My friend on the balcony has a plush Doberman. Today, a neighbor wrote a complaint to the administration that he was aggressive. Seriously

He worked with a representative of a Caucasian nation. I have heard a lot about them before, everyone was advised to be extremely careful.

Well, we work, the customer every day at the facility, controls the process. Everyone is extremely polite. We communicate with the employer on work issues, everything is correct. The client in communication is a nice person.

After a few months, the object is ready. The client starts receiving. No comments on quality. The employer gives me.

Why did you do me so well here? Who will pay for it?

No comment.

A beautiful sunny morning, I am standing at the stop. I am not alone, my grandmother has been sleeping somewhere since Sunday morning. Her phone rings. “Yes. My granddaughter called well. Oh, how is it, and what is it? Sasha, of course I will translate, you know I have a black day. How are you that? Do you mean on the new car that your mother and father gave you on your birthday in May? It is not your fault. Yes, of course, I will do everything, now I will come to the box and send it. Can you tell me how is the man? Did not marry? And Uncle Fedy drinks all and chases Lovka? This is a parasite. Are they calling you? “Call back, call back.” I thought that my grandmother was getting divorced for money. She went, of course, told her about a possible divorce, and that she would call her grandson back first. And she said to me, “Dear, so I have no grandchildren and never had them.”

To maintain the figure, you need to eat more and eat less.

The story of Volodymyr Ulyanov, of course not Lenin:
Tyumen region, village of Borki. On the side there are babies and they sell cakes, with any filling. And, to the cakes hot cooked potatoes, salty cucumbers, low-salted fish, local catch and tea! The most authentic of samurai. The taste is incredible! The smell of this delicious meal can be felt for a mile.
Bab from each other, it is impossible to distinguish dressed all the same: body, rolls and all this is bound with a shell. Siberia, freezing for 30 however. Grandmothers, grandchildren and of course moms. No old man or young man.
I buy a couple of cakes with meat, another couple with cabbage and a cup of real tea, I go to the cabin and start eating.
The door of the car was knocked hard. I opened. There are two peppers, rows to admiration criminal, in all open places, hands of the neck, prison painting.
It begins, I thought, and it begins: "Brother, we will be here in nature, we will be responsible for your safety in nature, and the contribution must be paid for the warmth of the brothers in the blanket in nature!"
What kind of brother am I to you, on the roads and without you it would be safe, I thought, and from what the bath fell, is that a new tax in Russia appeared brothers in the heating zone? I am following the montage...
But here comes the grandmother from whom I bought the cakes!
What begins here: You, the foolish foolish! You are creating! On my land hop-stop arranges I have you dropped the slides I will swing in the point and blink I will force you to have me on a shamel you will ride all your life, I will shower you and I will shower you under my skincare you will be a cock you are overwhelmed. This is only the smallest part that I remembered and understood. Then there was such a selective, colorful and five-storey fancy that I did not understand a hero.
The writers understood everything! And on the words of the grandmother, the shameful rabbits came from here, running away from this place.
My shock was immeasurable.
My grandmother’s name was Aunt Masha. She worked as the head of the guard in one of the areas of the area.

Zakharchenko enters the chamber, and Ulukaev is already sitting there.
by Zakharchenko:
What are you sitting for?
and Ulysses:
for a bribe.
by Zakharchenko:
How much took?
and Ulysses:
of 2 million.
by Zakharchenko:
What is Haishnik?

The 1990s in Russia were so sacred that "Yeltsin" is now not a surname. This is a gross insult.

I recently went to the village where I spent all my holidays as a child.

In conversations with local grandmothers, one man, Valera, was immediately disregarded.

In his side behind the back were often brought insults, one grandmother with me even spit after him. “The merchant, the speculator, the capitalist” are the softest statements I have ever heard about him. You know, more concise and concise expressions were enough. To my question, and why he is so bad, everyone replied, "How, he is selling everything with a twist!!! Buy cheaper and sell more expensive!!!

I, frankly, did not understand the claims of the grandmother, but after talking with Valery and watching his activities, I realized that there was something wrong with the grandmothers.

When the food car stopped coming to the village. The villagers asked Valery, the only person working in the district center, to bring bread and grains. He never refused. I never took money for services.

When he was retired from work, he repaired his old store and started trading. In order for the village to always eat fresh bread, he went three times a week at 5 am to the district center 30 km away to buy freshly baked beetles on the passing bread kit (later they were just decomposed there).

I put the twist, but it was two rubles for each bottle - in my mind exactly enough to cover the gasoline costs. In the store was always available the most necessary, purely, the seller took a pleasant young mother with many children, who became a widow by unfortunate coincidence of circumstances.

Once a week, he gathered the wishes of all the neighbors and went to the pharmacy. I took the medicines exactly as much as they cost. It says, the principle is, does not allow conscience to survive on medicines.

In a repaired shelf he arranged a oil bowl, which made life easier for all the villagers, since before many had to give seeds to the shoppers for free prices.

