My grandmother gave me four sticks of smoked sausage. I left it on the table in the kitchen. We come and the cat sitting on the table bites the sausage. They cut off, wrapped his mouth in his bowl. The next day we come, and in his bowl there is almost a whole stick of sausage at one end. He looked at us calmly and continued to bite her.

Ivan: Okay you are getting married? Why a man!? to
Any self-respecting gentleman would do that.
Ivan: And how, have you already decided with ZAGS?
And yes, come here! 10:30, Palace of Reconciliation No. 4.
Ivan: Now it is clear.
Antony has broken down.

Telegony is not officially recognized, but the birth of children with the genetic characteristics of previous partners is recorded by science.
If you believe your wife was born a black boy because she remembered a movie with a black boy, then your mother probably remembered a herd of lambs.

Why then the belle listened in English, French and Russian, funny that in foreign versions of the devil asked to help touch the hair of Esmiralda, and in Russian - to fight.)

On the work opened a catalogue of the construction exhibition that took place the day before. I read and see the advertisement of the company "Ozzyki". In fact, here it is:

If you don’t protect your home from lightning, no problem. When thunderstorms, we advise you to put a burning candle on the window and pray loudly. Praying must be sincere. And if sincerity in prayer is not enough, call "Ezekian".

to this:

"aaa: Well, some are also a drug.
XXX: What an interesting word!
and necotine!

You can see a warm stove, fireplace, and cats with cats around.
On all furniture items, on the floor, and even on the darkened from time bars under the ceiling - puffy murmuring animals!
And a family doctor (not a doctor, a doctor is from a children's clinic, namely a family doctor, an old man, in glasses and with touching spirals from under a white hat with a red cross, like Aybolit at Suteev), with a tube-stethoscope, a little thinking, says: Yes, batenka, evon like you catophilia-something cut, yes-s... Try to drink a week of NECOTIN, the recipe I will write out now. Do not start, in any case do not start. This is not a joke."

be careful! Medicines with the root "NECO" only enhance catophilia!

In my friend’s house beside his bed lies a book from a collection of Lenin’s works. I ask why, mol? And he said: "Yes what you are! This is the strongest sleeping pill. When I need to fall asleep quickly, I start reading the first chapter".
<xxx> I have never reached the second page.

xxx: Judging by the weather behind the window, Russian Winter has returned from the United States with victory and reports on the work done!)))))

to this:
"I was told a story.
Primordial town, toilet on the beach. The sorting itself is free, but a piece of toilet paper can be bought for five rubles from the grandmother sitting at the entrance (I have the feeling that she was going to trade there at all). The pieces she breaks off microscopic, and one aunt of large sizes cautiously asks to wrap out more, because I will not be enough, which receives a rejection and echoing note about the fat ass, which the roll has not struck from the deceased old entrepreneur.
Since then, my aunt has been standing every day with this sort of roll and giving everyone a paper for FREE. Something about a week or two, telling the grandmother that she is at the resort until the end of the summer and she is absolutely not in a position to engage in charity. The grandmother, unable to withstand, stopped trading papers, and after that the aunt disappeared - apparently returned to rest =)"

And no one gave away any more toilet paper, not even a small piece.

I really like to tell Balalaika how we dug a projectile from a sea haubice, about a meter long, in the country. The sappers of the day three did not drive, and then the mother called them in part, and told them not to strain - she would bring him to them, on the electric car. He loads the car and brings it. Three hours later, the poohotina left on a military ZILE on a sand pillow.

In Rostov, a popular sports goods store announced the promotion: "You come on an old bike, we will weigh it and we will give a discount in as many percent as your bike weighs.
The acquaintance did not let go and welded this monster from a steel circle and corners and brought it to "Gazeli". Called the manager. We put the lead on weights - 113 kg. That officer. The senior manager comes out. He is also swollen. Ask: "A discount of 60 percent will you do?"
A friend gets a smartphone and shows the terms of their open offer. They stumble at the end. A 100% discount is inevitable.
They say "What bicycle would you like to buy from us?"
And here the acquaintance shows for 200 thousand.
I went home with a new veil :)"

The best comment:
Dreamtry: Now the manager who invented the stock will drive to work on this 113-pound big car

Hello, I invite you to a date on Saturday.
Yyy: No, I’m getting married this Saturday.
Zzzz: Never give up

xxx: And that’s not bad even considering that among the famous autists are people like Landau and Einstein!
Yyy: Well, Einstein was burned on fire, for example, what’s good about it? – – – –
zzz: I did not understand the joke ><'
Or was it not burned? – – – –

The parents decided to buy a car, asked for advice. MCH took me from work, we go with him on our seven, we discuss the car brands, equipment, pretend what car to advise parents, what they would take themselves. I tell him what I would like to be in the car (since dreaming is not harmful, I list all kinds of plugs such as seat heating, climate control, parktronics...), he enters the courtyards at this time. Spring has arrived in the city, the snow has collapsed, everywhere continuous flour, holes, cars every second risks getting stuck in the courtyards not cleansed from the snow, and maneuvering as much as possible. In the silence:
What are the BTR’s components?

HHH
As with photos?
WOWU
has done. I lost my card reader.
HHH
You can, of course, take off the phone, but it is better to buy a new cartridge.
WOWU
I will look for old. I just bought a new bag, and it’s always scary.
HHH
Yes, it’s scary, you usually have a warehouse there.)
WOWU
We have a nest!
HHH
Everyone wondered how so many animals entered the ark.
WOWU
The weak! Dinosaurs still fit in my bag.

Discussed at work missing Boeing
I think in a while he will be found in Chechnya with broken numbers.
Probably underestimated.

On the heart discussing the missing Boeing, one asked the other if he was not a radio engineer, the answer:
Here gathered the most experienced specialists of all kinds: a dozen two economists, at least half a hundred political scientists, three commanders and even one fugitive billionaire. With this arrangement, radio engineering as a hobby for each other.

This masterpiece - translate the phrase "Don't drop litter" as "Don't throw a liter!"

The cat has finished feeding, the animal whispers, not silent, loud and demanding. I get a chicken out of the refrigerator to cook for lunch, I cut off a small piece of a cat. The cat is reluctant to chew raw meat. Then he begins to ask for food again. After 10 minutes, Daddy goes into the kitchen, he sees that I am baking the chicken, a dissatisfied cat is sitting next to him.
Father, looking at the cat, asks, “What, did you ask for a fire?”

Well, if you suddenly miraculously cure yourself by imposing your hands.
YYY:... for yourself?