from ZH
Treehel: I am in a hurry. How can we eat bodies?! to
Undeadkender: With great pleasure! I would right now eat part of the body of a pig, with burns of 3-4 degrees.

You should have sex for a while.
He is: Why? How much?
Until the months come...
9 months later...

Here you are harmful!
YYY: Why should I be useful? I am not a tomato juice.

I have the most caring parents!! to
I am 23. I go to my apartment.
I come, I clean up - the music is loud, the vacuum cleaner is noisy...
I watched a few missed calls from my mom. I call back.
Hysterical whisper - Daughter, why didn't you pick up the phone? I am so worried here! Did you cry there? Are you lonely?

Smash the pharmacist’s brain around the wall – ask Contex, Kotex, Coldrex, Cornex, Sorbex, and Linex.

I hate when they ask me to pull my stomach, and I’ve already pulled it in.

In the office with my brother... I sit and sing:
We shared an orange.
I will not give to anyone...
There is only one..."
Brother passing by:
..."Well you are greedy lamb"
It was a redish :))))))

X: Can we go sooner? We are in the car (

It’s going to be hot =)

From Twitter:
Greggregox
I went on the street to a Chinese shoe maker and for some reason I spoke to him in English on the machine – THAT IS WHAT HAS HE RESPONDED IN ENGLISH!!! to

A father bought his son a bicycle.
C: I broke all my eggs on this bicycle.
Be careful, you will need them!
Q: What is it? The broken eggs?

Due to technical problems, the disconnection of the hot water supply has been moved from bla-bla-bla to bla-bla-bla. Somewhere for a month. I am glad, but, god, only in Russia some technical problems can be transferred in connection with other technical problems.

Stop the dog chasing its tail and it will find that it is part of it. A man should stop chasing happiness and discover that it is his essence.

When I was 15, my parents and I went off to the sea.

Before the trip, Dad bought an expensive Japanese watch - waterproof.
Such a clock had just appeared in our country at that time. Dad was very proud of them. I was fascinated by submarine swimming – I have discharge and I love diving. My mom was afraid that I would get a cold from hypothermia and told me all the time, “Sasha, just not long, 20 minutes and on the shore!”
But I was so fascinated by the beauty of the underwater world that I forgot about time and replied that I had no underwater clocks. It would have been...

My mother was tired of it and she persuaded her father to give me a watch at sea. He was reluctant, but gave. At the first swim, the clock jumped from my thin girl’s hand and drove into the water. The rest of the vacation was spent diving and searching for this chronometer. without a result. My mom and dad reminded me of this. Just got it. Next year we went to the same place. Just came to the beach, Dad spoke his song,
Sasha was drowning his clock. I was angry and said:

I will go and dive until I find your unfortunate clock. though
I will drown!

Go and find!

Only I dive and immediately see: they lie, pigeons, shining in the sun, as if they were waiting for me all year. I went out on the shore and proudly threw my watch in my father’s feet. I will not talk about the reaction of my parents. When they began to look at it, the father said:

Over the course of a year, they seemed to have changed – became a different color of the chipboard. It blossoms,
What is? But the model is the same.

We discussed this case all day. We went to the beach for lunch. And we tell this story to the neighbors at the table – mother, father and their son Vadik. They don’t even laugh – they look at us with round eyes and even somehow scared. Mother says:

Don’t be surprised, it doesn’t happen to Sasuke.

Vladimir Mikhailovich – the father of Vadik – removes the clock from his hand:

“Vadik also drowned my clock yesterday, but then found it. The same model, but
number of the other. Accidentally not yours?

So I met my future husband. A year later, Wadiq and I got married. At the wedding, the parents presented us a crystal box as a souvenir. There are a couple of clocks on the barbed substrate - the models are the same, only the plates are different.

c) Favourite bicycles

It was a strange forest. First I went for mushrooms. Then they followed me...

I read the explanation colleagues. I was connected to such an address. I also installed, at the request of the subscriber, antivirus program nod32. But the subscriber blames me for installing a remote administration program! And now I remotely control them with a computer, a TV, and a microwave.

Well, why so polishing the mirror doors...I gave myself the way for half an hour...

You buy an iPhone not to talk about it, but to talk about it.

Before leaving, my mother asked me to call her on the phone to find him. has gone. A call in a few minutes.
Did you call me? What do you need?

<Silv_m> yesterday I formulated for myself the thesis about Schrödinger’s "drinking tea". type, when a friend of you invites you to drink tea, but it is not clear what it is: really drink tea, or " tea drink";

I saw a lot of inscriptions in the entrances, but "ololo pysch pysch onotole real approves" surprised me somewhat.