The gender fighters.
If the other sex irritates you so much, finally change your orientation and live with each other – feminists with feminists, chauvinists with chauvinists!
Get rid of the humorist portals!

I have a long-standing habit of putting a glass of water by myself at night. Recently, happiness fell in the form of two puffy mords. History, I think, is familiar to many - the mouths of their bowl do not drink, they drink exclusively from my bowl. Okay I think. I started to bring water with a spoon, I wake up at night-the basket is sitting and brewing the morse with all its strength!)) Okay well. She started putting two circles, one away from herself and one away from her. They drink from their own. But how did they have friction about the sequence, as a result of awakening from a cold soul! Okay well. I think they might like a cup of my pepper like - put them instead of a bowl of her. Everything went well. 
And the apogee of the story: my mother comes in for a visit that evening, not knowing this epic with circles, it must be said that she thinks that I am very bad about them - the house bought, toys. In general, he goes in - sees the dishes and a circle in their corner, and with an untransmitted intonation says: "I understand so, you will soon put them and a knife with a fork there?" I was broken, if honest)))))

lamamer
from conversations on #addconf: you have a tester with such C++, and you are puzzling her Python...

A dispute with his wife:
I am the master at home! Understand this woman.
Do not be threatened!! to
I: M... or I’ll change my password to wifi!
J: There are no more questions! and :)

I understand why you’re cold and I’m not.
I do not shave my feet.
She is: All! It is decided!

If with women you are trying to pull the stomach, it is time to lose weight.
If you do not try, it is too late.

Painted eggs

One of the sights of Kaliningrad, which he inherited from Königsberg, is the monumental sculpture "Fighting Zobras". The name of the sculpture accurately reflects its essence: two massive bronze zobras, with steep foreheads and tails, strictly clarify the relationship with each other on a high stand.
The artistic and naturalist plastic of this sculptural group perfectly conveys the tension and drama of the clash of two forest giants who once lived in the forests of Prussia. Apparently for this reason, as well as because the “Burning Zobras” was located near the building of the Land and Administrative Court of Eastern Prussia, the sculpture group received from the inhabitants of Königsberg the name “Procurator and Defender”, precisely reflecting the relationship between prosecution and defense in Prussian proceedings. In the Soviet courts there was no opposition between the prosecution and the defense: all the components of the Soviet justice machine worked in a clearly expressed prosecution regime. As a result, the former allegorical name of the sculpture of Hippel did not survive and it was replaced by a prose - "Tyrus".
Having become an important element of the architectural appearance of Kaliningrad since 1946, the Bulls quietly dwelt in the centre of the city for 30 years, not arousing special interest from the Kaliningraders. Already the very contemptible name "Tyrus" said that this sculpture is treated by the citizens without a proper piety. This was reflected even in habits: a date with a beloved girlfriend was usually assigned at the Schiller monument, and a simple student or friendly walk with a light drink occurred, as a rule, in the "tours".
This continued until the early 70s of the last century, until the unknown hoodies attracted the general attention of the citizens to the semi-forgotten "tours". It was then, whether in 72, or in 73, the unnamed "peacekeepers" for the first time painted eggs with red on Easter to the fighting zobras. The information about this instantly spread across Kaliningrad and the citizens of thousands went to the “Fighting Zobras” to see the newly appeared “miracle”. The colored eggs of the horned giants attracted their eyes for several days, until the city authorities grabbed and eliminated the traces of outspoken hooliganism.
A year later the situation repeated. Again, on the eve of Easter, unknown scavengers painted the skulls of the bulls with red paint and again the city authorities for several days did not prevent the citizens to admire the next Easter "gift". Such a delay is difficult to explain, as it is well known that the Soviet authorities are diligent in resolving any issues. Per atheists from the leading Party and Soviet bodies believed that in this way they were fighting church customs and rites.
But not all officials in the party and Soviet apparatus of the region and the city were inclined to indulge in the jokes of the painters. And at the very top, it was decided to put an end to their Easter crafts with the coloring of the Taurus eggs. From this moment begins the most interesting part of the new history of the sculpture "Fighting Zubras".
Every year on the eve of Easter to the "Tors" began to go on duty police dresses. Their task was extremely simple - to prevent the actions of the perpetrators to paint the scrotum of the zombies. It would seem – what is easier. Watch for those who revolve around the cultural monument during the day and especially at night and stop the illegal actions of attackers. The monument is visible and well illuminated. However, it was not possible to prevent the “painting” of the painters. In some unexplained way, they found an opportunity to undetectedly steal to the “Tors” and paint their skulls. It appears to have affected the innate ability of the Russian people to conduct partisan actions under the very nose of the enemy. The enemy was squeezed – the partisans here are like here. As a result of the fighting, the railway staff with armed equipment was dropped, and the Bulls found a new festive stunt.
The most striking episode of the confrontation between the “painters” and the militia was one April day, when the “painters” cleaned the dark paint and patina on the skulls of the “Tyrs” with slick paper and carefully polished them to shine. On the bright spring sun, polished eggs shine like precious jewelry. It was then that the Kaliningraders learned what real, not fabulous golden eggs are. There was more laughter in the city than on April 1. It wasn’t just laughing at the police and the police. A tough order followed – to paint the golden eggs of the Bulls, to find and punish the hooligans.
It was not difficult to paint, and to hide their shame for the instigators of order, but the search for hooliganism did not go well. Immediately catch the attackers' hand failed, and searching for them by the remaining traces of paint on the hands or by the clue of informants was useless. As the saying goes, not caught is not a thief. It was too late to catch. It was forced to postpone for another year the dismantling with possible defecators of the cultural monument.
After the case with the polishing of eggs, the "Burning Zumbers" began to be guarded in the pre-Easter days as the first persons of the state. Only pigeons and crows were allowed to come into direct contact with the Bulls. For people such contact was prohibited. It was only allowed to look at the sculpture and take pictures in its background. It immediately gave a positive result. The other Easter “Tyrs” were greeted without painted scissors. However, the celebration of the security guards was not long. Once the police stopped, the eggs were painted red again.
So before the restructuring and went with variable success of the struggle of "colorers" and "guards". Neither side achieved a clear victory in the confrontation. For the “colorers” such a victory would mean the legalization of the bright coloring of the eggs of the Bulls, for the “order guard” – inviolability of the natural color of their scissors.
The restructuring and subsequent liberalization of the economy and customs seemed to have leaned the cup of weights towards the “colorers.” The new authorities of Kaliningrad understood the futility of their attempts to resist the guerrilla raids of the “painters” and threw their hands on their “artworks”. Per this decision was facilitated by the fact that green came to replace the red period in the history of the Bulls: in recent years, for reasons led only by them, the "colorers" began to use green paint to paint the Bulls. In favor of this assumption speaks the personal perception of the author: the green color of the scissors is not so struck in the eye against the background of the gray-green patina of the sculpture as the Bolshevik red.
The compromise found between the “guards” and the “colorers” allowed Kaliningrad to find another iconic object of attention for tourists, along with the Cathedral, the tomb of Kant or the Jantar Museum. Here and now, when these lines are written, the Bulls are struggling with each other with the greened skulls in a square near the Kaliningrad State Technical University. As usual, tourists are spinning with video equipment near them, taking pictures of the remarkable landmark of our city. And nothing terrible happens. People are neither worse nor better than what they see. They smile and exchange fun words. When a person smiles, he becomes a little more kind.

Our authorities were very competent at the time, concentrating health and social care in the hands of one minister. He quickly realized that the increase in the life expectancy of Russians is destroying the Pension Fund under his authority, and, of course, does everything possible to prevent this.

For two weeks I tried to install in the same office Bush IP phones of Cisjov. Well, May holidays, all the business, of course. It seems like May has passed, I think give me a taste of the soil)))

XXX is
Good morning ?
YYYY
and good ) )
YYYY
The director has returned, but for now only to the city and work today will not be due to family circumstances. Tomorrow we have a corporation. He will only answer your question on Monday.
XXX is
Ok))) Do you have vacancies there for experienced sales managers? I like your style of work and the presence of corporations)))
YYYY
))))))))))))

I recently watched the NTV broadcast...Is it "CP",is it another shit about crime. So there was a report about a pedophile-palace with the education of a psychologist, who seduced schoolchildren-adolescents who had problems in the family, mostly boys.There is an interview with the affected boy - a large-aged boy 14-15 years old with a broken voice, growth from a correspondent standing next to him. The reporter asks the question, such as how it all happened there?Patsanello answers: "He talked a lot about friendship, the type there wants to help, called a guest, watch a movie, and in one beautiful moment it happened!"... I could not watch the report again because he was lying on the floor with those present in the room and wildly rusted.... =))

Forum of cat lovers
When your cat doesn’t let you sleep in the morning, it walks, cries and jumps on you.
There is one non-defeat option.
Drop the cat's head under cold water for a few seconds and let go.
The cat will be occupied for at least 3 hours, well, and you will be able to sleep accordingly.

We are back again..............................................

xxx: Ah, Messie, will you not be so kind to accompany the young madmuazel to the movie so that she can fully enjoy how on the big screen the halk shakes everything without any discourse and there is still a tor with a hammer and loops with sad sounds and explosions chase the buch of gunpowder!!! Be so bobby.

I like to change my name on Skype. Sometimes it’s so romantic, so why? Why every time a potential employer is added to me on Skype, I forget that I have put another nick like Bl.D. cake or Icey soul p.d.?! to

As it was - walked around the night town, decided to drink water. well well. We approach the kiosk and then follow a funny dialogue with the sleep saleswoman (P):
I: Please, the red key,
Q: is it gased?
I : Yes.
Q is big?
I am UGU.
Q: Is it blue?
I am yes.
P: There is no such thing.
and leaves *

I am threatened to seek the attention of the girl, only by giving her gifts.
What is threatening?
Q. What will you choose? Do you know about "Pretit" or a gift?
You think badly about me. Of course a gift!

I realized that I was older when I saw the video of Rammstein, which I watched 20 times in a row in the 11th grade, on the Nostalgia channel.

XXX: We go to the square with the girls at lunch
XXX: Discuss all types of men
XXX: This humble, this shit
XXX: And I say that in principle, I’t mind meeting a quiet and humble guy who, when he says ‘jopa’, turns red and faint.
XXX: and then I add: Well yes, he’t get out of the coma)

XXX: And I have a hammer on the balcony...
From now on, I have no balcony.

The maiden in the school carried out a sporty mass work, in the next exercise gives the command, you run out to that wooden berry and back to the wooden berry so nobody ran.