do! My driver talks, and they drove me out of the flight.
- And I have brakes, there are no screws, everything is on turns.
And I have...
And I have...
For a long time, the car is not suitable for use. And the haishniks that, the fish themselves came into the net. Cars from the road and behind the booth, report on the instance. There was noise on the top. Who was then deprived of the prize, who was pronounced on the party line.
You cannot force them. They will load up and go out on the track. They explode wheels, there is overload on the rear wheel, they throw cars. You will have hemorrhoids.
The man sat down, silenced... But you’re driving.
and no. I am not driving either. Say goodbye.
He went out, sat in the car and left. He went home and filed an application for dismissal. In the bus base, as expected, signed immediately. There was no director in those days. He came to me afterwards. He called back. He assured me that everything was shaken.
But my brother and I have already found and repaired the cabin.
In one of the offices sent a car on the flight. There was a motor on her way. While the driver was driving for help, the car was smoked off on spare parts. And he stood under the fence waiting for a write-up.
We addressed the director and we will repair the car. Find a job for him. I need an apartment.
We rebuilt this cottage and walked around the country. From Novosibirsk to Kerch
So you say that the USSR collapsed because of the low price of oil?
Oh well... :-)

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №157817
 30.03.2022
In Germany, there are shops "Berezka", where there is everything. Even vegetable oil, flour, pasta, rice. They are not available to ordinary Germans, as the trade in them takes place for rubles.

[ + 47 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157816
 29.03.2022
Xxx: One girl saw a photo of a teacher in a swimsuit and became a prostitute



Yyy: and another girl saw the teacher's salary and became a prostitute

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157815
 29.03.2022
I sit somehow on the bench, pulling my mother, a puff with a puppy, as here suddenly mobile like a sparkle. The number is unknown, okay.

I listen to.

Is this Nikolai Alexandrovich?

You mistaken the number.

So go you go naughty!



And this bastard, not even waiting for me to send him in reply, dropped the bell. It was very annoying, as if they were kicked in the soul. Well, can it be so, not from this, or from this, unknown man, to send a fuck! The first thought was to call Hama back and send him back, but that’s not our method. Punishment should be harsh, and in such cases there is no need for rush.

I started hitting the owner’s number.

The puppets! The number lighted up, but the seat came from where I did not expect it. The number turned out to be corporate, and just so, even with the help of familiar mints, the owner will not be issued. But nothing, the name of the firm, let’s call it conditionally “Rog and Copy” and the address is there, it’s better than nothing. This company is located in the capital, where I regularly attend symposiums on organoleptics of strong distillates, so on day X I decided to take revenge.



I am coming, I mean. I go to the office and find a staff.

Hi, I am talking about work.

Who said we had vacancies? - Interestedly looked at me a sweet-looking girl, apparently trying to guess the specialty of the terrible grown-up uncle.

- Yes, a man from this number called, I just forgot his name, - I stretch out a paper with a number.

"Oh, this is Viktor Ivanovich, the head of the accounting department, the second door to the left, - instantly found the girl's ham.

“Thank you,” I smiled and went to the accounting office.



I go in. The standard serpentary, which is a hundred, and in the most honorable place sits a man in a pantyhose and glasses, an intelligent shit.

by Viktor Ivanovich? I ask the slave.

"Yes, I listen to you," replied Hamlo with a familiar voice, which ruined my mood for a few days.

You are naked yourself! - I solemnly declared the power of the ligaments, after which I proudly went out, knocked the door, left the office, sat in the trolleybus, and went to the symposium.



Oh... I needed to do a bit more rough, but then I didn’t think about it. And so well worked.

Know the Ours!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157814
 29.03.2022
Chess and mat, shit!

Can I do without Matt?

Chess and shit!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №157813
 29.03.2022
I feel suspicious of the people around me. If they are surrounded, it means they are thinking something bad.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №157812
 29.03.2022
We did the repair at my mom in the summer with my sister and our tax all summer went to the food store every day: bread, a pack of milk and her glass of plumbing personally. Shopping in a dog bag.
First, she introduced her to all the sales changes and explained what her name is Sonja, what her daily order will be and what ice cream she eats. It worked very well, no failure. Go to the Quarter. In the turn, she waited and ate her seal on the spot, brought bread and milk home. It saved us a lot of time. That summer she was a star, she was filmed.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157811
 29.03.2022
The happiest time in life is when you have only two troubles: a quiet hour and a manic meal.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №157810
 28.03.2022
Wars make people more united, but fewer.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №157809
 28.03.2022
A folklore group from the distant Buryat district went to Mongolia for a tour. They lived in the most remote regions of Mongolia. The Mongols were very friendly, inviting artists to their homes for snacks. Before the trip, the group was carefully instructed to be cautious - the anti-health in Mongolia is terrible. Once again, I tried not to eat anything. After the next concert, the Head of Mongolian Somon invited guests to his huge snow-white jurt, where a stunning table with dishes from Mongolian cuisine was covered. The artists, seeing that the dishes and utensils in this jurte are clean and glowing, stumbled on food. They sat down for a long time and tasted each dish, and at the end of the meal, the hostess collected all the plates / dishes / pots / spoonfuls and laid them on the floor before the threshold. He opens the door, two lame dogs run and lick all the dishes.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №157808
 28.03.2022
Erdogan has threatened Russia with sanctions if Chubais remains in Turkey.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157807
 28.03.2022
Xxx: My childhood friend lives in Odessa. A normal man. On the Maidan he did not jump, in general, in some political movements to participate.

All this month I talked with him, he occasionally threw me some photo/video with a demonstration of the victories of the Ukrainian army. Between the case. I don’t know if it was fake, partially fake, or absolute truth... I didn’t watch them. I am not interested. I try to protect my brain from spam, especially such spam.

I just answered something in the spirit – “Keep there.”

And here today comes to me a message in the spirit – do you say straight, are you for ours or for yours?

I’m sitting there...What are you saying?

Let me say what is yours? No is. and lying.

What is ours? Yes, I am generally a peaceful person, and I do not support this type of action (in terms of how it affects the civilian population).

I decided that if you removed the shape and weapons, then what? For whom am I?

I live in Russia with the Russians. Especially now that many are against us, how can I not be for ours?

And I know I probably won’t have a friend anymore.

Because friends are not put before such a choice...



Yyyy: Answer with silence: and go you go.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №157806
 28.03.2022
So how can we trust history in textbooks, if events happen right now, where everyone has their own truth?

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №157805
 27.03.2022
When I got my first child, I became a mother.

When the second child arrived, I became a referee.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №157804
 27.03.2022
How I watch TV.
I turn on the TV, there is advertising.
I switch the channel, there is advertising.
I turn off the TV.

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