bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №157920
 22.04.2022
By 2022 everything will be clear. Let’s the next!
No more, this is the last.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №157919
 21.04.2022
In my investigative existence, one day it was fun.

So I assisted the court. and honey. The expert. And she is such a fragile, cute, miniature girl. The carpet slides along and across, the eye does not blink (well, it is understandable, a day for 10 bodies to open up, it has already popped). And then I was distracted for a moment, and she was jealous! I think shit! What a living! I turn, and she with a blood scalpel points to the sleeve of the corpse. And on the sleeve is a lonely silver wet.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157918
 21.04.2022
One day I had to get information from my colleagues. He sent an Exel table and asked to fill it. Would it seem that something could go wrong?

So these frames printed the table on paper, entered the numbers, and dropped the scan. I thought they were mocking, but not. They didn’t really see the problem, but most importantly, a different solution.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157917
 21.04.2022
I better not give advice. I will return them immediately.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157916
 21.04.2022
Yesterday I went for business to the Shushara village. I wait for a friend at the supermarket. Here to me, wandering, a man, characteristic of the outside, is heading. Apparently, either a bomb, or a very close to this social element. And, accordingly, the intentions with which he went were clear at first sight.

Can I turn to you? (He started out kindly)

Let me guess, about money?

No is! Do not think! I have money!

Having said this, he pulled out a bunch of coins from his pocket... Then he thought, and sadly continued, “But I need more!”

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157915
 21.04.2022
Russia’s only high-precision weapon is television. It affects the brain, even if it is not.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157914
 20.04.2022
The xxx:

What do parents think if you don’t take the phone?

99 percent are dead.

1 percent - other



YYYY :

*1% - you are dead by them

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157913
 20.04.2022
I remember I didn’t like going to school at all. At work too. Something is wrong with this walk.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №157912
 20.04.2022
The daughter participated in a school event called "Smart and smart" between 5-6 classes (six teams). They went to the final with their fifth class, against the sixth class. Comes after the end upset, I ask:
Have you lost?
Not much of what we lost, so I also defeated the team.
It becomes clear - the final was held in the type of a flash survey - a question is asked, and time is given for discussion, who first pressed the button, he answers. For the correct answer plus a point, for the wrong answer minus.
I don’t know if it was intended, or if it really worked out, but the last question proved to be decisive: the points of the teams are equal, who will answer and win.
The child says, before asking the question was further announced, that since the question is decisive, it is "super complex, logically, with a star, etc. D is.”
The question was: Why does a man freeze when he comes out of the water?
I don't know how in the sixth, and in the fifth the child does not go through the physics, but because of his curiosity - counted, for his age knows a lot. So immediately, without discussing, I pressed the button and answered approximately the following:
When a person comes out of the water, there are drops on it, they begin to evaporate, and since for the transition of water from a liquid state to a gas, energy or heat is needed, the water takes this heat from the surface of the human body, cooling it, so the human body cools and it freezes. So if you wipe it out, you will hardly freeze.
Naturally, the daughter, confident in her rightness, began to expect at least praise for her knowledge, and received about the following:
“Well, you name, you invent stories, no, of course, that’s not the right answer...
The second team did not answer, but according to the rules of the competition, the child's team removed one point and they lost. In fact, her classmates did not condemn her daughter, but she herself believes that she deceived the team.
And now the "right" answer: Because there is no wind in the water, but on land!

P.s Explained to the child her rightness and returned faith in justice "harmful pizza" with "not less harmful pepsi".

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №157911
 20.04.2022
Do you want to visit the Museum of Soviet things and household?
Dad, I won’t go to the house anymore!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №157910
 19.04.2022
The time of bread is over. The time of spectacle begins.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157909
 19.04.2022
Once Yuri Nikulin went early in the morning to work and witnessed a terrible tragedy - a young woman and her six-year-old son were shot down by a car on a pedestrian crossing. Mother is dead. The boy was miraculously injured. He just pulled his hand out of his mother’s palm when he was on the road. The first thing that Yuri Vladimirovich did was to take off his jacket and cover it with the body of a woman, so that the boy did not see the outcast, blood-filled mother. Very quickly arrived the militia surrounding the scene, "ambulance", somehow firefighters, a huge crowd of people gathered. They all walked, walked, and discussed what had happened. Sometimes it turned out that without attention was left only a crying boy sitting on the side of the road. “Well how is it?” - thought Nikulin, came out of the crowd (militia seeing a famous actor to stop him did not just give the honor) and sat next to the boy. He comforted him as he could, gave him his red tie with the image of a bee, and then he took a taxi home to his grandmother.

