bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126456
 06.04.2016
How do you check your mental and psychological health?
WOW: I also once had this question... Then there was a paradoxical case: two doctors who tried to explain everything to me are now in a psychic, and I am at home... Do not touch the psychiatrists, they do not have a stable psyche.
Oh yeah, it’s better not to 😉

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126455
 06.04.2016
In the open space.
XXX: How about closing the window?
YYY: Let’s go, or I wanted to go to the server to warm up.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126454
 06.04.2016
xxx about songs.
In the "Epidemies" there is the song "Blood of the Elves", there are the words:
"Your answer will not kill me,
You will be sentenced to death".
The husband was sure that there is a song: "I am not your answer".

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №126453
 06.04.2016
xxx: Among my friends, it is quite normal for a married girl to sleep in an embrace not with her husband. Well, the husband can also calmly drink with his wife's friend until dawn. And sleep with her. Or go to a couple of friends.
But except for anonymous chats, it is better not to talk about it anywhere. It would be nice to have swingers, but to do so is to be perverted.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126452
 06.04.2016
I had a dream that week:
I’m driving in the city, alone. I conduct terribly, accidents do not happen only because others have time to react, and not I - to do something. I drive from the next bridge to the shore, almost entering the opposite stream, I brake, but I have time to scare the driver, he crashes and almost crashes into the car in the neighboring row.
And then I realize that I am not in a cozy iron box - a car, but on a bicycle, and the opposite stream of 3/4 - dinosaurs. The hungry.
That’s all you need to know about my attitude to motor school and upcoming exams.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126451
 06.04.2016
humanist
05.04.2016 at 16:46
Misha, at the end of each statement you need to write: “...in my opinion...” or “...I think so...”
skygo
05.04.2016 at 19:29
Do you think Misha should write that, or do you think that?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126450
 06.04.2016
I had a girlfriend in another city, I went to her for a couple of days a month, constantly pulling some gifts, guided her through restaurants, but one day I learned that I am a COVERSEEN, because in the intervals between the movies, restaurants and more we stayed with her. He calculated that the cost of only the last gift would allow for a year to rent a hotel room.

As a girl from a poor family, I will tell you that when she barely has enough food, expensive gifts are not given up. Let’s say, a young man borrowed me money, did not return it – we are here all our own – but soon gave a chain on his neck for some celebration. I wanted to drown him: I sat on oatmeal and water for a week.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №126449
 06.04.2016
Olga is the mother of two young boys. I come to the guests in the evening, the apartment is drained up glowing, dinner is prepared (father’s smell from work), children with no traces of bites, scratches, paints, flamesters, plasticine on the body and angelic faces sit quietly painting (which does not happen to be reborn). In the bathroom, Olka stands with circles from lack of sleep and empty gaze and washes in the shell of scratches (Yapsel! She is washing!1 of 1).
My first reaction is to breathe out, bobber!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №126448
 06.04.2016
Everybody has heard from psychologists, but the phrase "I’m giving you a pattern of crack!" just killed me.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126447
 06.04.2016
Called recently:

Good day! You made a website, remember?

Yes of course. As far as I remember, about a year ago.

The problem arose... We changed the management and they absolutely don’t like the entire site. Can we make corrections?

Redirecting or repairing the entire website?

- Let’s call it “corrections”, they’ll go to us free then.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126446
 06.04.2016
They renamed their native university, was FTA, now MGOTU. How to answer the question now?
Sorry, you are not studying at MOGTU?
Oh yeah, disappointment...

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126445
 06.04.2016
You can go to the doctor at any convenient time. The doctor takes on Friday from 2 to 3.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №126444
 06.04.2016
Fuck the long-haired guys. Started dating with a bunch of guys, everyone is a good guy - working, smart, fun. No, my daddy was very upset by his curls. What is it, say, he walks with his tail to the belt and does not shave like a normal man? "I am prohibiting" - I am lying to a puppy. He thought, thought, remembered, saw, as a child, he broke a rod about me, but he could not insist on his own, shrugged his hand, and did not raise this topic anymore.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126443
 06.04.2016
XXX: Do you have translations to the collection without a commission?
YYY: From Alain to a member without commission
Tagged: blch
YYY: from Sberia
XXX: It should be in quotes
YYY: Yes, I myself was out of this correction.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126442
 06.04.2016

here here :
The long hair of men.
I lived in Turkey for a year with hair long to the shoulder. No soul has even asked me if I am comfortable or if I am not hot. The country is quite homophobic. I may have been lucky with the area. But in Russia, people of the same level of education from a similar background did not give me rest, demanding that I cut my hair, bringing the argument one "elegant" of the other.

