bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98853
 05.06.2014
Everyone is like this:
In order for children not to get injured, they need to be engaged, in particular, to learn to play. And if the mother is only present with the child, he will get upset. Because he, in the first place, can’t play safely, and, in the second place, thus attracts attention (which otherwise can’t get).

Explain to me, how to teach a child to play safely in a year?He needs to lay everywhere, somewhere to run, jump, catch everything.And it's okay.And you can break something yourself even falling in a flat place.And the second question - you have what, a full house?If you are urgently with the child,so that your beloved child don't let God hurt, who is cooking, washing, cleaning up?Yes, and sometimes you need to at least go to the toilet.And during this time the child has a great time to shake up.There is a feeling that you have never seen children at all.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №98852
 05.06.2014
XXX: Let me go?
yyy: later) work
XXX: So let’s go?
YYY : Okay I write the code slowly.
YYY: It’s raw and smells of baggage.

[ + 38 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98851
 05.06.2014
Here is how:

You know, you’ve been in your own Russia!
I live in Israel. In the summer, you can still wash with cold water. In winter (well, yes, +10, but the houses are not heated) you need to turn on the boiler, wait half an hour, turn on the bathroom heater, wait another 10 minutes, then you can wash. And for a long time under hot water you will not fall, because there are still family members on the turn, they also need water. And at the end of the month, you quietly shrink from the electricity bill of $ 100-200.
I come to my relatives in Russia, so twice a day in any weather I just meditate for half an hour under a hot shower, because it’s KAIF!

Of course, you don’t pay for water and electricity (two times a day). Congratulations, you are a Jew.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98850
 05.06.2014
My mother writes to me:

I go to hope from work, there bushes flowering - beautiful. I stand and photograph myself on my phone. Two young people aged 18 and 18 go and say, “Do you want to take a photo of you?” I say no, I’ll make a selfie. They began to roast! I: What, funny that aunt knows that word? They showed me a big finger and went on.)

[ + 34 - ] [8 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98849
 05.06.2014
From August, the FSB will get access to all passwords in social networks..."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
YYY: Don’t be fucking. Password requires more than one number.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №98848
 05.06.2014
The accounting pearls:
I spoke with Odin:

I: What are they throwing? How does "nnicho_no_work" always work?
Odmin: worse - "does not get up"
and "not going" another problem is characteristic,
The "apophageal" of their creation is, of course, when a remote user entered the computer. I start explaining something to her on the phone, and she says: "Oh! Have you already entered? I didn’t feel anything..."

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98847
 05.06.2014
The Magic Forum.

If you have not seen a proctologist, you have not seen anything.

Yyy: But the proctologist saw a lot.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №98846
 05.06.2014
Correspondence with Dad.
I want to burn my old notes after the exams.
See also: Weather
I will give the team.
And when they ask me
How is the oldest?
I will answer with a clear conscience.
It’s hot ?

[ + 25 - ] [16 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98845
 05.06.2014
Water heater by the Brazilian system.

Saving water, thin jet...What a task! When people come to me to wash, I always warn - heater for 30 liters (no longer enter), hot water is enough for 3 minutes with a fully open crane. By sound accompaniment at the end of the procedure it becomes clear who has no time management skills.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98844
 05.06.2014
by Habr
The first comment to the post "The Secret Service of the United States purchases software that recognizes sarcasm in social networks"

Valemak: Just don’t have to ride. The secret services are not doing nonsense.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №98843
 05.06.2014
by this:

This is:

OOO "Baltic Logistics Yaroslavl" Did you think about the name for a long time? A serious company, of course.
– – – – –
that is. The Baltic Bank in Yaroslavl does not embarrass you

a, there is also OOO "1s-Gandalf"

Schick "Baltic Logistics Yaroslavl" in abbreviation. So the bank and Gandalf are not in the box.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №98842
 05.06.2014

Here you think that discourse is a speech-thinking formation of events... and so on, but today I found a slightly more concise definition of the word “discourse”: discourse is a basar, for which no one can answer, yupta. Indeed, the most accurate definition.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98841
 05.06.2014
From Habr:

Mankind evolved in about 40,000 years. Nothing according to the standards of the universe. In 150 years we have learned to fly in the atmosphere and a little in space, imagine what a civilisation with a "fora" can for at least 1000 years.
YYY: They probably have phones that don’t charge longer.
Zzz:...and the water is not turned off in the summer...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №98840
 05.06.2014
Go in the morning to any crowded place and watch the morning flashmob.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98839
 05.06.2014
Comment to comment:

Comment on the article "How to manage a man: 6 main rules":

-We are very easy to manage, we have "joystick"))

===

Women are more difficult to manage, they have "tachpad" constantly licking

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №98838
 05.06.2014
We play in "What? Where is? When?" the question about Alfred Hitchcock. He received a letter stating that one woman had problems with hygiene after acquaintance with his work.

Discussion in chat:
111, that is The girl watched one movie - and stopped taking a bath, watched another - and tied up with a shower :)
222: watched "Lynx" - stopped swimming in the sea
333: watched one of the series "The Simpsons" - was afraid to fall under the rain
444: I watched all of the series Happy Tree Friends.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №98837
 05.06.2014
Here is this:

>>the former active folkists-blackheaders - G. V. Plekhanov, V. N. Ignatov, V. I. Zasulić, L. G. Deich and P. B. Axelrod, who became the de facto chief ideologist of the group.
Attention, the question to the experts:
Why do the names in the group go not by alphabet and not (imho) by significance?

They seem to go in reverse alphabetical order.
__________________________________________________________

Oh you! There was already a story about how the reed recorded on the board.

Plekhanov
Ignatius
ZASULIC
Daech
by Axelrod

Read the column, reminds me of nothing?))) "Young man, otherwise don’t remember")

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №98836
 05.06.2014
About the story from 02.06.2014 about I.A. Krylov. They say it is bull. The girl was called on a mascara. He rejects, he says, they will recognize me. Then one sincerely says: Ivan Andreich, you just wash and shave, nobody will recognize you!

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98835
 05.06.2014
I fell out of time...My advanced friends are already quitting drinking and smoking, rejecting lovers and returning to their husbands and terribly proud of all this, and I...have not yet started anything about it.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №98834
 05.06.2014
XXX: Bank of England
XXX is Jewish.
xxx: When their Israeli flag-colored terminals print a check, they show a funny message "Wait, the check will be cut off automatically"

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