The Russian father went to Ethiopia, to the Orthodox.

In the temple there, of course, all the fathers are black, the parishioners too. The white father is looked at with uncovered suspicion.

The local father noticed this and, when presenting us to the parishioners, said:

You don’t see that he’s white, his soul is still black!

I was 5 years old and my parents often and for a long time sent me to my grandmother in the village. As soon as her friends came to her and the death of some grandmother alone, they said to sing. My grandmother took me with her because she had no one to leave with.

We came into a beautiful cellar, in the middle of which there was a grave with a dead grandmother. Then the old ladies unfolded their Talmuds, set up candles, icons and began to read prayers with a quiet voice. A few hours later, I got tired of it and started calling my grandmother home. But not here it was, their prayers they subdued all night long, and I, well, at least was allowed to sleep. Fortunately, I did not pay attention, because of my age, to the fact that I slept on the only bed in the house, that is, at the place where the dead woman last rested.

A few years later, when my grandfather died, I asked my grandmother why my grandfather didn’t sing like his grandmother. The grandmother tightened her twists, remembered who she was talking about, laughed and said that grandfather should not sing so before dawn. He, say, was not a witch like that grandmother, and could not get up from the grave in the middle of the night to curse the whole village and send it to that light.

My friend has a familiar Nina. There was a period when she realized that the name was somehow not Feng Shui. She replaced him with Olga. A few years later, she changed her mind and returned the “girl name.”

But the nickname “Olenina” remains to this day.

Yesterday I went to throw money on the card. There are 24 hours a day ATMs and a terminal. Right in front of me came the grandmother and headed to the terminal, well, I had to stand behind her and become an involuntary observer of very strange actions. Grandma slowly and measurably gets the card, puts it in the terminal and knocks out cash... Near 5 free ATMs! Okay, I think I’ll wait... It’s going to be 7,000R. He takes the bills in his hands and begins to whisper with them, recounting and looking carefully. It all lasts about 30 seconds, and her hand begins to stretch toward the terminal screen. Well, I think, finally, now the button will be pressed to finish the service and I’m ready. But why is her hand pressing the button to deposit cash? 8-0 And... the money just taken out of the ATM is returned to the receiver and credited back to the card. With a pleased look, the grandmother takes out the map and goes away.

I still think that fucking, was it?

The son lives with the mother and the mother lives with the son - these are fundamentally different characteristics of the man.

What a turbulent nightlife in your village, I admired the abundance of bright colorful lights at night, while on board, taking the landing of a military transport aircraft.
“Yes, it’s Manhattan,” replied the pilot.

The courtyard was in the 90s and so everyone survived as much as they could. The flyers of the semi-abandoned military airfield in Transbaykalya did not wait for gifts from fate and carried from China everything that could be sold in their homeland. The wealth of fuel at the airfield was wrecked - the USSR, taught by bitter experience, was thoroughly preparing for war with its neighbors. The pilots agreed to navigate and crossed the border to the nearest Chinese airport, filled fuel, loaded widebody and flew back.

In one of these flights, a radiogram came on board: "Mine the cargo overboard, check at the airport." The aircraft stood in a circle near its airfield and opened the loci and dropped 20 tons of cargo into the taiga. It is now every thing in the packaging and with instructions, and then everything was taken on weight. So it looked: paddles on which there is a large plastic bag and a load in it is scattered. That day, the cargo was miniature plastic trees with a battery and a solar battery - it is charged during the day, and at night the tree is poured over with all its LED lights.

Here are all these various colors of broken bags and decorated the forests around the airport. At first it was fun - in the woods, a disco as on the stage of the theater of the stage, then came the egers and gave them to the flyers. I don't know what the Chinese made their goods from, but the fact: for some reason, the whites began to drag these trees to their trees, and the bees loved these toys and dried them with honey. The bears quickly bite this trick and began to deliberately look for and bite these trees, sometimes even swallow them whole. As long as the bears beat with toys it was fun. Even this was definitely a plus - the chief, who loved hunting, easily tracked the owner of the taiga, following his "shining deer" tracks. Then some talk told about the “nightlight” of the taiga in the newspaper and the ufologists came to us. This is the secret “airport jump”. The commander scratched the tail and ordered to correct and report.

Reporting, of course, was, but with the "fix" came out a hint: sent soldiers to clean the taiga from colorful disgrace. Having gathered a few thousand trees calmed up, hoping for the impending harsh overseas winter. Oh, it wasn’t there. The pebbles survived the winter and in the spring bright multi-colored moths on the crowns of trees again illuminated the night sky.

Experienced fans know about 10 rhythms to the name Mutko.
Builders have a much richer imagination.

I recently went to a specialized clinic. The specialization is narrow, so the contingent is the most different. I met Natalia, a woman of forty years, the head of a large enterprise. Showing photos - completing the construction of the country, in three floors. With a brick wall in two rows. Another brick for two is gone. I am interested:

And you, Dima, who are you working for?

I am, I say, a sanitary engineer.

She was so jealous in her voice:

and daaa. Sandwiches, they are always with money...)

I was somehow in a car with my wife, the traffic jams was terrible, I see a girl trying to get out of the turn behind the wheel, well, I think I will step down the road, she goes out and instead of blinking, she sends me an air kiss. What was the reaction of the wife, it had to be seen)) To prove that I did not know her was useless, but there was peace and silence in the house for two weeks.

A small store, in which behind the shelf is Saule, a middle-aged aunt who has been working in this field for a long time, has a fun mood and a word in the pocket will not help. Saule leaned to get into the refrigerator window, and something was going over there. At this time, on the other side of the shelf, a girl in the parange quietly approached and quietly stood over Saul. She finished picking up, rises up and sees her head close in front of her in the parange, from surprise shouts: "Oh! A! Fuck your mother!” From under the parranges humble voice is: "You argue in vain. This is sin. You are a Muslim.” Saule concludes the dialogue: "You have to dress normally, then nobody will argue! You walk like a fool, you scare people!”

