Name your positive and negative qualities.
I can put everything on and then deny everything.

The phone rings. The unknown number. I take the phone, and from there a straight hysterical shout of nonsense "Pasha, I have been waiting for you for half an hour, when will you be? “” That I wrote so briefly, and in reality it was a sentence of 50 words, of which the censored only written above. I was sorry for the unknown Pasha and I replied in the tube, "Sorry, I loved another." No one called anymore.

The case was in the late 1980s. When I was a child (8-10 years old), my parents took me to a holiday base in Komarov (near Peter) in the winter. There was a local cinema and it filmed an Italian film with Alain Delon "Zorro". My mother brought me to him. And when I returned home, when my parents were at work, I cut the letter Z on our entrance door out of shit. My father was very upset, but he did not bother. My parents had to change the door. The next film that filled my filmography was the series "The meeting place cannot be changed." After him, almost on all the walls in our apartment, the image of a black cat painted by my mom's carcass was painted. Here my father no longer contained the emotions and I learned a lot about myself. The investigation is the overlapping of all wallpapers in the apartment. But the apogee of my acquaintance with the cinema was the comedy Gaidai "12 chairs. We had 8 soft chairs. To my disappointment, I did not find any diamonds in them. But my ass then shone red like a ruby.

It was a great movie before.)

You see a man and fall in love with your dreams of happiness.

There are two things I will explain in advance. Army and horse. An army where a man who has reached adulthood gives a debt to his homeland, gaining the skills to protect his mother, sister, neighbors, all those who are close to him and dear. And the horse may not be an animal, but a sports projectile through which you jump in the gym. He is also called “the goat,” but since this word is not very pleasant for us, we will stop on “the horse.” This is actually the story of this and that habit is still a second nature.
Listen, what is complicated here? Fitzgerald was nervous when he turned to the student. That fucking thing is here! He jumped on a bridge. - Shake up, shake up, wash your hands and you are already there. What is complicated? Give it up! - The cursant of sweat and red made a run, but in front of the "horse", right on the bridge, sharply hit the brakes and crashed the projectile. The officer clearly understood that now he would arrange an unconstitutional relationship. It threatened him with huge trouble, but the nerves gave up. And he found a way out. The student was wearing a belt to which two ropes were tied on both sides. Two brave high school students, taking in their hands the ends of which, as the student approached the projectile, dragged him so that he simply washed up and forward, flying over the horse.
“Not the MiG-23 of course,” the officer thought, “but it’s not bad too! Let’s go guys, go on! “Humbling,” he said, “within two days of giving up the school norms, they are at your disposal, he must do it! Do not break the wall!
Two days passed quickly, the responsible day came unnoticed. And it must happen that a few minutes before the jump of this student, the head of the school entered the gym. When I came to Phuket, I asked.
How about replenishment? I will see,, - the student began to run and the officer even closed his eyes, because there was no belt or rope on it now, and the high school students did not stand nearby, so in any case, he stumbled. I don’t understand, to repeat. He was removed from this state by the voice of the head of school. The cursant, who stood on the other side of the "horse", as he got there, of course cried, but the phrase heard from the general was embarrassing. The student made a circle and returned to the original. Hearing the command "go" rushed forward, reached the bridge, pushed, smote up and forward and without touching his hands, flew over the "horse". “Hear,” pushed the officer with his elbow, “I didn’t have a cognac yesterday? Did he go without his hand? Oh my son, do it again! "From the third attempt to realize that the cognac has absolutely nothing to do with it, the head of the school scratched the forehead. A good supplement! I wonder when the flight starts, will he need a shuttle?

How many girls did you have in terms of sex?
In terms of sex, there were 150. But I’m very much behind the plan.

I was caught in the kindergarten. To break something, to build something, in general, on the principle - poorly, but cleanly. When they talked about money, the manager traded like a Jew on the Driving. Some come together in price. Leading to me:

You are not bad, you are earning money.

I do not complain. How much do your babysitters and teachers get?

Eight to ten thousand runs.

Something is small.

Working with children is a vocation. You have to be altruistic!

He went out of the garden and sat in his 10th. Following me, the manager jumped into Tuareg. And they went away: I work, she is looking for altruists.

The more party of thieves, the higher the rating of the president.

Hidden reserves of the male body

Something happened to me at Aurora. We prepared for the delivery of the object, it was necessary to give up on time, a thumb in a thumb, so that they worked on wear, day and night, who in shifts, who for days, and I just weeks from there did not go out.

For this reason, several bedrooms were equipped in the basement. Pure walking, mattresses, mattresses, bedrooms, only to fall for a couple of hours, when you are already completely helpless.

There was one girl in the group, Aunt. very good. Smart, executive, benevolent, a miracle and not a girl. And with such you know a pure, untouched consciousness, like a five-year-old child. As if she did not grow up in Balashige, but in some Elysée.

From this men with her even mother tried not to express themselves. For instance, Ivanov, with a hammer on his finger, will first say, "Nasthenka, baby, well-cover your ears," and only then will he speak out his Orthodox attitude to the hammer, the finger, the government, God and his mother.

And here one evening already, late, I watch - sitting behind the monitor, my nose cries. I ask you, baby, why don’t you go home? She - I wait for Sasha, Sasha promised to come after me.

Sasha is her fiancé, they should have signed up in a month. Love is shorter, all things.

Okay well. It is midnight and German is gone. I ask, where is your Sasha? He is, he is sick. In short, something happened there with this Sasha, or a cold, or a foot pulled out. She says, I will come alone.

And the times were fierce, the subway is about to close, I say, where will you get? What are you going to do in your balloon? Go to the basement and go to bed. The subway opens in the morning and you leave. Tomorrow you go for a walk. Only, I say, do not awaken Mikhailich, he is an evil man. We were there just Mikhailich, the slug, slept after the day.

She went, just lay down, the phone is ringing. Who can call a girl at this time? A clear pen, only a loving caring bridegroom.

Oh, what do you call, I just fell asleep! He tells him Nathan. Anywhere, at work of course. Why at the table? There are even beds in the basement.

Are you alone in the basement? I am interested in the bridegroom.

I am not sleeping alone here. I sleep with Grigory Mikhailich.

Sasha’s fiancé was at the facility in half an hour. From Lefortovo to Volkhonka, the acrylic was hooked, not even dampened. And the cold passed, and the leg immediately healed. These are the wonders that love can do to a man.

The men were not allowed to enter the basement. I told him to go to sleep and come on time. They stumbled, he helped them pull the cables until morning. Everything is useful.

The Rocket

A friend suggested to take a walk in the center next Saturday.
How many days do you need to apply to the City Council?

I work in a taxi "Vezet" in the glorious city of Chelyabinsk. I never take applications from the gardens, even at the dawn of my activity in the taxi was an application from Traktorosada-1, the client was straight very delightful: asked to come to the very wing, because. He has a painful knee. At first, the guard did not want to let me, he barely penetrated into the territory, then, as a mother, he sought the desired street and house, because the markers hang on each, give god, 10 houses, and even do not hang at all. Since then I have always refused gardens, and there are very few applications and I stood next to them and the application indicated that the client was at the door. Greed lost a taxi driver.

The grandmother of God sits with two bags. On the way, he says, "Son, take a cupcake, or I have two bags, it's hard to pull." I refuse, motivated by the fact that the mother and father-in-law of these cockroaches have already drawn me a whole puppy. Grandma says that her cockroaches are special, spicy, spicy, almost curative. I am unwavering. However, when entering the address, the grandmother puts 3 cocktails on the seat. Going out, he gives 100 rubles with the words: "In general, I sell them for 15 rubles per piece, so you still have a bag." The price was 130 rubles.

So I think to take them home to relatives or give them over.

xxx: Some 2 years ago, in the middle of the day, such an inadequate person invaded my personal space with a message "What a hero sending to friends to my husband. Shallow » Of course, I did not go to any of my husbands. I do not know her or her husband. Even friends do not have in common, because we generally live in different parts of Eurasia.

To my confusing questions about where she came from and how her husband surrendered to me, she responded only with insults.

She went to her husband's page and laid out the correspondence screens in the comments under his avatar (the face was closed) and asked her wife not to leave the house. Neadevkaša entered the CSU.

P. S. has now entered her page - the status "not married".

I broke my family, anyway. That grandmother was worried!

Two friends who worked at the Boeing company pulled the rescue armor from the plane and decided to try it on fishing. They flooded on the river and soon saw a coast guard helicopter. As it turned out, when the boiler is inflated, the block automatically turns on, sending a disaster signal and location coordinates. Both friends were "saved" from work in the "Boeing".

In the discharge department (coordinate discharge of precise holes with positionary permissions) took a young student. I go, there is nowhere. I approach the workers.

Where is the new one?

The marriage rate is decreasing.

and? ? to ? to ? to

I go into the car and... sleep.

The effectiveness of managers is determined by the number of people they destroy.

Listened
There was a neighbor in our entrance, who became a representative of Avon. Life from her did not, will meet someone on the stairs or in the courtyard - immediately clinging to the advertisement of its goods, you will not get away. I even went through apartments. He met me again and started pushing his goods again. And I got the idea, I say that now there is no money, but there is one colleague who was interested, I can arrange a meeting. Of course I agreed. Not only did I say that my colleague was an active representative of Jehovah’s Witnesses and that everyone at work had a lot of conversations. And he was not fired just because he was a distant relative to someone from the chief. I told him there was a woman who was interested in them, I could arrange a meeting.
How their meeting went, I don’t know. But then my neighbor left me alone, and my colleague with his conversations left me behind.

In Moscow flooded the workshop of Nikas Safronov. The irreparable damage to the world cultural heritage caused by Nicas has been reduced to virtually zero.

I am in line in the store. The man left his little son alone with the basket, and he went to look for something else. When the boy’s turn came, he shouted at the whole store: “Paaap, go here, the hour of payment has come!”

Do not go to predictors, communicate with pessimists - they have all the predictions more accurate.

It is even interesting, according to what laws, traditions or cultural characteristics, sometimes certain professions are closely related to representatives of a nationality. Here, for example, the Armenians, representatives of the ancient humanitarian culture, practically monopolized some, purely technological fields, shoe business, for example, or car service. And especially - body works (in common language - "hardy"). It feels like they know some secrets of this activity, coming from the depths of centuries! For the first time, I turned to these cousins of paint and metal a few days after I purchased my first personal car. It was an IJ-Combi, a product of the Izhev automotive industry, the car is reliable and strong, it served me for a long time. However, after the first trip on the rear seat, the wife complained that the door was blowing. The reason was discovered immediately: there was a huge gap between the door and the body. The instructions for the car were detailed, with illustrations, told how to adjust the door in this case (approximately like the door of the kitchen cabinet). Armed with a drill, I tried to do the necessary manipulations, but it wasn’t! Sitting on the paint, the screws sat dead. Having been tortured without results, I realized that it was necessary to turn to professionals, and went to the nearest "hardy". An elderly Armenian stared into the salon, surprised, said, “You have this hole here!” and left, throwing, “Wait here.” I expected him to come up with some unique tool that will help to cope with disobedient screws. The master came with a board, which he clearly raised from the floor. Putting the board between the door and the body, he pressed a couple of times and said, “Look.” The door fits to the body perfectly! “How many?” I asked, completely shocked. The master thought, and named the price of his service, one in ten times less than the amount I had prepared for such a complex and expensive repair.
Then I had to resort to the services of the masters of this profile several times, but I will tell you only one episode. Modern young car owners, of course, are not familiar with the phrase "Rise-Rise", and once for this adjustment there were special workshops. And with the penetration of the first streams of information technology in our country, such a miracle appeared as "Computer rally". Here in the institution with such a sign I once visited, and after a few days shared impressions with my good acquaintance Roman, a professional driver and, importantly, an Armenian.
"I come to the service," I tell, "there the masters, apparently Armenians, put the car on the lift, picked it up, and started doing something on the computer..." The novel raised the eyebrows: “Armenians on the computer?!” And he cut off, “It won’t work!” “Something was done on the computer,” I tell you, “then they took a cuvalda, and...” “Kualda was taken,” Roman resurrected. “It’s okay, it will work!”
Congratulations to professionals!