A colleague brought a cake to work. After drinking I asked:

What is the reason?

He stretches his hand with a bright manicure.

I think, oh, now in honor of the new manicure cake is already wearing. I say sarcastically:

The reason, of course, is significant.

Then a colleague switches to a conversation with another person and from the conversation I understand that she showed a wedding ring on her finger, not a manicure. It was uncomfortable, but the phrase almost fit into the conversation.

A friend who sells shoes tells me...

The grandmother walks, and the grandfather walks behind. Grandma says:

My grandfather needed some shoes in size 43.

I addressed my grandfather:

Here you choose. You can move...

I will not measure! says the grandfather.

But why? Here is a chair, here is a spoon.

I will not deserve anything! What are you bound to me? ! to

And irritated he leaves. The grandmother, who watched this scene with interest, says:

Why did you really stick to him? This is not my grandfather, my dad is sleeping at home.

If you are hot accompanied by guests, then there are two options: you like it very much or you are very bored.

Wonderful healing
An interesting case is being heard in one of the Moscow courts. Pensioner Ivan Ilyich S. intends to divorce his young wife Masha, although he actually owes her life. He would have died alone from an incurable illness if it had not been her: being a volunteer activist of the Society of Mercy, caring for the old man - cooking, washing, making injections. However, Masha did not have a Moscow license, and in order not to remain without guardianship, Ivan Ilyich ordered her stay in the apartment in the form of a legal marriage with him. Becoming a legitimate hostess, Mashenka stopped feeding him, and when a week later she discovered that her husband was still alive, she called a goat and in obscene expressions wished him a quick transition to a better world.
And then Ivan Ilyich decided that he would die only after her! He regularly does exercise, runs crosses, visits a swimming pool and gym, eats according to the Cambridge technique, and generally - looks good.
So the activist of the Society of Mercy managed to put on the feet of a dying sick old man.

My mother told me, "Don't drive with goats, they fucking and throw." Where are you, the goats?
Tanya is 38 years old.

Some old men go to battle, and others go for orders, awards and personal pensions. In twenty years...

He lived in the village until the age of 17. Many different livelihoods were held: goats, cows, chickens, fasans. Once upon a time I caught a wild cat in the lake. He put them in a cage and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, I went out to the toilet, and next to the cage with the cracks, the mother duck stood. The children jumped in the cage, grizzled, the mother is still standing, does not leave. He opened the cage and let everyone go.
Since then, he has never hunted or caught anyone. Mom... She is Mom.

Last year, it was that 500 million rubles were spent on the clouds for the parade, and last year, too. Why didn’t they do that this year?
- Yes, you understand, this year, too, would report that the money was spent - but the weather was cloudy as a sin.

In my childhood, my father often beat me.



YYY : Why?



More often than fuck.

Who would have thought that after the victory over fascism will follow the victory over common sense.

The youngest in this picture, Boru, the Germans will hang on a shell, and his family will be able to save him at the last moment. After the war, he will study for a worker, will work in a radio lamp factory.
Two senior Germans are kidnapped to Germany, but they manage to escape on the road and join the Red Army. Valentine will become a carpenter, and the girl, Zoya, will graduate from nursing courses, and when she grows up, will work in the children's hospital of Gagarin and help prevent the death of one little boy who is now writing these lines.
Well, a boy sitting on a chair, one morning on April 12, 1961, will say, “We’re gone!”
All with celebration!
Yuri, we are correcting it.

© by

In order to begin to degrade, you must first develop. If you’re stupid right away, it doesn’t count, guys.

I still lived in an old apartment in Kolpino, and Alosha lived behind the wall in the neighboring entrance. He’s Alosha, I’m Alosha...and our city phone was just one figure different at the end. So this was that Alesh noble walker, drunken and chokker. Often at night I got a city phone call with various kinds of proposals and requests. At first I tried somehow to convince everyone that I wasn’t Allocha, but as it turned out, our voices were similar. Shortly nothing helped. And then I decided to start acting as the hero of “Always Say Yes” and the fun began.

“Leh has gone. Is the house free? Can we go to you now with the people (2:30 p.m.)“Yes, without B. I’ll just be happy” ;)

“Leh, brother deliver me. Give money, the pipes are burning... “Of course, come right now.”

“Lehah creature, they say that Lenka has flown from you... luck I’ll come...” – “Come.”

“Aloha, I am all the flow. Are you alone?” “Of course one, come soon, dear.”



All in all, Alyosha had a bright and fun life and I fell asleep with a smile every time after another night's phone call. After all, I’ve made this person’s life even brighter and more fun. and :)

If a man is shit, then you can not rely on him, you can only fall in.

Last week I went to my house, parked next to the entrance where my apartment is. Near the entrance were mummies with year-olds, tugosers and children of a little older. I greeted and went home.
In the morning, on Saturday, at 9:15, a bell to the door, and this is not a modest bell, but a straight such a loud ringtone. I woke up, I went to open the door, I looked in the eyes - there is a neighbor. I opened the door and she said to me, “Hello, Doctor!” I woke up and said, Do you know that I am a doctor? She replies: "Yesterday, when you came in, I saw under your front glass a pass to the GKB territory and your surname on it. Here I brought my son to you to look - he has something with his throat (for a moment, I am not a pediatrician, let alone not an ENT, I am a rehabilitologist). From such greed, of course, I stumbled, but the lady and son let in and even examined the throat and called a friend pediatrician. The diagnosis was made - inflammation of the tonsils, and urgent hospitalization was offered to clarify the diagnosis. And, if necessary, remove these very tonsils. Saying goodbye, she left, I thought - what naughty people are, and went to bed further to see her deserved dreams.
In the evening of the same day we planned a small sabotage with friends in honor of the second anniversary of our wedding. The guests came, we drank a couple of drinks, all like people. At 8 p.m. the door is ringing. I open the door without a back-thinking, she stands, and says, "The baby is bad, temperature 39, what to do?". I answer, "Madame, yell, I said in the morning - urgently to the hospital, why buried the child?". "Yes," said the aunt, "we decided to try the rinse, we are afraid of the operation." The next question just killed me. “Are you drunk?” My aunt tells me. “I have a child who is sick and you are drinking!” I thought for a second if I had not confused my horms in the west of the capital with my modest department, I thought and realized that it was not. My aunt just rolled the stick. I kindly said goodbye and went to my friends.
I told them, laughed and forgot.
On Sunday morning, the door knocks. Guess who came? is correct.
The first question is, “Are you trembling?“”
The second: “What do I do with my son?“”
Learned her apartment number, sent, called an ambulance, the boy was taken.
After that, I became the enemy of all moms within a radius of 3 km from home and a drinking doctor.

It happens that a man is a fox, and the breasts are good... just sad breasts!

We have a clear-sighted pond of ponds. There are not enough listeners...

Israel is a wonderful country! I am not afraid to repeat it over and over again. A case from life, I think this story is worth reading!

Yesterday evening, somewhere between interviews, the purchase of a garbage bowl, the search for a refrigerator and a rally, I found myself in the area of Tel Aviv’s central bus station. The place is great for many reasons, especially in terms of the number of people living there.

I go hungry, tired by the store "Natasha", fun Filipinos, no less joyful Eritreans, endless bars with candy, cell phones and other range of "all 10".

I turn once, twist two, three and see a cool home Ethiopian cafe. The smell is crazy. Inside only my own. I go in, I see something on the plate.

by Shalom!
Shalom to Hamuda! Are you looking for something?
I just wanted to eat. What is this?
This is a type of vegetable cottage.
and class. Can I two?
With pleasure. Here’s another slice.

I take the cocktails, sit at a plastic table, next to a large table, a group of Ethiopians sitting for dinner, watching TV and periodically roaring, looking at me. After 10 minutes I get up, I approach the woman who was putting me food:

How much of me?
We don’t take money from our guests.
Okay, that is your job.
and no.
Meaning of no?
This is our home.

Here I look around, see the bathroom, family photos, children’s toys and finally I realize that I just walked out of the street into someone else’s Ethiopian home and asked me to feed. I didn’t understand what it was, but it was delicious. The owners are fun. This is wonderful nowadays.

What to do there, arrange a real holiday for the population - just announce a dollar of 30.

She works as a pathologist. He takes pictures on his personal phone. Well, her iPhone on one day put similar photos in one memory (a kind of gallery of slides on the subject) and put on vibrant music.

After that, the girl removed the work photo from the phone)))