I read local quotes and this picture comes up in my head:
There is a full bus, there at the stop I enter it and I make a brilliant joke on the way!!! Immediately half the bus lay down, the remaining part fell out, part cried, somebody cried, some under the table (they drove somewhere probably) and some ugly guy in the corner my phrase makes a day.

to this.

Meat in a pot, your crown, learn to do it! Maybe he’ll thank you again, you’re a miracle in the feathers!
I have to say:'(

Like a guy who loves and knows how to cook. Really learn it. This can be an opportunity for exchanging recipes. A tasty man +100 for comfort in relationships.

The Friend:

>There will be no parking on paid parking lots. Even if you put the counter under a coin type, for example, 10p hour. They won’t even pay that. The parking driver will be given such a heart, and the machine will not be thrown under any pretext. In Tverskaya at the hotel with a good underground parking lot of expensive iron, because if nearby, then I was shocked! This is indestructible!

Not in the affair. Let me give an example when we set up fireplaces in the gardens. The parking fee is collected, but whatever happens to your car, they are not financially responsible. And here too. What is paying for? Should they steal, strike, or do anything else the city will compensate for the losses? No is. If you think that this money will go to the improvement of the city, then I will disappoint you, they will not go. As with the evacuation of cars and multiplying like mushrooms signs "Stop is prohibited". With the money collected, no municipal parking complex was organized. It is just a way to feed. And to feed them the lenient wretches. I was hit by the car at the parking lot, came to the GIBDD, wrote a statement, gave a video recording of the accident, named the model and the state meter of the car that committed the accident. The result after 2-3 months the letter, say sorry not found (This is not the only example in my life). Why is this useless? To pay the authorities a penny?

...
This is when you get this bird with your naked hands and prepare it then and you will think of yourself a predator... And while you can in the store ask the saleswoman to throw a bunch of blue chicken into you so that you can honestly say that you caught it.
It is...
This is when you sow this grass yourself and graze it, that is when you will give advice to others... And while we all go to the shops, we are all on the same level, and the same thing we crack.

The highest pilot of Peter's officials is considered to be the ability to legally write off an amount from the city budget for the feeding of the horse "The Copper Rider".

Anastasia: And today I laugh to the Big Theatre, the third time in the third week!)))
Is it straight? ?
Don’t cry :D and again. Body of stupid
Anastasia: You imagine I sit and give together with the artists of the theatre...

I am a programmer. I hear the words of an outraged colleague:
I can’t cover this with UNIT tests, I can only cover it with mat.

Dexter has just started watching season 3. very like it.
Not just spoilers!
The Killer: Dexter

xxx: How to call a cable in Russian, which is with a copper wheel (somewhere 0.5 mm), and in general it is thick and with a fine metal cloth
yyy: in Russian this is called "coaxial"

Mosquitoes... They drink blood, and then they start singing... Applause them!Their wretchedness is destroying them!They would be silent drinking.

Not funny, but touching.

My beloved Jewish mother.

My father is Chechen and my mother Chechen. His father lived 106 years and was married 11 times. With his second marriage he married a Jewish woman, Sofia Mikhailovna. She and only her I always call Mom. She called me Moshe. “Moshe,” she said, “I went to exile only because of you. I am sorry for you.

This was when all Chechens were relocated to Central Asia. We lived in Frunze. I spent all day with the boys in the yard. and Moshe! She was screaming. Go here. What is Mom? Go here and I’ll tell you why you’re so thin. You never see the bottom of the plate. Cook the soup until the end. And then you go. “Good mixture with Moses,” they said in the yard, “mother is a Jewish, father is a Hitler.

The Chechens were considered fascists. My mother didn’t eat it, she gave it to me. She visited her Odessa friends, Fira Markovna, Maya Isaakovna—they lived richer than we were—and brought me a piece of straw or anything else.

Moshe, it is for you. Mom, have you eaten? I do not want.

I began to lead a circus at the meat combine, taught me to dance ballet and western dances. For that I got a bag of horse bones. Mother ripped out pieces of meat from them and made cakes half with bread, and the bones went to the bouillon. At night I threw the bones away from the house so they didn’t know they were ours. She could make a delicious lunch out of nothing. When I started earning a lot, she was cooking chicken necks, cimes, she was cooking silk so that you could go crazy. My friends at the Kyrgyz Opera and Ballet Theatre still remember:

and Misha! How your mother fed us all!

At first we lived very poorly. Mother said, “Tomorrow we’re going to Melomed’s wedding. There we will snack hefilte fish, goat squashes. We do not have that at home. “Don’t be embarrassed, eat more.”

I already danced well and sang “Varnekees.” It was my mom’s favorite song. She listened to it as the anthem of the Soviet Union. And Tamara Hanum loved it for singing “Varnekees.”

My mom said, “At the wedding you’ll be asked to dance. Dance, then rest and then sing. When you sing, don’t turn your neck. You are not a giraffe. Do not look at everyone. Stand up against me and sing for your mom and the rest will listen.”

I saw the rabbit, the bridegroom, and the bride under the dress. Then everyone sat at the table. Music was played and dances began. Mother said, “Now Moshe will dance.” I danced five or six times. Then she said, “Moshe, and now sing.” I stood up against her and began: “You don’t me, you don’t me, you don’t me?...” Mother said: “Look, what a talent!” and she was told: “Thank you, Sophia Mikhailovna, for raising a Jewish boy correctly. Others, like Russians, know nothing in Jewish.

She was my mother-in-law and a Gypsies. She taught me to guess, to steal at the bazar. I was very good at stealing. She said, “Judeen, go here and we will sing.”

I was admitted to the Kyrgyz Opera and Ballet Theatre. My mother attended all of my shows. My mother asked me, Moshe, tell me, are the Russians the people? Yes to Mom. Are the Spanish people too? The people, Mom. And the Hindus? and yes. Are the Jews not the people? Why, Mom, the people too. And if it’s the people, why don’t you dance the Jewish dance? In “Eugenia Onegina” you dance Russian dance, in “Lakma” – Hindu. “Mommy, who will show me the Jewish dance?” I will show you. She was very heavy, weighing probably 150 kilograms. How will you show? with hands. And the feet? You will invent it yourself.

She sang and showed me Freyles, which is also called Seven Forty. At 7.40 the train departed from Odessa to Chisinau. Everyone danced at the station. I worshipped Shalom-Alehem and made myself the dance "A Junger Schneider". The costume was made as if of the material that remains at the cutlery. The trousers are short, but the back is made of other materials. I beat it all in the dance. This dance became a bite for me. I repeated it three or four times.

My mother said, “Daddy, do you think I want you to dance a Jewish dance because I’m Jewish? No is. The Jews will talk about you: Did you see him dancing Brazilian dance? Or the Spanish dance? They will not speak Jewish. But they will love you for the Jewish dance.”

In the Belarusian cities in those years when Jewish art was not very promoted, Jewish spectators asked me, “How did you get permission for Jewish dance?” I said, “I allowed myself.”

My mother had a place in the theatre. They said, “Here is Mishina’s mom.” My mom asks me, "Moshe, you dance the best of all, you are the most beaten, and why are all wearing flowers and you are not wearing? “Mom,” I said, “we have no relatives. Isn’t it the people wearing it? and no. The relatives.

Then I come home. We had one room, a iron bed stood against the door. I see my mom with her head under the bed and something is whispering there. I say :

Go out immediately, I’ll get what you need. “Mosheh,” she said from under the bed. I can see your feet, so do so that I can’t see them. go out. I left, but I saw it all. She pulled out the bag, out of it took out the worn old valley, out of it - a cloth, in the cloth was a pack of money, bound by a beech. “Mom, where do we get that money from? “Son, I’ve put it together so you don’t have to run and look for something to bury your mom. Buried well and so on.

Tonight I’m dancing at Abdulrahman’s Raymond. In the first act, I climb onto the stage in a gorgeous suit, in gold, in chalme. Raymond plays the luth. We meet with our eyes. We look at each other fascinated. The curtain comes. I didn’t actually dance yet, I just jumped up on the stage. After the first act, the administrator gives me a luxurious bouquet. The flowers were handed over to the administrator and told whom to deliver. After the second act, I get a bouquet again. After the third, too. I realized that it was all my mom. The show was in four acts. After the fourth, there will be flowers. I gave the administrator all three bouquets and asked in the final to give me four at once. He did so. In the theater they said: think, Esambayev was thrown with flowers.

The next day, my mother removed the flowers, and there were three bouquets, then two, and then one. Then she bought flowers again.

My mother was sick and lying down. They give me flowers. I bring flowers home and say:

“Mom, why did you get up? You have to lie. Moshe, she said. I did not get up. I cannot get up. Where are the flowers from? People know you deserve flowers. Now they wear them on their own. I became the leading artist of the Kyrgyz Theatre, received all the awards there. I love Kyrgyzstan as my homeland. I was treated like a native man.

Shortly before Stalin's death, the mother of his friend Esther Markovna learned that the expulsion of all Jews was being prepared. She came home and said to me:

“Well, Moshe, like Chechens we were sent here, like Jews we are expelled even further. Barracks are already being built. “Mom,” I said, “you and I have already learned to ride. Wherever they go, we go, the main thing is to be together. I will not leave you.

When Stalin died, she said, “Now it will be better.” She wanted me to marry a Jewish woman, the daughter of the Odessa Pakhman. I took care of the Armenian. My mother said, “Say, Moses, is she feeding you?”

“No,” I said, “is not feeding. “But if you were to take care of Pakhman’s daughter... – Mom, she has thin legs. His face is beautiful, and his hair... you think he needs his legs.

When I married Nina, I can’t say that there was a friendship between her and her mother.

I started teaching dances at the school of the IMD, there was money. I bought my mom gold watches with a chain, and Nina bought white metal watches. The wife says:

“Mommy, you bought them with a gold chain instead of buying them for me, I’m young and my mom could wear simple ones. “Nina,” I said, “you are not ashamed. What good mother has seen in this life? It would be nice to have such a watch. They stopped talking, but never quarreled with each other. Only once, when Nina went out with the garbage, she said, “Out of the way, Moshe, you could have married better.” That was the only thing she said to her. I have a daughter. Mother took her on her arms, put her between her large breasts, licked. My daughter loved my grandmother very much. Then Nina and her mother did it themselves. And my mom says to me, “Moshe, I’m looking at Nina, she’s not bad. And the fact that you didn’t marry Pakhman’s daughter is also good, she’s outraged. She’t be able to do all that for you.” Nina and I became friends.

During this time, he changed several wives. He lived near us. Mother says, “Moses, your father brought a new Nikewa. Go and see.” I went.

“Mom,” I said, “she’s so terrible! He needs it.

She died when she was 91. It happened so. She had a sister of peace. She lived in Vilnius. She came to us in Frunze. She began to invite her mother to host her: “Sofa, come. Misha is a family man. He will not disappear. A month without you. As I replied, “There’s a different climate. At your age, you can’t!” she says, “Moses, I’ll stay a little and come back.” She went and did not come again.

She was a very good man. We had a wonderful life with her. I never needed my father. She replaced my mother. If they were both alive now, I’t know whom to approach first and embrace.

Literary recording of Efim Zakharov

Mikhail Zadornov told us that Americans are stupid, but only Jen Psaki was able to convince us.
piton1959

Messaging within the company:
Please send me your July sales forecast in.xls.
Yes, in exchange for a vapour. But until you were there, not a single waffle was eaten.
XX: but 90-60-90
YYY: sent the forecast to you by mail
XXX: Unfortunately, there are no waffles now, outstock
YYY: All, I don’t know you anymore. You get what you need and you get out of the subject. Fu, straight, as ugly from your side.
XXX: I'm ashamed as an honest person now I'll send you a file by mail back...

The general did not want to give money to antivirus (use only licensed and open), and also resisted fileswashing on Linux. In connection with the fact that I was given the task to find one proga, reworked with the proger virus Major, tomorrow there will be either an antivirus or rework of the file cleaner

He became the "accidental listener" of the conversation between the DPSnik and the motorist:
Here is a thousand rubles fine, here is a thousand and a half.
I’ll pay, can I go?
Please wait, I am kind today! choose the penalty you will pay!

I need a shoulder massage.
A: We will do
B: Funny, it works
I need a mine.
A: You have broken.

Same-sex marriages, same-sex families... Imagine 30 years later the size of a child who has two mothers and four grandmothers.

I saw a printer in which chocolate was placed on top of paper. For some reason it stopped working, but it smells delicious.

with Khabr in discussing the topic of space rubbish.

On the other hand, imagine a situation: an alien invasion, a threat to the existence of mankind. And suddenly the entire fleet of the invader just crashes into a shield from space rubbish.

yyy: What a wonderful ability to turn the bag into a fitch ;)

In translation from cromanion vegetarian = curly-handed hunter))