bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №158324
 10.07.2022
I met my girlfriend last year, came to her home for the first time and she showed that she had a similar problem with the microwave.I, as a true gentleman, called for help, broke the inet, diagnosed with the replacement of the saliva plate. I bought a plate, the girl is delighted, this is what savings - the plate only costs 200 rubles. In short, I accelerate the story-the people stood in an uncomfortable place and I can’t see how to put it. They put the girl’s phone inside with the light on. Started the control launch! There is no fever. Only then the smoke went and the phone came fucking, which I forgot to pull out. The shorter sluddy costs 250 rubles, and its honour is 18000. She was ashamed even though she didn’t say anything. This is shit, little girl.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №158323
 10.07.2022
If you think about it, it’s not all that bad. If you don’t think about it, then everything is fine.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №158322
 10.07.2022
When I was a kid, my grandmother always drove to a sanatorium or a resort. My grandfather watched the farm. I promised myself that when I grew up, I would send him on a journey. I grew up and started earning well. My grandfather had a birthday and I gave him a ticket. I had never seen him cry before. Now the whole family is angry at me that I gave the passport not to my grandmother, but to my grandfather, because my grandmother loves me so much. Grandpa picked up a suitcase.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №158321
 10.07.2022
In war, politicians give arms, the rich give food, and the poor give their children. When the war is over, politicians shake hands, the rich raise food prices, and the poor look for the graves of their children.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №158320
 09.07.2022
Xxx: I get fat so no one wants to divorce me for sex and break my heart.

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158319
 09.07.2022
On the stage of the theatre of military action, someone supplies expensive items, and someone supplies cheap actors of mass scenes.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №158318
 09.07.2022
The piano was inherited from my grandmother. I decided to sell it on the aircraft. I waited a long time, no call.
And suddenly they call, “Have you sold the piano?”
I answer that not yet.
And in response, “I sold it” and put on the phone.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №158317
 09.07.2022
In the list of unfriendly countries it remains to add its own. Then the meaning of the decisions made will be clear to everyone.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №158316
 08.07.2022
I don’t want to talk to fools or smart people.
I have nothing to say to fools, and the wise have nothing to say to me.

[ + 0 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158315
 08.07.2022
Fortunately there was no limit.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №158314
 08.07.2022
When I was a child, I sang “Beautiful far away, don’t be cruel to me...” I asked humanly, beautiful, what hero?

You also asked to go to the land of the deer. With the arrival...

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №158313
 07.07.2022
It was three years ago. for an interview.

Show me your portfolio.

Yes of course. I have a website where you can see it.

I say address. Five minutes later, HR thoughtfully said:

Hm... Did you do this website?

Yes to me.

Are content marketers able to create websites?

Modern technology allows anyone to do it.

I doubt it. How do you confirm that this is your website and your portfolio?

Look at the “On Me” and “Contacts” page. This information relates to me.

A minute of reflection:

How can you prove that this is your website? You could easily hack the site and place information about yourself there.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №158312
 07.07.2022
If a woman says she hates you, she loves you, but you are a goat.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №158311
 07.07.2022
A friend's brother in the subway was driving and playing a toy on a smartphone - a tower protection, something. He sits next to him and says:

Do you like the game?

and yes.

I created her. I am a mobile game developer.

by Nothing!

Do you know there is a secret level?

and no.

Give me the phone, I’ll show you.

by Na.

Chat here does not catch the network.

The "developer" got up with his smartphone for 50 tr "catch the network" lost among the passengers and quietly left the car at the stop.



He is 35 years old and believes in stories.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №158310
 07.07.2022
Is it possible to dry clothes that need to be washed at 30 degrees on the balcony where 40?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №158309
 07.07.2022
I go in the tram. I hear, behind me, grandfather loudly, on the whole tram asks the conductor:

Can I go to Red and White?

And so tragically breathing continues: - I have to get there...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №158308
 07.07.2022
Everything in this world depends on God.
- It is from God, and only to decide how to be with us, God will be based on our actions. It already depends on us.

[ + 36 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №158307
 07.07.2022
To a colleague, the daughter gave a dog — a small one, black. A rare species. And here she was in the train with this dog and went out of the bathroom for a moment, literally for a second! The train was half empty and she was driving alone. The door, of course, was closed. Well, where can a small dog go from a closed coupe? She has nowhere to go! When I came back, there were no dogs. She wandered and searched all the stuff – NO! Then I noticed that there was a tiny hole in the wall with the neighboring coupe — and suddenly a dog there?! to
Started to break in the neighboring coupe - no one responds and does not open. She is to the guide: so and so, dog-dog-dogaaaaaaaaaaaa! The conductor – what is she, the beast? He opens the door with his key... And they see a picture with oil: on the table lies a fried chicken, as it should be, next to it is a dog, slightly larger than a fried chicken, which joyfully starves this chicken, and on the contrary - the passenger, the owner of the chicken, in a deep stupor.
Can I take my dog? The lady badly asked.
Here the citizen came out of the stupor, turned, and, looking at the lady with eyes full of horror, asked with a tragic whisper:
What is a dog?! to
Well, it can be understood — just imagine: you sit, drink, snack chicken, and then suddenly out of the wall comes THAT...
The Belgian Griffon is called!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №158306
 07.07.2022
The Titanic radio rumble tells how badly the iceberg suffered.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №158305
 06.07.2022
You have 10 seconds to ruin a date. What will you do?



YYY: I will come to him.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna