The first day I left the hospital, I complained to my husband:
The crocodile does not catch, the coconut does not grow :(
M: In other words, it does not work?
I am :D :D
M: Well, you have to do everything gradually – first just sit down. The first week. Then the computer can be turned on. Gradually...

Wife: How are you?
Husband: I already touched something, and the horse hasn’t rolled yet.
Husband: Hmm, a drawing from the life of the zoophile...

After another morning dispute about who was the first to go to the bathroom, the wife said: “You look like Amur, and you behave like Timur!”

The commandment is actually one: behave in such a way that you do not get in the shell from a person who is also not rushing to get in the shell. The rest is from the evil.

It was hard for our ancestors. I will not let you play football, I will take a bicycle, a solder, a set of young chemists, you will not go to Dima's birthday, you can't watch cartoons, in general, whole hemorrhoids.
And we have one phrase "yes, Lisa, the iPhone on the table immediately".
c) Kika

For me personally, all people are divided into two types: those who hold a wet umbrella closer to themselves or put it in a bag during the rainy hour in public transport, and those who keep a wet umbrella away from themselves, pressing it to those who are standing and sitting next to them. Everyone has the same rain, but people are radically different.

The correct communism is when the salt is common and the plate of each has its own, not the opposite.

I do not like to go shopping, especially the need to communicate with sellers. Therefore, I always spent very little money on the wardrobe, one thing could wear for several years.
Then I found Korean websites.

13:03 < dsmirnov> gold hands from ass: repaired himself note, dropped

Today at work the customer sent a translation of the vodka label into English. There is written:
Fortress: 40% of vol.
Bodies: +7 (960) 000-00-00.
I struggle all day with the temptation to leave.

"How much you don’t steal from the state, you won’t return it anyway" (the joke of the former secretary of the party committee)

Talk to a customer who lives in Australia.

I am :

If you send me an email, I can start working today.

The Client:

I’ll send you a photo of the first class.

I am :

Simply download all the photos to my email.

The Client:

The internet is contagious. This is how we do. I will send you my phone with all the photos with the nearest flight to your city. And do not worry. They will not be lost, the mobile will go to you first class. Upon arrival, our courier will send you my phone.

March 2, Moscow, in the night of snowfall.
I realized that something was wrong when I couldn’t get out of the snow-filled parking lot.
The realization that the snowfall was not quite ordinary came when I watched a snow-gathering truck stuck in the snow, in the middle of the street. Now I am waiting for smart statements addressed to the city services about the sudden spring coming.

Often I catch myself at the fact that the look of an atom leaps to the next quotation, if there is a mention of some задолбайки or number. Just like advertising banners.

From the hubr about "habr is no longer that":

Buried flash, broken three hicks?

And yet the family kitchen without me will stop and collapse: as a spouse do not turn, but after all, I am trying to salt.

Blindly reviewing the work lately and noticed that gastrabytes are very needed, and pay them more than ordinary specialists. So the question arises, where are they taught and how much does it cost?

Fucking like popcorn. What is GMO? The Selection. The improvement. For centuries, the antelope made obedient cows, from the wild crops - wheat, from some strong roots - carrots, beets, potatoes. Thank you to the ancestors for getting stuck with these questions, because it is a feat to start engaging in life with the results of which you will not try. For many vegetables it took time not one generation. Some vegetables have evolved so much that they leave, sometimes, very controversial comments on the chips!

19721 *facepalm* I knew of course that during pregnancy hormones affect brain activity, but so...

About kindness, care and tactic. We went somehow with friends to the dacha. In their "Tavry" Everything was fine, except that Tavria had something with the wheel, maybe a hernia, or maybe just not balanced. The car in front trembled so that on the way back, my legs appeared. Mosaic by Karl! Sitting in the car! This is a long-awaited city. I tactically ask to get me out at the nearest subway... At least somewhere already! They offer to take me home. I don’t even know what gave me the strength not to shout "NEET!!!"