bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №129293
 10.06.2016
This is:

In 1975, Academician Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. That is, the man who invented the hydrogen bomb was awarded the world prize in the name of the man who invented the dynamite...

You’re still small, falling, and you don’t know that every rod has two ends. Throw a hydrogen bomb on the country – there will be war, death and destruction. Give a country a hydrogen bomb and it will never be attacked and it will never need it. What is peace. Man wants to fight, but he wants to live stronger.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129292
 10.06.2016
Mind is not erudition, not the ability to get into any conversation, on the contrary, or, as one prime minister said, not at all!
Mind does not mean being able to talk to scientists.
If you are smart, you will realize that you do not understand anything.
The mind is often silent.
The mind feels shortcomings or unpleasant moments for the interlocutor and bypasses them.
The mind foresees the answer and silences if it doesn’t want to hear it.
The mind will offer something.
Stupidity does not offer.
Stupidity does not ask.
The stupidity explains.
Smart is better.
With him you are free and lazy.
You’re busy with idiots all the time.
You work in the face.
He contradicts you and contradicts... Because he is sure!
And from these meaningless objections you lose the strength, the endurance and the cleverness of which you were so proud.
You can’t agree with a fool.
You feel how bad you are.
Relax with the smart!
Rest with him, my dear.
I pray!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №129291
 10.06.2016
The officer did not serve in the army type for ideological reasons. He proved to the military committee that he was a pacifist and could not be a soldier, passed an alternative. And all would be nothing, but to know this person in the collective can be by forever acquired expression of the face and attempts to resolve any dispute about "happiness in the mouth of the ladies."

[ + 43 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129290
 10.06.2016
Dude, a detective

I sit at night with my back to the door. I write with a girl. Behind the back I hear the door open and a woman enters. I lightly press al + tab and I have time to close the window. In the incognito mode, history is not preserved. The window leaves, but the wife feels awkward approaches and says:
Q: What are you there just that turned around?
I: Yes, I played in tanks, I finished and got out of the game.
J: You did not do anything else. Open the browser.
Opening and there porn site (forgot to close last time)
Are you watching porn again?
A stone fell from my soul.
I am happy to see a little.
A: "good " and he goes away.
For the first time in my life, I admitted that I was watching porn. Pornography saved my life.

Divorce your wife, don’t torture her. Why do you need her at all if you watch porn, then you talk to girls?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №129289
 10.06.2016
zzz: From the outside it may seem that a miracle happened today in Omsk.
The news hardly reports murders, robbery, robbery and fraud against pensioners.
What is it? Did the Omics enlighten and begin to do good?
No is.
Just the UMVD website broke, the info to take from nowhere ;)
AAA: Do you mean that as soon as they removed the old boss, their site fell?
Zzzz: No, it lasted almost a week.
AAA is AAA. That is, now the MVD does not know what is going on in the city - their website has fallen...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №129288
 10.06.2016
A former student of law organises a meeting dedicated to the 5th anniversary of the day of issue. In the description of the encounter in contact - a full-blown "we will discuss adult life, boast of achievements".
We evaluate the idea in a narrow circle of friends:
The description is obviously delayed, but I have to go.
- Oh, I was presented at this moment with a crowd of lawyers who drew husbands / wives and children to check-in, property listing and a copy of the labor tax :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129287
 10.06.2016
[18:57:20] <[iZet]Stargazer> will find trolleybuses. It is time to introduce an automatic tracking system for trolley wires. Modern CNC machines are quite able to track not only the state of left-to-right pressure, but also to take into account the state of the road.
[18:58:24] <[iZet]Stargazer> but the position of fools in space-time no system can estimate
[18:59:42] <[iZet]Stargazer> exactly so. When machines can predict the actions of fools and idiots, it will end human civilization.
[19:02:07] <[iZet]Stargazer> from here the conclusion! Fools and idiots are the last stronghold of human civilization.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №129286
 10.06.2016
I had a friend named Short. Of all the names in the world, they named the daughter Love, and the son Roman. There is now a short love and a short novel in the world... and how do you not love your children? (c) the

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129285
 10.06.2016
Looking at a bottle of whiskey:
Young man, please a document!
by presenting a passport, mindfully
Oh, Zbs, they don’t know me here yet! =) is

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №129284
 10.06.2016
I grew up in the village myself, but by the time I was 10 years old I didn’t know how to cut/cut/suck/beard carefully grown in the backyard. It taught me to grow. He fed, drank, and cleaned the shell. But not about that.

