I have a guy with unbeatable optimism.

Whatever in his life has never happened to him, he is always a humorist and a joke.

He is not an overwhelmed optimist.

Just a sense of humor that does not allow when the surroundings are minor.

In general, he was in an accident. Seriously so.

While he was cut out and the resuscitationists in a crumbling state tried not to lose him, his wife and a bunch of friends arrived.

They cut. I saw the fractures. You can catch. They laid the breathless body, scrolled into the ambulance room, enabled a luster.

Around friends and colleagues run, promising money to rescue.

Here the man comes to himself. Thanks to the resuscitation specialists.

A loving wife holds him by the hand on the threshold of the medical car.

He looks for a second, understands the situation, focuses his eyes on it and gives:

Do you remember I promised you to drive around the city?

She smashes soaps, saliva and cosmetics

I remember...

He is:

So what are you waiting for? Go down!

He fell out and became the star of the hospital.

He who lies hard, is beaten without anger.

One hand and one heart. Sorry for the length, I cut as much as I could. A warning to my friends. If you suddenly find out here your features or fragments of your biography – don’t be afraid, it’s not about you. I deliberately mixed everything in order to hide the real participants.

*** by

My classmate Vanya Pinyagin was in love with the beautiful Adochka Isman. There were 30 percent of Jews in the university, why – discuss with someone else, I was tired, but in our close company Ivan, the son of a rural priest, was almost the only Russian. He told me:
– Daddy asks, “Your Jews don’t at least eat the mate?” and what do I say? They eat and crack behind their ears. And I with them.
We answered lightly that our Maca was dietary, without the impurities of Christian blood.

Youth and freshness make almost any girl attractive, but Adochka was really a miracle as good. A photo from her eighteen years - one-on-one poster to the series "The Queen's Walk", only on the table instead of chess diverse glasses and bands. The card is black and white, but the color would only enhance the resemblance to the actress, highlighting red curls and huge green eyes.

By the village straight and naive Vanya made her an offer for the third month of study. In all form, with witnesses, with a ring and kneeling. Hell turned red to the roots of her red hair and laughed:
Winnie, where are you in a hurry? You’re nice, but we barely know each other, and we’re not even eighteen. I promised my parents that I would study, not fall in love. Wait a few years at least.

Two years Vanya did not wait, by the summer they became a couple, as much as possible in the conditions of the Soviet dormitory. Then somehow they fled. Immediately after the defense, Ada married docent Murvis from the Department of Mathematics.

*** by

In the restructuring, a good third of our course was abroad. I was very delayed and, twenty years after the release, I only printed out that barrel of shit that every emigrant must consume before he reaches the point. He lived alone (the wife left, the daughters grew up), filmed a cone in Brooklyn, the only merit of which was an unlikely low price: a homeowner, a ninety-year-old Romanian Jew, long survived from madness and forgot to raise the quarter fee.

There I was visited by Ivan, who came to New York as a tourist. He was very old, from the thick once hair left a hairstyle of the "internal loan" - a long thread across the baldness. He successfully fit into the new times, started business in the province, built something, carried something. But the family was not lucky: one day, not in time, he returned home and found his wife with the findirector, in combination with his best friend. He did not have any longer relationships, but went with girls for one night. Her daughter has her own life, she only needs money from her father.

I talked about the fate of our guys who left for the United States earlier. There are half a dozen of them in different cities, all successful Aitishniks.
And she? I asked Vanessa. I did not immediately understand who he meant.
In to Chicago. Mervis with his analysis works in an insurance company, considers the risks. She is the manager in IT. sons at the university. A large house in the suburb. The American Dream is growing. I also have photos.

Vanya looked at the photo for a long time, then breathed:
The beautiful...
These cards are small, wrinkles are not visible. She is as old as us.
What is the difference? Do you have that picture from the age of 18? Here is comparison. Is it she? She is. I look at this, and I see that. I will always see. I asked her again at the fifth grade. He said he was late. That loves me, but she already has everything on the mast with Mervis. Not because of the Moscow license or something else, but because he is a Jew. I say, no question, chick-chick and ready. It will remain until the damn. I laughed.
It was as if you weren’t in the bathroom with us. Half of us are not circumcised. Jews in the head, not in the head. He went to America, and you?
I would go. Even to Israel, even to Africa, even to Mars, if only with her.
You are idealizing women. My wife, what is yours. Hell did not do you well.
That’s the grandmother, or she. Do not confuse. Okay, that is now. Don’t wait for Murphy to die.
I have to wait a long time. This is America, they have lived here for a long time. Eighty is nothing to do. Even up to ninety.

*** by

In the subsequent years, my emigrant shit began to fall into a straw, strangely not without the involvement of Hell. From her application, I found a job in Chicago, and after moving, I had a romance with her girlfriend. We were not married, but lived happily together for a few years. We were close friends with Mervis: we visited each other in guests, went to performances, exhibitions, concerts of travelling bars (this is the last of three, Hell could not tolerate self-activity), a couple of times even went four to rest.

One day I came home and found us crying in hell. My friend tried to comfort her, but, judging by the almost empty bottle of liquor, the sorrow was too great. Hell turned to me:
Tell me, am I old?

I looked at her carefully, although the answer did not require consideration. Yes, painted grey, stretches, botox-shmotox, wrinkles on the neck still do not hide. But if you ask yourself Vanin's question: do I see a young Adochka in front of me in that photo? Without the slightest effort.
“No, of course,” I replied. And what happened?
Mervis, the goat, wants to divorce. He said I didn’t excite him anymore. Yes, I’m fifty, but he’s almost seventy! He has not stood up for ten years without a hood. Here, I found a forty-year-old hoodie with the third size. Illegal in the United States for a year without a week. When we have time, we are together all the time.

*** by

In the very north of the United States, at the junction of the lakes Guron and Michigan is the island of Makino. Pure tourist place: nature, hotels and restaurants. All motor transportation is prohibited, only bicycles and horses are used. That’s where my friend and I went on a long weekend and persuaded Hell to go with us to break up after the divorce.

On the first evening of this trip we sat at the table of a street café, among the well-dressed tourists. The sunset was burning, the cycades were ringing. At the end of the street appeared a flower-decorated double-seat lantern - the local Grand-hotel rents it to newlyweds, weddings on the island take place regularly. Ada developed her favorite theme, about the Mervis goats and the male goats in general.
“Look at the beauty around me,” she turned to me. Why don’t you marry a girl? Time and place.
I called ten times. She does not want.
and right. Why marry at my age? The kids have grown up, the house is there, the money is enough. And you need to fuck up - we gathered and split up, and all things.
And the love? My friend asked.
Love was twenty years old. is finished. I was a wise girl at the time, choosing the mind, not the heart. And now, you won’t get back time.
Look around, I stopped.

Spring has come close to us. From it came a tall, thick-headed gentleman and fell on his knees before Hell. The tourists at the neighboring tables were applauded.

It was very interesting to observe the face of Adam at that moment. First she was confused. Then I recognized him, and I saw thirty years fly away from her in an instant. In fact, the face, of course, did not change, only the eyes illuminated him from the inside with green light.
“Vaneta,” she whispered, “where did you come from?
“From there,” Ivan moved his hand uncertainly to the east. Am I finally on time?

Without waiting for a response, he took Hell on his arms, put it in the spring, and the crew rolled up the street, in the direction of the Grand Hotel. There, Ivan had a number for the newlyweds. I know it for sure because the whole show was prepared with my active participation. For several years I corresponded with Vania, keeping him informed of all the peripets of Ada's life, and at the final stage my friend joined. It was she who invented the island, the spring and even worked on Vanin's appearance, forcing him to shave off his "internal loan."

It has been eight years. Vanya has not abandoned his business, lives in two countries, although lately it has become difficult. Judging by the photos regularly appearing in social networks from different exotic places, they don’t waste time, even during the lockdown, tricked somewhere to drive. The golden wedding is unlikely to be celebrated, but the silver wedding is enough. This is America, they live here for a long time.

*** by

In fact, the "Domokrat" Mervis suited me too.When I found out that a casual acquaintance was looking for an old woman with money and citizenship, I advised her to go to the barov concert and showed who to pay attention to. Here he was the victim in this story, lost in old age and an old wife, and a new, and peace, and a considerable amount of money. I do not feel guilty before him. In the end, he could even refuse.

Yesterday, the richest man in the world went into space.
Why did the head of the Stavropol GIBDD fly into space? I was angry with fat.

XX: My parents first forced me to eat and then beat me because I was fat.



Yyyy: I tried to rub you food.

Xxx: I went to the river with my family, I took a swimsuit, and my older sister didn’t. Grandma decided that since I don’t have a nipple, I don’t need a swimsuit as much as my nipple sister. My grandmother gave me her giant swimsuits with their sticks.

I swam along the river nameless, to get caught up in the wreck that was torching off the shore by these most cowards deadly. It hit me to the cork with my stomach, and because of the strong current, it pulls me under it. Water runs through the head. It hurts and nothing to breathe. Oh, help me, the cowards are stuck, Tony! Those bastards are standing.  At the moment when the forces almost left me, and the coward almost became the cause of my death, my older brother came to help me. In the end, he and I both clapped as they freed me from the cowards, they could not be separated. Babylonian pants remained there on the branch to hang. I don’t like cowards and prefer not to wear them.

Xxx: School in the 3rd class. I am sitting in class, I know the pen is missing. I looked through everything, went through everything, couldn’t find it. I asked for a spare.

What was my surprise when the next day, I saw a girl sitting in front of me writing with my pencil. I started pushing her in the back, give her a pen. She said it was her pen. The teacher was interested in what was there and became our judge.

The girl first came and said it was her pen. Then I stood up and said that this was my pen, and it was easy to check, because my name was scratched on it (my grandmother just advised me to write your name on all your things).

The teacher took this pen for the general overview of the class and, indeed, saw my name scratched there.

The whole class looked at the girl, and she said without blinking her eyes that it was she herself that scratched my name, asked why, because I love him.

Xxx: I work as a rescue worker (not an Emergency Service). In the winter I go to the ski resort.

Once I got in the cabin of the gondola lift company of Moscow. I saw a red shape with white crosses. They started asking stupid questions.

What to do if the elevator stops?

Wait for them to launch.

Not launching for a long time.

Call the rescuers to find out the situation. There is a phone number on the Skype card.

What if we wait long and cold?

Sit down, and alternately strain and relax the muscles of the anus. It will warm up and there will be no hemorrhoids.

(This is a real exercise from hypothermia)



I should have seen their eyes. I wonder, what did they want to hear?



Yyy: Their eyes became such because the anus was strained.

If in a state the legislation works on the principle of "because let's", then citizens live on the principle of "and let's do it to us".

As a child, Oleg Tabakov lived with his grandmother on the outskirts of Saratov. There was a German prison camp. In 1944, German prisoners of war were persecuted in several cities. There was a rehearsal of this sort in Saratov. The Germans were built and driven to the frozen Volga. There they moved from the clock, and then they were driven back to the barracks. "And my grandmother," says Tabakov, "for some reason had pity on them. This is strange, because at this time one of her sons was missing in the war with the Germans, and the other son returned from her with a cradle. And she, when she saw them frozen, cut them off half of her packet-card bread and said, "Oležek, take away!"
I was so afraid – I was afraid of our convoys, I was afraid of the shepherds, I was afraid of the Germans... But I went and took that bread from them and ran back. And I am convinced that the Lord thanked me for this bread: in 1992, when Gaidar's reforms led to famine, it was time to close the theater. And suddenly, in the most difficult moment, a call from the Leningrad sea port: "You have come a container with humanitarian aid from Germany." It turns out that some theaters in Germany decided to collect aid to the theatre of Oleg Tabakov. Several times a year they sent these containers, and it helped the artists to survive, not to close the theater... I am convinced that this is how the bump came back to me from God..."
Memories of Innocent Smokutnovsky

Interestingly it happens...
Martin Luther King once said, “You can’t separate people by their skin color.”
BLM says that “the lives of Black people are important.
Martin Luther King fought for the rights of white people.

One day I worked for my uncle and I decided to work for myself. Nothing good came out of it, I couldn’t even go through an interview.



The recruiter had to be recruited.

XXX: At the time, he was a medical commissioner in the military committee. Since childhood he suffered from purulent otitis. I was lucky, I was treated with an excellent ENT, after piercing the drum membrane, a small scar remained, hearing decreased very slightly. So in the military commissariat, Pidoras in a white coat, mistakenly named by the doctor, dumbly stitched my membrane right in the spot of the scarring. To him, fucking, it seemed like I had something glued to the diaper to cut off from the army. By the way, I did not intend to do this, but in order to close this case, I was commissioned. Pleasant, fucking, the bonus was hearing loss on the other side, and regular exacerbations are now chronic otitis.



I have not lost my virginity so romantically. I was taken to the gynecology ambulance to examine me. I was almost 18 years old (a girl with large spots). As always, do you have a sexual life? I say no, which causes almost demonic laughter at the gynecologist – Let you tell me, muhacha... She takes the mirror and... And of course I didn’t even apologize. And when I was asked - who was my first man - I say that the first was a woman and everyone has eyes like 😳😱

My father told me in 1976. They go with their wife in the bus Usuriisk-Arseniev. Stop for 10 minutes at s. The brother-in-law went out to buy yes, "to go down before the wind." The driver returns to the salon and asks if everything is in place. And the mother-in-law is sitting and ashamed to admit that her husband has not returned yet, well, she has remained silent. The bus went.

The mother-in-law returns and cannot understand anything. Where is the bus?

The dispatcher asks, he is answered: "Michael Svetlov" there..." In the evening, the distance is decent, the track is in the taiga, there is no movement at all (1976). He came home in the morning.

Years have passed, we would not know the history, but. We drove the entire family on the same route. Here the mother-in-law asks to go to the toilet at the station in Anucino. Oh well ok. We stand smoking, here the mother-in-law once drives and asks everyone to quickly sit down. On gas and for the corner. The mother-in-law is out, and we are not there, her phone is not with her. It is on the sides and so on. and panic!

Meanwhile, the father told us the story. This is the man who has waited for so many years.

My mother looked for me and sat down on the bench. Apparently she was ashamed to ask people to call.

If your views disagree with the views of power, change power.

Chicago95 wrote to me:
The Russians support them everywhere. Except for the slasher!

History is so. A few years ago my car was stolen. With the help of friends, acquaintances, acquaintances, found her in Comey. Nizhny Novgorod GIBDD refused to participate in this, coming up with a lot of reasons only to not work, and even when we came up with the application for the detention of the car, and told them where the car is, we encountered inconceivable reasons for search workers not to do so.

When I was told earlier that there were completely different people living in the north, a completely different attitude to what was happening, I did not understand what I was talking about.
The first person who responded to our trouble was the head of the GIBDD of the city of Cave, called, said that the car was delayed, placed at home, the driver was drunk, sitting in the chamber. warned that the insurance is over, we must do it for sure, or we will not arrive.
The next time he warned that the train would arrive very late at night, so he would meet us and try to arrange everything right away. And indeed, on Saturday night he came and took care of us. When the papers were drawn up on his car to accommodate the hotel, although the city is not large, the free seats were only in the third institution, about which he negotiated with the owner and left.
In the morning, the owner of the hotel, unfortunately I do not remember whether the North or the North, shamefully of course, thank him very much, cared about our departure. We went to the shops to buy a good wire and canister, it turns out here no one goes out without this in the winter, it is we are ruined by European winters and shops at every corner, we don't even imagine what it means to travel in the winter in the north.

After breakfast guided us, first went to the gas station and on his discounts poured a full tank and canister, then led to the road "to Russia", it is such a local slang.
I painted the entire route to the Utah. Explain how to drive in the winter. The road is narrow. The light car is always inferior to furam and heavy equipment. I was upset at first, but then it became clear. A small machine is easy to pull out of the wall of the stall, but if a big one eats, everyone is upset.