We just love to go into our own business and give advice.
Recall an old Odessa joke: Do you know why you can’t rape a girl in Deribasovskaya? Advice is tormented.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №126441
 06.04.2016
A living person may not breathe, for example, in a hospital connected to an IVL device. Every living person does not breathe until they are born, because the umbilical cord supplies their blood with oxygen directly.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126440
 06.04.2016
With long hair, everything is simple and banal. If you are a puppy and a fighter (one point is enough), you can walk as you want. If not, then there will definitely be someone who is going to do something. My knife-fighting coach walked with long hair under his shoulders, but the tongues of everyone were in his ass. Another coach in the fight against the model haircut, and the stuntman who wanted to dig up before this broke his ribs and frightened his pants.
I do what it is, in the Russian Federation as in any wild society respect the force, without it anyone will oppress you, because it is so accepted, and with it you will lick your ass. And what you will have strength, trunk, muscles, xive, money, or all together it is up to you to decide.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №126439
 06.04.2016
As one woman asked, if you think you’re so smart, then why can’t you understand us, fool?

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №126438
 06.04.2016
The red clown

My son was in the midst of the lazy hustlers and the gray coach – Valery Evgenievich, gave them hustles and forced them to jump 758,000 times or something like that.
The boxing hall was filled with the loud sounds of the fabric factory, the offended, red-looking fighters sweated, but jumped.
The coach sat down at my desk:

They love to jump and love to jump. They think – if I turned away, then you can not invest in strikes, hit the bag, barely, like armless pregnant old women. But I can hear with my back – who, how, and even with what hand.
When I was the same, even smaller, I loved to praise. Why do I have all these boring exercises if I was the fastest and strongest in the room? Even he never covered his head, he managed to inflict a counterwar on the enemy as soon as he ripped his hand from the "beard". I was given everything easily and in six months, I was already chasing my entire weight category, even those who were borrowed for four years.
My first coach, Viktor Semenovich, told his father that “your boy is naturally very gifted, but he loves to curl out of routine, and if he overcomes his laziness, he will get in the sport everything he wants, and if he does not overcome, then I will drive him out.” By the way, only thanks to the coach, I became a master of international sport.
But then I was a puppy, I felt like Muhammad Ali.
One day, a mother came to us and brought the baby. Ordinary such a red boy, hemp, with a big head.
The coach looked at him, forced a couple of times to hit the bag, pull on the turbine, do something else, and took it.
A week passed. Red with us runs, jumps, tries, and then the sparrings began. The coach put us in a pair with him and said to me:

- Valera, you look, don't kill him, make a discount, you've been doing it for six months, and he's only a week.

We started boxing.
And this red suddenly, “breath,” “breath,” I didn’t even understand at first “what was it”? The stars in the eyes.
I gathered, concentrated, what a “discount” was there.
The whole room is silent, watching.
I hit the moment and charged my "corona" - the left side in the "beard", so this red, even to avoid - just threw me in front of the straight in the head. It was my first nightclub in my life.
I, of course, got up and started fighting again, but after my third fall, the coach stopped us.
At that moment, the crown came from me. How is it? Without a year of working for a week, he stunned me like a little boy. I realized that I am not a hero and not special and that you need to smell, smell and smell. I smelled the most of them.
And the red boy with his parents moved to another area and I never saw him again in my life.
Two years have passed, I was already a loader, showed good results and one day the coach took me to the side and said:

Valerie, I need your help. Do you like films about spies?
Well yes, and what?
- Then you have a spy task: here, not far from here, a couple stops on the subway, there is a boxing section, they are trained by my old friend, so he has a good newbie, talented and promising, only very lazy. So you sign up there and go a little. The coach will tell you. Only for a week, maximum for two. You need a little bit of a star.
Do you remember the red clown that once handled you?
Of course I remember.
Well, here, I, by the way, borrowed it for you there, and the debt, as they say...
Now it’s your turn to be a red clown.

[ + 80 - ] Comment quote №126437
 06.04.2016
At the lesson, one student correctly answered all the questions of the teacher, which provoked a classmate to a contemptible comment: "Botanic!"
The teacher made her notice that it would not hinder a more respectful treatment of, possibly, the future employer.
The man added, “It’s unlikely. I don’t plan on becoming a snooker.”

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