So I am 10 years old. He was alone at home, as his parents went to the market to shop. My neighbor (at the same time my aunt) asked me to cut a couple of chickens, well, or cut (in general, by my choice). Since he was a “eager man,” he did not say that he had never killed.

In general, I chose a tail tool, because even at such a young age, I thought that the animal would suffer less.

So, who caught the chicken (Broiler). I guessed with my legs to step onto the body, and with one hand to stretch out the neck (not my own).... and cut off... immediately released the body, and the head in my hand remained. And then it started... The body first ran a couple of meters to the wall, turns and begins to run to MY side! E is E! Here I went crazy, I ran to the right to the calice, and what do you think? The body begins to tickle into my side again and intentionally run against me. I don’t know how the stars came together, but I felt at the moment that the body was running to avenge me! At that moment, I also flew to a two-meter fence (after trying to climb it without panic, I could not).

Picture of oil. I sit on the fence, and the body stands next to it and goes nowhere! I don’t know how long it lasted, but in my inflamed childhood brain, it was very long. I noticed there was something in my hand. This is the head of the body. I cried and threw my head away from me. After a moment, the body of the broiler falls dead. It probably happened in 30 seconds, but for me it was an eternity.

Since then, I have not broken the chicken anymore.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129283
 10.06.2016
Translators are translators
Universal Studios, series

In the list of crimes committed by the wanted - "malignant outsourcing" (literally)
Is it how?? to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №129282
 10.06.2016
In 1975, Academician Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. That is, the man who invented the hydrogen bomb was awarded the world prize in the name of the man who invented the dynamite...

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №129281
 10.06.2016
The products are better than people. If they don’t like the temperature, they start.

Smell of silence.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №129280
 10.06.2016
I joke about the news. I stop laughing at the headline: “You can sleep in Obama’s bed for $4,500.” And immediately behind the back is a female commentary: "And Obama himself will be in it, or is it even more expensive?".

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №129279
 10.06.2016
And he is silent!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
From the real life:
Protection on the line at 10 kW
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thou thou thou!
I can tell you a lot about the life of telemetry and relay protection electrical monitors!

The people here are already fucking out that there is nothing to laugh at. Put it fast!

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129278
 10.06.2016
Hahahahah, no one has ever trolled me ?
WOW: What happened?
Oh my Jew (Prim. What is an indicator?
When we buy meat or chicken from an unknown spot on the market, we give it a try.
If you eat, it means that the norm, you can get there.
xxxh: and everyone knows this very well, even the aunt has checked the products.
hhh: and then she prepared the branches for us and while she carried to the table, accidentally dropped a piece.
How about a scammer? Have you eaten? and :)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №129277
 10.06.2016
Review of the book: Donetsk. Manicure for the dead

In this book there is an excellent recipe for baked pork. I highly recommend!

[ + 30 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129276
 10.06.2016
A friend recently told her school story.



He was in high school in the sixth or seventh grade, but I don’t remember exactly. And there was a very faithful teacher of literature. Well, of course, from time to time she said something about God, but she understood that a teacher of literature did not have to be a priest, so she tried not to bend the rod. She said at the end of the year:

Read the Bible in the summer! All of! If you don’t read what to do – the pairs I’ll put you, of course, I won’t... you’ll just burn in hell.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №129275
 10.06.2016
I foolishly ate watermelon before I went to the circus, so when the clowns performed, everyone was funny, and I was scared.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №129274
 10.06.2016
As usual, Ace in the sleeve. and :)
YYY: Yes, he usually has a whole sleeve in his sleeve, a spare ferris, plugged cubes and tails for mahjong.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna