bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №102262
 29.08.2014
Q: Is he going there at all?
WOW: in the work sent an exam what to pass
He forgets and does not give up.
XHH: or not give up and forget
XHH: or surrender and forget
Karzai: The outcome is obvious

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №102261
 29.08.2014
XXX: What’s going on in your country?
I haven't watched the news for a long time.
Damn, the Game of Thrones.
Song of Sala and Wata.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №102260
 29.08.2014
to this:

I like the passive protoplasm (omnom)
I also love active protoplasm. (The end of the story)
Whoever is in the subject will understand =)
___________________________

It is a pleasure to meet fans of classical NF, and Shekley in particular))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №102259
 29.08.2014
Take any moment from childhood.
No, do not take this.
Do not take this too.
What a shit that is.

by i-mel


[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №102258
 29.08.2014
Yascher: It happened recently... We went to the village, stopped in Chernigov. Everyone went somewhere, the mother also got out of the car, leaving me in the car "for the main", and went somewhere. After a while, he calls me and asks, “Yarik, are you far away?”
An interesting and original way of geo-positioning, I thought.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №102257
 29.08.2014
If a man does not use the talent given by God, then God changes the talent for vodka.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №102256
 29.08.2014
The principle of losing.

In those distant stagnant years, when a huge line was built behind the cooked sausage because of the fact that everyone had money for it, even ordinary retirees, and the quarter pay was purely symbolic and this only emphasized the rapid rise of communism, in our stores there were cafés equipped with Yugoslav coffee makers and domestic mixers "Voronezh".
The establishment was very popular with the non-drinking population of the city. Here you could quickly and inexpensively snack sandwiches, pre-burning the fat from the "Special", and drink with tomato juice diluted with water or semi-transparent coffee blended with burned sugar. The place of the buffet was always considered dusty and monetary, and the sympathizers arranged for it on a large mud, usually through an interview on a sold-out director's sofa.

The fact that commercial equipment brings good personal profit, these ladies did not hide, and when their gold printing machine broke, the only specialist in repair in the whole city was equipped with a fed taxi driver, who rounded around all the merchandise departments, stalls and stalls in the hope of finding a mechanic named Loskut.

Customers and co-workers respected Loskut for his careful and thorough approach to work. Any small malfunction in his skillful hands immediately materialized into capital repair and already paid for accordingly. For years, Laskut walked in the same dark green pants and a feather hat, and for solidity he had plus glasses in the horn, although he did not need them at all.

In the brown, plugged portfolio, in addition to the rusted inventory tool, there was always a bottle of muddy "Apple" local spill and a personal granite glass. I never saw him drinking, with me he always only cuddled, but only so that the hands would not walk, and a smart thought would not be lost in the head.

One day our paths crossed on one of the facilities, his mood was good, and Loskut decided to teach me his Master class:

I see that you are the right guy and like you are cutting in the cold, he started his lesson, but in life you do not understand anything and it is noticeable to you. Life, son, is a complicated thing and everyone perceives it in their own way. What do you think is important for the customer, our repair? No is! The customer is more important than our attention and respect. You respect him, he respects you. Here you will now set up the unit and leave “thank you”, without a penny, and all because the job you are put wrong. And it was necessary, at least, to stand up, to talk with the headman about the difficulties of life, about the turmoil of love and take the butterflies on the glands. She is happy and you are well. If she called you, then paying has already been decided, and your task is to make it as easy as possible. So that she feels like a mistress and, paying with you, got pleasure.
After a couple of times, he continued:

“Look at Lucca, today for half a day she searched for me all over the pit, she made three rounds, she was poor in sorrow until she found me in the pit. Do you know what happened to her coffee machine? In the morning, she forgot to turn the device into the socket and decided from the Bap's panic that it had burned up. Remember the girls in the technique are all stupid and brainless, but this is for the best. I exchanged all the conveys and the magnetic trigger for her, until I got involved in the matter myself, took fifteen rubles from her, and only now is she truly happy. Pleased with what is called.

Luskut thought for a moment, and then asked:

= Root, give the limitator, the chot crashes after yesterday...

Striking his dentures at the glass, he tossed off a bit of apple adrenaline, squeezed, and, smelling the squeezed sleeve of his jacket, continued:

Of course, you need to love your work, without it it is impossible, but this is not enough, it is important to organize and place it properly. Movement must be created. Do you understand me? Take, for example, a new food boiler. We pour water into the shirt and it, as always, flows from all the cracks.

Bishop, what would you do in this case? He asked me with a high Caucasian accent.

= I will cut out new pads from the paronite, put them on oil paint and pack the TENA with an asbestos cord, = as a pioneer on the line I reported, the attention of the recognized burned wolf licked me.

It is immediately apparent that you are still a green guy and can’t plan your job. Now listen here carefully to what Uncle Loscut will do in this case while I am alive. And Uncle Loscut will put a couple of tablespoons of mustard in a steam shirt and stretch the flow until the morning. Remember, my son, all you need right now is at the distance of a stretched arm, so is life on Earth arranged.

It was noticeable that the role of the teacher he liked and inspired.

=About a month later, = my volunteer mentor continued, = the protection will be covered from the mustard, and I will cut the dry-going electrode directly, and in another month the cook will go out to pour water and the TENs, without protection, will burn. Cut the moment? Here they will get on the grandmothers for the third time, and now I will miss them on the full program. Engaged in theory?

What I heard somehow did not fit in my mind with my ideas about the PPR and the dented structure of the IT, and I asked him how he felt about it.

= Without it is not possible. The timely implementation is essential, son, it creates movement. Look at the mixer, it is as simple as an electrical drill and without maintenance will work forever until electricity ends in the country. And if you occasionally lubricate the bearing, then you can put a little canyon or sulphur from the light bulbs in it, in a couple of weeks it will burn and the anchor will burn. In time prepare and change the anchor here for you and respect, money and honor.
For me it was a revelation. As a child I believed in the utopia of socialism. I read the central newspapers, and accepted the voiced ideas with my heart, I sincerely believed what was written in them, and walked in pink glasses, not noticing the realities of life. I thought that all people live by the same rules, that everyone sees and perceives the world equally. The fact that there are exactly as many worlds as there are people on Earth, I understood much later. From today’s point of view, I do not condemn Loskut in any way, I am even grateful to him for opening my eyes to the pattern of behavior I have named here by his name.

Over time, I have learned to notice and recognize the manifestation of the “principle” in the various spheres of our citizens’ activity. Gradually they began to replace morality and morality and, without shame, call it "free entrepreneurship". It, already as an economic model, was massively implemented by many public organizations, private firms and corporations, conducting role-playing games, trainings and seminars. The power itself did not shake them. “Lascut” principle has been replaced by common sense.

Years passed, our economy became sloppy, and the former enormous state broke up into small slops. From the point of view of a small person, it was always just one way to organize our existence, and in the end we all lost ourselves and one for all the Big Homeland, which was changed in favor of the principle.
I’m afraid that with this principle we’re wrapping up and everything else that’s left of us.


by Zenzel

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №102255
 29.08.2014
Previously, Russia was considered to be the raw material additive of the West.
In fact, it turned out that Europe is the main collage of Russia!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №102254
 29.08.2014
here here :

Fuck... how to close sites 18+ on a child’s smart, if after all the blocks and patches, he dumbly downloads a new browser?
— — —
There are solutions: remove Google Play, buy a tariff without the Internet, and it is easier not to buy a child a smartphone :)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №102253
 29.08.2014
T-R-R, ladies and gentlemen, you can’t do that! Not all girls with a good figure are automatically required to become spending beds. Yes, containers are forced to watch more closely for their appearance, because on their attractiveness all the well-being holds, but women who are not pumpers may have a lot of reasons to care about the appearance.
All mushrooms are mushrooms, but not all mushrooms are mushrooms.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №102252
 29.08.2014
The Beatles will understand.
There was a letter with the topic "FW: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: HA: Contract". After reading the sabjack, I want to sing at the end "hey juud"...))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №102251
 29.08.2014
Man, with a quote about "student and robot"
The book was titled "The Adventures of Uncle Tick So "
The story is titled "Machinogrados ")
Then you go down.)

Dialogue at work today:
Is the accountant pregnant?
Fuck you fuck.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №102250
 29.08.2014
XXX: What are audio cassettes?
yyy: Device for switching tracks with a pencil.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №102249
 29.08.2014
xxx: ideally it would be if the schedule was flexible, preferably generally free, employment official and salary at least 12-15 thousand
yyy: and ride there on the unicorn)
Better than a dragon.
XXX: A-A

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №102248
 29.08.2014
The certificate from the morgo was signed by the doctor Immortal.
Probably his wife...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №102247
 29.08.2014
A man with a column and a bathroom.
Apart from steel, there are steel baths. Iron bath you would hardly pull into the room, it weighs much more than steel. Kowaldo is well rotated. Your worker was right, only forgot to mention steel baths.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №102246
 29.08.2014
I read a quote from a friend.
"... as they write in this your grandmother’s magazine, "Metropolis"... no, "Necropolis"... no, "Necronomicon"... and,, "Cosmopolitan"...";
In the next number! 10 Ways to Look Alive!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №102245
 29.08.2014
Take away your dirty stuff from me!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №102244
 28.08.2014
in the cat's wisdom.

My friend’s cat was 19 years old.
Start wondering about old age.
For three days I was deaf.

Everyone started treating her like a rotting egg.

Then there was a conversation that on Saturday we all went to the veterinarian with the cat.
In the morning, the cat miraculously healed one ear - began to pull them on the call "x-x-x";

One day she is deaf, one day she hears.

Go to the veterinarian anyway.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №102243
 28.08.2014
Football is the last legal way to buy a Negro.

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