bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141530
 21.05.2017
Static Space: My acquaintance gave birth without a husband (the father was quickly crucified, she preferred the transcript in the testimony), so the child has been married twice and widowed twice...
How to classify it?
Dominatrix: Catapult with trailer.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141529
 21.05.2017
News "Ridley Scott is making a series on EVE Online"

One of the comments: first 40 minutes show the miner who grabs an asteroid and 5 minutes of a suicide who in illusion explodes it. The series will break all the patterns :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141528
 21.05.2017
It happened to watch a week old Russian film "Dumb" and a new American "Stop". It seems that he has managed to determine the main difference between our and their filmmakers: they have an intrigue in how the main character is confused, we - he is confused or not.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141527
 21.05.2017
The Miracle:

It is like horror films. If suddenly some shit pops out of the bushes, then it is a nerve crack. And if two hours of the film no action, a dull tense atmosphere, then in the end Godzilla and a bunch of maniacs are perceived skeptically. Disappointment and one thought: "And was it worth the garden for this?".

You don’t seem to have to ask if you love Hitchcock.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №141526
 21.05.2017
I understand why the sanitary machines are constantly blowing! Yesterday I was taking and constantly switching the current connection on the counter... Before "repair" it was in one place, after - it began to flow from ALL four connections.
Tagged: ahah
ххх: I looked carefully at my hands – did they not cross the connection from the shoulder to the buttocks? It seemed like it worked before...
XHH: I gathered it again. Fum-tapes wrapped - enough for the mummy... flowing, infection! Where the rainbow splashes!
I’ll also be laughing at it.)
In short, I was upset, shut off the water and went to watch hockey. Under the whiskey with collie..After the match from grief drank already clean-up
Huhh: And huli - water is needed, used again to these fittings, whatever and messing up... So here - hui I collected everything from the first time and at least somewhere dropped! This is, in the course, a necessary condition for working with sanitary. Why is it not written in the instructions?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141525
 21.05.2017
I don’t like dudes, and with people like you, I’t sit at the same table.

That’s why I have to look like a fool: so that people like you don’t come to me at the table.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141524
 21.05.2017
Do you drink tequila properly?
Yyy: What can I do here, slipped, drank, ate.
Zzz: You just described the boss’s birthday...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141523
 21.05.2017
We go somehow with my wife on the car along the prospectus, we stop at the lighthouse. The road crosses Leha (we previously worked together). I struck him and turned him to the side. As usual a handshake. As work, as work. Three minutes of dialogue are going on and I understand that this is not a Lecha and I found out. I quickly come up with something about an urgent matter and retire into the car. My wife hit me at home.) The question why the man started to communicate with me has remained unanswered.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141522
 21.05.2017
XXX: I feel like an abuse.
XXX: The Cinderella
YYY: You forgive me, of course, but the first time you were more honest.

[ + 25 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141521
 21.05.2017
If pigs could choose religion, they would choose Islam.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141520
 21.05.2017
In July last year I could not withstand and took a dog - picked up a wandering and half-lived taxi at the country. He called him Phil. In a month, it was possible to bring his condition to a satisfactory; the dog turned out to be wonderful - smart, playful, very loyal to children and indifferent to cats; it is true that it is not stupid to fight with other dogs, and his logic I definitely do not understand. For example, he is friends with a Chinese cowboy; somehow we go to another yard, there is walking exactly the same cowboy with a cowboy, and Phil cried and bit him (it was very uncomfortable to the hostess).
— — —
This taxi driver, as cool as it is, is a former wandering dog. And the corresponding skills with reflexes seem to never go away from him.
At the entrance of the store, I tie, I go shopping. A minute after 15 I come back: licked, on the tiles a fatty circle - someone gave sausages.
Another time I go out, next to a particular such a kid of years for a dog of 20 sweaters is filled, Phil tastingly crushes:
You don’t feed the dog, right?
I feed you, in nature. He is just a professional.
–...
At the kindergarten (near school) I attach him; I go out with my son - next to the dog two good schoolgirls, Phil, thankfully waving his tail, appetizingly eats the cake.
The poor...
Oh, he was so crazy, so crazy!
He ate the hotel.
“Thank you, girls, it didn’t have to be done, he was fed half an hour ago. He can just ask.
Not three times, not even ten.
Oh, this unfortunate face, these enormous, begging eyes, looking straight into the soul and awakening beautiful impulses - to feed the suffering dog! Profile, you will say nothing.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141519
 21.05.2017
If Jesus tried to drive the merchants out of the temple, he would be given a double, and not conditionally.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141518
 21.05.2017
"And ordered a friend of quick response".

[ + 18 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141517
 21.05.2017
xxx: Russian TV commentators have explained to their viewers in such detail and insightful manner how to bypass the blocking of Ukrainian banned sites that even inexperienced Russian users will now be able to independently access all Ukrainian sites banned by the Russian Federation.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141516
 21.05.2017
You don’t have the right recipe. Too much to cook. No need for a dragon’s ass.
YYY: Well for whom. In my countryside, it is easier to get a skin from a dragon’s ass than a clutter.
Zzz: The Hogwarts?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141515
 21.05.2017
I smoke underneath the train, the rain rains, two girls aged 15 go out.
Can we go back to the umbrella?
A couple goes by - a guy with a girl under the umbrella, laughing.
D1: They are so happy.
Do you think we lack an umbrella for happiness?
D1: I think we lack a guy for happiness.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141514
 21.05.2017
Alexandr Noskov: A company is successful when its employees are overwhelmed by management. Remember the instructive story of a puppet theater director. He was a director as a director until he came up with pressing out all the juices from the actors and beating them with a cloth. Everyone knows how it ended.)
Best Wombatus: Dick, you did everything right! This manager of leaves tempted the director to engage in a foreign business, which they burned.
Dmitry: In addition to the spruce, there should be a knot. and :)
Alexandr.Noskov: I think this is very important. It must be dried first, and only then dried. And not to break the face first, and then stretch the cloth to wipe.
Andrew Podkin: There is another fundamental point in the ability to apply. But after all, the knot is unpleasant, and the spice is uncomfortable to beat - it breaks immediately.
Alexandr.Noskov: It ended with a banal raider capture of his theater. The leader of the union of puppet workers and the head of the Sicilian mafia, Fazer Carlo, sent a mercenary to the director, a fighting storm, who had undergone special training with a ninja turtle. Of course the locals called him in his manner Buryatino)) A terrible man!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141513
 21.05.2017
Children’s radio program "Musical greetings"
Who called us?
Hello, my name is Artem! I want to pass on a greeting to Van, Masha, Egor, Mom, Dad, Victor Tsoy, although he is already dead, grandmother and grandfather!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141512
 21.05.2017
– I’ve done home cleaning... Ηwho doesn’t need the CCCP 1989-1990 3d calendars?))
This is not an archaeology, it is an archaeology. :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141511
 21.05.2017
by Nikita 2:57
I walked the street like that.
I am surrounded by fanatics.
In five minutes, I walked with the Bible and the calendar with God.

by Olga 2:58
and I meet a representative of another sect... and here you are already going with the Bible and the calendar and a discount voucher in the video)

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna