Sometimes at an interview, on the vacancy of a salesman, I talk to the commercial director (CD), she asks questions all different and all that.

KD says so briefly – “tenders?”

I say yes.

CD – what is it?

What is Tender?

She was slightly dependent. He then said that the questions should be formulated more accurately.

I was not taken there. It is strange.

Xxx: never understood the point of buying very expensive when there is the same but times cheaper. If I had a lot of money, I’t spend it on expensive things anyway. After all, the money can be spent on something really fascinating and fascinating - let's say to sift yourself a vagina and then back a penis, hire yourself super bodyguards and then order yourself from top killers, pay all former classmates and schoolchildren to pretend that they were all 10 years old and taught a lesson like 20 years ago, and you are sitting the smartest and you can send everyone to the cockroaches...

Yyy: And spit them all vagines!

Of course, talk is a find for a spy. But you can’t even imagine the value of a spy for talk!

Guarding the city. The day is summer, doctors on vacation, patients with pain go with an endless flow.
Suddenly, the administrator of the clinic rushes into the office and, looking at me with huge horror eyes, reports that there is a man sitting down there, just three days ago released from the prison, where he spent eight years for murder. And now he has a tooth pain, he is aggressive, we will all die and what to do?! to
The assistants start a slight tremors, so I have to go for the killer to the reception. There, among women, children and the elderly, he sits, barely fit into a chair, with a thick-headed beard grumbling, one-on-one like me, only twenty centimeters higher, heavier and all in tattoos.
I kindly invite him to the office. I ask what I can help.

“You know, doc,” replies the giant, “I haven’t been to doctors in the last few years. My tooth is sick, I can’t stand it. I actually, shamefully adds the buggy, chew you as I fear, so you, doc, please be more careful.

I am so careful. I don’t want him to stay here for another eight years.

In short, I healed a scary tooth, he left pleased, wanted to become a constant patient, but I politely lied that we were overcrowded and new patients are not taken yet.
He breathed out with relief, and the assistant is already leading the next patient. A small glass like that, weighing from my cat. The man is dissatisfied that he had to wait a long time, looks badly under his glasses, well, we are all off, after the killer, no one is afraid of us. Strictly explain to him that there is a live turn, and whoever does not want to wait can go to the pharmacy for paracetamol. I see, angry, even a pair of ears coming out. I was just going to look him in the mouth, as the administrator again enters the office with the question:

"Doctor, the previous patient to whom you treated pulpitis, well, the lawyer, asks, can we still write it as an exception?

What other lawyer? I am not lulling.

And the glasses don’t stand:

Will you cure me? I was more respected in prison than in your barracks.

What a deceitful appearance.

Dmitry Shahin

A sign of adulthood is when in "The Three Musketeers" you begin to get sick for Richelieu - a statesman who was nervous with four alcoholics, three prostitutes and a degenerate in the crown.

There lived in our yard a Russian family, a father, a mother and their son Petya, people just incredible size, they were not fat, they were large. To understand, when Petya studied in the 7th grade (about 14 years old), his shoes were sewn on order – 47th size.

It is not about Peter. The incident happened to his father, somewhere in the mid-1970s. I, then chagall, I walk on the street, Petin Daddy comes to meet me, he is well-picked, he is choked, and Ments UAZik is on the road. Not to notice my neighbor they could not, so, slowing down, went out to pick up not a sober citizen. Since it is Asia and the majority of the population are Uzbek, they are also in menta.

They fly to the neighbor and the citizen pass. The neighbor, apparently not the first time, just lay on the sidewalk and lay down. His coins were kicked by his hands – they could not move, they dropped him and left with nothing. Pete’s father stood up and went home.

My singing teacher told me.

In his youth, he sang in the cocktail of friends, the people who drank ordered songs and paid money, everything was not in charge.

On Saturday evening, a sad man comes in and goes straight to my teacher.

“What kind of woman” do you know?

of course.

How many hours?

The hour? I have not been paid for the clock yet.

Okay, that’s $500, can you sing for three hours? My wife left me...

Okay, I can do it.



And he sang. The man drank.

Three hours of the same song. Since then, she says, I will never be able to sing her again.

Why not remove 0 from mathematics? Does he need it at all?

YYY: So how do you measure your influence on the world of science?

in the market today. The girl with the microphone and the video operator accompanying her approached me and the girl asked the question:

- Which of the sausages of our Usol meat combination have you remembered especially for a long time?

He honestly replied:

and delayed.

and quarantine observations. Today I realized that listening to a stranger in a mask, I try so much to concentrate on the sounds of his speech that I don’t look at him at all. The eyes tell nothing, and the mouth cannot be seen. It turned out that the visible articulation of the lips seriously compensates for blurred speech or poor hearing. Everything that I have not heard, I pick up and recognize by sight. And when this channel of perception is cut off by a mask, I unconsciously try to reduce the activity of vision in order to load the brain with hearing as much as possible.

I’t know if that wasn’t all.

The recycling of garbage gives the keys to the social elevator - in the Moscow region the garbage king became the deputy chairman of the Government!

My grandmother will not fail!