I stand in a line, in front of a lady of uncertain age (up to 35 years), buying cigarettes. Cocktailingly says to the seller: “Show the passport?The young man replied, “Thank you, it is not necessary, everything is perfectly visible.”

I believe in God, so I rarely go to church.

Glenn Beck: "Many Catholics are outraged by the modest clothes of the Pope of Rome (shows a photo of the Pope of Rome), saying he is dressed somehow not papally. I recommend them to change their confession and turn to the Russian Orthodox Church. Their Pope (showing a dozen photos of the Patriarch) has more costumes than singer Beyonce changes at her concerts.

Residents of Volokolamsk proposed to move urban landfills to the sparsely populated areas of the Moscow region with low population density.
For example the rubber.

I take a taxi and sit in front of the driver. It is not uncommon to see Tajik. There is a crowd of Chinese people at one stop. Everyone went into the room and one of them sat down at me. He turned out to be very word-loving and told him in russian that he has been in Russia for several years, and then friends came to him, now the city shows them.

The international route

Literally, at the next stop, three African Americans sit in the route - two of them are acquainted, and the third is himself, in addition to the Russian military uniform.

The route was full, and one black guy had to stand.

And here is the following picture before me: Russia, a Tajik driver in Russian addresses a Chinese in English to ask a standing black guy to sit down, or the haishniki can be fined. The Chinese long searches for words, after all, the black passenger sits down and clearly pronounces in pure Russian: "Let me sit, sit..."

The engine for the lifting of the heat cooker weighing 0.6 - 0.7 tons burned. His working conditions were very difficult. No other engine was found immediately, we put a manual swing.

In the afternoon, the worker lifted the drive, released the pen and wanted to look out the window. The dog did not get up on the shovel, under the action of the load, the pen went in the opposite direction and broke his jaw.

The head of the commission did not want to hang the act, put forward a version of the fight.

On the spot, he took the pen and began to spin. Snook, wanted to wipe out the sweat, immediately his jaw was broken with the pen of the swamp.

A resident of Lysev discovered that there were cockroaches in his apartment. He did not intend to settle with the barren neighborhood, and decided to arrange for them hell (in terms of air temperature).



He pulled a heat gun home, turned it on full power and closed the door tightly. When he realized that the sharp smell of heat was produced by not-heated cockroaches, it was too late. The insects were embraced by the flames along with his things and furniture.



To extinguish the experiment with thermal disinfection traveled up to 5 fire crews and 13 personnel. From the foolishness of the culprit of the incident, they were also slightly burned.

I don’t understand how a woman without a beard could win Eurovision.? to

A running man

On May 9th, I went to Dacia. The streets were almost empty, all the people sat around the houses and celebrated.
The suburbs of Moscow were not covered by the May heat and the air conditioner that did not wake up from the winter sleep saved me from the hustle of hell.
Suddenly stuck in a deaf traffic, where it should not be at all, the navigator showed that somewhere far away the road is blocked, the holiday still.
The smokers left their cars, decorated with red bars, and spread across the square to breathe hot asphalt.
Then I saw him for the first time.
It was a long-strung, white-brushed sergeant, he walked by a halo by me, cleverly, like a deer, maneuvering between standing cars. It seemed that somewhere nearby, behind the square, a truck with parade fighters was waiting for him, and the sergeant suggested not to delay his own.
Twenty minutes later, the stream slowly moved, the thing went and soon I saw it again. The sergeant ran somewhere far ahead of me, not as fast and not as easy as before, but with all human strength and it was visible. He fled like a wounded pilot from German shepherds. Within ten minutes I gradually pursued and equaled the runner, opened the window and shouted:

Oh the fighter! I am in the direction of Zvenigrod, if on the way, sit down, I will drive.

The grimass of the runner's pain was replaced by surprise, and then an unfailing childhood joy. The sergeant rushed to me, and then the forces left him, he just as a puppet stood down. The car smelled nostalgic. At first, the poor man could only hardly breathe, as the dying dog breathes at the veterinarian, then he paused between inhalations and pulled out a whispering sickle:

and Hassie Hassia.
Yes, not for what. You are quiet, don’t talk yet, calm down and rest well. Here is the water bread.

After a few minutes, the traffic was completely dissolved and we flew under sixty. Wet, as if out of the bath, the sergeant was able to speak almost without suffocating:

Thank you very much for picking up. We were moved to another point yesterday, and my mother came to me in the old part, well, Mom. Half a day. The surprise wanted to do. She has a train tonight. Now she has to go back to the station. The commander let me go, and I ran away. I had no time and had no hope of anything. You have to run, right? If not you... sorry, I should...

The sergeant picked up the number and almost shouted at his little phone: “Mom, Mom, I’ll be able to wait! I’m being taken by car, you know? I will surely succeed! Stay there! I kissed.”

I shortened the march of throwing to this fighter by eight kilometers, brought him to the CPC itself, and even saw my mother slightly.

It all seemed to have ended well, but I was so saddened by this story. It cannot be, because it can never be. What kind of aliens have gathered around me? And where did the aliens get the cars with the banner of Victory? None of the hundreds of aliens who passed by picked up an asphyxiating man on Earth. And only, for some reason, I handed myself out with a little bit. Especially sad from the realization that if suddenly, in the middle of the street will catch the heart, then me and any other person, no one will help, because aliens are not helpers to people.

What is this cloudy?
The horoscope says, “The Aquarius can learn about the betrayal of a loved one.”
Are you a waterlord?
The water woman...