bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №95963
 29.03.2014
harsh laborers. Production vs Supply.
Q: How many lakes do you need for three months?
P is 100 liters.
A: No, 100 liters are too expensive. Give it less?
P: Well well well. Buy five bottles.
C is good. will be.
The cargo arrives in a week. 5 cups of lakes. Banks of 20 liters.

[ + 28 - ] [7 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95962
 29.03.2014
The opinion of the crowd is merely the skillfully disseminated opinion of the leading Unit.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №95961
 29.03.2014
The nightmare

One day my friend Igor called me.
Word for word, he began to complain about fate.
In general, he has all thanks to God - his wife, children, but there will always be a walking carpet with a deck.
And such a captain was Angela, his wife’s friend.

Here is the short story of Igor himself (short, because without mat):
- This same Angela is a classmate of his wife, the same jobless as his wife, also does not work and does not want to.
Okay, when they just talked for hours on the phone – it can still be understood, but this has been a year, like this friendship, running at our homes on schedule, three times a week, like a freight train: Monday, Wednesday and Friday. If she sees her daughter somewhere in our neighborhood going to dance, then this doll, three times a week, occupies my kitchen for a couple of hours and drinks my coffee.
Coffee, of course, I do not regret it, although, as it is unfortunate, for her, it is a pity.
In any case: you don’t look like cowards in the apartment, you don’t whisk loudly, you don’t go into the kitchen, there they have smoke of food, they sit, they smoke, they look at the internet, their husbands are discussed.
I tried to talk to my wife, she didn’t understand me, she said:
“Igor, I’m not sorting your friends and I’m not asking – who are you going to play with? Do you want me to leave my house and meet my friends somewhere else?
I don’t want it, but I can’t tolerate Angel with her smoke anymore. What to do? I will not add the mind, the brains boil, whether to hire a killer, or to burn ball dances.

I wanted to help my old friend, but I didn’t know how. The only thing he advised was to talk face-to-face with that Angela, to explain the situation, but Igor interrupted me and said (I drop the matte again):
Do you think I didn’t talk to her? This Angel... the other creature, listened, left, and then “melted” everything to the wife. We didn’t talk for a week, and this fox continues to choke at us, and even the offended face does, the frog...

The next day, I met my longtime friend Elena, a very good psychologist.
Yesterday I called Igor.
Don’t worry, I’ve solved your problem. After tomorrow, the psychologist Elena will come to you, she will turn your Angelou in a baron's horn to meet her at the train station.
How will he come? From Moscow to Peter. I will meet, of course, but how long will it cost me?
"Don't drift, Igor, I joked, she's going to Peter for her business, and you'll just meet her and take her where she tells you, and while you're going, she'll teach you the strategy and tactics of fighting Angela. How did I understand? The reception.
Huh, that’s a different thing. I am your debtor.

...And here, two years have passed since then, I completely forgot about this story, but yesterday I called Igor again, I immediately reminded him of his problem and asked:
So how did your business end there? Has Elena helped you?
"You ask, I did everything exactly according to science, as she said: at first, a whole week I didn't scream, even sometimes I went to the kitchen, drank coffee with them. My wife was happy. Then one morning I woke up and wrote:
Glad you woke me up, I had a terrible nightmare.
What did you dream?
I dreamed I was having sex with your Angel.
With Angela? No matter what, what’s the nightmare?
“No, it was just nothing, the nightmare is that Angela didn’t agree with my whole dream, and I sold our country and paid her all the money for sex. Do you imagine?
And then you, like that, run into the room, find us in bed and shout, “Igor! Where is our Dacia? It is not in place!
and horror. Here I woke up...

The woman nodded, shrugged her shoulders and said nothing.
Two years have passed since then, but Angela, for some reason, I have never seen her again.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №95960
 29.03.2014
If trees gave free Wi-Fi, we would plant the whole planet, but they only produce the oxygen we breathe.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №95959
 29.03.2014
For Star Wars fans:

This is how freedom dies – under the thunder of applause.
(J is Lucas, The Star Wars
_______ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___
I do not justify the Empire in any way, but... Did you really regret that ‘freedom’? Well, when oligarchs do what they want, and everything according to the law. Just a corner away from the center – and op, slavery flourishes, laws do not work. Everyone is run by a bunch of low-willed politicians, in the ears of corruption. If so, I’m also talking about Star Wars, then you’ll think more about it.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №95958
 29.03.2014
An article on the entertainment site about interesting facts about the human body.
After the article traditionally comments:
Why do you stand up in the morning?
2: Power on Self Test

[ + 37 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95957
 29.03.2014
Some Ukrainian patriots have told us so many times how losing Crimea is, which is unclear – why they consider Russia an occupier and not a deliverer.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №95956
 29.03.2014
The scene in the Moscow metro.

Two rappers, aged 16-20, go along the transition and, sharing headphones, listen loudly to the corresponding music.
They talk in parallel. I can only hear the dialogue:
Don’t trust him, he will hate you and betray you.
Rapper No. 2 (thinking)...He loves me, he can’t wish me evil.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №95955
 29.03.2014
X: Near the subway station for the second year a woman stands with a sign "Help, a child dies ". The second year!

You don’t understand, because we all gradually die. It collects money for immortality.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №95954
 29.03.2014
and silver:
I’ve told this story a hundred times.
I repeat
I received the VO in Adygea (Muslim Republic), the first courses lived in the community.
The boys told me something. One of them grabbed a local girl somewhere, dragging her into the room. While the other neighbor pretended to be asleep, he had oral sex with her. Then the anal.
That seemed little to the girl. “Well, I can’t do it anymore, out, ask the neighbor, I don’t mind,” she advised. She gave in pop and neighbor. Then he asked, "Maybe, normally, in the p*z? ", which got a delicious splash and a hysterical scream: "I AM WHAT, IN YOUR WORSE, A WOMAN?"and "
;D

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №95953
 28.03.2014
The passengers of the plane held a referendum and decided to separate from everyone at once.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №95952
 28.03.2014
In the office, no one closed the closet with top clothes.
A few minutes later, one of the colleagues sitting next to the closet cried out to the whole office:
Who hasn’t shut the door to Narnia? Not a month! Dude from there!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №95951
 28.03.2014
>> I sit and smoke in the entrance

Shoot, shit, this fool - otherwise such smokers do not understand what to smell on the street.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №95950
 28.03.2014
xxx: Discovered a litre bowl of black hammer pepper.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
XXX: the peanut butter? I have no such enemies yet.
zzz: the main thing is to serve at least one spoonful, and there will appear.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №95949
 28.03.2014
Recently, a dog of German Shepherd was taken. I have admired their thinking all my life (I have been doing this breed for many years). This man actually killed me. On the 9th day we knew the name, the place, no. Well, how every normal man reacts most quickly to "TAKE")))

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №95948
 28.03.2014
You will slowly, painfully die from burns.
g/n: you will die slowly, painfully from Ozhegov

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №95947
 28.03.2014
and DDD:
Ideas for a collective game:
You scroll the globe with your eyes closed, tick your finger, and you have two minutes to justify the entry of Russian troops.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №95946
 28.03.2014
The puppy from the stage "Care, he is behind, DO NOT follow" smoothly grew into "Care, DO NOT meet". Wait soon "Run, or I will bite" and "Go, or I will bite")))

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95945
 28.03.2014
We have more and more work. And Nicholas took part in the same city in some incomprehensible missions.
So he has a mistress there, named Jane. Everyone already knows about it.
XHH: He means it’s pleasant for his pleasure, and we’re here? What to do with this.
Give him a broom in the coffee before he goes out.
Better broom with purgen!
Why is Purgatory?? to
WOW: How is it. Imagine it. He is with her, he is not worth it, he blows and struggles to correct the inconvenient situation - and the result is quite unexpected.

[ + 25 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95944
 28.03.2014
The law of the hole socks: which leg do not wear - a hole is always on the thumb.

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