In any sport, the title "merited master of sports" is given for winning something and only in football for not losing something.

I live near the sea.
He went out onto the balcony to smoke, stretched, and here in front of me at three meters, swinging his wings, the male hanged the tea and began to mourn at me as a cavalry commander in his youth. I cried until I realized that they and the female had a nest on the roof and that tobacco smoke was harmful to the puppies.

Now I smoke on the balcony on the other side of the house.

Russian football team awarded in the Kremlin
And the teams in mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology, programming who took prize places in international competitions in the Kremlin were not awarded.
When it is the opposite, things may change in the country.

I went somehow to wax hair removal of the bikini area to delight the newly made husband with something new (namely an intimate haircut under zero). It is painful, uncomfortable, but then beauty! All smooth, no scratch, irritation, charm and only! But the beauty did not last long. One morning I put on trousers and felt a slight discomfort in the perineal area, but did not attach much importance to this and went to work. By the evening, the situation worsened significantly. Somewhere near the entrance to the divine lotus cave it was relentlessly sick and I could not walk otherwise than in disgrace. She came home, her husband's good was not yet there, armed with a mirror, directed a lamp to the study object and began to look. And there is a huge breakdown - a hair has grown. What to do, you need to get (it is worth noting that neither the girlfriend nor her, at the time, the husband did not tolerate the type of blood and were extremely rude). And here, only I armed with a needle and pincet, disinfected the field of activity and tools with alcohol, my husband returned. Picture with oil: I, hollowing, with melted legs (one in the bath, the other resting in the wall) I sit on the washing machine, between my legs his desk lamp shines, in one hand a mirror, in the other a needle. The bonus is my pale, almost green face, distorted by the grimas of embarrassment, horror and embarrassment. Of course, there were explanations. Then the husband, wearing the sleeves of a snow-white shirt, comes up on his knees and begins to forge the unfortunate hair, permanently we both suppress attacks of nausea from the type of blood and pus and suffer from the inconvenience of the situation. The operation ended successfully and it quickly healed. But it was at that moment that I realized that family life and love include not only pleasant moments of joint romantic time, but also such cases when you want to fail through the earth from shame.

When you won nothing and won nothing, and the barin gives you an order, it means either you are sleeping or the barin is off.

His parents had a family friend, Dr. Mochrik. Student of Amosov. Specialized in child lung surgery. The newspapers wrote about his brilliant operations.

Unfortunately, he died... shortly after the prison, where he fell ill. He went to jail for a bottle of cognac. And the bribe was a bribe, on the order of the offended.

Who could a surgeon offend from God?

He insulted a laboratory. After suspicion of poorly performed tests, he arranged a laboratory inspection - poured tea into a bowl and gave it as a urine analysis. The result received the usual - protein, well, what is there for analysis. After such results at the tea bowl, the laboratory worker he fired.

The result: prison, prison and sickness.

His son followed the footsteps of his father and became a doctor.

“Gazprom, Rosneft, Rosetti are rolling out a bunch of bugs so that our wonderful athletes don’t leave abroad, but rejoice us here.
Thousands of the most talented scientists, engineers, programmers are leaving, and it doesn’t bother anyone. What is quite explainable is that the cranky bodies and crumbling muscles of these little ones are not necessary for our innovative economy.

He worked in a factory for welding machines. And our management decided to develop a welding machine for welding pipes and send it to the exhibition to attract customers. For this, a welding machine (colour green) was purchased in China and was completely copied. When asked what color to paint, the management said in any color except green, so that the exhibition would not be accused of copying.

If you add the word "general" to all the posts in the staff schedule, the secretary will win the most.

The morning. The office. The employee has a cell phone. Conversation on one side.
Yes I listen.
......
- Man, you are wrong with the number, but if you and the boss explain what I am now, you will get hit.
...
Opening the window to the street is not enough. You have to cut off the telecast, and then lie as if the road is in a traffic jamming!

