Status in ICQ:

Delay to work - 500 rubles on the master card.
Sleeping is invaluable.

Note from Mom:
"The cat remained in the dacha. His bones in the lower freezer"
I don’t know what to think...

In our city (deep) began to spread stickers on the car, where the car is depicted on the wrist and the signature of "What the Mayor of such roads". A huge respect for all drivers with this sticker, and especially the author of the idea))

I don’t even know..................................................................
Roxana: Oh God, and where is Pacman when we need him so much!

The sister burned - got a passport and went to the village :)

The future does not exist, the past does not exist, and the present, as long as we realize it, becomes the past.

WOWU
Why did you feel bad?
HHH
The vodka
WOWU
Have you drunk?! to
HHH
No shit, it was shaken.

I respect the men!! They make life more interesting, they give a hand,
They can get the book from the top shelf, they can take our bags... They look if you say, “Look!"... When the wind blows, their tears flow from their eyes, their compact discs always match the boxes... They are brave... I respect men!!!! They say, “No problem, no problem, no problem, no... They come for us to the institute, they take us away from the guests, they bring us home and cover them with a blanket, they don’t notice the spoiled makeup... I respect men!!!! They know us better: someday, in a hundred years, they will call... They are always interested in where we are. They tolerate our caprices and say to friends: “She has a bad character, but she’s so beautiful!... They forgive us everything, although we don’t forgive them at all... They’re strong...))))

I went to the cinema for Harry Potter.
There was no word out of the room.
He went in vain

Mercedes bought the car factory.
Restarted production, launched the conveyor.
The Bats! At the exit of Gigi!

They dismantle equipment, drive new from Germany, install, adjust, launch.
and!! Jigsaw again!

They dismiss the entire plant staff, bring workers from Germany, set up, check, launch.
by Scuco! At the exit again – Gigi!

Near the factory is a hill, resting on it. engineer and factory director (both with an EX terminal). They look at all this.
Engineer to Director:
I told you the place was damned!! “Hands out of the ass, hands out of the ass.”

A large audience, the lecturer very seriously tells something about scientific methods and begins to give an example:
The girl has found a boyfriend. He thinks that a good husband will be from him, brings him to the kitchen, and he can’t do anything...
One of the students:
He should have been in his bedroom.

XXX Where are you?
YYY: I will come, I will let my brother out of the balcony.

<sunset> Anastasia Miroslavovna!
Sunny> what is the name of the man who sleeps with men?
< cat> em...
< cat> a girl?
<Sunshine> pls =)
<Sunny> you are predictable
<sunset> and from the men all like one said "Pidor"

Lena> I’m going to buy hoodies))
::sm522::> bought mom lene...new gloves....white shiny just like real.....
::sm522::> 90 pounds
::sm522::> fuck off the floor

I explained to the girl, why the cracked software works no worse than the licensed software.

wordcore: In general, in some car sales, you can first drive the car, and then pay for it and take it forever. And the joke is that when you go for a ride you only have 10 minutes, after which it will stifle and no longer start. To do this, under the hood there is a piece with a clock, which in 10 minutes simply disconnects the hose from gasoline, it is twisted by a huge lock.
And when you buy a car, you get the key to that lock, you take that shit off and drive as much as you want.
wordcore: A pirate copy is when you come to a slurry brigade and you are sprinkled with a Bulgarian.
wordcore: And that doesn’t mean that this car will drive slower than the one with which this fucking key was removed
Hard, cruel, but the result is the same.

My friend recently gave me an EGE in literature. We had a dialogue with him on Skype after the exam.
Friend: Listen, but how do you understand the size of the poem?
I: Well, there’s a jamb, a chorus, a dactyl, an amphibrachium... and you didn’t know?
My friend – Nea. I wrote: "Speech Size - 12 Arial"

No one’s home. I invited the girl. Before she arrives, I call my mother:

Are you standing or sitting?
M: I stand...
I : sit down.
M: What has happened?! to
I: Are you sitting?
M is yes.
I: Where to wipe the dust?

Do not blaspheme an animal because it has reminded you of the floor, for we do the same with nature!

This grey creature I saw at the entrance of the house where I previously lived, visiting a friend. The question is “who’s the cat?” A friend shrugged his shoulders and said that it was probably a deception, then it appeared here, then it disappeared for a few days. I liked the cat very much and decided to take her home, despite possible objections from my parents. But, no, concerns about the emergence of the conflict did not be justified, the coffin eventually became a popular favorite, acquiring the legitimate status of a family member and the name - the nickname of Marysia.
I must say that the love was mutual – Mariya also loved us. In other words, she survived completely.
Cats have one feature that significantly differentiates them from cats – they get pregnant. This is the first time my mother swallowed her stomach. During this time, Marysie’s appetite for food increased and she stepped the path from the cups to the refrigerator, near which she wore until the food from it moved into her cups. She ate the same thing as us, but much more often than us, plus all the fish I caught, in the late stages of pregnancy, while walking, Mariskino Puziko was already scratching on the floor.
It was Saturday night. My parents were in guests, and I was about to leave when Marisa was tired of giving birth. She ran after me.
“The tail,” she waved and led to the box that we placed for her for birth. In it she was sitting while I was talking to her, I had to try to get away as she jumped out and, mocking, ran after me - Marysia obviously didn't want to stay alone in this significant moment of firstborn.
H-yes, and I had to go, and I couldn’t care about the feelings of the favorite either. The exit was found. I spoke with her for half an hour, recording my speech on a magnetophone, and then turned on the recording of this monologue, putting the magnetophone in front of the box on a chair. I went out of the room - he sat, approached the door of the apartment - did not run, and I quietly left.
Returning home in the morning, Marysey was met, whispering with the "Motorchik from the tractor Belarus" in all power. Not in a hurry, she took me to the box.
To jump into her didn’t start, looking at her, then at me, as if asking, “How did I get it?” It turned out to be wonderful - in the box, there were five small marysets whispering and whispering!
P.S. Subsequently, I recorded the clock tape of my monologue, because in subsequent births Marysia did not want to give birth alone. Only when listening to this recording she calmed down, sat in the box, did not run after us around the apartment, risking to give birth wherever it would be necessary.

The President promised that soon the roads in Russia will be the same as in Germany. The first 200 bulldozers have already been sent to Germany.