A friend told the story of the funeral of the pet.

Finally, my hamster has arrived. For the last month, as an abolitionist, I wore him in these clinics, if it were not a girl, I would immediately release him, although I would enjoy freedom before death. So he ended up at the veterinarian. In short... I stand in the forest strip, I knit (nothing else was found) the grave of a hamster roy. And the forging machine does not do it quickly... The duster flies and the three break to me... I guessed what would be next but I was so puzzled, I was angry with this dead hamster was more than menta feared. Suitable one, two on the sides: throw a knife, present documents. But quite quietly, did not beat the mouth, did not get into the ground. As a result, the funeral of the hamster was attended by: me, a girl and three mints. It was probably the most elegant funeral for a hamster... there was only a small flag on the box and shots in the sky.

I’m only waiting for the utygi to recognize the cause of global warming and it will be possible to go to work in mint clothes?

We had not been on the steam boat yet, and there was panic.
How is it on the shore? Are there still healthy people and when they will begin to turn into vampires and zombies?" - these questions increasingly worried the team after watching the next issue of the news.
There was also a “feast on our street”: an unplanned visit to North America. In the port of the same city, where a bright outbreak of the world pandemic and other delights of the high year. The crew, listening to the media about the means of individual protection and social distance, decided to prepare.

Imagine a situation: a black immigration officer is guarding a passport check in the port. Suddenly, a crowd of pale-faced healthy men in masks and in the hands of everyone... a spat. One of them immediately begins to tick the African-American in the face with this spade, and the others friendly take their chance instrument to prevail. What is the officer’s mind? It’s right: the Ku Klux Clan, in revenge for the BLM movement, wants to kill and bury a poor Negro right here, on the spot. It doesn’t matter if the floor is concrete.
Probably, this was what the immigration control officer thought when, while keeping social distance, the Botsman tried to hand over his passport on the blade.

of Belarus. Here began the presidential meetings of the police with the presidential candidates.

My wife and the younger went to my mother for the weekend. I am home with the elderly. He plays with friends on the street, right under our windows, then they run in the crowd, then for toys, then to drink, then to change clothes. I am busy at this time - I prepare lunch, parallel my floors and clean up. A boy from their company watching this picture says to me

- But my dad said that a man should come to the kitchen only to eat, and the cloth can not even touch.

While I was thinking how gently to explain that his dad was not quite right, one girl was quick:

- Oh, everyone knows that your dad has something strange... And with noise and laughter the children ran out to the street, and the boy came out thoughtful.

Thanks to you, good girl.

I got a review of Harry Harrison’s books on the Internet today and it’s...

Ever since I was a child, I had a dream of having a lot of books, especially fiction. And here the restructuring, there were books, but they were not in the pocket at the time. At the Kursk station I rented (yes, there was such a service, you guarantee the cost of the book 10 rubles and read) the book "Horse Barbarians" Harrison from the cycle "The World of Death". I sat on the ring trolleybus and read it in two rounds.

Fuck, how offensive it was. Such impressions from books will probably never be again.

In the hope that it would make someone's life easier, Katay was always presented in Vietnam, but the locals, anyway, the pronunciation was difficult. In the middle of the season we were given a beige. I go into the hotel, the girls from the reception saw the beige, call me to get closer and these are:

Finally, we’ll see how your name is written and we’ll call you right!

Long look at the inscription "Ekaterina", consult with each other and issue:

You live in our country, we will give you a beautiful Vietnamese name! We’ll call you Hua!

And here I sit with the tourists at the reception, and somewhere in the background: "Hua! “Hua!” A tourist asks me:

Are they screaming HUA?

It was somewhat inconvenient to say that Hua was me!

The historian is a curved mirror between society and the archive.

And they could!

I work in production. The headquarters set the task of preparing 2 workers to work on machines that produce products. Nothing complicated as it seemed.