- They say that the residents of the multi-storey buildings will be obliged to pay for anti-terrorist protection.
- Now, probably, they will be hiring landers in concierge.
Something tells me that for this money grandmothers buy whistles. It looks like buying a tank.

Nowadays it is hard to stay on the swim without being a shit.

A story about a real man

“For every wise man, there is enough simplicity.”
A. The island

There is at least one such person in almost every yard.
It can be small, or tall, thin, but most likely thick. Old or very young. Absolutely different, it does not matter. But such people must have one common feature - they are with all their strength: threats, bribery, screams, intrigues, murder, in the end, they are trying to kill a plot of courtyard asphalt behind their car.

One such person lives in a neighboring house (God thank you not in our house) I don’t know his name, we’ll call him Grish. Whether he was once a mint, sat down and became a bandit, or vice versa, was a bandit, sat down and became a mint, history is silent. But, according to our concierge’s story, the whole neighboring house always stood out of him. Then Grisha wheels someone will scratch, then the nail cap will scratch, if anyone dares to put his troll on "his legitimate place."
What Grisham did not do. And the steel pins in the asphalt grabbed and the chains from the aircraft carrier stretched, but the neighbors complained to the JEC and the pins with the chains were periodically cut by the autogen. Only Grisha is not to give up. He bribed someone there in the administration, took him to the GIBDD, and also bribed a whole medical commission. In short, one day, a yellow square of a disabled person appeared on the Grishin Mercedes. Although the appearance of Grish is as healthy as a horse of the Vladimir breed, it may be true that he is all rotten from the inside, who knows him, doctors are more visible. And on "his legitimate place" appeared the most real marking of the disabled place, and most importantly - a sign according to all legal norms. Grisha under the sign also wrapped a beautiful metal tablet, apparently in the funeral office ordered, the text is quite banal: "You took my place, then take my illness."

The first week, Grisha cried, neither do you chains, nor anti-tank bars, and the place is always waiting for him, legal, disabled. But one evening, Grisha came from work, and on "his" "legal" disabled place stands an old, slightly rusty, black Volga, and on the glass of the Volga is seen a yellow sign of the disabled.

The brave grandfather, the owner of the Volga, lives in our house, as he always did, in order to make it better, but every time he "closed" one, or two at once. I also walked to work because of him.
So, he accidentally noticed that a special place for disabled people appeared in the neighboring house, and built his colombine there. This grandfather drives once every two months, not more often, and then only in the summer, so Volga and stands now in the neighboring yard on a legitimate disabled place.

Our concierge told us that he watched the historic encounter of the chromed grandfather with Grisha.

The red, from the boiling blood, Grisha, approached his grandfather, looked at him from the top down and cried:

Did you know that I personally arranged this disabled place? Do you know what kind of grandmother did I do? and?

Grandfather looked at Grisha with admiration from the bottom up, stretched out his dry pot and said:

Well, if so, then I have to say that you are a real person. Let me shake your hand.

He picked up his coat and cried home.

Serena Williams complained of biased, unplanned doping tests, which caused her weakened erection.

I saw this scene on the beach:

Marisa, don’t cry at all. Who called you a Tanner?

Crying turns into a riot.

I am not Marisa. I am Katy!

A father with three-year-old children.

Cyprus is the state bank. It was necessary to pay for three receipts, which were issued at the embassy and at the same time clearly emphasized the fact that for each receipt you need to get a separate check. At the same time, the embassy said that it is better to go to this department, they say they send everyone there and there the operators all know how to do. Next I am I, O is the cash operator.



I: You have to pay three receipts from the embassy. Please make a separate check for each receipt.

A: I can’t make a separate check, I’ll make one in common.

I: Why can’t you? I was told in the embassy that I needed three separate ones.

A: We all from the embassy do so.

I: Do three separate things so I don’t run there and there.

A: No, we can’t, we all do common.

I: (a bit of the beast) Okay, and if I pay for one receipt now, I will take the check, then leave your window, come back and pay for the second. Then I’ll do this operation again, that I’ll get three separate checks, right?

A: Okay, let me try, but we never do that.



Upon returning to the embassy, he replied, "Yes, it's all right, three separate checks are needed." So there are lazy ones in Europe, too.

I would like to pay taxes as the state protects my rights.

I swear to you, fulfill it.

One familiar grandfather, in a distant schooling youth, burned with the desire to become an alpinist. There were no mountains in the district, but he found a hill with a steep slope, used to conquer this cradle and it was plunged by a snowfall.
He lies there not knowing where the top, where the bottom and can not even move. One thing is clear, he can't get out of himself and soon he will sink here. At this point, he swears that he will call his future child by the name of his Saviour. The young man, by the way, could not move, but for life, so, but he fought.

At this point, the grandfather has several children, even more grandchildren, are planning grandchildren. And his first daughter is all called Nadia, and she appears everywhere as Nadia. In her passport, she is recorded as a find. This was the name of the housewife, who stumbled and excavated the passage to the almost stunned mountain climber.

Each of us in childhood had similar thoughts: if all the people in the world were to give me 1 ruble, they are not worth anything, and I will have enough for the rest of my life.
And then I encountered the management company, and I realized that the scheme worked.
The main thing is to believe in dreams.

On the wave of the success of our figure makers, one girlfriend of his wife decided that her daughter would definitely become a star of figure skating and actively engaged in the realization of this idea.

A sports section was found at the ice palace and classes began. Sporting is not an inexpensive sport. One of them cost 25 thousand rubles. Each class is 300 rubles for going on the ice and 1000 rubles for the coach (and these are the prices that were a few years ago). Classes 3-4 times a week.

A few months passed. And here the wife wanted to go with friends and children somewhere to have fun. A walk, a coffee and everything in that spirit.

I can not. My daughter is in class today. A friend told me.

So let the kids ride while yours is working. They will like.

And here is the ice palace, the children inadvertently walk on skis along the edge. They fall, laugh, and crawl on the ice. A girlfriend's daughter with a coach teach another element somewhere on the side.

He is the head coach of our sports division. I saw her photo on the school’s website. She is a well-deserved coach, a master of sports and all that. He then takes the most talented and trains serious athletes from them. A friend told me.

The coach approached them and stood up next to them. And then, watching the kids fool on the ice started a conversation.

Did the kids drive?

and yes. They are interested.

It is right. I have to sport. At least just ride on the slopes. Serious work is not given to everyone. I am a trainer in figurative catwalk. I have been working for many years. You look at the child and you will immediately understand whether or not.

How do you define? Interested in a friend.

Look at the girl. She pointed to a young figure that deals with the coach. - She has a fit figure, she is flexible, look at how she pulls her leg. That is beauty! Most importantly, look in the eyes! She is crazy about what she does! She loves to ride and will try anyway.

Everyone admired the girl and really noted her diligence and nice flexible figure.

Here is the complete opposite. - And then she pointed to a girlfriend's daughter - Well, you can see immediately that the girl is wooden. It does not pull, the necessary flexibility is not achieved. There is also a tendency to fullness. It will have to be planted on a diet at 9-10 years. Sweets are forbidden to eat, brides, and there will be no point anyway. Childhood will only ruin the child. And a look. Poisoned and sad. Her mother makes her work, but she doesn’t want to. He walks under the sticks. Parents try to realize their ambitions in the child.

During this speech, the girlfriend was covered with red spots.

It is not wood! She is almost sitting on the sword! She cried out.

Is this your girlfriend? I am sorry. But I do not take my words back. Body skating is not your sport.

The coach is gone. My friend proved for a long time that she was wrong. But with figure skating they quickly tied up. They went to the theatrical circle, where the girl walked with burning eyes and great pleasure.