On this day, Nikulin was appointed for a serious meeting with the Japanese delegation. Yuri Vladimirovich was naturally late. He was late for almost an hour and a half, and also entered the office without a jacket (the suit was purchased specifically abroad for protocol events), without a tie, in a white shirt with sleeves tied to the elbow. The head of the Tokyo delegation, Ito Kobayashi, and his colleagues regarded Nikulin’s appearance and delay as an insult, a violation of the protocol on which the Asians are stuck, and demonstrately left the circus.

It was only five years later that Kobayashi discovered the true reason for the late arrival of the Circus Director on the Colour Boulevard. Nikulin was invited to the Japanese capital by sending him a plane belonging to the company. In the office of Yuri Vladimirovich met seventy-eight low-worshipped Japanese without jackets, without cravings and in white shirts whose sleeves were wrapped to the elbow.

[ + 31 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157908
 19.04.2022
Many politicians have promised the Ukrainians that in the near future they will join the European Union.
Many promised, but only Putin kept their promises.
Even though he did not promise it.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №157907
 19.04.2022
I regularly conduct special operations to get rid of the old barrel. In strict secrecy, otherwise misery. My husband, an adult boy, is hysterical. Every stitched socks, every stitched shoe they are gently loved and will still be useful. For the sake of Barakhla, he easily changes his principles. One of them says: first buy new, then throw away the old. I could not break up with my old washing machine for a week. Let it stand in the corner, it doesn’t bother anyone. Suddenly it will be useful! I watched out the window who would take her. I’m afraid I’d kick off an unworthy candidate. But the washing machine safely disappeared under the cover of the night. Aaaah aaaah!

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157906
 18.04.2022
I sometimes dream at night as I joke, from the stage, in the company, everywhere. Then I wake up from my laughter. I think I should remember a joke, I will tell you in the afternoon. I wake up in the morning and remember nothing... and the grey kids don’t understand why I laugh at night.



I don’t know why you sleep with your kids.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №157905
 18.04.2022
On the one hand, a lonely person and complain to no one. On the other hand, not for whom.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157904
 18.04.2022
Due to circumstances you can guess yourself, there was no internet access for several days. Therefore, it was not possible to send it to Space Day. So do not search.

After Gagarin's flight into space through the dioceses, a circular was passed for all priests: on the Sunday sermon it is necessary to say that the Soviet man Yuri Gagarin flew into space. He did not see God there. Archbishop of Alma-Atenas and Kazakhstan Joseph Chernov said: “The first Soviet man, Yuri Gagarin, visited space. He did not see God there. But God saw him and blessed him.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №157903
 18.04.2022
I recently went to a free hospital. The hammered doctor caught, prescribed a couple of medicines for the barrel and let go.
He decided to go to a paid hospital... He came to him. A polite, good-hearted, imposing man. I wrote, really, the same thing.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №157902
 18.04.2022
I went to a woman’s gynecological clinic. He looks into one of the offices.

There are two men in white coats, talking about something. Such strong men.

Hi to you!

Hi, hi to you!

I don’t feel an orgasm at all.

What do you say! Well, let’s try it out. The men tried. Trying

Yes, it does not come out. Try it too, it doesn’t work. Try Edak - nowhere

not suitable.

Yes, says one of them. You must appear to the doctor.

And you are who?! to

We are Malaria.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №157901
 18.04.2022
Xxx is w. Who was I in the store before? A boy, a boy, a young man. And now what? I stand in a line, a woman with her daughter approaches and says to her, "You are still following a man, and I will quickly run away and come back..." And I turn around, and there is no man behind me. That is strange!



Yyy: Grandfather, it’s a compliment to you.

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