On one side, a mixture of 3 ingredients is mixed. On the other hand, you take the finished product. The formula of the "hell" mixture to the funny is simple: 24/6/300. It is a complete mixture. And the first 2 numbers are the number of waters, and 300 - grams of the dye.

There is a nuance. When producing a certain amount of raw materials, it is necessary to add 1/2, 1/3 or 1/4 of raw materials from the complete mixture.

So, ladies and gentlemen, the show, bleat, is beginning!

We write on a piece of paper and ask the yuan padawans what is there. The answer was correct.

And now we make 1/2 mixture...It’s all. by Alyssa Alyssa. I hear the whistling of the six in my head, and the result is 0. How much is 24:2?
There is no answer. How many are 300: 2? The answer is 200!

Bingo is Blowing! I have fireworks, three. and share. But it is not possible! I broke the lighthouse in half. My eyes were like God!

And now we try the same, only on the example of raw materials and paint. The motors in the brains fell in both. We never reached 1/3 and 1/4 of it. One is 24 and the other is 26.

The commander cried and cried with patztal and fired them both.

In my 20 years in the army, I have seen a lot. I earned alcoholism and other injuries, but I did not think I could be surprised by anything.

These were able.

Patriarch Kirill called on the hegemony of Theophania to sell Mercedes.
Theumenia called on Patriarch Kirill to sell the yacht.

It was 10 years ago: returned from the army, set up a small outsourcing office with a sysadmin - 5 firms were given a piece to accompany (come, asked what to repair, wiped out the server with a cloth, until tomorrow!) Often the one-time customers were thrown: either to set up something new, or to repair the unworking. Application for treatment of the virus. Usually you come to the challenge and the person who challenged you introduces you to colleagues: a programmer/sysadmin/computer/engineer/sucher... but not this time. I walk quietly into a small office, I approach a random girl, I guess, so and so - the virus came to treat, where, to whom to go? The girl turns toward the door and loudly, so that they can hear: "Peter Sergeiich! o_O is a miserable resemblance of what was written on my face. It turned out that on a super-popper important compete caught a blocker, which showed someone's hot biscuits, promising to melt the story of walking on the porn sites of your mom. The banner is removed, the computer is treated, money and psychological trauma are received, because nobody has called me so yet!

I give advice, which helped me in 2005 to get a salary not issued for more than 2 months, for one day (day of dismissal). Be persistent when you go to any office: OK, Accounting, Director... anyone! You will not leave him in any case. Until the actual settlement of your issue! No promises, there will be lots of them. Up to real action! My former bosses lasted for two or five hours, I sat with them, in their office, then there were no mobile phones (like the modern ones), so I looked stupidly into their shameless eyes... two or five hours... money I got it all and immediately! The remaining employees, with their words, money was not given for a couple of months... They tried to call me, they talked about my ignorance and disrespect for the elderly (I was 20 years old), threatened with security... But the result was worth it... *I advise not to stick in the mobile phone, but look in the eyes, it’s everyone likes (no! It irritates everyone. I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t scream, I didn’t camel, I just explained that I would sit next to him until I got my money in full... I wasn’t believed at first, but in vain...

My father and mother sold an old apartment and bought a new one. Dad calls and asks to help move things. I was busy after two daily shifts in a row, I answer-Dad, I will now drop you to the card 3000, order loads, I want to sleep, two shifts worked out. I translated, and I slept.

And after some time I learned from common acquaintances that the mother-in-law tells everyone that this is what kind of son, he did not come, bought, this is what relationship to the father.

Bathe called, he rotted, don't bite, she says, all the norms, her children helped to drag, shrink, sweat, and you sent three loaders instead, and she was offended.

I have a friend, Pasha. Such a special companion. A few years ago, he told me how his parents chose his name. We bought a list of names and decided that the list will be read, and what name the child will react to - so they will call it. The baby cried by the name of Pavsekakiy. The parents scratched the tail and decided to call the nearest more decent. He became Paul.

After this story, many things have come to their place. Because he is friendly, although he is recorded by Paul, but he is indeed a Pavseseki. This name is fairly suitable for him.

A long time ago, when Pu was not yet down, but was just beginning his way to fame, I had a relationship with one girl (Masha).

I still rented the apartment then, and the girl already had her own. Purchased by parents. But the girl herself did not sit with her parents on the neck, had a very prestigious job and a good salary at the time.

My job was simpler, but the salary is quite comparable, even a little more. Part of it went to pay the rent. And, in addition, my mother was still alive at the time, but she was already bad and I paid for medicines and a nurse.  However, for life and moderate entertainment was enough.

Masha offered to move to her, her apartment compared to my, rented, was, of course, cooler. I did not move, but I moved a small portion of my stuff.

We lived a few months, had time to come to Peter, Yaroslavl. And I paid for these trips entirely myself, and I also paid for restaurants, movies, excursions and other entertainment. Plus the gifts. I have not been given anything in all this time.)

Masha introduced me to her parents, the impression they made was double: on the one hand - people are very interesting, intelligent, on the other - too pathetic and flattered.

But my negative I left with me and hoped that the impression left no bad. As it turned out, in vain.

I was then the manager of the project, and one day for the project, the client asked us money (we paid a small fix and interest on the project). However, the management swore (and kept the promise) to repay the debt within a maximum of 2 weeks. But at that moment I had, taking into account all my expenses, a small cash gap.

Okay, I think I’ll borrow from Masha, 5 thousand. I have enough for a couple of weeks. The amount at the time was quite solid, but not fatal, the girl's wage was 5 times higher. I sent her a SMS with a request. In a few minutes she called back. I learned a lot of new things about myself.

She was waiting for me to show myself. And I waited. That I flattered a few months, and now I will start to pull money out of it. As for alphons like me, she was warned by her mom and dad. My friends warned. And that fucking me, not her apartment. In general, I would need to gather clothes and drop them at sunset. 

My attempts to explain were ignored. Ok to Ok. I asked early from work, came, I had the keys, quickly picked up everything, left the keys to the neighbors and dropped it as required. The state of affairs was the worst. And in the evening also the SMS from her came: dropped and well, a cowardly bastard, do not want to see, do not hear, arrivederchi.

Less than that, from a few of my friends-friends went calls - what, say, you shocked? It turns out, Masha, by known to her contacts, dissipated her suspicions. True, people who knew me didn’t believe in my career as a beginner Alfonso. But it must have remained (as with the leaves).

I did not take any response - problems were enough: work, mother, etc. About Masha tried to forget, it was bad, the resentment did not want to go anywhere.

It’s been about two months, and suddenly a call from her: We need to meet. I replied that you need it, and I didn’t, I don’t need a new portion of shit. He pushed back and did not answer other calls.  In the evening I come to my rental apartment, sitting on the bench at the entrance. I think I’ll be accused of something else now.

Anne is not. It turns out that it is all the fault of Dad and Mom. For a few months they poured her on the ears, that once I pay for everything, it is extremely suspicious, soon it will end and I will start kneeling the money. Then I ask you to write in the apartment. Later, I will try to remove it. And in general, I showed little admiration and respect for Dad and Mom and their achievements. I don’t like opera and ballet. I have a bad taste, because every cultural person should love them. Moreover, I do not like symphonic music. and etc. and etc.

But now she understood that,, I was not going to either take out the apartment or spit out the money (“maybe” – I was very “enjoyed”). And she brought me 10 thousand, here, take it, if necessary, and let’s try to start again.

I refused to start, advised to listen less to parents and trust myself more. Next time with another friend. In response, Masha stated that in her feelings, I am Alphonse. possibly. In fact, it was Alphonse. After that, it only remained to go to myself, ignoring attempts to enter after me into the apartment. Standing in front of the door for 30 minutes, Masha eventually fell down. Two hours later, the SMS came: You are still Alphonse. Without the “possible”

This is how my Alphonse career began and ended. I spent my money, I didn’t have time to spell out anything, and I didn’t even pull out the apartment. I am a bad careerist.

Shoes are considered Italian only if they are wrapped in your presence by an Italian.

The Curiousness of the Circles of Destiny (almost by Pasternak)

Five years ago I had to fly to Sochi for half a day for a symposium, a lecture to read. While flying, it turned out that there was another event with my performance the next day.
There was laziness to fly here and there, I stayed there and had a free day in Sochi.
Reflecting on the fairy plans of free killing of free time, I remembered that there is a girl living in Sochi from our still student Uffim campaign of the 80s - Angela M-Yang, the real name, the Hussars - to be silent!!A thin low black Armenian, with a slight eastern smoothness of movements and a proud almost nobility profile with a compulsory light nose.
Thirty years without seeing each other.
Two or three phone calls – and here’s her number I have: “Angelina, hello!” – “Aaaaaaaaa!” You are where?? »

I stand in the agreed place, I look around, I wait.
Outside the corner is something black, full, curly!At the same time shouting “Hello! The same one! Where are the cousins? Shake is waiting! Go to us! Where are things? Time to eat! Why one?“!”

She finally allowed her husband to “no feed me for at least half an hour.”

“After the institute, I was assigned to Nagorno-Karabakh, a children’s hospital. Married, husband - a small chief in the council of trade unions of the Republic.
The first child was born, then the second. The house was built, furniture, crystal, carpets.
The war began. We thought we would wait for it to calm down soon, but when at night the turn came through the first floor window and scattered the vases in the servant, we left the beautiful house with all the things and ran with one suitcase to my hometown, near Sukhumi.

My husband went to work, I am again a pediatrician in the clinic. Slowly mastered, the father shared a small piece of land. They built houses, furniture and dishes.

When the first bullet broke the window of the first floor again, I was not even surprised, as if I was expecting something like this.

As a doctor, I could be taken at any time, even from home, even from work and taken to the front. No one even asked me, the pediatrician, if I could do anything. I swapped, changed the clothes. Small wounds under local anesthesia. The fractures broke. Contuitions and diarrhea treated.
Leaving and leaving work were prohibited, strictly monitored, constant control.
We were allowed to carry seriously wounded or sick people to Sochi, accompanied by military patrol.

I found acquaintances there and, hiding under the seat, took out the children one by one, left them there, gave money, as much as it was.
On the next Thursday, she asked the chief doctor to leave for Friday, saying that the strawberries should be cooked for the winter. I left in the office a coat, a replacement shoe, a spare dress, a bag, absolutely all things - on Monday, after all, back to work.
Her husband blinked almost like a mummy, cut off her finger and spotted the spots. I called an ambulance and went to Sochi. We arrived at the hospital, I drove the cockpit with the driver to the reception room, the driver went back to the car, and my husband and I went out through another move and went to the children faster.
Under Sukhumi there was a new house with furniture, all things, even bags could not be taken with you.

I sat in the shadowy courtyard of a modest two-story house in the suburb of Sochi, silently drank the chacha under her cheering about the queues to her in the clinic, about her son and daughter, who have already graduated from institutions and live and work in Moscow, about grandchildren, about common institutional friends - who where and who...

No need of war.

Governors are scared: you stop stealing, they think you’re a murderer.

I walk around the house with my three-year-old grandson from room to room through a double door. Usually one door is open and the other is closed. My grandson overtakes me and opens the second bowl. I ask, “Why did you open it? “” He said, “That you go through. You are so fat.”

Like with love and care...Oh, it’s time to lose weight.

XXX: We had the same case in the gun store. The man took a knife to look at and placed it right in his foot.

And also buyers cut off often while choosing. And they bought a knife with the words: “Bite! I have to take.)



YYYY :

Can you help me pick a knife?

The knife will choose you.

How do I know that the knife chose me?

He will try to kill you.



Zzzz: I bought a gun.



Sex shop is better not to go.