It was in the eighties of the last century, in the life of my young and sporty cock. When I was 14, I wanted my own money, not in the amount of pocket money for school lunch, but a lot at once. A hundred or even rubles!!! I was not afraid of hard work, I was not offended by force.

Mother answered simply: take a newspaper, find a job for school holidays. Searches throughout the end of May led to nothing, no one needs minors for three months.

Mom worked, pulled two bowel motors, she was not up to our houses. My brother was sent to a pioneer camp and I went to my grandmother.

As soon as I heard about my problem, she immediately said: Oleg, dear granddaughter, no question, let’s go with me! And she brought me straight to the children’s room of the police with the demand to find me a job for the holidays.

The minor inspector tried to explain to her grandmother that all the vacancies she had were intended for socially disadvantaged and troubled teens. (As I understood, there were disarmaments to work for minor hooligans, to which she did not surrender.) And since I am a decent child and not a criminal element, I cannot claim a vacancy.

Grandma immediately agreed that I was a very cute and educated boy and then asked if it would be enough for me to break the window to get the title of hooligan and work for the holidays. Or do you need something to steal or someone to cut off at night?

The inspector opened his eyes slightly and was squeezed from this approach, but five minutes later I was in possession of a special direction to work at the factory. And soon I worked, earning my blood money in the sweat of my face.

Do you know why time travelers don’t come to us from the future? Because there is no future.

I worked at a very secret institute near Moscow. One of our employees returned from a business trip from Baikonur and, among other interesting facts, that there were so few women there that, as the locals say, “one woman has ten meters of goats and a can of eggs.”

They laughed and started working. Not everything comes out of his head such a wonderful fact. But since all men are scientists, with education, and not with one, someone thoughtfully said:

Is it true that 10 meters is a hole?

Everyone abandoned their important scientific work and started calculations. How interesting it was! The entire department of the secret institute spent the whole day engaged in such matters as collecting the source data, that is, clarifying the average size (how many disputes there were - everyone was embarrassed to say the size in centimeters out loud, so that others would not laugh at it), calculating the volume of the ellipsoid, even introduced the "coefficient" of placing in the cage. Then they remembered that this coefficient was a non-linear thing, because the upper eggs would press the lower ones! Even taken into account

The shape of cane. In general, by the end of this day, the result was obtained - a little more than half the cage. And at this time, the whole country expected from Soviet scientists new victories in space.

The story of the surgeon who collected me.

When I was a kid, I was severely broken, but that’s a different story. So, the surgeon who collected me was just an impossible enormous! In his office in a three-litre bowl stood a tea mushroom and he poured this liquid into himself taking the bowl with one hand! It was clear what he had gaps and strengths.

So, this story happened to this surgeon in 1988. He goes to work in the morning through the forest, and then to him are driven by three local people, whose pipes are burning, who, as always, lack. He refuses and he:

We will be happy to bury you here.

- Boys, I'm breaking you now, and then I'll collect you, maybe you won't add work?

did not succeed. I came to work, called the police, said that in a hurry the clients will come, changed clothes, and just by this time the police arrived. He wrote a paper that so and so, there was a confrontation, which resulted in injuries in the form of a broken right key in all three.

The police officer walked away and asked:

The victims, where are they?

And now, they will come.

And just a call from the reception room - came three fireplaces. And the results of the examination confirmed that all three had a broken key.



P. S is

He gathered them and treated them.

I remembered history.

We went to the institute and went with fellow members to mark this case. We are standing near the city of Park of Culture with a fun company, jokes-supplements and here comes to us a bomb.



“Girls, give me 100 rubles, and I’ll show you a horse’s harp.



Let us roast. One guy says, fucking you are intrigued, here's a hundred - show it.



Bohm hid the stake in his pocket, got an A4 sheet with a photograph of a horse hero. It was just some kind of fierce treasure, they remembered all night, told everyone and rattled over it.



Now, every time I walk past the Park of Culture, I remember this story. Bohm if not sleeping, it is probably the director of marketing in Google.

The summer. Being a small squid, I rest in the country, but at the same time I help my parents as I can - then raps to collect, then raspberries, then apples, and we were there 11 apples and an apple year - there was nowhere to go, but we collected and cooked pures, compotes, dried, etc. Our country cooperative consisted of 90% of pure Jews with direct-speaking surnames such as Salzman, Katzman, etc. And here our neighbor, an old Jew, calls me and says that he wanted to change the watch strap (well, you can afford it at 30 years old) and lost the strap, and since the eyes are already bad, find it for me, and I will make a good gift for you. I started looking for a small stitch and in 20 minutes I found it. My neighbor was very pleased and cuddly went for my gift. I am waiting and waiting for a gift. A neighbor comes and holds his hands behind his back:

Guess which hand.

On the left!

The boy guessed.

He gives me an apple.

Freedom is not when you can say what you want, but when you can do what you need.

Now with the girl received diplomas on the graduation of magistrates, both lawyers. We took a taxi for delivery. As soon as he sat in the car, the address was specified, near the campus of the university is the ZAGS. The driver immediately asked:
Are you going to marry?
I get my diploma, I answer.
For whom did you study?
For the lawyers.
I also finished legal.
An uncomfortable pause.

The father tells the son:
My mom and I found porn magazines in your closet. The question is, where do we pay for the internet?