And most importantly, knowing the pathological situation in the village with alcohol, completely abandoned its sale in the store. By the way, to the joy of many grandmothers who compete with each other in the realization of the youth’s self. For some reason, they do not regard themselves as speculators or dealers. is surprising.

We are waiting for a new screenplay from Disney - "The Snowman and the Seven Gay Men". In the final, the prince kisses Black Snow, she wakes up and sues him for harassment. Happy end!

I buy eggs in the store. As usual, I open the package to check if it’s whole. Next to me, a young man also opens the package, looks inside, then turns to me and questioned:

What are we looking for?

I do not welcome when students leave the classroom during a lecture to talk on a cell phone. This distracts both the lecturer and other students. Except for emergencies, of course. We are all human beings, we all have relatives, many students have children. Such restrictions should therefore be within reasonable limits. Although, again, we are all human beings and sometimes some students begin to “parasite.” And then I tell this story...

This case occurred about 15 years ago (its beginning), when I was still a young teacher and I could still be "divided" by women's tears at the exam.

The lecture began. The issues were dealt with very seriously.

A young (17-18 years old), cute and fun first-time student asked to leave the audience by an urgent phone call. He returned quickly. Half an hour later, she ran back into the corridor. 20 minutes before the end of the pair again raises the hand.

Anonymous, can I go out? I have an urgent phone call.

You have already gone out twice. And all the lecture sitting on the phone... Until the end of a couple of 20 minutes, let you change all questions?

Well please! This is very important to me! A pleasing look of beautiful eyes.

Please do not judge strictly. I am still a man.)

A question of life and death? I still ask.

Even more important!

Can I not let go?

I continue the lecture. A few minutes later, the student returns. This is precisely the case when a person literally shines from happiness and joy.

The question solved? I ask with a smile.

and yes! The girl raises her fist, I’m getting married!

The audience applauds. I am joining.

Continuing the lecture...

Four years later, I met the same group at a lecture. Of course, in a different discipline. These four years have changed the guys very well. In my opinion, this is the most noticeable stage of adulthood, when in something the child’s psychology changes to the adult. And, unfortunately, some students already have some fatigue from life in their eyes at this stage.

Write a lecture.

The same student in the audience. She is still a cute, but no longer such a fun and naive girl. Very grown up.

“AnkonRUS,” she suddenly said, “remember when I went to you from a lecture in the first class to talk on the phone?

Of course I remember! I answer.

The case bright. These are remembered for a lifetime.

Better not to let me go then.

To the marketers who did not live under socialism: the best loyalty program is a deficit.

The Use of Knowledge Again
“Mathematics is the queen of sciences” (my older cousin, telling me the back of the head)

Many remember the old math problem: you have a hundred coins, one of them is fake and weighs slightly less than the others. For how many weights on simple scales, can you find this fake coin?
The algorithm of the solution is simple: on each cup of weights we put 50 coins. This is the first weighting.
The second weighing is the heap that is easier (due to the presence of a lighter counterfeit coin) again divided in half by 25 coins and weighed, comparing and finding the heap with a lighter coin.
The third weighing is 12 coins on each side. If the weight is equal, then the 25th remaining coin is fake.
The fourth is 6 coins.
The fifth is three coins.
The sixth weighing is to find a fake coin.

At the beginning of the 1990s, my friend and I made a large order for us: a survey of five different oncomarker employees of "Gorneftprodukt". This is a few oil bases and pieces of 50 gas stations throughout the area, people 800-900 approximately.
The technology is simple - a test tube with the blood of a particular person is divided into five probes and each drops the corresponding tumor marker-reagent. There is a reaction - the tumor marker worked, dragging this person for an in-depth examination and urgent treatment.
Reactants are expensive, “a single drop in a blood tube” cost, if I remember correctly, several hundred dollars.
The cost is high, the margin is low, take a lot.
We sit, we drop dumb, thousands of analyses still, batteries of probes in stalls, the entire laboratory is stuck... boring...
Someone has remembered this mathematical problem - and how does the desired blood differ from a fake coin?
Nothing is!! to
You take a cane, a drop of 100 people's blood in it, and I drop the reagent. No reaction - in the entire group of 100 people there is no lung oncology, for example. No need to check everyone.
If the marker worked - this group is divided into two, 50 people, and after a maximum of five iterations we find the patient.
In total, instead of 900*5=4500 studies, we fit in somewhere less than a hundred.
It was possible to take a drop of reactant for 900 drops of different people's blood at once, but we needed a guaranteed quality so that we couldn't miss anyone, and with such a different amount of blood we couldn't guarantee any unintelligible reaction.
Moreover, we repeated our scheme “for 100 people at a time” three times, for the same guarantee. And each time they changed the composition of the set of "100 drops of different people's blood".

The economic results:
-Instead of 4,500 studies, we settled with all possible reinsurance in 280 (this is a profitability of 1500% if I'm not mistaken)
The profit was enough to buy the "Soviet gentleman set": by apartment / machine / house.
“Everyone!” – “Operation Y”

The main results are medical:
- Identified 8 ACS operators and two drivers; seven - oncology of the first stage, one - the third, and two more - zero stage, something like "precancer" - the disease is not yet, but the marker is already working.
The third stage was late, and the person died.
“Thanks to our research, treatment started on time and the other nine people survived.

In the doctor’s office:
How old will you be this year?
and 27.
How many pregnancies?
and zero.
He surprisingly raises his eyes:
Do you live a sexual life?
You are very curious about the dentist.

How to explain pregnancy to a child of the 21st century, when bees, flowers, seeds, barley went out of fashion?

The explanation is modern...

The son asks his father:

Dad, how am I born?

“Well, my son, we once knew we were going to talk about it, so I’ll explain what you need to know:

One day, Mom and Dad connected to Facebook and became friends. Dad sent a tweet inviting Mom to go to a cybercafé. We found that we had a lot of common links and likes, and we understood each other very well.

When we weren’t on the laptop, we talked about the Whats App and Skype.

And we gave more likes until one day we decided to share our files.

Dad inserted his flash drive into his mom’s USB port. When the files were uploaded, we realized we had forgotten the security software and we didn’t have a firewall or image filter.

It was too late to cancel the download, and it was impossible to delete the files by generating the message “INSTALLATION SUCCESSED.”

At the same time, your mother’s monthly notifications stopped coming, and nine months later you appeared as a new user contact, asking for a login and password. Everything is short and clear.

Why my body tells me every month that I’m not pregnant. How can I disable these notifications?

YYY: I will disable notifications. Guarantee - 9 months

I live in Germany, I have a colleague Boris, a healthy man. An excellent professional, a cyclist from God, can travel 100-150 km in a day. He has one but. There are statuses like “I’m in Paris”, “I’m in Stockholm”, “I’m driving my new Mercedes”. In fact, the status of a girl of twenty years, not a normal man, approaching forty years already. Once we talked on a patch after many drunk beer bottles and he explained.



He was married to one lady who, after five years of marriage, abandoned him, preferring him to a young major, blaming him for saying he is a foolish, lazy and has no future.



Boru was hit by this, he almost stopped drinking beer per liter, started working in the gym, rotating pedals, dropped 30 pounds, learned English and German, found a good job and went to work in Germany. And now he posts new statuses and enjoys watching these statuses constantly watched by his ex and several of her girlfriends.



“It’s all for you, dear.”

Once a friend, who at the time was already 26, called in panic - the husband came from the walk in the dumbel drunk, and he has a meeting in the morning, and what to do?

I say - well, lead to a white friend, drink a weak solution of manganese and suck two fingers, you need to clean up, what I will say, ugly, but you need, if you do not, you need to stimulate it to come out.

She then calls back, cries, says, I can't, it's so terrible, so unnatural, I drank him with a solution, but I can't squeeze two fingers.

I am terrible, what did you want?

She - but I still have long nails, suddenly I will hurt him.

The Departure.

Then he calls again. Cries are strengthened.

Hysterically, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

I’m already psychotic and crazy—what am I? Should you come and put your fingers in your mouth?

She is silent. And then complaining so asks – in... mouth? ! to

I am a bad friend, terrible. The hysteria happened to me.

Cigarettes are very expensive in Australia. A pack of 30 cigarettes costs from $34 and above. Smokers are outraged, but the government has said: Go on, people are ugly, smokers are shameless. They smoke, and then run to doctors with their syphilis and emphysema, treat them at the expense of the state. So take care of your tobacco pain in advance. And we’re going to raise, don’t even doubt. And the tobacco magnates pretend they are not at all.



For understanding: for $ 34 you can buy foods of all tastes, meat, butter, cheese, milk, vegetables-fruit, yogurt-kefir and more on the cake money will remain. Buying another pack of cigarettes and remembering Zoy, I feel like a family budget destroyer and a universal evil. But I smoke.



Smoking cigarettes is not acceptable, but of course it happens. A man approaches you, first stretches a dollar and asks you to sell a cigarette. Sometimes, a person approaches and polently asks, but without a dollar. I have no principle of never giving a cigarette or giving only for money: I act according to the mood. Most often the mood is not to give: I smoke less to save and smoke less. To refuse to give-sell a cigarette, the reaction is always calm: no, no. But once I had a completely different story.



I go and smoke. I will meet two gentlemen, a Negroid race. I ask for a cigarette, or two. They seem very young, and I thought they were minors. Of course, I refuse and go on. I scream in the street, I hear the scream, I know what they call me. I turned around and one of the above-mentioned gentlemen ran to me.



Sorry if I scared you, but please give me a cigarette. The gentleman says.

No sir, I will not. I think you are a minor! I answer him.

No, I am an adult! I am a student from the USA. I can show you my identity card.

Are you adult? Then find a job and make money on cigarettes, sir! I say, I turn and leave.

And then I hear a naturally hysterical scream: “You’re racist, mom! It is racist! It is racist!”



I wanted to go back and give him a cigarette. Such a widespread racist gesture: let smoke, and more. But greed defeated racism and I didn’t smoke. Probably I am a racist. Those are things.

Yes, life is a game, but the account is already wasted!