bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128714
 28.05.2016
Today, an elderly woman from the office where the filming team works (alongside our office) said the following to the phone:

Well, if there are problems, do you understand that a horse is a standard solution?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №128713
 28.05.2016
Tagged 20436
The whole thing is that when using these drops, the body gets used to and stops narrowing the vessels of the mucous membrane itself. The vicious circle: drops of edema. And the only way to cure is to gradually abandon them, but not in two days, I personally left almost a month.

[ + 37 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128712
 28.05.2016
I remember when my uncle approached me in the 5th grade and asked me to go with him to the car. I didn’t think long and said, “Now, just a hat,” put it in my wallet, got the circus and with all my strength put it in his leg and ran away. This is the only time I used geometry.)

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №128711
 28.05.2016
I stood next to the club and a couple came out. He is a slope of a metre under two, all in gold, on pants, in sunglasses (it's at 2 o'clock at night). She is a fifa in fear and with lips on half the face. The straw approaches the flower, begins to pull flowers. A smoking boy approaches him:

I’t touch those flowers.

The bread is broken, you are not asked.

But...

Dry up, he said!! to

–...

Zhlob pulls a huge grasp of his passion, and with enthusiasm whispers something like “You are so romantic!!!” and bury in the flowers with their destruction. Then he turns to the boy:

You don’t understand romanticism. Do not lie down! The flowers are sorry!! to

- No, I just tried to say that there is constantly being removed from the doorstep...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128710
 28.05.2016
Dialogues at home:
Around the router.
Where is the router?
Such a black thing!
Around a flower?
Is there a flower?! to

My wife and I live in different apartments.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128709
 28.05.2016
Do not fool yourself:

I ordered things online six times. sent by post to Russia. Nothing was lost, it came on time. Am I the Antichrist?

Only six times? Which of you is Antichrist, ye small unclean.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128708
 28.05.2016
My husband (M) said yesterday:
You smell like a model!
Oh, so pleasant to hear!
M: The smell, as if the plastic model of the aircraft had just been glued.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №128707
 28.05.2016
There are local jaguars in this area.
Mixing Jaguars with Jaguars?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №128706
 28.05.2016
Attention: connecting smartphones to a computer can be dangerous"
Again, Kaspersky thought, I discovered the news, exactly the research of the Kaspersky Lab. I have opened up the gift of a prophet in the IT field.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №128705
 28.05.2016
Photo of a man looking at the controller from the SmartTV.
Signature: The question arises – how to use it?

XXX is a man.
Tell him something.
Maybe the code matches and he will understand you.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №128704
 28.05.2016
Well, sweet old dogs, let’s talk about the sick graduates?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №128703
 28.05.2016
A: What is the name of these legs, like for the carpenters?

The Jumpers?

F: If you’re about striking your legs on the railway, I don’t know.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128702
 28.05.2016
Today the working day began with one of the computers working, working. I turned off myself and decided to put win 10.
The funniest thing is that! He did not settle.
CHC: And as a result, there is no vinyl.
Then I restarted the previous version of the windows.
NN is ahahahah. This is the new Messiah! Suicide and resurrection! ?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128701
 28.05.2016
I dreamed that Rosenbaum shot Pugachev.
YYYY: And then he sang "We will begin with this little thing to do divine deeds"?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128700
 28.05.2016
A colleague, an energetic uncle of pre-retirement age, took off on Friday. On Thursday, leaving work, he says dreamingly:

Tomorrow morning I’ll go to the house, I’ll cut the lawn. Well, it turns out, over the years, I have become a man with a grass-cutting machine, who is hated by the whole internet!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128699
 28.05.2016
I: But in fact, I have the feeling that I can faint.
A: My colleague warned me. Say, “Warner, if I fall into fainting, water water so that the shirt does not shine through the shirt!”

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128698
 28.05.2016
SMS from my husband (m):
Go home and sing.
I don’t know if I’m fat or hungry.
Fat and hungry, go home and sing.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128697
 28.05.2016
- Mikhail Yuryevich, can you ask for an advance of 1500 until Tuesday?
Yesterday, cats came to my room where I fed them and brought a rat the size of a palm. Toli wanted to feed me, Toli hinted that I was the next if I didn’t buy normal food.

[ + 21 - ] [7 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128696
 28.05.2016
School education alone does not help much. Here the Germans - for three hundred years scratched for the slightest province with sticks, then added concentration camps (initially they were just engaged in tuna eaters) - and as a result, corruption they have quite a little. We tried to accelerate this path by Stalin. And what if all this is repeated now (and as practice has shown, Stalin’s repressions proved to be small) – will many be delighted? So guess what is better – an eternal mess, or break a third of the population, and all the others constantly nightmarish. And the third option to build a society of order - so far found only in books...
– is
For some reason, everyone always takes the example of either Germany or the USSR (and, precisely, the Stalin era). Do you really think these are the only government systems that deserve respect?
Go to Finland. Or in Norway.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128695
 28.05.2016
Take a regular 30-gram piece of bread and think: to burn all the calories in this piece, you have to walk three kilometers.

///////////////////////////////

Or sitting down to play guitar for 2 hours)) Or 40 minutes. of active sex.
Two pieces of bread a day will bring so much color into your life!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna