bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №152501
 24.06.2019
Two Ural oligarchs decided to build an Offigen temple in Yekaterinburg in order to perpetuate their names. This is a pretty “dirty” story.
But literally on the days, June 19, in Nizhny Tagil, the local treatment and rehabilitation center was named Vladislav Tetyukhin.
This hospital Tetyukhin built on his own money.
He didn’t buy football teams, yachts, or planes, though he could. He built a hospital where qualified doctors perform unique operations and simply treat, return to normal life, put people on their feet.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №152500
 24.06.2019
Putin ordered the return of Russians from Georgia.
And from London, Vladimir Vladimirovich, from London!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №152499
 24.06.2019
There is a common misconception that euphoria, joy, gratitude or other strong emotion arises when certain conditions of a person's life are satisfied.

In fact, this is not root correct.

Any emotion is the essence of a reaction to changes in current conditions:

It was warm, it was cold – irritation.

It was hungry and filled with happiness.

and so on. Neither feelings of heat/cold, nor satiety/hunger, nor any other, will cause any emotions if they are stable and unchanged.

Love as a feeling does not exist. It is only a set of strong regular emotions that arise in connection with the associative perception of a particular person.

By the way, there is no universal set of such feelings for any person that could be determined as love. Everyone is unique. It unites a similar group of emotions and gives the opportunity to designate a separate term only the fact of their occurrence in connection with a particular person and the obsessiveness of these emotions over time.

It is believed that the higher such obsession, the stronger the so-called. The love.

Simply put, love is emotions that arise in connection with the hopes of an individual to change some of their own established conditions of life for the better.

From here it is easy to understand and possible reasons for the cessation of "love".

In fact, there are only two:

disappointment (the difficult path)

Satisfaction is the easiest way.

In other words, in order to be loved, you need either:

- to convince in the hopelessness of the feeding hopes (and not so much consciously as subconsciously, because almost nobody is able to clearly determine that personal set of expectations, which causes him a feeling of love);

- either to meet expectations and wait for that short moment, when this will cause a natural outbreak of the corresponding emotions, and the object of past love will lose relevance.

Well, the opposite situation: if you want to keep the attention of the object on yourself as the source of his love, you need either:

- not satisfy the expected expectations, while leaving hope for success in the future (easy path);

- or to evolve with him / her, each time concentrating in yourself precisely those qualities that are needed by the partner for further development.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №152498
 23.06.2019
The worst of them was a colleague at work. He lived quietly in his one-room apartment. He was long in a divorce, had two adult children, he was 50 years old and then sparked a passion for a lady one year older than him (! ) is Not 20 years old, not 30 years old, not 40 years old. Then they have a natural wedding, everything as appropriate + wedding in the church. In addition to his two daughters, he already has a granddaughter.

Further events developed in the following way: the "young" persuades him to sell the house, and on the money received in her fucking twin to make a euro repair. He sells the house and makes a repair for 1 euro. Then she persuades him to take a loan to buy her daughter an apartment. A colleague is given 800 tires, he adds all his savings and buys a house for his daughter.

The corresponding end of the story. After a couple of years of life together, they went crazy and the "young" gives him a pencil under the scarf. As a result: no apartment, no money, throwing the bank 800 tir +%

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №152497
 23.06.2019
Once I had a neighbor, a couple of elderly. My grandfather knocks and asks for help. I open the door and see with my hand, help me. I confusedly begin to remember how to provide first aid, an ambulance number, signs of a stroke and so on. I go to them and see how the grandmother leaned over the sewing machine, the thread cannot be put into the needle, both have poor vision. I had the mountain on my shoulders, helped and came out with a smile. It was cute)

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №152496
 23.06.2019
The toilet broke.

Well, what to do, I was a man, went to the construction market - bought a wire. He came home - twisted him in the sorting, made them friction, toilet by Fig.

I already wanted to dismantle the toilet, but decided to call the management company first.

It is said that such a service costs 500 rubles.

He ran away, and 30 minutes later the saucer arrived. I asked for a garbage bag and a bag of hot water. The jacket was removed from the speck, it was wrapped on the fist, and the top of the garbage pack - the type of boxing gloves. Water from the basement to the toilet and this boxing gloves like a vantaxe sharply into the point of the toilet. You can tell the depth of it. The sound is a whisper. Pressed on the slide, the water goes away.

Everyone says the shutdown has been removed.

I don't think the superhero was found, Vantuzman fucking, two minutes five-hour. And forced him to repeat the procedure several times. Type of control shot.



