bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №111555
 02.04.2015
The Pharmacy Laroche. On the display - cream "With straws oil" :-))) And the silhouette of straws is drawn.
I have been tormented all day by the question: how did they extract the oil from the straws? Doiled or pressed?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №111554
 02.04.2015
Dialogue between seller and buyer:
Is there a pony?
Just a unicorn.
Let’s say it’s a pony daddy.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №111553
 02.04.2015
DerArto: It is said that when you run in the morning, the area in the human brain is activated that is responsible for alerting everyone around you that you are running in the morning and generally good.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №111552
 02.04.2015
XXX: She is cute, kind and gentle.
Sweet as Manul, gentle as Python, and kind as Hitler?
Only you understand me.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111551
 02.04.2015
Comments from Habr

xxx: May it come with you <habracut />
yyy: Let the webmasters of the hubra validate the form for the length of the text entered and verify the presence of the hubracate.
zzz: Let both of you have the letter “e”.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №111550
 02.04.2015
Where is the joke in the main? 0 - O

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №111549
 02.04.2015
"Avangard" in the theatre is the path from Repin to rocky painting.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №111548
 02.04.2015
One evening I was sitting at the telic and so wanted kefir. We dressed up and went to the nearest store. In the store to meet the girls, suddenly one stumbles and right in my face in my mouth. I, instinctively defending my honor, wanted to shut down - it turned out that the head was pressed even stronger. Seeing this situation, I reach the entire audience with the phrase:
But not in the store!
And she stands up with my help from her knees and gives the phrase:
I am disappointed – get married!
We are six years old and raise two boys. I love my wife. Here is her fate.
p.s Kefir never bought it.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №111547
 02.04.2015
What is the difference between India and Russia? In India it is the lowest class, and we have the highest.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №111546
 02.04.2015
We taught one Arab to say, “I am a rabbit, I love the pelmeni.”
A Korean, who wanted to learn a phrase with which to glue Russian girls, we taught to say, “I’m, of course, stupid, but I’m a gentleman.”
The funniest thing is that he found the Russian grandmother ?
xxx: Well, a huge bearded man, wretched that he is a rabbit and loves peelmen, conquered everyone)))

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №111545
 02.04.2015
Worried by work, I fell out of strength.
I asked for the help of admin.
With a smile of kindness, admin let me go.
A friendly gesture for the server.
As at home, I will not refuse anything.
I will refuse nothing, I will refuse nothing.
Thousands of words, if you wish,
If you want to tell me, if you want to tell me...
On the dark street I sat behind a compost.
Admin broke into a quake talking about it,
There is no need to distract the admin from the matter.
And that curved hands he can break.
As at home, I will not refuse anything.
I will refuse nothing, I will refuse nothing.
A lot of new glutes if you want to show,
If you want, I will show you if you want.
But at midnight the lights on the screen went out.
Admin smiled and revealed his nails.
With your insane gaze, hold me to the wall,
Go for a beer, otherwise you will be in trouble.
As at home, I will not refuse anything.
I will refuse nothing, I will refuse nothing.
Porn on the Internet if you want to show,
If you want, I will show you if you want.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №111544
 02.04.2015
The first conscious dream was very short. As soon as I realized that I was in a dream, I immediately tried to jump out of the balcony.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №111543
 02.04.2015
The wicked:

People are choking!
You meet a friend whom you have not seen for a long time, he notices that you have lost weight, (to the word of 20kg, I continue to go to the hall now to pick up) switching questions "hello, as a matter" and so on.
The next phrase "What has gone down? Should you stop drinking beer?
What to drink, beer! Not only that I reject myself in flour, sugar, sweets, etc. I lived with a feeling of hunger for six months, I dreamed of cakes and nuts at night, I stopped drinking alcohol, I was clinging near the shops! A couple of times he broke down and filled the bubble to the limit.
I began to guess, of course, that the main mass is gray amebas with an atrophic brain, but not so much emai!
He believes in tales and rumors.

Boy, you would have eaten. Soon you will start to get people.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №111542
 02.04.2015
Discussion of Jesus.
If you are interested in the purely technical side of miracles, then both physics and chemistry are full of phenomena inexplicable to science. And if you are surprised by human naivety and suggestibility, then look at Ukraine.
Messiah, here is a religionist. Go to the neighboring cabin.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №111541
 02.04.2015
You have hit! The love stamp in the passport is not an obstacle. But you can solve a million problems with a passport with a stamp, and without a stamp - not. I didn’t get a loan because I wasn’t married. And a girlfriend with a child, when her fellow resident broke up in an accident, immediately the husband's relatives expelled from the house, because according to the documents she and her child are no one, and can not claim inheritance at all, the surname of the mother, instead of the father's book. And so yes, she wanted to save, a single mother and a kindergarten without a row, and the allowance was received...And yet in Ha, one girl left the house, the police brought her home, and there the father is not the husband of the mother, and according to the documents is not the father, but no one. The mother was not at home, so the two children were immediately taken to the shelter. Pity the children! If little can happen to you, your cohabitant will not even be given custody, because he is no one, not a relative, prove then through the court that you are a native father, long and expensive. Do not bring, of course, and the hospital will have to sign the consent for the operation, and you are the child no one, what will you do? Do not save on children!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №111540
 02.04.2015
mordashka: mm.... canned peaches.......
Yesterday I made a salad for the evening.
Mordashka: What are the other ingredients?
shiva1: berries, strawberries, peaches, cream and sugar powder with vanilla
M Voegel: What about meat?
Alex Sergeev: and in the meat he was already
Alex Sergeev: in what other state can a man make a fruit salad?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №111539
 02.04.2015
I’ll go, I’ll look at a couple of websites about Orthodoxy. It seems that there are funny quotes out there now.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №111538
 02.04.2015
I add :
I explain:
= the =
Atheists are their business. But they, for some reason, do not tolerate believers to the spirit, I do not understand why.
= the =
With normal believers, who do not impose on everyone around their religion, no one will argue, with them you can even talk about religious topics. But all kinds of believers like Enteo and the other Milonovs cause a persistent desire to burn them on fire.
= the =
To burn on the fire of Enteo and Milonov even in some believers the desire jumps, believe me.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №111537
 02.04.2015
You know today is April 1st.and.
I: Yes, I know, only I have suspicions that the whole treasury at work is not a joke.
A doubtful celebration is coming.
After me Ilya walks "your whole back is white".
And I prepared. She is really white. I stood by the wall in the morning. It is a pity to wipe out.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №111536
 02.04.2015
Poverty, which I understand girls do not give in principle. No, well it’s okay to assume that Porsche Cayenne with some probability can be bought for not quite legal means. But how long has the credit Ford Focus been transformed into a car that can’t be earned in an honest way?

By the way, having moved from the new Pagerick to the almost new Waze Hunter due to the circumstances of life, I did not notice a decrease in the attention of the female sex. Where are these useless and mercantile quirks that you like to talk about on this site? No, from university couples in psychology, of course, I remember the peculiarity of the mind to compensate, say they don’t give me not because I’m a squeezed thing, but because she only chooses guys on a Mercedes / with a 25 cm hole / riga on a new riga. You have a husband in your passport. So maybe it’s worth stopping to shake in front of the monitor, go out and meet real live girls? They are the same people and do not bite (although there is anything). In the extreme case ( more likely ;-) ) you will be told that you are a fool in the face, but you will be able to listen and stop being so.

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