bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141836
 01.06.2017
The counting
But cups and plates should not be on the desk. Shorts and jackets on the chairs as well.

There is a good humorous book, “Peter’s Principle,” written by Lawrence J. Peter. It belongs to the same family as Parkinson’s Law and Murphy’s Law. Love for a clean table was mentioned there, in the chapter "Non-Medical Signs of the Final Stop". The main theme of the book is the laws governing incompetence.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141835
 01.06.2017
About children's wilds and the fortress of the skulls of Homo sapiens.

In the 1970s, teenagers were riding big people in the courtyard. From the 4th floor, a cute girl tried to spray all the boys with water from the sprayer. Chick was to jump under her balcony without wet.
After jumping through, as I thought, luckily, I felt that my hair was wet. It is under the barrel. I felt the blood. A boy from the fifth floor threw into us a cafeteria. It hit me straight into the ground. In the barrel " bullet" hole. There is no hole in the head, but there is blood. Stayed in the hospital for a week. Tagged with green. People with fractures on the outlet and so on. And I’m like a fool, with a bump. Cut off the fifth. May be warm. Seven days seemed like ten years.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141834
 01.06.2017
Periodically there is a thought to stick to the cat with a beacon. Troll is not ashamed. The cat enters the room, then I go in, the cat is not. Not by sounds or other signs of material presence. I close the door behind me, looking for a cat in a semi-empty room, where there is simply no place to hide. Ten minutes without result. There is also no reaction to the sound of toys and the squeezing of a food bag, although it usually pops out immediately. I even tried to photograph the room, suddenly my eye was blurred, the photo is also empty. I go to the door, behind it suddenly "mormeau!". I turn, the cat stands and sows. For now, the only sound explanation is going to eat into other dimensions, but the teleport only cheats the code people do not see.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141833
 01.06.2017
Bridge: I just turned my child’s world.
He asked me why I needed eggs.
Bridge: And I said that he came out of them.
Bridge: Now the child thinks I’m having two new children
Bridge: and that he will soon have children too
How can I explain that I am not a penguin?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141832
 01.06.2017
Who does not want to be a obedient worker after school, think with your mind and do not be afraid of low grades!

Oh, just the appellation skill, don't forget to pump out the child's own assessments. Or “your mind” will bring only problems, not scams. They must be used so that the guilty remain the guilty ;)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141831
 01.06.2017
This was stated by Senator Sergey Lisovsky at a meeting of the regional parliament today.
According to him, drizzle and drizzle of birds were "invisibly" translated into waste of the corresponding hazard classes from the category of organic fertilizers in 2014.

On the contrary, tomorrow human guano will be equated to class 4 of danger and will have to pay a tax for their production. Drawing - Drawing gave

Destroyed in nature - illegal disposal of waste 4 class of danger, 5 years with confiscation.

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141830
 01.06.2017
From Hicks, comments to the article on neuroscience:
Aaa: Well, now another human task is mastered by artificial intelligence. Then the description of the algorithmic part will be taken.
bbb: And, as a logical conclusion, a neural network that writes the code of another neural network.
Ccc: Well, don’t stress you, fucking, and you’re so sick!
ddd: The next step is a video game code generator for gameplay video.
eee: The next step is to create the code and graphics of the game by text description: "Hello. I am Cyril. I would like you to make a game, 3D action is like this... The user can play forest elves, the guard of the palace and the villain..."

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №141829
 01.06.2017
I go to work in the morning. I go to myself, I do not touch anyone, I think about the things ahead of the day. A dog is running away from me. This is a typical garden. Let’s call it Bubble. I am going, Bubble is running. Suddenly in the dog room. And I don’t really like when such clums meet along the way, you never know what can come out of this meeting. Apparently Bublik also did not respect such meetings, so he changed his tactics as a lonely proud dog. He quickly rebuilt))) He pressed to my leg and ran next to it)))I looked at him from above, and he looked like he said - There is no way out!))) So we went through this room with him. No one touched him, apparently thinking that he has a master and he is not a lonely dog that can be invaded impunely. As soon as we passed the risk zone, My Bubble ran on to his dog affairs, leaving me proudly alone. I wasn’t thinking about the job, but about how smart and intelligent the dog was.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141828
 01.06.2017
I watched both prequels. It became clear why Ripley soaked strangers like the grandmother of blind kittens. Apparently, only she carefully read the reports of missing expeditions, and analyzed the terrible rumors and twists in the smokers of the company. Otherwise, where is all this knowledge of vulnerable points and the all-winning alcoholic mother?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141827
 01.06.2017
From the Beautiful:
A friend travels with his family to Cyprus for 2 months, there he has relatives with whom he can stay. He travels there regularly, once a year, and since everything is not smooth with medicine on site, and all this is not free, he is looking for an insurance company to buy insurance. Last year there was an insurance case, the wife became ill, as a result of insurance they were accepted only in the state. in the clinic, where she, in a semi-conscious state, standing, holding her dropper in her hands "treated". The police refused to issue medicines, took cash, issued checks and sent them to the insurance company for compensation. For almost a year, it has been decided how much the insurance case was. Not the essence. This time, taught by the bitter experience, the comrade first thing is interested in the office - how to solve the issue with the clinic on the spot on insurance, so as not to pay the bull, there is insurance! The girl at the end explains that you need to call them, they decide whether an insurance case, and then decide with the clinic that they will pay them, well, this is all as long as you throw off the horses, the process is not fast naturally. In the question,
- But I am sick, I call an ambulance, they require a lot of money, and I have no cash to pay, what to do? He gets a brilliant answer:
Well, you do not go to Cyprus to get sick, everything will be okay!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141826
 01.06.2017
Lies are punishable, but compliments are encouraged.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141825
 01.06.2017
My very well-nourished and well-eating cousin in the kindergarten offered the little girls a profitable deal:
“Take my shoes and I’ll eat your portion for you.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №141824
 01.06.2017
Under Moscow, a pyramid built 10 years ago was blowed by the wind. The pyramids under Cairo, built 4000 years ago, spread offensive laughter.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141823
 01.06.2017
Here again