Two weeks have passed, the flight is normal.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №152495
 23.06.2019
A country in which the president gives water in a crane is invincible.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №152494
 23.06.2019
On the left bank of the Ural river, a slope-directed drilling machine struck the ground, and a ducker was cooked on the right. All this together was called the construction of the underwater passage of the main pipeline and was carried out on one of our sites for a couple of months, when the work came to a pre-holiday break.

The brigades of the right and left shore travelled around the houses, the last was sent by the management of the site - the chief and two masters. Standing on the left bank, they watched the last guard with the welders depart from the right – forty kilometers along the river, exit from the ground gun to the asphalt, straight to the bridge, a couple of hundred kilometers to the base. Not far from the temporarily empty wagons of the right-shore ran a village herd. Several dozen varied-fat cows mixed with sheep and goats.

- The bar would buy, - dreamingly said the head of the site, - the shurp, shale, soccer, ear on the oak bouillon to be swallowed. A box of vodka in the refrigerator.

– Oh! The thought, the first master rejoiced and cried out, easily covering with a command voice a hundred meters of shrinking water, and three hundred flooded meadows, - oh shepherd, sell the lamb!

by Cho? Interested in the shore.
Sold it out, ch! He will shock me.
Five thousand people! The shepherd was delighted.
Five thousand – a dozen! You can’t keep an old master, he can trade even across the river.
Three for one!
and two!
No, there are three!
Five hundred rubles.
You offered two thousand?
Are you five and what?

We negotiated for half, all the fish in the river was a witness.

One and a half? The chief asked, although he heard everything along with the fish and the beast five kilometers away from the Ural forest. Half is good. Only you, Nikolai Mikhalych, are now eighty kilometers behind the lamb and so much to go back. Forty to the bridge on our side, forty on them. and then back.

“Daaah,” said the first master, “he is a bear, beautiful and close, I can see his reflection in his eyes, but in fact he is eighty kilometers away. Everything in the world is relative, his mother Lobachevsky in non-Euklid geometry.

- So the boat is rubber, - remembered the second master, you can fuse. She is single.

“Right,” the head of the site thought, “you’re in a boat there, and from there you’ll put the baron on a veil, and you’ll walk eighty kilometers. It will be twice as good as just going away. I wonder, is this bear able to grasp?

- And we told you, - enter again first, - it was necessary to ask the chief engineer for a cage for the site. It would not be floated for a long time.

I asked, and he said to me, “You have not yet calculated for the drowned one,” he says, “give Cruiser Aurora, so you let him and all the crew and three nearby villages go to the bottom.”

“Why with three,” the second smiled cleverly, because he had already come up with a plan, “why with three at once?” I will not swim behind the baron. We stretch the wire through the river and use the boat as a ferry on it. Empty there, with the baron back.

You hear, the shepherd! He cried out, don’t go anywhere. We are now...

How do we turn the thread? Interested in men.

The trous? The thread is simple...

One hour later there was a test shot. From two piles of the support wall and several Kamazov chambers was made a rogat. It was stretched by a Hitachi excavator of three hundred sizes.

The day! The granite stone, launched by a powerful rubber, removed the car’s antenna on the opposite shore and escaped into the forest.

The flight! - appreciated the success of the boss, - yet this antenna caught nothing here. Stretch a third less.

A rope was attached to the next stone. The skier on the trip crashed on the metal side of the wagon, scared the shepherd, but pulled the rope. A thin steel cord was pulled out with a rope, after half an hour the rubber-ferry crossing was ready and the first master went to the right shore, taking the rope with his hands. A traction rope was attached to the boat, and the boat itself was grabbed by a loop to the rope, so the lamb refused to graze, as much as they did. But he calmly entered the boat and sailed into the unknown.

"It was necessary to tie the lamb," the second master said loudly, pulling the boat to the middle of the river.

"Anna, anna, anna," replied the echo of the mountain forest, and the lamb, frightened by a loud voice, jumped out of the boat and sailed.

“Bundled, flooded,” answered the first, and they all ran along the shores for a floating animal. Five kilometers later, the cattle came to the desired shore. The bear was caught despite the fact that he bitten the second master.

"You know," said the next evening the head of the department, drinking the fragrance of the lamb with ice vodka, "you could not stretch the wire. I here counted on the leisure, if a lamb should just be thrown into the river from the right bank, it should still be carried on the left. The river is turning.

“You are a man of head, Petrovich,” his masters supported him, “therefore the boss. Next time I’ll buy a pig. Do you know pigs bite?

“They bite,” Petrovich smiled, “the wolf can even bite. I still think that if reasoning well, the rope had to be tightened. Only not to bring the lamb, but to take the vodka and go to the whole herd at once.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №152493
 23.06.2019
The President of Turkey thanked the Georgian authorities for anti-Russian statements in the midst of the tourist season.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №152492
 21.06.2019
I watched TV – the soul is happy, opened the refrigerator – I want to cry...

