bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №4091
 21.04.2008
Silvermetal
In the garden, children were delighted in the street.

Silvermetal
two carapuses 5 years old, shorter climbed on a neighbor's crushed trailer and played a typho in a tank

Silvermetal
And one who is boiling is a commander, the other who is more phlegmatic is a soldier, the commander says Well, we stand! The travelers! Second, the gasoline is out.

Silvermetal
The Commander is Fuck! The gasoline is over! What to do! A! Look at the luggage. Second, we don’t have a luggage.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №4090
 21.04.2008
Sys11
Today was a super day!
I sit in the center of the city, I do not touch anyone, between friends.The mood is zero, because this cattle is already late for an hour.
And here is a shrouded picture: a crowd of aunt runs past, a man of 7 years and so under 35.They hold their hands over their heads in the manner of horns and shout: I'm a lotus, I'm a lotus! People are in shock.
Another one runs after them and captures everything on video. 2 minutes later, another crowd runs through, a little more and shouts: "Here the wolves didn't run through?! to
I cannot understand Russia!I live in a great country.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №4089
 21.04.2008
Kapa
Sash is Hello! I will not get you! Probably tell the program which thread to write the simplest websites

Lenin
by notepad.exe

Kapa
thank you =)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №4088
 21.04.2008
Mix: Good night Dmitry, are you here?
Ancient : good... yes
Dmitry: Can I ask you a question?
Ancient: What is it about you?
Yaya Hui knows.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №4087
 21.04.2008
I don’t want to feed the pigeons.
He: and what (and how?) Do you want?
Coffee with cake.
Coffee – I can’t promise. The purchase of property was not in my plans.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №4086
 21.04.2008
Peeple, Megane, November 28, 2738 will be celebrated the millionth day since the beginning of our era. by Bukhari.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №4085
 21.04.2008
You buy a car, go and rest. Not a car, but a ship.
The Titanic?
Oh yeah well. We ride on the roads of frostbite on the icebergs.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №4084
 21.04.2008
Remove the iPad, I’ll end it.
H H H H H H H
What about the points?
–...
and ble!

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №4083
 21.04.2008
<Magia>: And I recently had a case here: the Zaytsev Houthor had to bring information to the newspaper. There is such a big military uncle coming to me in the cabinet and grit: our disc drive broke, we did not write, we brought what we could. I: Well, okay, let’s go (I guess convulsively... from the options – just USB flash). Uncle looks in the corridor, someone grit: bring it! I am chained. It is a system!! Even if the monitor is not fixed.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №4082
 21.04.2008
Sergei (Gedemin): suddenly comes a wizard in a blue helicopter...
Leonid (ZipFile): and cure from drug addiction

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №4081
 21.04.2008
Q: Who is this girl? O_O
Q: What good did she do?
Tagged: mine

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №4080
 21.04.2008
Meeting with a gynecologist:

The Doll:
I come. He asks:
A virginity?
– No...
I see the eyes bleeding.
When was the last time?
2 weeks ago
I realized in her face that I was fucking. She was drunk for the last time 15 years ago.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №4079
 21.04.2008
Kshisia : No!
The truck again?
Kshisia : No!
I will start and you will continue. The Birds of Happiness of Tomorrow
Kshisia : No!
The truck flew with wings
Kshisia : No!
Choose Me: Choose Me
Kshisia : No!
Choose Me: Choose Me
Kshisia : No! and ROFL
Truck: Birds of Happiness of Tomorrow
by kshisia:
No to! Roof * Roof * Roof * Roof *

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №4078
 21.04.2008
Goshmar &#8206;: "Shoot Them"

BOPOH &#8206;(23:20): watched A clay kin, he was there with a powerful markoff moisture.

BOPOH &#8206;(23:20)
Advice this guy the same, but what fucking beetle? I want to be intelligent, I am 31 years old.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №4077
 21.04.2008
and not:
I love Harry Potter.

and not:
I have not read and will not

and not:
Well, the maximum photos of the hermions in the playoff of 2012 will see...

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №4076
 21.04.2008
She
Well, really, I dress as I want, and I want since I lost weight, the shorter, the better.

I am
> and I want to, since I’ve lost weight,
Well taken out of context ?

She
Yes well you.

I am
> Yes, yes to you
This is even more cool.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №4075
 21.04.2008
I kiss you in the neck...
My hand lies on your knee...I slowly raise it up.
...
...
...
You’re crazy of pain, baby.
(I am not well)
...
Entered into chat.
...
I will take you on my hands...
The pain can bring pleasure.
...
I’ve got popcorn.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №4074
 21.04.2008
Do you like ice cream?
She: Not very much
I can’t tolerate sweets at all.
He: =))))))) Oh, young people come to you on a date with flowers and a box of chopsticks?

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №4073
 21.04.2008
The top of dishonesty is the naked truth.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №4072
 21.04.2008
toast



One of my acquaintances for all cases of life has one constant.

An untold toast. "Shop shit stood and the kids were" Because of this idiotic and

meaningless phrase who knows already trying with it or not to drink, or

deprived of his voting rights. He puts it where it should and should not. One day, on

Someone’s reminiscences, on the third or fourth stop, he cheered joyfully.

“Well, shop, therefore the fuck stood and the kids were!” and worship to

relatives of the deceased. When the scratch was cut and it was written out.

The hospital, he was sincere wondering what so upset these murdered with sorrow.

The unhappy people.



I don’t know how it is with Vova’s affairs with the first part of the phrase, but with the second he

Not catastrophically lucky. Maybe that is the reason? Maybe that’s why he

Drives to the place and not to the place of his "Shop fucking stood and the children were"? All his

attempts to form a family, and as a result, offspring, ended

Collapse at different stages of acquaintance. An oath of unmarriage

over this wool.



This is the last time. I met a decent girl. Traditional

A conservative family. My parents are intelligent doctors. all

moved in the right direction. Meeting the parents of the bride

There is the appearance of the people of the bridegroom, also decided to place in the old traditions and

It was a successful birthday of the father of the bride.



On the eve of this event, the candidate for the bride had an accident. Well,

As a misfortune? A small trouble. He opened a beer bottle and damaged him.

The tooth. He did not want to drink. So, "pull the slug with a beer", remove

tension from upcoming acquaintances with close relatives. The tooth

He got sick with terrible force and in an hour his cheek broke. Not drinking here.

becomes impossible. And Vova halfway sucked the pain with shock doses of the known

Local analgesic.



And the next morning from the morning, hardly waiting for the discovery, I tried to the nearest.

The Dentistry. In advance, imitating the whole body and pumping yourself with fears.



The fear of the dentists in Vova was based not only on the fear of pain, but also on the fear of pain.

All normal people, but also sad memories of childhood.

In the fifth grade, on a preventive examination with a dentist, he stumbled.

The doctor from the metal pad has a little so cute.

A mirror on the foot. But he was caught by the hand. The Young

The fun doctor said, “I’ll have to re-qualify to be a psychiatrist. be

Treatment of kleptomania. He attached Vova to the chair with his belts and told him to open.

The mouth, in one hand took the syringe for washing, in the other - the sticks, which

He ripped his teeth, made a terrible face... In short, Volodya quickly stumbled down.

He was sent to a chair and was released with the order "never take a stranger, otherwise I will not take him."

I catch and all the teeth without anesthesia..." Since then, Vova has not even looked at someone else,

Even the dentistry clinics did not need to do so.

The curve.



The fears were unnecessary. Imported anesthesia is not required.

Good for yesterday’s home drink. The Horse Dose

Novocaine did not help either. The tooth had to be treated.

and live. Vova breathed on the doctor with a bitterness and obscene vocabulary, grabbed for

I begged my mother to give him birth again. Love for Dentistry

And her representatives did not add this episode.



But sooner or later it ends. A few hours later, but

repaired Vova bullet jumped out of the clinic and – tiger-smoke-tiger-smoke –

He jumped to meet his happiness. Residual anesthesia and adrenaline

The blood from the experienced pain was fucking through the brain no worse than vodka.



Excited by everything at once, including the responsibility of the moment, Vova was

He was presented to his relatives and all immediately sat down at the close family table.

The attention of the gathered was, of course, unobtrusively attached to Vova.

Vova’s attention was unconsciously attracted to the

A repaired tooth. He touched his tongue all the time and even, sometimes,

Theft with a finger.



They poured the first, congratulated the owner, drank, ate, raised again,

And on the third, the future witch said “No...” and looked at Vova. and all

They also smiled gently looking at the Wolf. Woody understood that

It was his turn. From him, as from the hero of the day, are awaited

The burning speech. He took the bacon, stood up, touched his tooth with his tongue, opened it.

the mouth and began: "Well, shop..." The traditional Vovin toast was already ready to collapse

in the heads of suspicious relatives, as suddenly, for the first time in

In his lifetime, Vova decided that his wonderful phrase might not be what he said.

It would be inappropriate, but a little premature.



And then he burned out the first, as joyfully and uncompromisingly,

what came to his mind, suggested the subconscious and tormented from yesterday's

The evening. “The teeth didn’t hurt!”



There was an uncomfortable pause at the table. Someone tossed tightly. Everyone looked

to the guest. Vova decided that he made a stunning impression and everyone was waiting.

development of the story. “Aha! Shrap your teeth, so no one has ever been sick.

did not fall! For peace, in the whole world! No tooth pain!! – is

He confirmed his success with the public.



And, not paying any attention to the fact that the surprised audience is not in a hurry.

loudly support his wonderful speech, bumbled a dose and ticked a fork in

the salad.



* * * *



After a short time nothing suspicious failed son-in-law

A good pretext, tactically, but suddenly carried out.

The unfulfilled aunt uncertainly reassured the daughter "Nothing, nothing...

Maybe it’s all for the best... and I liked it very much... “At the table

There was disappointment and discomfort.



Then the unsuccessful test, a dentist with experience and the owner of a small

a successful capital dental clinic, stood up from behind the table, and,

Speaking to no one specifically, he said quietly but firmly to his summary:



and yes! You can get married to this idiot all at once or after.

The row. But what if I didn’t have that damn humanist in my home anymore.

I saw!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna