Philip Kirkorov, when he saw on Easter on television, as disguised pops at the worship, understood that at his concerts he was not dressed.

In 99% of dreams I die. When I was a child, I was awake with tears and sweat.

Now it is the opposite - in the dream did not die, so the day will be crazy. It was as if he did not get up from that leg.



But my biggest nightmare is the toilets. I am an adult person with no particular mental problems, I can fall into bed because of the dirty toilet in my sleep.

At first they appeared in random places, in the middle of the forest, in the safe, in the hallways.

Then I learned to distinguish false unitases from normal and stopped sinking in bed.

But they began to appear in normal places.

I learned to determine my location. For example, in a dream I am in the guests, but I know for sure that I am sleeping in the shelter now.

I learned to wake up in the toilet.

But they moved to a new level when I dreamed I woke up and went to the toilet where I fell asleep. Then I came up with a new way - I bite myself by the hand and if it hurts + a trace remains (I have a curved bite, but in a dream it is normal), and it triggers me and throws me out of sleep when I do not contact.



Now I can't sleep the toilet almost, thank God, but after this comment, I think I will have to fight the evil again at night...

Xxx: I don’t understand at all how you can go to nature on a shale and not take mangal and shampoo with you, unless you accidentally forget or fall out. They would have even forgotten what kind of organization this is.

Yyy: Well, this often happens, I remember my friends called me for shakes, said only to grab mangal, shampoo, meat, vodka, juices, cigarettes, vegetables, bread, salt, ketchup, single-use dishes and towels. In turn, they promised to help with the straw.

...and brought us to the place, and then carried the bugs around the houses.



And after all this: "the shrimp was shit, the meat hard, the vodka bitter, the place dirty, the road ugly."

Zzzz: Here was the scarf.

Muslims have upheld their national traditions.

Moreover, the paranoia was dressed for everyone.

In Belgrade found an underground chess club!!!

Belgrade police went to check the complaint of residents of one of the capital districts and found an underground working chess club.

Worse than the underground museums of St. Petersburg.

VCIOM conducted a public poll on the attitude to amendments to the Constitution. According to the results of the survey, the quarantine has been extended.

I remember a story from my childhood, in the 90s. My mother had an employee, a single mother, the son grew up, six years old. And a man came to them in the department, so to himself, neither fish nor meat, but... a man! Well, immediately the collective plans turned around, how to bring them together. And then the occasion turned - this employee told me that she bought a microwave with a grill, word for word, a man once - and suggested that the microwave to put on. They agreed that he would come to visit for the weekend. He came, with the chicken, pushed it into the microwave, with jokes-supplements, festive, the son under his feet turns. The day! - Get a smoking chicken, appreciate - oh, succeeded in fame, red, with a crust. A very good microwave! The man gets the foil, spreads, wraps the chicken and takes home, eats.

Recalled a note read in the early 1990s about how in American fucking a man penetrated into the house to single women, awakened them in the middle of the night, dragged under a gun into the bathroom, and there forced them to brush their teeth, from which he was doubled. No physical contact with people. And disappeared, leaving a dissatisfied and surprised citizen (with clean teeth).



YYYY :

Have you cleaned well?

and d.

This is great, I went for a peaceful night.

I’m sure she’ll get more than she’ll ever get that night.

How do you respond to your demands to raise your salary in the current situation?

With understanding.

It is cruel!

With the understanding that you will not get anywhere from them in the current situation.

I got a new job somewhere at the end of the last century. We were taken by bus to the company, our drive was a little more than half an hour.



And then I began to pay attention to some weirdness - when boarding the bus, the men broke the doors and took seats. They occupied them, and then gave them to women, including at the next stops.



It turned out that at the first stop there were almost one man, and when the bus approached the landing place, the ratio of Em and Joe was about 50 to 50.

(The ratio of men and women in the company was approximately 9 to one.)



And the strange thing was here - some ladies were driving standing from the first stop to the last, and others sat down immediately.

At first I decided that the seats would give way to the aunts from their shop, no! They could have caught a stranger. Age did not play a role. The pre-retirement lady stood, and the young woman sat. The same goes for the return route.



After a few days, I was completely confused and asked our men straight - why are some standing and others sitting? And I was explained.



Everything turned out to be absolutely logical - they are sitting at the office, and they are standing at the office. Why give up a place to a man who will sit at work all day and nothing heavier than papers in his hands? Here it turned out - there are ladies from the office, including pre-retirement grandmothers, whose working tool is a computer and a handle, and there are girls who work with a spade and a hook-key, those who may not be able to sit for a shift.

This is class antagonism in a separate bus.

A lot of things can be done at home on self-isolation. For example, not doing anything.

Manokhin has an accident at the facility... (Kin-Zza-Zza)

There was a disarmament for a work trip, and "here" is still a joke-add-on, and there, in another country, at the facility, already a "pre-coronavirus" karachuk. In normal times: a bunch of desire for a trip + salary, and here all the "olds" have hemorrhoids or business. I regret the experienced boss of the young "fighter", not to avenge! Application or ride + 10% to the salary. When young, the sea is on the knees. He went to rescue the company. Saves the day, the other, in the evening listening to the news in the ears in the Basurman language.

And a lot of interesting things are happening abroad: the staff is getting smaller and smaller every day (everyone can go to the home office). Who is still alive in the navy, hands are washed three times a day, temperature is measured :-) One day the cosmonauts were hit in the scavengers: a positive colleague was found, the entire circle of communication - for 14 days in quarantine. The commander tried to explain to them that he had a plane in 3 days, and he could not sit for another 14 days, but the cosmopolitan was very convincing: the flight we will postpone to you, you are banned from the airport.

Thank God, after a week of house imprisonment, in the hotel, the results of the tests come - he has no virus, can fly away! But the airport is already closed together with the borders :-))) By the way, the hotel is closing too... the mayor's order - you would collect the suitcase, and where to go?! to

For the second time, luck smiles at him: he has not forgotten his fatherland about his offspring. There will be a special flight of the Ministry of Emergencies, but you need to reach not the local airport, but the capital. Closed cities and borders. A seeker of sharp sensations arrives in the three-way flight of the Ministry of Emergencies, ready to kiss everyone. No one wants to kiss.

A flight to Moscow arrives, tears turn out from the eyes of the young "fighter", but it is too early to rejoice! 14 days in isolation.It is already in the second!! The second step is morally easier. Certainly theirs! It is very close to the hometown of Mochosransk - one flight. During this time, the country is also undergoing drastic changes.

After long customs, a fireman-command aircraft finally arrives in the district center of Mukhosransk. Are you from Moscow? We are waiting for you, please come here! For you, almost heated apartments, for 14 days!Do not thank you!

And our hero moves the third term on the same article!It is ?

Sitting at home is not the worst thing.

After the epidemic, the authorities will resolve and punish the culprits:
People because their hands are badly washed.
Doctors are badly treated.
Heroes will be rewarded: officials and television callers.

If there is chemistry, there will be physics. Divorce and mathematics.

How I almost drowned in school competitions and swam third

The third class. I and a few other classmates go to an athletic group (fortunately I don’t even understand why, apparently, it would be).

Fizruk says, “There is a possibility to put you in the pool.”

I said, “I can’t swim.”

“Well, at the same time you will learn,” persuaded Fyzruck.

Oh well ok.

The school with a swimming pool was located in the neighbouring district. The school was not a profile for athletes, but simply had a swimming pool that has not collapsed since Soviet times. In general, the pool also had its specifics - it was strictly for children (not even for adolescents) - at first it had a depth "by the knee", and at the end of my third-class was slightly above the heels.

Swimming in the pool, where you always feel the bottom, was easy. And "to the depth" I almost never swam, except to push away from the shore.

Thro the winter, we were engaged in swimming, and in my case rather walking, and in the spring, the physician told us that there were competitions between schools, including swimming.

“We need to introduce experienced swimmers in every age category! You went to the swimming pool all the winter – it’s time to show everything you’ve learned!” Importantly, as if from the tribune, he was speaking phyzruck.

Said is done. The girls enrolled, the quotas for athletes were covered. I took a calm breath and stayed on the “reserve bench.”

On the day of the competition, a fist comes to me:

Do you have a swimsuit with you?! to

And what?

Damn take it! I had a swimsuit with me because after the lessons there was a swimming pool.

- Katka did not come to school today, and we can't call her! It’s time to go to the competition!! You will be in her place!

I can’t swim...

Why are you swimming there? Just a hundred! In your age category other species are not stated at all. You will push back stronger from the border and forward!

Maybe I should not send anyone instead of a catch? I had an auction stage.

I have already submitted it as a member. From our team then the glasses will be removed for the unappeared athlete.

Okay well. Power for the team.

At this point no one understood the magnitude of the mutual misunderstanding.)

Competitions were already held in special swimming pools for athletes, and right from the start I went under water. Not feeling the bottom, I desperately wandered around the circle, trying to catch up with at least a tile of the border. It was honestly heroic. After a while, I felt the vector of the right direction – a pin in the back with my leg – and a miracle! I was swimming. There I could already, going under the water, feel the bottom, so I pushed back and cheered that there was urine. At the finish I was waiting for a rescue depth "by the chest" and a frightened physique:

What? what? What was it?!! He was grumbling.

Let me tell you that it is deep!

This is a pool for competition.

I said I can’t swim!! to

I thought you were humble!

Snoring with emotions (and I also with water), physruck and I did not notice that of the six tracks of "experienced swimmers of the younger age category" I went to the finish of the third.

I and Abramovich, I and Greff, I and Sechin – this is the social distance... And with normal people on the street, I just have a distance between physical bodies.

One day I turned off from fatigue, my son was a year old with a small one. Lie on the bed, he was playing on the floor next to him, riding a machine with large wheels. I slept and listened. As I heard or felt it, I could be with my eyes closed. I lie. I sleep. He is playing. He is nearby. Everything is OK. He rides the machine on the floor. He is a little silent, but there is something going on there. He rides the machine on the floor again. Now on my back. How pleasant! and Kaif. Riding on the back and shoulder. Again on the floor. Now in the face. Poppy is Katy. Not to open my eyes. Running on the hair. On the cheek. It smells shit. It smells more shit! I open my eyes. He rolled a bunch, crushed with his fingers, crushed on the floor. She rolls on her wheels and then on me, on my face and my hair.

I went to my bakery at home, and they are collecting puddles. The bakery is cool, the guys are young, sociable, it is nice to just go even for a fresh bread. It turns out that the owner of the room called them and said:

“There are difficult times now, all my tenants have problems with money. Many were closed. This month, the rental will be a little different. We’ll go up at 5,000 and then we’ll see. You have bread, and you will not stop taking it.

Well, let him look "there", and the guys move to the neighboring room for half the price for 3 months, and then for 7 thousand. Cheaper than today. Hopefully they’ll all be fine, the bridesmaids are delicious!

I work with the watchdog method.

We live in a dormitory together.

We go to the bathroom together.

We go to work together on the bus.

But you can only go into the dining room one by one. Is it worth saying that we are standing in front of the dining room together?

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