How to ride a separate history of 60 kilometers in four hours. have overcome. It darkened.

On the track lost, honestly on the road "no homeland or flag." No marks, no indicators, no indications of settlements, no gas stations, no machines. They decided to stop and ask where to go. It is already dark, we are standing on the crashes, the first car stops, a funny guy and a girl jump out, they learned what we had in Uchthy, laughed in the voice, Uchthy turns out to the other side. They turned. They decided to jump over and spend the night in Syktyvkar. While they were driving, the check on the panel burned, and then the sign "the engine is working in emergency mode", and before that the engine caused doubts, but after all, you can't beat the Russian. The car began to suffocate, the melting began, I don't know what miracle brought to the commercial zone. We went to the outskirts, turned on the accidents, we went out.

The car stops and a man comes out. “Hello what happened? “We get surprised, we mock something. Bego asked what and how, let’s tell you I’m going to drive you now to the city, the car to the service, and in the morning we’ll see what happens to her. I am in a hurry to see. We are unusual to neglect ourselves anyway, especially since after a while the car begins to run normally. He leaves, immediately another car stops, two guys jump out, “Hello, what happened!”
The guys are more persistent, they open the cap that they are forged there, get the "brains", one of them forges in the block, blows that it scratches the nail, blows again, finally after a while puts back, - "making".
The car starts and works correctly.
While we worship “Thank you, thank you,” they jump into their car and leave.

We went to the hotel, talked with the administrator, told us about the robbery, and we were settled in a room for a third of its value, so little solidarity with the missing in trouble, and many other little things along the way, until we arrived in the Kirov region, there were already indicators, labels, gas stations, shops and evil firefighters.

Chika, you are wrong, people in the areas far from the center are much softer and kind, they may not be as sharp and sharp as in the capitals, but the attitude to life is correct.

Battya, when he sees another "star of the screen" on TV, says:
They cannot work. They can do nothing. Bring them to us to Siberia, and they will not survive a day. Apart from DiCaprio, of course.

Xxx: Prehistory: a neighbor is an inadequate grandmother, always following something, making claims. You go home for documents - "what came, ride here, do not cross the yard", you take the garbage - "waste and garbage, this is from whom in the urn bottles are! And the smoking of yours!” And I do not even smoke. I borrowed, in general, donaldry... I tried to ignore it, and just send it on foot, nothing helps. My appearance is not too frightening.

I read somewhere here the "recipe", how to get rid of the increased attention of inadequate grandmothers, say you need to carry all kinds of achineas with an evil expression of the face, like a sorcerer.

I met her once again, as usual, following all kinds of nonsense, such as "hotness, they walk in a mask, people scare. Look at her, she is silent. You are silent?”

*I immediately warn you, I am not very familiar with this topic, YouTube is just talking at home, a popular gaming channel.

Well, I strained my twists and gave her what came to mind: "Dimitrescu contra grandmother DIABLO kodzima resident village 1 month sail steam grandmother ninja ninja ninja switch!". And on the floor type splashed to a bunch 😁

You should have seen it 🤣 The most difficult thing was not to roast. The grandmother clogged her mouth, broke her eyes and, losing the sidewalk, broke home, shouting, “What’s happening!” I think this "Diablo" so effectively worked 👍

You can congratulate me, for a few days I am avoided 😁 I need a couple of streams to listen to, suddenly I will have to fix the result.



Yyy: Grandma then left, and with the portal what did you do then?

Xxx: Murch, crash, smashed with their words as parasites, the English are crazy)



You are a very cyberbully. Are you an abuser?



Zzz: Yes, this toxic is clearly hatching. Flexit said he is not fashionable, he tries to shake us, and in fact - a full curl from his side.

There are probably two Armenians at the stop.

A1: (very uncertain) - Hi, to the subway goët?

Driver: Come on, get off quickly.

A2: (sëthen) Right now all the routes to the subway, what do you brake?

A1: (also shëthen) Yes, I just never saw the Russian driver on the route, I was afraid that I didn't sit there.