What does this bag have to do with? Bring the whole apartment there. But cups and plates should not be on the desk. Shorts and jackets on the chairs as well.

If I'm cold at +24 and I want to put on a shirt and not to pull it with me every day? Although I explain to you. For you, work like a spherical horse in a vacuum: the worker does not drink, does not eat, does not freeze and is probably happy with everything. I hope you have employees at least think, or maybe it is prohibited?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141822
 01.06.2017
#bus_educational
XX: Ah, a lot of knowledge is a lot of sadness. Now you will not be the same cute, furry animal for me after I learned your Latin name, Spermophilus.
yyy: Spermophilus literally - seed love (Dr.-Greek. σπέρμα — the seed). If you had studied in the injury, your sorrows would be multiplied every day.

Humor: the meaning of fake ancient names: Autogen - self-born, Purgen - pure

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141821
 01.06.2017
“Mobile operators explained the lack of mass messaging about the hurricane by the fact that the Emergency Service notified them of the storm approaching too late.
The Ministry of Emergency Affairs said that the forecast from the Roshydromet Center about the hurricane came only on May 29.
According to the manufacturer of short-term weather forecasts of the Hydrometeorological Center of Russia Alexander Golubev, the forecast for the start of the hurricane was released three hours before the start of the deterioration of the weather.
............
You have read the miniature "how services work in Russia or search for extreme"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141820
 01.06.2017
Commenting on the escalating scandal, Communist Governor Potomsky in his interview with the radio station "Moscow Speaks" stated that "observations" to Nectarius can only Metropolitan Orlovsky Antony. Who authorized journalists to ask questions? The owner of Orlovsk News has no right to behave in this way,” he said.

“If we go to the representatives of God, we begin to lynch them and water them with something... God is not a freer, he sees everything. There is only one judgment: the judgment of God. This goes to the patriarch: not the clock, not the way he lives, not the cars he rides,” added the member of the KPRF.
............
If we have such governors, then, apparently, it is still a freeroll.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141819
 01.06.2017
For whom is “Boyan”...

YYY: It is right to write “bayan”! Sorry, I couldn’t stand up. I played it in school for eight years. Finally it was useful!

zzz: From Wikipedia:
Boian (Boian) - archaeological culture of the Neolithic period (4th thousand years). to do. N N. E is.on the territory of Moldova, Romania and Bulgaria.

That is, when they say “well, it’s already crazy” about a topic, it means that this topic is 5-6 thousand years old.

Fuck, it didn’t work yet!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141818
 01.06.2017
>>– I cleaned the house... Nobody needs the 3d calendar of CCCP 1989-1990?))
>>– This is not a cleaning, it’s an archaeology :)
Do not throw it away, the 89th can be used now.
The 1990s will be useful in 2018

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №141817
 01.06.2017
XHH: We went to the festival, yes... I didn’t take a photo with me specifically! He knew!
HH: But not though! To Yara still attached a photographer: Hey, girl, and you are so dressed, and you are so beautiful, can I take a picture of you?
A Hour and a Half! For an hour and a half, this unfortunate patient suffered from Yara for all his curvature. And the light is not so, and the duration is not there, and the focus has gone, and the horizon has fallen by half a degree, and in general, give the camera, I will show the class!
XHH: Overall, I’ve been able to get around the whole festival, and she’s still tormenting the unfortunate man.
Q: Do you know what she said to him?
She gave him a visit card and advised to come to her for a course. According to the photo, yes...

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