We have in Chelyabinsk one interesting internet provider, which started putting smart home phones 5 years ago.
The innovation itself is very convenient and cool: you can open the door from the phone, take a phone call on the home phone, watch the recordings from the home phone camera, etc. In general caffeine.

But someone from the management apparently decided that there is no need to stop on the achievement and that a truly progressive homeophone should be able to speak.

I personally met it this way: Night. I leave the house, I open the entrance door, I come out of the entrance alone. The voice behind me said, “Come back soon.” My point has never played so hard.

But the most cake told me a friend who worked in this same provider. They received a complaint that when they carried the tomb with the deceased during the funeral, the home phon said, "Today you look good."

“We learned that glowing white office paper is harmful to health. It turns out, more invoice paper, it is useful for the human eye.”

Soon it will be revealed that the toilet paper is not all so clear.

I was in the chocolate shop today.

The children wanted cakes with berries and bananas. The waitress suits. We clarify him:

This is the 350R, will it be like in the picture? With the berries?

and no. There will be no berries.

Just a mess?

Not at all. Fruits and berries (blues and strawberries) can be added for an additional fee

For which? by 100r

Does it cost 450R?

and no. It will cost 350r.

– to? ? to ? to

Well without berries it costs 250, and if you add berries - then 350.

I ordered for 350. There are no other options in the menu. Painted with berries and price - 350r

Yes, it is all right.

accepted the order. is leaving. Bringing an order. Cake without berries.

I am sorry. The blue is over.

By chance, I heard a conversation between a little girl and her father:

Dad, let’s have vegetables tomorrow morning!

The cabbage, the mascara! The Oakland!

Xxx: The roads in Novosibirsk are so bad that when ambulance doctors say, “We lost it!” The driver turns around and goes looking for...

Real story: One day in our office came to work a guy, whom I virtually knew at that time of 5 years on one technical forum as an excellent specialist. I recommend him to anyone. All the technical interviews he passes "on hurra", the SB remains (the purest formality in his case). After a while, I’ll find out that the SB has “cut” him. I go there to find out what things are. The employee who conducted the interview explained:

I asked him why he did not serve in the army. He replied, “What should I do there? I don’t know anyone there.” We don’t need such serious people.

Wife: It seems that the street has become cooler, you can open the door to the balcony.

I : Yes.

A couple of minutes.

Wife: I’ve forgotten that men don’t understand the hints, please open the balcony door.

Take a photo of your trousers.

Now I’m wearing cowards.

A friend's wife came up with a new function for messengers, social networks in addition to the existing one. The next quote:

"What is wrong to know is that he was on the net, let's say at 9 a.m., you need to add - and at 3:30 he was on the net and at 5:00 was on the net and BABA this was also on the net!

The stupidity spoken by the choir is called public opinion.

I served in the army in the second half of the 1990s. As soon as my commanders learned that I was a graduate builder, they began to become more interested in my skills in this field. First, I was entrusted to repair the broken staircase into the barracks. I installed the tape, fixed the armor, poured everything with cement. Everything as taught, then began to bring beauty. The gentlemen officers, walking through me, asked, “Why are you trying so hard?” I said, “That’s more aesthetic!” They asked where I was studying and when they heard the answer that I was in college, they said to each other, already away from me, “This is what education means.” Then, hanging up on the old suspension parachute system, I tinted the outer wall of the barracks and the windows. Everyone liked it. The "Order" was filled not even with a wave, but just like a tsunami! At the "request" of our officer, I painted the walls of the staircase from the first to the fourth floor of the barracks. He gave me two kinds of paint: almost brown and almost white. I had to make it yellow. I asked, “What color is that?” The fact is that when mixing different colors, the effect can be unpredictable.” I was told not to be wise. I tried to object. I got a hobbie and then shut up. Brushes and rollers were not given to me - they said that I was a soldier and I had to decide everything myself. I made the valley of old wire and wire, and I found the dried brushes on the washing machine and soaked them in petroleum. I painted the pearl with an old shave oil. I followed the order.) When the rumors about this "magic" soldier went all the way, I found myself in the garage at one of the gardens. the compilation. I made the whole garage for him. Then, after he liked my work, he spatled this garage and painted it. And that despite not being released from my primary duties. I went to shoot. Like everyone else, I put down parachutes and jumped with them. Driving and repairing a landing vehicle. And most importantly, I was not removed from training in the company of the honorary guard of our part. I was freed from PCD, clothes, and the like. It was long or short, but I was in the sanatorium. No matter why or how. Closer to the discharge, one of the chiefs of this same health care department approached me and asked if I could help him repair his apartment!!! I replied that I needed to see if I was able to do it. He takes me to the address. He needs to put a tile in the bathroom and in the toilet. Put the walls in some places and spat somewhere. Then cover the walls. I know it is in my power, I can and I can! The man who, in me, a simple soldier, asked (and not ordered) I can't help him, I could not answer with a refusal!!! The officer got the apartment completely empty, no bathroom, toilet, even windows with doors were no, and there were no inner doors at all! We were two such. I and the same soldier, who was a carpenter (or carpenter) at the citizenship, put windows and doors in the apartment. Both of us were brought to the apartment by the captain, about 9 p.m., and were taken around 7 p.m. He locked us in the outer lock of a metal door, and from the inside we could not open this door without a key. He gave us more than enough food. And peelmen, and tomatoes, and a bowl, even soup in the pot was, it was cooked by the captain's mother, the pot was always wrapped in a towel, it was applied to spoonfuls and plates, all this was packed also in carefully clean clothes. I tell you a long time, sorry.

We are standing on the lodge with my colleague, smoking, after a tight lunch. And from the neighboring lodge, two children, 9 years old, throw eggs on passers from the 7th floor. Then the tomatoes. and choking. When they get there, they sit behind the wall. Well, we stood up and went on to work. Within an hour and a half, the door was ringing. We are approaching:

Who is?

The district.

What is the matter?

- You threw eggs and tomatoes in the passers, you have a statement, open it!! to

We can’t open, we don’t have the keys. Come here at 7 p.m. and we will be in charge.

At seven o’clock the captain arrives. We tell what, for what. He laughs and knocks at the door. The captain calls us, we approach the door. He opens and we see that almost our counterpart, a lieutenant of the police, stands in shape. He sees that the captain is in front of him, a little embarrassed and tells about the incident. Our officer explains that his subordinates work in his apartment and he is responsible for us. The lieutenant insisted that it was we who struck the passers with eggs and tomatoes. The captain says my soldiers saw how neighboring children did. The districtman explains that he entered a neighboring apartment, there, indeed, live two children, but their mother denies this fact and says that her children have seen two soldiers kicking something in the passers! We stand behind our captain’s back and understand that we cannot prove anything to anyone and that the words of these fools against our words are the main thing. We are used to that. And here our captain gives:

You were a soldier yourself?

Of course!

Would you, as a soldier, throw food out the window?! to

The Lieutenant:

Sorry Comrade Captain!

He starts ringing at the next door again.

The patient doctor:
You were so upset. I am waiting tonight for a wicked aunt, a jealous wife, and burning cocklets. You are God!

Sleeping with my wife. She asks with a sleepy voice:

Can you bury two people in a grave?

Why to you?

It would be great if I died to be buried together.

I am not dead!

I will come up with a way.

She didn’t remember that conversation this morning.

I worry...

I am working on the project documentation, my head is shut.

Coming out of the office kitchen next to my workplace a colleague girl and boldly says to me:

The Tampons!

I raise my head, keep looking at me and waiting for a reaction.

What is?

The Tampons.

Why to me?

Well, if so, there are still pins.

Aaaah and Pon-Chi. thank you!

xxx: Fuck.. my acquaintance had a situation - metro, peak hour, pressure. Feels something rolling from behind, turned around (as much as possible) nothing suspicious is not visible. I thought, okay, maybe someone moved the bag from hand to hand and accidentally struck it. He arrived at the transfer station and entered with everyone. Machinally conducts the hand from behind on the costume, repair. There is sperm.

Bee, now I write and remembered how she told, well, and the ugliness.



What a disgusting story, is there any more?



zzz: My acquaintance is driving in the subway, the peak hour, the pressure. He feels, wants to teenage, got and shakes. A girl turned around, but seemed not to notice. I thought, okay, maybe someone thought that he was transferring a bag from hand to hand and accidentally struck her. I finished while he arrived at the transfer station and went on his business.

Ahha, now I write and remembered how he told it, well, and the slasher is the slasher.

I envy the synopsis. They, like politicians, are not paid for the truth, but in general.

My husband and I bought a new apartment.
As usual, a cat is first allowed into a new home.
Since I’m allergic, we didn’t come up with anything better than running our friend named Cats.

In the final of a Jewish porn film, a mother appears with the words “Fimochko, if you are all, go eat.”

Sorry for calling you fat. I thought you knew.

Every day at the same time on the way to work in the subway on the escalator, I meet a girl with whom I am ready to spend my whole life. The girl goes up and I go down. You can, of course, go back and find her in the crowd, get to know, but the problem is that every day they are different girls.