[ + 44 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №152491
 21.06.2019
Someone was nervous in the street. I was curious, so I looked out the window. There, a number of cars were parked along the road. But carelessly so, his ass stumbled and prevented Zhipa from passing.

Three ducks with biceps and neck came out of it, pined on the wheels, signaled again. is useless. We took the food of the minibus, tried to lift - and the fig there.

A man passed by and helped. From the entrance came a man in a red shirt - and he was attached. At the fifth, they also raised and turned the microneedle smoother.

The catches shrugged everyone’s hands, sat down in Zip and left.

A man in a red shirt was driving a minibus and left.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №152490
 21.06.2019
Fitness bracelets are the same tamagochi, with the only difference that the dumb animal you try to prevent from dying is you.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №152489
 20.06.2019
I was 18 years old, added to me on the Internet a man, 32 years old. It should be paid tribute, in the photo he looked very even not bad: burned, tall, stretched. He works as a rescue worker at the Ministry of Emergencies, as a cartoonist in a rather popular city newspaper and at the same time is the founder and guitarist of a rather well-known group in the city... Finally, they agreed to meet near my university after a couple. I come out, no support, on the threshold is the most cute man with the photo - in general, the first impression was more than))) But after he opened his mouth, I cursed the internet and everything related to it... First this subject told me the "serious story" of his childhood... My mother raised him and his sister alone, had to leave him in the kindergarten with a nightclub, on him (I quote) "looked the educator" (he was somewhere 5 years old!), she showed all sorts of signs of attention... And one day, when "this perverse" began to put him to sleep, I will not go into details, in general, that night he learned the "pleasures" of oral sex... At this point my psyche was already inflicted invaluable damage))))) But that is not all! During the conversation I was so shocked that I did not notice where he took me... We found ourselves in some basement, where everywhere there were photos of pumped men and male-like women... Here he bought a five-liter bush with supplements (to accelerate the building of muscle mass), while he sincerely shared that he no longer pays attention to problems with potency. And I was opened to an ACC plan: it turns out, he took striptease lessons, in order to start earning in this way. Asked how I would behave if my husband was like this, then inspired to describe, "how wonderful it will be when we go to the beach with him, everyone will approach you and ask where you found such a beautiful man, and I will swim in swimming among the hot girls"... This rainbow perspective did not fit into my life plans, and I rushed to remove this Randev. But the next day my phone was overwhelmed with confessions in love and another week he was overwhelming calls, with proposals to come to him (I live outside the city, and he is in the center, about an hour drive), and on my excuses that at 2 a.m. I am simply scary to wander alone around the city, he responded with sincere confusion and assured that I absolutely had nothing to fear!!!) And nothing bad will happen! One morning he called me and asked me to leave the university for five minutes to talk about what I didn’t do... In the evening I received a tearful text message, where he described all the mental torments and distractions, all the “cretinism of the situation” when he, an adult man, had to wait for a young girl with a bouquet of roses and an offer to live together, and I, such a kind, did not come out to him. And now he will never marry (attention!) “I was ashamed”))))

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №152488
 20.06.2019
My mother and I called the elevator. We come in, and there is a father with a 4-year-old daughter. We have entered. We go. The little girl looked so closely at her mother, at me, and then turned her look at her father and gave with such confidence in the voice: "Dad, and we are beautiful!" It was funny and offensive at the same time.

This is how children can raise your mood and lower your self-esteem with one phrase.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №152487
 20.06.2019
The fools are the overwhelming majority, so democracy is a priori damaged.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №152486
 20.06.2019
Talk about taxi drivers. I used Uber once. Among the reviews of previous customers about the driver was: "excellent interlocutor." So here. During the whole trip he, except for the greeting and farewell, did not say a word... Well what? All right, a beautiful interlocutor!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №152485
 20.06.2019
In 2001, 400,000 people entered a direct line with the president. The Questions. In 2018, more than 2.5 million Every year there are more and more questions about the work of the president of the country.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №152484
 19.06.2019
Why am I so well?

Sorry, I confused the dropper, now we'll fix it.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №152483
 19.06.2019
A friend was instructed to find in the archives of a client - a metal construction plant photos of happy, smiling employees. Finally, on the second day of the search, a photo was found with five employees smiling to all the teeth at the board of honor. The photo was successfully added to the presentation. sent for agreement. The next day they call from the management of the factory and ask for an urgent replacement of the photo. Two people with the photo were fired for theft and two others for constant violation of labor discipline and drunkenness. He is looking further...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №152482
 19.06.2019
There are such presidents who are more likely to divorce their wife than to give up an eternally sleepy and unfit prime minister.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna