bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №112635
 26.04.2015
From the discussion of protection from outsider forces:
Andrew Mad: By the way, if there are no silver bullets, then you can use false means. For example, include a louder B. Moiseev. The singing of the cock drives out the unclean.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №112634
 26.04.2015
Yes girl, not for nothing. I will pay money. Every year for rubles. Think of yourself. A hundred years is a hundred rubles. You will become rich!

This is from the fairy tale "How pop hired a worker". As practice shows, since then, the principle of the formation of wages in Russia has virtually not changed. and sad.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №112633
 26.04.2015
The xxx:
Three lives will take a man.
The xxx:
Chief of Finance Management and their Laboratory
YYYY :
A well-planned financial plan
The xxx:
Because the night is dark and full of hungry students

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №112632
 26.04.2015
It was in Peter on the day of the eclipse. I woke up late that day, and when I went to my business, I couldn’t understand what eclipse everyone was talking about. In the subway after me in the car entered a guy with a girl of both ages about 1-2 course, I hear that they talk about an unknown eclipse again. The girl explains to the guy the reasons for this phenomenon: Panimayaesh, the sun and the moon revolve around our world... I turned around to capture in memory the face of the one who so easily turns in the tombs of Galileo and Copernicus.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №112631
 26.04.2015
About the Saturday:
K: As if the current power did not overthrow the Bolsheviks, but they could not give up such a chaos, invented by them.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №112630
 26.04.2015
It is very plausible:
— — —
If you think of something plausible, we have 3 billion this week. "unnecessary" conditional term was given, and you write about 15 years to two minors for a small theft.
— — —
In our country, half the contingent is sitting "for a bag of potatoes" in all strictness, and the second half of the contingent is mashed from some serious punishment for really heavy things. Well, on conditional for 3 yards - there is nothing to say.
The only thing - the author of the book is clearly a supporter of the draconian measures: "for all - death"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112629
 26.04.2015
It has always been unpleasant when someone insults another out of action, just because they want to. This is this comrade:
—————————————————
The love of English words for illiterate people is a fairy tale.
xxx: Today one employee brought lunch to work, according to his words in "LAUNCH-BOXE". He did not know where the red button was.
—————————————————
It is especially unpleasant if a person tries to show his superiority, that he is said to be literate, and the rest is nothing. It is especially unpleasant if a person makes the same mistakes. The English word launch, which is related to the red button, is pronounced as "panch". Maybe that’s why your employee couldn’t appreciate your humor. Let us be more tolerant with each other.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112628
 26.04.2015
by Tina Anderson:

A typical Peter.
by 14.00
I am cheerful.
What about the waters?
* is
The bar closed at 2 o'clock at night, standing out on the street. Cultural boxes are suitable.
We have a cognac. Take a drink at Mars Field!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112627
 26.04.2015
I suspect that people are cholling about the preparation of dinner, in the idea of which "to prepare food" is to pour peelings or pasta into boiling water - with those who implicitly assume that there will be five shifts of dishes for lunch and a homemade cake with dust from the heat for dessert.
Approximately the same holiwar was about female figures, where on the hundredth page it turns out that for one athlete "thick" is "three extra kilos on the ballet norm", and for another "abandoned clinical obesity with the threat of a heart attack" - they will not agree, having in mind each of their own.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112626
 26.04.2015
The title of the news "The Chancellor of Germany asked the Foreign Ministry"...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №112625
 26.04.2015
Two times removed money from the card in the store for one purchase.

This happened because at the time of the transaction the cashier instead of looking at what she is doing - told a colleague that we have everything in the country this is the way - the country is - we will never be like in normal countries.

Using the opportunity, he told her a lot.

She again applauded.
and c)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №112624
 26.04.2015
Here Olya also got a new Finnish passport, calls and says: here take your passport.
I went, I took, I said.
Now open it.
Well opened it.
Do you see Loki? is drawn.
I see.
Let go of all the pages! Do you remember how they painted? Give it!
AAAA to AAAA!! I scream – he’s running!! Loos is running!! and 0)))

It turned out to be another degree of security, or as it is called.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №112623
 26.04.2015
On our railway stations electric cars travel in different directions. The movement is strong, and at the peak hour electric cars go frequently. And today the terrible thing happened, the electricity of direction 1 left from the 1st path at 18.00, the electricity of direction 2 from there - at 18.05... And here, apparently, suddenly, a cargo car passed by the neighboring path...
The electric train of direction 1, probably, collided somewhere with this train, and the wise workers of the station decided to hold it. The station and railway bridge with transitions we have all made of glass and concrete, what is on the road is electric, well seen from it. And at 18.02 the circus began... The people run on the electric car 2, see from the bridge that it is already standing, accelerates, runs into the platform and with a powerful jump the kangaroo jumps inside. Friendly passengers from the delayed electric car tell the miraculously successful that the electric car is not the same and is literally about to go to the other side, with a panic face the passenger is immediately brought back with an even more powerful leap. Everything worsened by the fact that the electric car 2 went through stations, where it is only a few times a day, and the late must then wait a long time. At first, those standing on the platform tried to warn the runners, they did not hear, but when a pair of huge thick guys with backpacks and large bags on the wheels, all became funny. The runners joined the runners. Finally, at 18.10 the detained electric car left, came our, and on the board was again the electric car of direction 1 with the departure of 18.11. The show continued.


[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №112622
 26.04.2015
Internet broadcast of The Untold Garden before the game "What? Where is? When is" A friend tells how he killed himself in the Untold, demonstrates the grabble, the spade, says, brought a car from the Saturday, red, as a reward. Looking back: "Who is this? Barchowski in his car. Everyone has their own car!"

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №112621
 26.04.2015
From the Microsoft Office download site:

Microsoft PowerPoint is another tool that strikes the mind of a satisfied large number of managers. It turns out that there is no need to run over a paper presentation, armed with colorful flommasters. Microsoft Office offers almost unlimited capabilities that you just need to learn to use.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №112620
 26.04.2015
Orion: The first stage of the Saturday, should be the beating of the rubbish cattle on Friday, observed over the course of the year for the disposal of rubbish. This must be approved by law.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №112619
 26.04.2015
If you take the cheapest cereals and pasta, three-time frozen corns - it will be cheap. But this cannot be eaten!
......
You have eaten, Sugar. The cheapest grains are just the most useful food. That must be combined with some meat and vegetables, of course.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №112618
 26.04.2015
One of my foolish comrades began to walk in a crawl. Once after the next visit, I complained to my father that the chest muscles and the press hurt. The father, looking melancholy at the television, shouted:
How can something be sick that is not?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №112617
 26.04.2015
In bed he can almost no longer, angry, jealous, almost locked her home, drive to work, take off from work (if delayed minutes for five - a scandal), does not let color, dress so that "foreign men do not look." Again, the sickness swept away from him like a horn of abundance. She is afraid that she has given birth to girls, not boys.
__________________________________

Oh, and all this only because his wife is 14 years younger, not because he is just a fool in life. Fucked out of their familiar fools the rules of life to draw, kitchen psychopaths unmade.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №112616
 26.04.2015
“Saturday is when those who never waste, clean after those who never clean.”

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna