Google translate to read anecdotes. No one has ever said it so funny :)

XXX: I am ballerina with my gynecologist!

YYY: And what then?and :)

XXX: I come here for her reception. I sit in the corridor in line. It passes by me. I say to her: "Hello, Anna Pavlovna!" She is dry to me:"Hello" From the side she looks like she sees it for the first time.

XXX: I go to the office. I greet you again. She also answers dryly, takes a card, asks what complaints. Go down, he says, on the chair. I go down, she approaches me, she bends, look here...

YYYY : )))))

XXX: And gladly so: "Gala! How is it? What daughter? She talks already!" Fuck, she finally recognized me!

I prepare dinner, the guy comes to the kitchen (we live together, soon the wedding) and sings: "How unlucky my bride, today she will be baking for the whole family of sausages in the paste!")))

Only this girl can ward off the sweetest moments!
WOW: What is it?
I communicate with the former and something of the soul has unfolded... I write to her * quote *
I: Do you remember how you and I walked around Peter?I just drowned in your eyes then...
I: You were so fragile and gentle, I thought I was ready to give you the whole world!
I: What do you think we could get it all back?
She: Shit, wait, I've got a cat laughing! a crazy cat! a new carpet! but we'll go on!

I watched Russian advertising today.
Silent spectator: I haven’t seen it for six years. It is hell. After that, who dares to call the Japanese strange?

Las: Would you know how I want sex?
Las: I think I...
Las: I am...
I will put my hands on me!

Better the little that can still be than the much that will never be.

On the photo - the destroyer type "Fletcher" "William D. Porter", on board number DD-579. Known for attacking U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
http://pit.dirty.ru/dirty/1/2012/04/14/35100-025905-d518240efdd1c0d673047237a6eccb98.jpg

Once in the middle of the Atlantic, the Iowa cruise ship was carrying Roosevelt on board. The president was heading to Morocco, and at the same time he planned to go to the Tehran conference. “William D. Porter” was part of the escort.

During the storm on the "Porter" crashed a deep bomb, which did not slow to crash. The escort decided that he was attacked and arranged a deep bombardment. During the storm it looked impressive. Roosevelt was convinced that Denis had put his best forces on him.

On November 14, the next day, when the storm ceased, the commander of the convoy ordered to hold exercises. "Porter", performing the attack on the surface target described the circulation and released a torpedo on the linkor, as the sea water connected the protector in the torpedo apparatus. He immediately told me about it on the radio.

In Iowa it was crazy. Linkor escaped and immediately brought all the cannons to the destroyer. In any case. We are now on the destroyer.

Roosevelt personally saved the situation by his direct order. The commander of the "Porter" succeeded only with an excuse for not being able to target during a torpedo attack.

From that day until the middle of 1945, when the Porter sunk the kamikaze near Okinawa, all the encountering ships signaled: “Don’t shoot, we are Republicans.”

A man is driving a car with his aunt. Suddenly, he was stopped by a hoodie.
Show me your documents.
The man shows.
I think you drank. Breathe in the tube.
The man breathes. Everything is normal.
Do you have insurance?
The man shows the police.
Is the pharmacy okay?
The man gets a pharmacy bag and shows the contents.
The hose is breathing, and there is nothing to do - you need to let go.
Here the mother-in-law rises out of the window and exclaims:
Mente, did you get rid of it?
Haishnik joyfully: - And this is an insult at execution.
Here is her report from the psychiatric hospital.

Something was remembered. When school was finished, we were told to bring 2 photos - a child's and now, like hanging a-la on the stand before and after, so that everyone would admire the graduates. I prepared: the first photo - I am 8 years old, I sit in the dress of the princess and the crown, the second - the slashed jeans, green hair, I sit, bouncing (16 years old, that)
My mother (M) talks with her older brother (B), looking at these photos.
M: Hahaha... and who could have thought that such a nightmare would grow out of such a footstep...
B: It always happens! Remember Darth Vader!

GreenQ

CHC: I hope that after the inauguration there will be no talk about improving the demographic situation.
I am :?
To hear this from the country’s most important contraceptive, at least, is strange.

Saying that Java is a good language because it works on any device is like saying that anal sex is a good option because it is suitable for anyone.

How many three will you have approximately?
Doha approximately

and Dinner. The husband, not knowing what to choose: flood or olive, asked for the bay.

I write to a business partner:
Winston has risen!
Andrei Kiev: candle lit in Jerusalem?
I am yes)
Andrei Kiev: OK
Andrei Kiev: then we continue to work

You are a gay type?
Yyy: Well Sasha gay, and I just don’t mind.

I wake up at 9 a.m. and go to the kitchen and see me sleeping in the room. I run to her, I bow, dialogue:
9 hours of time! Get up, you are late to work.
Go away, I want to sleep.
O to Maam? What to sleep, what to work, what to do?? to
I don’t want to say the stomach hurts.
- O_O...
- Okay, I'm on vacation, Mr. Trollface - Now you understand what it was like to wake you up to school, then to the universe? and ;)

The tram stop. On the benches are banks with undrunk beer, on the asphalt - cigarettes in large quantities, beaten bottles and syringes. The stop is called "Youth Center", blat!

At the age, Edak, 4-6 I was a smart and curious girl. But not all adults took me seriously. So for a long time I could not understand how TV and phone work. Knowing that nothing can come out of nothing, they found one common feature - they went through wires into the socket in the wall. Thus, their food came from there. How did it get there? A little later, I got the illumination - through the vacuum cleaner! - it swallows everything around - and transmits the power to the TV through the wire in the wall. In general, there were happy moments in my childhood when my parents left. And then I, afraid of losing the cartoons on the TV, fed the vacuum cleaner everything: from socks and scissors on the tree, and ending with toilet paper, soup, sausage and... cat tail...

and MV

Echuy: In principle, it is realistic and from 2.5 per night to find, if not very upset.
I know how much the prostitutes are.
I am definitely working tomorrow.
Echuy : No! not eat! Are these two messages not related? Well please!