bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №142809
 07.07.2017
Yes, okay for you, let better clay dragons discuss than calculations, whether adult independent children are entitled to bats, and their harsh parents to bats.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142808
 07.07.2017
- You will drink this way, we will only drink at night and we will not sleep again!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №142807
 07.07.2017
It was told by an elderly woman. She worked in Soviet times as an accountant in the same office. Then one inspector came to them. While he was talking to the chief, Larisa Mikhailovna was engaged in her affairs and was immersed in work. Suddenly the phone ringed. She took off the phone and heard, “Call Perdun’s phone!” Mikhailovna looked around and understood that among her colleagues there was definitely no person with such a name, hence Perdun was the most terrible verifier.She said with a trembling voice: "Sorry, there Perduna is asked to the phone" In the office there was silence, and the terrible verifier came without the slightest embarrassment, took the telephone and began to talk to someone. Then he hanged his phone and said, "My name is actually Kerdun, but everyone can hear Perdun.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №142806
 07.07.2017
Yesterday my colleague ordered sushi for lunch. Our organization is located on a protected, enclosed territory, so we go to the passageway to meet couriers, we usually pay and take the goods.

After some time after the order, a courier (a citizen of one of the southern republics) calls, trying to explain in broken Russian that he came, but he is not allowed to the building, the address of which was indicated in the order. The colleague said, "Zhi, I will come now," the courier did not understand, did not hear that he was knocking in the tube, which he heard the previous phrase again. When a colleague came down from the workplace to the street, he saw a guard turning a man and leading him to the guard post. In the hands of the detainee was a package with the logo of the office in which the order was made.

During the break-up it turned out that the courier, not passing through the passageway, departed from it, walked through the fence and ran to the building, but was caught by the guard. The lunch was delivered, the courier released.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142805
 07.07.2017
xxx: Here are the movies... Dialogues are almost none, those that are dim and Paphos. A story of some sort. Opening the peripherals? Pfff... The special effects on the knee are spotted... and the story is shrouded to greenery. But the fucking shit knows what. I want to review!
Are you talking about porn?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142804
 07.07.2017
You’d better tell me something else if Chuck Norris looked at a ghost tape – what would happen? and :)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142803
 07.07.2017
Protect yourself from viruses as much as possible. Kasper, malwarebytes and adguard protect day and night
The computer. I do not open the letters, I do not open the exes. Little of something.

Here is my aunt calling my house. Just have to pay. I am waiting,
I have 300 rubles.

xxx: And my aunt says their accounting was attacked by the WannaCry virus. His salary is not.
They give.

XXX is fucking. I got it anyway :(

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №142802
 07.07.2017
The former graduate:

XXX is
I was struck by the mafia. I fuck, pass this message to 5 friends, otherwise I'll be bitten by the scary babies. I am in danger, take it seriously.

YYYY
XXXI, I am glad you are well.

XXX is
Sorry for YYYYYYYYY. I did not want to send you. Please request

YYYY
It is okay, now it is possible.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142801
 07.07.2017
Zzz: My name is Alonushka. I’ll get my hair wrapped up and get stuck in other people’s apartments.

Good plays. Everybody knows you’re cutting your hair. "Sweet" is a...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №142800
 07.07.2017
I often don’t understand why people go on a tour if they initially don’t like anything, nothing is interesting, everything is annoying.
We go to the Sahara on a comfortable bus. Behind me is a roaring aunt. Her everything is not so – the bus, the guide, the view from the window.
– Dear friends, – the guide addresses the tourists. We will stop near the oasis. Those who want to go out and see a small zoo and a show with floaters, you need to pay 6 dinars.
“Why do I need a zoo?” whispered Tohana behind me. The Local! I went to the Moscow Zoo. We even have rats!
How do you use finishing? Ask the guide. Now I will tell you how you can eat them together with almonds.
“Why do I have finishes, I have a lump,” the Thohan whispers behind me.
I can’t stand it, I turn around to look at such a whirling and dissatisfied creature.
This is not a girl, but a 20-year-old girl.
Tohana, it’s not age. It is a state of soul. Some people get older from birth.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142799
 07.07.2017
And the phrase - "On xNoem I turned your spinner!", to be perceived as dissatisfaction with the realities of modern youth? Or as a praise?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №142798
 07.07.2017
And in general, leave your classmates to normal adult men with apartments.

You would go with your pedophile. I want to fuck with a fellow student, not to look at your puppy. Advise your children not to fuck at nineteen

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №142797
 07.07.2017
11 hours - work + lunch + road, 8 hours - sleep (minimum), remains 5. Of these 5 more about an hour and a half for breakfast, dinner and personal hygiene. There are three and a half. Let’s say, 2 hours for a family and one and a half for a hobby (well, if you’re lazy and you don’t have a job). And you know, the most precious hour and a half is better spent on sex than watching stupid cartoons for 5-year-olds.

What if the job is seven-hour, well paid and is within 15 minutes walk? Can you watch several cartoons in your 30-40 years or need to ask an anonymous on the Internet how to live?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142796
 07.07.2017
Incest is something that the whole family can do.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142795
 07.07.2017
If you want warm relationships, don’t boil!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142794
 07.07.2017
Let’s say the case was in Bradenburg, in the artillery part of the western group of troops. A lieutenant from the other side calls the lieutenant and tells him that by lunch the Germans will bring the elephants out of the local zoo. Before arrival, all the new secret machines must be wiped, regulators displayed, and elephants washed. And turned up.
Our lieutenant calls the warehouse with a request to hand out the masking grid. and receives rejection. Call the commander of the company, say the Germans will come, you need to give a masking net. He says, I’ll handle the warehouse, get it.
All the cars were covered and disguised. The call in the row of regulators, and now they are standing at the crossroads in white helmets waiting.
There are no elephants. Then our lieutenant recruits the chief of the unit, so and so, everything is ready, where are the elephants? The Elephants? The boss asks, “Are you all drunk?” I will come now.
Upon arrival, listening to the report and realizing that this is a joke, the boss says: - What a washing machine, -5° on the street, the water has frozen. Call the neighbors, they have warm hangars, let them wash there.
Another year one of my favorite toasts was "for clean elephants".

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №142793
 07.07.2017
To the words of his wife “All, I leave you!!!” The young man begins to ask forgiveness, the experienced silently survives hysteria, and the former sadly says, "You only promise!"

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142792
 07.07.2017
We are talking about creating our game.
Rinat: And we may call the game "RASL" ))) Rinat, Alexander, Semen, Leonid
Rinat: Or “Rinat”: Rinat and the Hardest Adequate Types
Or is it better to crack?
Rinat: Okay, you can put the letter C in the first place)
Alexander: It’s all simple – Rinat Sral.
I am leaving the team.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №142791
 07.07.2017
No, I’ve seen everything, but when a person, in order to get to the Downloads folder, opens a Web browser, downloads a file and chooses the option “open the folder”... That’s, you understand, the way he’s sure!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №142790
 07.07.2017
<Natalia>For some reason I have recently recalled the phrase that I read in an article of one university there (it was about a scholarship for a certain category of students):
"If you are orphan, disabled or just talented..."

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna