bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 63 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45135
 28.03.2011
Yesterday, they called from the children's clinic, told to pass the son for fecal and urine tests. We packed everything and put it in a paper bag from McDonald’s in order not to carry it in our hands. This morning I carry tests to the clinic, suddenly a 13-year-old boy runs out of my hand, pulls out a bag and washes in an unknown direction. You will be surprised!)

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №45134
 28.03.2011
<Death> Google is of course a great search engine. I enter the search for images "negroes with long hair". The first picture is a bald white man.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №45133
 28.03.2011
From the comments to the next news about "Revolving in the pursuit":
The militiamen investigating the case of receiving bribery by the militiamen received bribery from the militiamen.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №45132
 28.03.2011
The video call:
Video call from your interlocutor

The video call:
You rejected the call.
Vl@d: I can’t answer you. I am naked =)
Olya: I am too!! to
Vl@d: That’s what I should have done before I call O_O

[ + 71 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45131
 28.03.2011
You may have come from a monkey, but I have the grip of a panther, the heart of a lion, the trick of a fox, the wisdom of a frog, and the appetite of a tiger.
The Chicken Brain.

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №45130
 28.03.2011
XXX: How did you spend the weekend?

Great - in bed

X: with Anton or it just rolled out?

yyy: with fever and cough

YYY: And you know, they’re so passionate guys that I’ll probably be with them tomorrow.

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №45129
 28.03.2011
xxx: I am in love
ChaynikUA: bugga... so you need it

[ + 58 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45128
 28.03.2011
XXX: Just out of the soul
XXX: found there "gel for shower"
XXX: The bottle was signed: "Blitz + Double Volume"
XXX: Looking forward to the effect.

[ + 93 - ] Comment quote №45127
 28.03.2011
Lesson of writing.
Theme of Mat.
1st "Blaze" as the interdomain is written with T.
Fuck, how did you get here?! to
"Blazy" in the meaning of "woman of easy behavior" - through D.
Did she give you? and no. And I do not. That is fucking!! to
This is a necessary differential detail.
2nd In the direct lexical meaning of the word "huy" or applied to the direction of movement of the object is written separately.
You would go on the fucking, Vasya, with your raciproposals.
And fish to eat, and to sit on the fox.
In the function of the dialect, synonymous with "total", "final" and so on, "nahuy" is written jointly.
Cover the diaphragm.
Get away from the road.
The function of the particle is also fused.
What is the difference?? to
In cases of uncontextual use, the rules continue to apply. We assume the direction of movement - we write separately.
Where did you send me?
In the fucking!
by sr.by :
We’re going to listen to Bach today.
and naked!
Three When addressing one person: your mother. To several faces: your mother. Polite to your mother.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №45126
 28.03.2011
Dialogue on the forum about the new air simulator "Battle for Britain" (BOB or BZB)

xxx: A lot of incomprehensible in settings, does not work "hop out with a parachute". But I tried it on earth, maybe that’s why. To be precise, landed in the Thames, under the bridge wanted to fly, grabbed the wing of the water and splashed, and I can not leave the plane. By the way, the plane did not go to the bottom, maybe there was little?
YYY: the plane did not go to the bottom because there is so much on the bottom of such clamps that there is nowhere to sink.

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №45125
 28.03.2011
I cannot be silent:

The Saturday evening. I go into the store. Buy seeds for the movie. The cashier girl looks at me and with sympathy in her voice says:"You’re watching a movie again?"

Shall be! I translate from female to human – she wants you to get to know her. Dare to. It is spring :)

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №45124
 28.03.2011
The paradox of homosexuals is that they cannot reproduce, but they are becoming more and more every year.

[ + 40 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45123
 28.03.2011
Seven quarters
It is said that in the Grand Theatre, one soloist, possessing from nature a large bass, but having serious problems with musical hearing, could not cope with the arias of Varlam in the opera of Musorgsky "Boris Godunov".
There between the lines of the text sounds orchestral music, literally like this:
“As in the city was in Kazan!” Two or three or four or five or six or seven. – is
He plays an orchestra.
“The terrible king had to have fun!” The orchestra again:
one two three four five six seven.) is
“He beat the Tatars unhappy...” – well, and so on.
Here in these seven quarters and could not get the unfortunate bass: then sooner will begin, then later.
The conductor threatened him: "You are lying again - and I'm snooping off the role!“”
Bas ran to a friend of the concertmaster.
“Help me,” he said, “think something.”
And he grumbled:
This place has been rehearsed hundreds of times. How wise you are!
Okay, let us do so. You have to sing something about yourself.
A phrase that would exactly fit into those seven quarters. Well here though.
He said, “I am a man!“”
I have tried:
“As in the city was in Kazan!” Kaka-Kai is Kaka-Kaka!) is
“The terrible king had to have fun!” Kaka-Kai is Kaka-Kaka!) is
“He is a Tatar...”
Greatly succeeded! Once ten propels, and bass, proud and all-armed, went to the show.
He came to the unlucky aria, sang the first line, sang about himself an inappropriate phrase, confidently began: "The Terrible King..." - the conductor with angry eyes points his finger: again, the parasite, entered a quarter earlier. The next line of Arias is the same. In a word, it was quite good: I finished singing - the orchestra is still playing.
Leaving the scene, shouting, “I will kill!” I went looking for a concertmaster. He put his hands apart:
I have been rehearsing ten times. Again, how did you sing?
- As in the city was in Kazan, - began to bend the fingers bas, -
Khao Khao Khao Khao!

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №45122
 28.03.2011
If the government cares about the poor, it needs to be changed.
With a good government, there should be no poor.

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №45121
 28.03.2011
xxx: true, today the clock was stolen, the fucks :( will be returned only in October...
YYY: not returned
There will be no more clock shifts.
Medvedev cancelled
XXX is what? The fucking...
Everyone would get rid of them.
YYYY: Yes
Babla is not enough, the space is almost all scattered.
Now is the time to go.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №45120
 28.03.2011
My longest relationship lasted eleven days. And then she got tired."

The series "The White Collar"

[ + 79 - ] Comment quote №45119
 28.03.2011
The real story:

Recently, my wife and I went into the elevator, and with us, Mommy and her son, five years old. From the frost, all frozen and red. He looks at himself in the mirror and says to his mother:
“Mom, look, my cheeks are like apples, red!

Well, my wife and I look so pleasantly, say, how beautifully he says, and he continues:

Here are my lips. and. and. Like a corpse. and. and. The Blue. and. and.

Gissen

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №45118
 28.03.2011
A large sports store. Question of a lightweight girl (d) to a consultant (k)
Q: Tell me, and why these skies are so wide and all different
Q: Probably because you don’t need to look for skies in the snowboard department.

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №45117
 28.03.2011
Have you noticed that the knives have become sharper?
I (wishing to make him pleasant, although I have not even used my knives yet): of course, thank you
Man: No... I didn’t take them.
I looked so badly.
With good intentions...

[ + 48 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №45116
 28.03.2011
My friend works in furniture. He tells us:
An employee of the hall approaches and reports that on the sofa in the department is soft, sleeping some man. Well, he is there, really sleeping, until the snoring stands. Well he wakes him up and says he’s sleeping, yeah.
He stared at him, then onto the couch for 75 boxers and said, Ohye...your couch...I take.

ууу:I remembered how we moved - in the new house, the crossroads, the shovel under 15 degrees, we walk in jeans, hooks and shoes. Father went to the old house waiting for the new owners - keys and docks to give and in the kitchen on the floor cut off, as warm, native, quiet and cozy :)

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna