bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №156425
 12.06.2021
In the 1980s, an interesting incident occurred at the Yai Higher Military Aviation School of Pilots. One of the pilot zones for course flights was located next to the airway. A student on an independent flight saw an An-24 flying nearby, and decided to upgrade. He flew closer, shook his wings (type, I’m so cool!) and went. What was his surprise and the surprise of the flight manager when the same AN-24 landed behind him? The civil pilot justified himself: "A military fighter flew, swung its wings and turned to the left, which according to international rules means 'After me!'. I have 40 passengers behind me. I obeyed...”

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №156424
 12.06.2021
Have you smoked for a long time?
25 years.
Did you start at 5?
In fact, I am 42.
You look great!
It is already alcohol.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №156423
 11.06.2021
XXX: I have a friend. Such a loss is difficult to imagine. One day, he was stolen his phone, asking for my phone to call. As expected, not a subscriber. He decides to go to the police. We enter, take a pass, we are asked to hand over phones and other things that cannot be carried on the list. I gave my own, well, a friend, gets his jacket out of his inner pocket and also gives it to the officer. I think this is the quickest detection of a crime by our police officers. Even the statement was not accepted.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №156422
 11.06.2021
My 5 year old son asked for a sister. My wife and I explained, now there is no money, we subvert and buy. I came back yesterday, tired. I sit on the couch, my son comes in and screams at me:

Why don’t you work? ! to My sister lacks money and he is at home.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №156421
 11.06.2021
xxx: I once had a neighbor on the staircase, a young couple, 25 years old.

The guy is a small thin, and his girlfriend is generally an inch - a meter with a cap height and weight for the appearance of kilograms 40-45, the voice is quiet, thin.

So from them periodically sounded such sounds, like an adult bear with a dull knife cut into pieces, and he, why then, roars to the lord with the phrase "daaaaaaaaaaaaaa, eeeeeeeeeee, gooooopoddi."

I met this guy someday, I say - friend, you would be there quieter with a girlfriend somehow, I understand, the process is fascinating, not to self-control, but people are around, you do not live in the field.

And he says, “This is the cross, it’s not me, it’s the cross. The first time, he said, he swallowed himself, then got used to it.

The march did not lie - when they ran away, he left, and she brought a new man and the sounds were the same.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156420
 11.06.2021
Take the advice as the rule: "Everyone is allowed to be wrong" - and you get rid of any disputes.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №156419
 11.06.2021
Very full aunt Olya, who always knows everything much better than others, asks little Masha with strict educational notes in her voice:
How good is your big finger?
Masha pulls her finger out of her mouth and answers:
He will not fill!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №156418
 11.06.2021
The mortgage was refused because of the low income, and the child benefit because of the high income. The middle class, the fool.

[ + 34 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №156417
 10.06.2021
XXX: There was a case yesterday. I put the car in the yard and always put a paper with a number under the glass.

In the morning, I am called and asked to replace the car, because builders have arrived and are going to arrange excavations.

Well, okay, I went out and changed, but because I was sleepy, I did not pay attention to the fact that I went to the neighboring yard, where the shlagbaum was, but at the time of my passage it was just open.

In the evening, I go pick up the car and I see that the shlagbaum is closed.

I press the call button - zero attention.

I go to another shlagbaum, there is a challenge, the controller answers. I say I want to leave, he says I want to leave only on passes. I tell him that I accidentally got into their yard and I don’t have a passport.

At this, the controller tells me that these are my problems and they do not release local ones.

Honestly, I was out for a minute. I tell the controller that they don’t have to hold me, the controller just threw the phone.

I stand and pick 102 approaches a aunt and asks what I am doing here, I explain to her that I accidentally got into a strange courtyard and want to leave, she tells me that I lied and specifically went to her courtyard and that now nobody will let me go. Word by word, a verbal conflict began, a team of alkashi came to her, who began to scream at me with her.

As a result, she used to fight, pushed her away from herself, caused mentions, wrote a statement and left.



Yyy: Just a fucking shit (sorry)!! This is a shit, an ordinary courtyard, not a regime object.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №156416
 10.06.2021
The supremacy of the Duma over reason.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №156415
 10.06.2021
Accidentally, at night, I read out to everyone a memorable verse about Barmalay, from Korney of our Chukovsky.
Well, everyone probably remembers – small children... for nothing in the world...

The first part is banal - Daddy and Mommy fell asleep at night, and Tanetchka and Vanetch - to Africa running
In short, the usual children's chaos, exacerbated by the barbed grass of Cornea Ivanich.
However, for our investigation, it is not so important how Tanetchka and Vanetchka were captured by Barmaley.

Begin immediately with the second part, when the children fit Abolit with the words "Switch, let go of these little children."
Continue reading carefully.

But the evil of Ibbolit is enough.
And in the fire of Ibbolita throws.
And it burns, and Ibolit shouts:
“Oh it hurts! Oh it hurts! It hurts!”

That is, Ibolit was physically placed in the fire, and, judging by "Hey, it hurts" - the fire burned.

Next is the "Gorilla Goes, the Crocodile Leads" and Aybolit's prayer for death:

So please, sooner
swallow the barley,
The greedy barbarians
would be missing,
would not swallow
These little kids!

and all. These are Ibsen’s last words. The last force, so to say.

Then begins the Thrash and Ugar:

I am glad, I am glad, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy, I am happy.
Then he went to the fire, where he was burning, and the fire was burning. The edition]
You are us, you are us.
He saved from death.
You have released us.
You are in a good hour.
He saw us,
Oh good crocodile!

The remains of Aybolit not only did no one think of pulling out of the fire, but he is not even on the list of children's liberators!
They just forgot about him.
Then everyone switched to Barmalay, who suddenly loved the children and was very happy to go to Leningrad. Then everyone started to have fun and dance, laugh and eat mint spices.
There is no mention anywhere that at least after all these dances and cranes, the children extinguished the fire, took the burnt body of Aybolit from there to betray the Earth. He was either burned to the ground and his ashes were scattered by the wind, according to African customs.

The life of a good doctor turned out to be the price that disobedient children paid for a careless walk through Africa in spite of the parents' ban.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №156414
 10.06.2021
Elon created the conditions and in his team the best young scientists from all over the world. Putin has created the conditions for our best young scientists to be in Ilon’s team. In a way, we do one thing.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №156413
 10.06.2021
In his life, the students sent us on a train to Moscow. It was about two days to go, and since at that time the students were supposed to allocate a coupe, then when they made the trip, they did not take a look or did not give importance, but all the students were distributed by composition from the first to the last wagon. Loaded on the train in shape, hairy, slipped. After the train touched, everyone closed in the coupe and boldly changed their shape to sports costumes. And, of course, we went to each other in guests:) The first ride on the train devastated the beer stockpiles in the restaurant car. The second step overturned everything that was not overturned in the first and could burn with varying degrees of intensity. For two days, the train stood on the ears, the students broke away as they could. Before arriving in Moscow, the squad, as a team, closes in a coupe and changes shirt, haircut, washed, shaved. In Moscow, students met a high rank, a colonel like. Students as for selection, beautiful people, set up on the pearl, eagles! Well, and the chief of the train goes out, the colonel told him, how did they behave, socoli? He says, yes, no, good guys, as they sat down, in the box closed, not heard, not seen all the way. But here the athletes, the bastards, two days did not give anyone rest!

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №156412
 09.06.2021
A couple of years ago I had a serious accident. Kamaz, loaded with a sling, flew out on the opposite lane and took down 3 cars. In the first car, the man died on the spot, in the second the elderly couple survived, but I was treated for a long time in the third car. He was caught six months later in Rostov and imprisoned for seven years. But the post isn’t about that...it’s prehistory.

I lie, I mean, I am on the side in blood and dirt and think about how I want to live. Not so... live! There is a girl around me and there are a lot of people around me. She leaned to me and said the ambulance is already coming, you do not turn off, I will now take away the gold from you (just the one...which was then stolen in the end), or little. Well, I grabbed her hand and said that there was money and documents in the mess (and the car was around) to take them too.

I was taken to the hospital until there was a micro-stroke, from which there were severe headaches and tremors of the right arm. The right hand works once in a while. They brought, gathered and treated.

And here comes she! I said goodbye to gold and money. But she came. They left their coordinates and exchanged phones.

Three weeks later, I was fired. As I woke up, I got fine. I go to her with a cake.

If anyone knows, there is such a slave village Sverdlovsky in the Щелковском district. So there is an old foundation, barracks with all the outputs. I go into such a bar, in the parody smell of cats and urine, dirt. I call.

He opens and meets. I walk into the apartment. One, very, very poor, but very clean. A three-year-old girl runs out. I was upset, I say, so why didn't I say that daughter, I said without a gift, only a cake.

We sit in the kitchen and drink tea. Here is her story. A girl of 22 years. If briefly so, the parents of Alkashi, drunk everything, even to the apartment. Her grandmother took her. After school, she went to college, met the love of her life, became pregnant, the love immediately evaporated. I decided to give birth to grandmother. She gave birth and her grandmother died. No other relatives. Well done, there is a good apartment. Washing the floors in the offices and shops, the child in the neighborhood and in the kindergarten.

I listened to it and I was sad. The tea drank. She brought my gold and my money. I said goodbye, got out of this barracks, sat in the car, smoked and how let me cry. I cry and go back. He opens the door. I’m talking about money. She was scared, saying nothing. And I say it is 250 thousand. Take it yourself. Take it for you and your daughter. Here it is enough to learn about manicure, pedicure and everything else. You will work at home, recruit customers, you will be clean and beautiful and the child is supervised. “Here she started to cry. She gave her that money.

I went out and it was so easy for me.

Six months have passed and she has really learned everything she can and now works from home. Repairs were made and I went to sea with my daughter for the first time. In general, everything went well with them. I also go to marathon sometimes.

So, Christina, if you are reading this, know that you are a real man! Because you didn’t take anything away, even if you could, considering how you lived. You are a man because you did not lower your arms and did not fall by yourself. You’re a Human because it’s not me your chance in life, it’s you showed me that there are more People! 😉

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №156411
 09.06.2021
When we are young, we decorate our clothes, but when we are old, the clothes decorate us.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №156410
 09.06.2021
The Jewish Carnofsky family, who immigrated from Lithuania to the United States, regretted the 7-year-old boy and brought him home. He was initially given homework to feed the hungry child. There he stayed and spent the night in this Jewish family home, where for the first time in his life he was treated with kindness and tenderness.

As he went to bed, Mrs. Karnovsky sang a Russian cave to him, which he sang with her.
Later he learned to sing and play several Russian and Jewish songs. Over time, this boy became the adopted son of this family.

Karnofsky gave him money to buy his first musical instrument, as it was accepted in Jewish families. He sincerely admired his musical talent.

Later, when he became a professional musician and composer, he used these Jewish melodies in such compositions as St. James Hospital and Go Down, Moses.

A little black boy grew up and wrote a book about this Jewish family, who adopted him in 1907. And proudly spoke freely in yiddish.

In memory of this family and for the rest of his life, he wore the Star of David and said that in this family he learned to “live real life and determination.”

This little boy was called Louis Armstrong.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №156409
 09.06.2021
Review of the film “Gravity”:
I was crying while watching. I even cried in places. I am a physicist by education.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №156408
 08.06.2021
Problems in childhood

1st You walk in the courtyard, you want to drink, and you can't go home - you will be driven. There is no money, you go to friends - you ask to take a drink or throw a bottle of water from the window.

2nd Injured, search for a passenger in the whole yard. (The main thing is to spit well on it to stick😄)

Three I decided to smoke! He gathered dry leaves, stuck in the newspaper, stretched, coughed and cried for a long time.

4 is Broke your pants - you go home the last, as if to be shot. (Especially when you were forbidden to walk in a new one, but you went out to boast jeans with ninja turtles)

5 is You wait for mom from the parental gathering, when you hear the sound of the keys in the lock well - you go to bed😄 and at 18:30. (He studied badly, was afraid of the pipet)

6 is When something accidentally broke home and nobody noticed, and then in a week you have already relaxed and you are flying for a breakdown (very unfortunate, because you have already accepted that you don't have a look, and your dad doesn't have it😄)

7 is I really smoked! He smoked a pack of cigarettes, smoked it with his friends in the desert, and then everyone blew.

8 is You pay for the night in a gaming computer club early in the morning, so that the trolls don’t take the money. Put the grandmother in the socks. But in the evening, when you go out at night, you have nothing to take away.

9 is When you were strictly forbidden to leave the yard, but you left to run through the garages. You come back and you are told that your mother was looking for you.

10 is I went to school and met Betty. (I am a cowboy)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №156407
 08.06.2021
A T-shaped intersection, three boys on bicycles aged 11-12, no pedestrian crossing, it is 100 meters away, one is confidently going to "hop through" (1), the second slows down and thinks (2), and the third (3) passes by, a dialogue begins:



2: Where are you?

3: I’m not going to go here!

Do you go for a walk?

Third is yes!

2: Did you go with him? (I am not sure)

1: Come on here!

3: No, I am on foot (begins to leave)

Don't forget to get off the bike (laughs)

3 and tears. So right! (He has left)

I am with him (uncertain but leaving)

1 (to myself) Well, so wrong (also leaves)



As you can see, not only a bad example is contagious, but also good if you do everything confidently :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №156406
 08.06.2021
The opposition in the country operates completely openly – under the supervision of employees of correctional institutions.

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