bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №110088
 02.03.2015
We had a case when at military gatherings, one guy broke the machine and his finger stuck in the example when he got the penalty.
Is he now in place of a penalty?
This is not even half the story. He pulls, his finger does not climb. Logically, we need to take an example. Great how? There is everything in the peninsula! Where is the penalty? Penalty in the machine!
The curtain, the curtain?
Ohhhhh no no. We stood there for five minutes and thought what to do, until we remembered that we had three machines... It is strange to realize that you have fallen to the level of a hose.

[ + 20 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №110087
 02.03.2015
How do I tell the contextual advertisement that I have already purchased the phone offered to me?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №110086
 02.03.2015
If our young neurologist kept a diary, our visit today could be a pearl in her bowl on the topic of "patients burn".
The reception. Baby 3 months.
He is smiling? Go to? Has a toy in your hand?
No, it does not hold.
Why is?
I don’t give it :o

No, well, if he doesn’t really take – why try to do it forcibly? and Oops:
A poor family...

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №110085
 02.03.2015
Smoke, and go in the night in Moscow for a walk, near the Kremlin, so romantic...

No, it is dangerous there. Go into the forest or into a deaf pit.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110084
 02.03.2015
xxx 1 March at 18:18
Damn, in Warky Spring, it’s all gone.
yyy 1 mar at 18:18
Find her cat.
xxx 1 March at 18:18
I’ll take the cats off later.)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №110083
 01.03.2015
If Levitan announces a stop in public transport, the number of heart attacks among adult passengers in the city will catastrophically jump.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №110082
 01.03.2015
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH What did you do today?
He looked at Rapunzel and the Rusal. In English, it is not ashamed.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №110081
 01.03.2015
My husband, don’t look at me hard! The car needs new brushes and you can have a beautiful wrap on the steering wheel. Or buy me a skate - the old daughter cut off with scissors. Yes, new portovese professional knives are also needed! And the utug. And still do not forget some sanitary little things, which you use every day, but in emphasis do not remember, because you think about the important... And do not buy me azalia or gardenia in a pot, they will die immediately. I do not like cactus. Do not buy cosmetics and perfumes. You don’t understand this, it’s all my friends give me. Buying clothes to you and it will not come to your mind, you are smart.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №110080
 01.03.2015
— — — —
Do you already decide, please, the batteries in the vibrator to change, lock in or nail in? Speak clearly, do not be fooled by your hints!
--------
But here is the figure for you, or you will say this directly, come, like, friends with organisms, fuck you will come, and then celebrate on all the crossroads, say, she is a prostitute!! The words through the mouth call for sex. Develop awareness and empathy. There will be natural selection, the most intelligent and guessful will reproduce.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110079
 01.03.2015
I study pedagogically. Today, we were told that some phrases cannot be pronounced at school. For example, not to mention the scientist Gay-Lussac, stars blue giants, Hertz vibrators and the like.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №110078
 01.03.2015
Judging by the state of the budget of Ukraine - Yanukovych steals until now...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №110077
 01.03.2015
One man thought for half a day, "If Shambambambukli is all-powerful, can he make a stone that he himself can't lift?"
What is the problem?
So how in what? I wonder if I can make such a stone or not.
Have you not tried?
and no. This is a theoretical question, not a practical one.
- So you can't, - shrugged the shoulders of Mazuktha.
Why can’t I? Shambambambukli was offended. If I admit that I am truly omnipotent...
Are you Almighty?
Shambambukli stumbled and thought.
I don’t know, he finally confessed. If I cannot raise the stone that I have made myself,
– Throw that stone, – Masukta walked away. Remember the definition of omnipotence.
- <...> Almighty is the ability to create anything. So is?
That’s what it’s like. – Kidded Mazut. The key word is "everything". You make a stone, you make a stone. You don’t want to raise it – you don’t raise it. This is true omnipotence. by P. Bormore

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №110076
 01.03.2015
X: Fuck, I am an ass of friendship. Just with one girl we correspond, quite fun to communicate, unusual. I didn’t even have time to think that I could put an iron on her, and she told me, let’s make an agreement that we’ll never see each other.
XXX: Is this the reward?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №110075
 01.03.2015
She says: Good morning!
She: Oh, it’s not you.
He: Is it even so?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №110074
 01.03.2015
- Someday, on a Sunday afternoon, the daughter suddenly remembered that tomorrow you must OBLIGATELY bring a deal on the topic of "Safety of traffic". In order to quickly get rid of the problem, we send dad to the city, buy mini-figures of cars and humans, we remain to make the road canvas, with sidewalks, pedestrian crossing and lighting. Our father comes and brings machines and soldiers :shock: I, he says, the whole market has gone by, there were only soldiers and Indians.
We selected from the statue of soldiers those who are in a vertical position. They were soldiers struck with a grenade.
The result: the machines burn the red light of the light, they, as appropriate, stopped at the pedestrian crossing, on the crossing, pedestrians in soldier shape, stumbling on the standing cars with a grenade.

In Moscow, the Indians would be more likely.

I went shopping for people. She gave her daughter boxes of medicines so that she could glue them in the form of cars. My daughter also lulled. There were medicines on the road, but there were no people.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №110073
 01.03.2015
I decided to make a purchase in the online store.I go, I go.There is a field to fill out "reason for registration in our online store".I wrote the first thing that came to mind:"I went to the grotto" and I am going to continue.
Minute by minute a letter comes from this store.The subject of the letter congratulations bla bla bla bla bla.
I open the text there literally: No one has come to us yet to warm up ?
As a result, the promo code gave a 25% discount and wrote that I burn)))))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №110072
 01.03.2015
I already wrote that my elderly, Xenia, decided to go to the medical school, and if enough points, then not to Tyumen, but to Peter, most likely - to a pediatrician-neonatologist, and I have already broken up and agreed on this. So, she and her friend go to the hospital once a week, volunteering. Hospital "ambulance", type of Moscow "square". From the latter: some drunk uncle got help, but refused to leave. Not at all, but in a particular door, because before him in this door... came out some... m... k... walked, looking for an ALTERNATIVE DOOR!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №110071
 01.03.2015
xxx:throw, in the magnet I buy cigarettes, then the dialogue with the seller:
Do you have a passport?
I am not with you.)
Remove the glasses.
I am 85 years old and I take off my glasses.
- Well, you don't have it written on your face - he looks into his face, then pierces the package.
What she saw? How determined?
yyy: apparently by the eyes read) the sadder the eyes, the more hopelessness in them, the more years)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №110070
 01.03.2015
From Habr:
I often find myself thinking that I live at the right time but not in the right place.
You have not lived in thirty years.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №110069
 01.03.2015
But the buttons are lacking a lot. On the 16671 shirt, no one can find upper clothes with -25, except the shirt. And he will never find it, unless he ever on the way of life a professional server tourist will not meet, who will understandably explain to him that single-layer clothes for such temperatures are especially meaningful to wear, and several layers, starting with a thermal underwear and ending with a not-so-volume dense jacket will protect the same, weigh less, space will occupy it twice less, and the temperature range will be wider than the shoe, because to remove or add an extra layer as a nephig to do. And so far this man and like him are unaware of many achievements of technical and other advances in clothing and hang the closet with another mould feeder for the next 300 days of the year.

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