I saw a friend quarreled with his wife: she is crazy, cries, cries with her hands... The prostitute calmly took the phone and began to shoot. After a while, Lisa saw it and said, “What kind of shit?” “This is when I’m going to sit alone on a rainy evening and think about why I divorced you, and then I’m going to turn on the video and this one: ‘Oh no, it’s okay!’”
I’ve never seen women calm down so quickly.

Baby, go and eat! Food on the table!
I am going, babe.
Go, or it will cool.
The grandson gets up from the computer and goes to the kitchen.
The grandmother jumps into his place at the computer:
Go on, the sleeper!

lipa_uragan: here’s what I should answer to Facebook? if I was born in Uzbekistan, lived in Mordovia, and am studying in Novosibirsk?
richard_blumen: geographical location: everything is difficult

I am not going to prove anything to you. Communicating with people who deny objective reality is not on my list of virtues. There are psychiatrists for that.

xxx: I am doing physical exercises, so I respond slowly
XXX: I want to get to the pressing without hands
Did you buy Viagra?
XXX without legs
xxx is very bad))

Read the comments of ordinary citizens of the United States and Europe to the live broadcast of the parade on Red Square. A significant part of commentators believe that the entire potential of the Russian Armed Forces is just going through a solemn march in Moscow. For example, when asked by an American why such events are not held in the United States, others answered that the U.S. army is so large that it will not fit in any area.

Americans believe that on Victory Day we show all the personnel and all the equipment we have? I have a clever plan. Next time, let us drive out the 1 000 000 active army, 2 000 000 reservists, as well as all the equipment that can still ride, through the Red Square. The parade will last about a year and will close itself. By the time the last pelvis passes through the square, another parade will have to begin. The world will think that we have endless armed forces.

She told her father that Darth Vader was registered as the candidate for the mayor of Odessa.
He answered:
Again, the Jews are in the government.

A boy walked out on the street.
You have, says, or such fragrances are pleasant, or
You smell so badly yourself.
No, I say, it was I who sprinkled...

From Habr:
From the beginning I didn’t know how to do it, but the increased use of Google and the switch to the second link brought the result.

The conversation after the girlfriend took her husband's name:
I: Well, who are you now?
Tag: Rajnis
I: from the Targaryen’s house?

after
I doubted this story,
I decided to check, check.
Nocturnal... to tell? and :(

Brother thank you. I also have a microwave Panasonic and now it is like new.

* * * *
God saved my life and my family. She shrugged the “button” with her nail and didn’t know what to say to her husband. Now I am, you understand.

To date, there is a stable division of functions in the world: China produces goods, America prints money, Russia creates problems.

Once, at school, we were sent out to congratulate the nearby grandmother-veteran, invite her to a school concert. We bought sweets, flowers, came to the address, and there is no one at home, because of the door, no one responds to our calls and knocks. We get out of the entrance, and there the locals discuss their difficult old fate. Asked them, they say, said, died last year, heroic, said, a woman was, the whole war passed... We breathed sympathetically, went to report to the class leader about the failure of the operation, was late, said, for a year. The next day, on the ninth, the aforementioned heroine of combat and political in the parade uniform, with the chest hanged with orders, appeared to the concert.

A picture of the Reichstag.
You are here and the Armenian.
Ukrainians and Kazakhs
We are a sign for peace.

Have a celebration, guys. Peace to you.

In general it was so. My aquarium is 150 liters. The caterpillars flourished like dirt. They don’t go to the store, it’s a pity to throw away. And here, miraculously, I meet the announcement, the children's psychoneurological internship will welcome fish, plants, etc. with gratitude. In the zoo.
I called, agreed on May 9, the second half of the day. Holidays and holidays are comfortable for everyone.
Just after the shaley went home and in a good mood caught three three-liter pots of livelihood, plants to a bunch, soil of 20 kilos, a fish sachet, all things.
They came shortly. I met you on Hurricane, thank you. I catch a fish, I ask, and the soil is needed, 20 kilos? They need, they say. I am hockey, I will bring happiness.
I go out the door, spring, butterflies flowers. Beauty in general. And here I am all such in camouflage, opening the door of the psychiatric department and frightening the gentle butterflies, carrying myself to the car, chewing fun with a wet aquarium bag.
And only when I took the ground, I finally realized why I became the object of such close attention of relatives and dusty sanitary workers.

S&W: I’ve always thought it’s enough to put a compass on the shotguns.

xxx: and the option - the red light and the blade is already forgotten?

In the cabin of the plane, the stewardess announced: “Dear passengers! For technical reasons...” then breathed, took a long pause and added “...the televisions on board during the flight will not work!”, after the first part of the phrase, even those who recently went to the toilet, at least, got upset.

How have self-loving males already got the indulgence and contempt "female logic". If your wife is stupid, it only means that she is stupid, not that feminine logic. And it’s your personal difficulties, a fool to marry. Or, first, they choose the blunders, only to please the eye, and then they are surprised by the "female logic." No need to summarize, guys. Statistics and fools. Are you statistics?

xxx: And why does it seem to me that the expression “public chamber” is somehow associated with psycho...