When my son was 3 years old, he came to me in the middle of the night and woke me up and asked me to let him sleep with me because he was afraid to sleep alone. I, of course, moved and, hugging him, fell asleep. After a while, he wakes me up again and says, “Mom, maybe I’ll go to bed, or you’re so snoring that I’m more afraid of you.”

I go out of the entrance today and hear:

Hi you beautiful!

I turn with a sharply elevated mood, a smile to my ears, and I see a cute girl.

“Hello,” I say to her, anticipating a pleasant acquaintance, “thank you.

She is red:

Oh sorry for it. I realized. Without a lens. I thought it was my husband.

Here to the entrance approaches a man of my height and in the same coat as mine, kisses this girl, and they leave. And I stand and think: really beautiful.

Xxx: My friend has something in common with the hobbit. I put a ring on my finger and the ring disappeared.

Yyy: Sauron forbids him from communicating with friends

and quarantine. Looking for Positive

Forced self-isolation (at the planetary scale) is the best way, at least for a while, to end all wars.

© Dmitry Sviridov

How I fought with the military.

I will tell you my story about the military.

In the Higher Classes (2000-2001) For the first time, we were taken to the military, where we received assignments. They got everybody except me. I went through all the examinations and so on.

At the time, I did not have a registration. Absolutely no one. He lived with his parents on the office square in communion. In their passports there was some ancient, irrelevant pass, and the administration did not want to register us in the PMJ. Temporary and unnecessary.

But please note that I did not hide from the military.

So the commander ignored me. I calmly finished school, calmly entered the universe, calmly finished it and got a diploma. I calmly went to my first job. (Yes yes! It was all without registration, without assignment and without a soldier.)

In 2007, the court broke out the registration and - what would you think? He voluntarily surrendered to the army.

No, I did not intend to serve. I just wanted to humanely log in and close this page.

came there. A very surprised woman studied my papers and did not believe it.

I presented the well-preserved directions and medical certificates since the same visit to the military committee during the school years. She opened a large magazine, searched for a long time and found me.

And then she said, walk with God, you will have an agenda.

I wondered when it would happen.

She replied that she does not know, because it does not depend on them, but on how soon the police will transmit them information about newly registered persons of the age of recruitment.

Even though my passport with registration and address - here it is!

Okay well. This is the agenda.

has gone.

Over the years, he changed several jobs, and no time the lack of military registration documents became a problem. (And all these jobs were in government agencies or organizations; I have not worked in commerce until now.)

Then came the day when I was 27.

I felt an irresistible attraction to the reserve.

He came back to the same military.
It was April.

Oh my God, what has it started!! to

It started normally. I was sent to some office. The guy missing there behind the computer (probably a timetable) "broke" me and sent me to another office. He was jealous of me and envious of my luck.

In that other office there was a aunt who began to scream naturally at me: “Dezertyr! The Escapist! You will go to court!”

But the court will not go anywhere, but the medical commission only works here and now (I appeared once in the spring appeal), so my aunt drove me there. Only in words.

In the morning came again. The whole corridor was filled with callers. I just lost among them. I don’t remember how people got to the doctors: they were called or there was a turn. I only remember that I sat there for an hour without reason.

Finally, my patience broke out and I broke into the office of the chief doctor (or the chairman of the commission, I don’t know).

It seemed he was not warned. He kicked me out as soon as he found out my age. Not even listening.

I went to the military, and he himself went to the doctor and told me to accept me.

He scratched in the back of the head, shrugged his eyes and sent me to the doctors.

The inspection lasted two seconds each. The surgeon needed three: his attention was attracted by a simple varicose vein on my leg. Because of this I didn’t get to category “A” and got a “B”. Thanks for Tom.

Then on the appointed day I arrived for a military ticket.

And here the most interesting thing began.

I entered the office. There at the T-shaped table were three: in the center - a soldier, on the sides of a aunt and a man.

I was not offered to sit.

And instead of a military ticket, I was solemnly (no) handed... a decision on bringing to administrative responsibility pursuant to art. 21.5 CPA of the Russian Federation ("Non-fulfillment by citizens of duties on military registration")

Rather, I was not given it. I was presented and told to sign up for a copy.

But since I was already at that time: (a) a lawyer; (b) the same year that drafted the protocols and issued decisions in my state service, I first read it, and then demanded that a copy be issued to me, and after that I will be discharged.

They did not expect this from what was seen from the uproar. Aunt ran to copy the order to another office.

I was told that I would get a military ticket after paying the penalty.
The challenge is accepted.
When I got home, I read the ruling again and immediately printed a complaint against it to the district court.

There was something to complain about. After all, in the descriptive part it was literally the following: "I was not on the military record." However st. 21.5 The Russian Federation Code of Conduct did not provide for responsibility for - sorry - failure to register. She was punished for failing to appear on the agenda and for failing to appear within the time limit for registration. That is, for formal reasons, the decision flew into the garbage bowl.
In addition, there was no signature of the official (i.e. of the military). That’s how they were upset! Here is another formal reason.
In any case, I would point out that even if they correctly accused me of the offence, it would still be cancelled by the court.
The fact is that I did not receive the agenda from the military committee. (And I am more than sure that they didn’t even direct.) This composition immediately disappears.
For the non-appearance in the established period for registration, I was also not able to be attracted, since this very period of appearance in relation to the initial registration of students was again determined by the agenda (ch. 2 st. 9 53-FZ) which I did not receive.
There was a possibility in which I did not appear to the military committee myself within two weeks after registration at the place of residence. There was no need for this agenda. But there were nuances here too.
First, the law required me to appear after a change of place of residence, but my place of residence did not change! As I lived at that particular address before, I continued to live. I just registered, but it’s not the same.
Secondly, even if you interpret the law extensively and assume that I was obliged to appear after receipt of registration, it turns out that the limitation period for bringing to administrative responsibility has long passed! The limitation period was 2 months (h. 1 st. 4.5 CPA of the Russian Federation), which was calculated from the day of the offence. If the offence consisted in the failure to perform any duty within a certain period, the date of its commission was considered the day following the last day of this period (5th Plenum of the Russian Federation). That is, if I registered (conditionally) on 01.06.2007, then I should have arrived at the military committee no later than 15.06.2007. On June 16, 2007, I committed an offence. The limitation period has expired on 16.08.2007. And I was attracted for a moment, in 2012, that is, 5 years later.

Well, in addition to this, I will remind you that after registration, I once again appeared in the military committee. The other thing is that I couldn’t prove it.
I explained it all and immediately brought it to court.
Contrary to my expectations, the court did not cancel the decision, but returned the case for a new consideration to the military committee. So, I gave them a second chance. His right is.
At the new examination, I was already provided with a chair and began to choke like Kozlevich’s Xendze.
Knowing where I work (at the time), they went from the side of professional ethics (in their perverted view):

We see that you are serving there. You also draw up protocols, bring to administrative responsibility. Also in the system, so to speak. So you know how this system works, what its goals are. Accept that you have violated. Sign the order, pay the fine, and there will be no more questions to you! And we are fine, and you will get a military ticket quickly.
I objected that in the system in which I serve it is not common to make deliberately unlawful and unfounded decisions (and this is true), so their proposal is unacceptable.
I was fined again.
And again, I immediately rushed to the "home - computer - court" route and appealed the decision.
This time it was more funny: in the descriptive part alone stood the only word "St. Petersburg".

I am lost in the guess that it was.
Ordinance was foolish? Or maybe they really wanted to help me avoid the unjust punishment and deliberately allowed these stupid cracks?

The judge was different. There were two daughters in the military. (I have not seen them before.) Oh, how he tossed them! I was not ashamed of expressions. Like me, he couldn’t understand how he could be so dumb.
However, the order was not repealed. Returned for a new consideration.
Running forward, I will tell you that it never happened. Military is depleted.

Yes, I beat the military commissariat twice in court, but it didn’t bring me closer to getting a military ticket. Rather even removed.
The deadly offended soldier came up with a reason not to give me a test document: say, I have to undergo some psychological testing. (I do not remember the exact name.)
I found in the regulatory documents of the Ministry of Defense that it is carried out only with respect to recruits to whom I did not belong. But I decided not to argue if soon it was the only obstacle.
I appeared, and again (as at the medical commission) no one knew about me and did not want to test me. Again I disturbed the commander, and he arranged a test.
I passed him. What else needs? Where is the soldier? But my answer was silence.
I will remind you that this epic began in April, and now it was September.
Then I started writing a letter to the military. Value with investment description. In them I humbly asked when I would get a military ticket.

To be honest, I did not expect an answer. The soldier answered. And so, you can say, the psychological test passed brilliantly. Diagnosis: unwavering greed and impenetrable stupidity.
He replied: I will not give you a military ticket until you have paid the fine.

In this answer everything was perfect: and that he managed to link the unrelated (the issuance of a soldier and the payment of a fine), and that he expected to pay the fine twice cancelled by the court.
After wiping my eyes, shaking and shaking my head, I wrote to the soldier that the fine, whose non-payment caused him such pain, had been canceled. I also suggested that he refer to a law that would allow him not to issue a military ticket in case of non-payment of an administrative fine. Fuck, one does not depend on the other.
The second response of the military commissioner was more concise: you are not fulfilling the duty to pay a fine, which gives me the right not to fulfill my duty to issue you a military ticket.
God, this is a sleeping Neanderthal, not a man!
When I realized that the dialogue was hopeless, I gathered all the documents and filed two almost identical complaints: to the district prosecutor’s office and to the chief military commissioner of the city. I was sure that now the soldier will get a noble pro3,14zdon.

Simultaneously, I began to describe my story on the forum of the Military College of Lawyers on the advice of narrow specialists. But all the advice was only one: come to us for a consultation. I understand them: it is their bread, and no one owes me anything for free. But as if they had little of that, they (lawyers) stated without appeal that I was subject to criminal liability for evasion and that only they could save me. This is not good, it is disorderly. This is intimidation with the aim of forcing a person to attribute to them his dungeons.
Time passed and the prosecutor was silent. GVC as well.

Then I came to her, and what did I find out? Do you guess?

I learned that the district prosecutor's office - the drum - redirected my complaint to the district military committee.

The pipet. Good double army with one twist, and the one from the furry. The Prosecutor’s Office! The Lord’s Eye! All with the highest legal! How could they not know that the 59-FZ prohibits redirecting a complaint to someone they complain about?! Or did they know, but decided not to argue with the military?

Cuddling with indignation, I wrote a disastrous complaint to the district prosecutor’s office in the city. He threw everyone there, including polite fears about the existence of corruption component in the actions of employees of the district prosecutor’s office. Once again at the time, whether Putin or Medvedev approved some plan of anti-corruption there – and he referred to it.

The District Prosecutor’s Office ordered the district to investigate.
From the second attempt, the district prosecutor's office submitted a presentation to the military committee. What it really was I never knew. The mocked prosecutor, to whom I stumbled with the desire to kill, mocked that he had no copy, not even a copy. Oh of course.
I left the prosecutor’s office with a lot of frustration. It was a cold November.
Suddenly I got a letter.

Military Chief of the City.
It began with the words "Dear Such Takayotovich!“”

Further it was said: "To obtain a military ticket you can appear in any (!) It is convenient (!) for you! Time in the military...”

And at the very end: "The head of the military commissariat is brought to disciplinary responsibility."

I felt the balm slowly spread through my soul.

At a convenient time for me, I came to the military. This time they were waiting for me. Oh yes!

A wicked aunt with an eradicated face (by the way, she was among those who fined me) silently gave me a military ticket.
I have won.

P.S Oh yeah yes. At the forum of the Military College of Lawyers, I told my story to the victorious end. During the course, he answered various questions of the poor and gave advice. Apparently, it didn't really like the butterflies (yet, the feed base is deprived!So they made fun of me, and the topic was either removed or closed. (I do not remember anymore.)

The road wakes. The fulfillment of the statement:
- Replace, please, the "sick cyclist" with the "second participant in an accident".

I have a childhood friend.

25 years of friends. When they grew up, it happened that they communicated often, or it happened that rarely, then they lived in different cities, then in one, but every time we meet, as if we saw each other yesterday, and as if there were no breaks.

As a child, I wrote her letters that went 7-10 days, received letters from her, and then there was an internet that didn't get lost.

Once we were 14-15 years old. We gathered with a large company, the summer evening smoothly passed at midnight. The company split, some went to one side, others to the other, about the hour of the night we all met, and it turned out that it was like my friend went home. I really needed her for something. At the hour of night. I don’t remember why, but I probably wanted to discuss something important for me as a fifteen-year-old.

My friend lived on the first floor. I grew up as a boy, always climbing well on trees and roofs. And of course, I went to her by the window. More precisely in the open. Somehow, slightly overwhelmed, I slipped on my shoulders into the fortress, and whispered in the darkness of the room: "Leyenna." The answer is silence. I called again. Then, thinking that she was already asleep (but the conversation, apparently, did not give me peace), I called louder.

After that, from the darkness of the room, the sleepy voice of Lenin's father heard: "Lena is not at home."

It sounded so sleepy and quiet, so ordinary, as if I hadn’t awakened a stranger’s dad at all and walked out to strangers in the street at night, and also as if I hadn’t accidentally reminded me that the time was late, and we’re all wandering somewhere on the street.

I, gently speaking, was deceived. First of all, it was not Lena who answered, but her father. Then I realized that I woke him up. Then from the realization that this is Dad Offegel, probably from the fact that I’m at his doorstep at night.

In general, a bunch of thoughts flooded in my head for a second, and with the phrase, "sorry, thank you, goodbye," (it was only to add, "I will then go later"), I pushed back into the fortress, jumped from the exhibition in the wall and broke my head into the courtyard. No one seemed to follow me.

Lene and I are 32 and 33 years old, respectively. Every time we meet, even after a break of a year, her parents always pass me a greeting, the one to me, "Lene, who walked to us in the fortress")))

And there is something sweet in it, something such native from that distant warm childhood...

Ps Lena we found that night)))

All good friends!

A long time ago, when he divorced his ex-wife for her betrayal, he began to stumble from the realization that his beloved man betrayed you as the last cattle while earning money, and she spent them, and also the guilty exposed before everyone allegedly did not give her time, although I wanted one to sleep. worked on three jobs, on the main on the construction from Monday to Saturday inclusive, in the protection of the 24-hour store night after two or if the weekend or holidays, then a day, and from there to the main work on the construction, and then in the evenings the big shabash made until 23:00 and then only home or there until noon were engaged in work and there to sleep, and in the morning again to the main work.

I left with two sub-works, there was a free time began to take a drink with a watermelon in the evenings and with a neighbor in the room in communion to buzz. The neighbor did not work at all, although he had a wife and daughter. And as then came to visit me a neighbor with his friends local alkasas, then just find out how to do business, then smoke, or blow up, because the money I had.

As soon as Vitek (his friend) was 25 years old he was then, with some bombs allegedly his friends from which it smelled 3 km into the perid and drew his wife also a local alcoholic and in exchange for her services I had to give them a liter of good vodka.  Then I understood, I touched everything, a little further down. He scattered everyone, told the neighbor to forget the road, again struck the job, the money appeared and hired the apartment. And in the community then a couple of years later walked on the shabash, went to our former curmish "And there nothing changed, as the neighbor hurled and hurled, as the local alcoholists gathered to him while his wife was at work and went on.And nobody sees anything bad in this and lives and plays in his swamp, and everyone arranges everything and does not want to change, Sorry!! to

Simplifying is much more difficult than complicating. To simplify it is necessary to know the meaning of the subject. And to complicate, besides a set of incomprehensible words, nothing is needed.

In late November 1972, I arrived in the district of Ludzen, where I was co-hosted by the instructor of the Central Committee of Komsomol of Latvia, for the plenum of the district committee. According to the established label, it was appropriate to be noted by the curator of the Komsomol in the party's district committee. The secretary of the RC KPL was on vacation, so he went to mark the first one, with whom he was also acquainted. I enter the office, and he sits thoughtful and sad. I ask what happened, how did things go? And he in response to me - I sit and think about how to separate the region from Latvia and join the Pskov region of the RSFSR. I have a grain melt in the district of 21.6 cc. with a hectare and I am the last in the republic, and in the neighboring, Sebežsky district of 16.5 and they are the best in the region. They have the whole party district in orders and medals, and I don’t make excuses.”
by Georgy Bondarenko

Any owner of a herd of lambs takes care first of all of the shepherds and guard dogs, and the lambs themselves on the foot feed will be fed.

I worked in Yandex for two years, in Yandex.

A lot of friends did not come from work during this time. When asked where I worked, I honestly answered in Yandex, without clarification, I thought and so everything was clear.

After those two years, it turned out, half thought I was working in Yandex. Taxi driver, the second half is in Yandex. Food by courier.

Two years ago I agreed with my son that if he gets 80+ points for every three items, I’ll buy him the latest iPhone in the best setup. The son fulfilled his part of the agreement, the next day I brought him the phone. He asked to give him back. As a result, I bought two other phones for 25 thousand. One phone he left for himself, as the old phone already has a dead battery, the other gave to a friend, with whom he was sitting from 5th grade at the bar. It turns out, the girl is raised by one grandmother and with finances is very difficult, and as a year goes with a broken phone, which does not work well screen. They and the class go on a journey for a couple of days, for the remaining money he asked to take the expenses of the girl on himself. He said that he wants to make a person very pleasant, that she always helped him and wants to leave a very good memory of himself (the son goes to another city to study). Not to say I was very surprised, but it touched me.

The skeleton came out of the closet, digged into the bushes, found the piano and started playing.

Even Lenin stands up.

Today was fun. He comes to me in the morning to the office of the Petrovich enterprise, whistles a greeting through his moustaches and wraps his head somewhere in the corridor.

– Sally Kaesovna, there... it’s...
What is? I am stressed.
I went... there... in the corner... my brother. In the green package.
of something?
It is forel! He rescues him.

I make another attempt to figure it out.

What did they go, where? You are about what?

Petrovich picked up more air in his chest to formulate for the most outspoken.

I brought forel to you. I put it in the freezer, in the corner. In the green package. My brother brought me from work, and he named the factory where this fish is produced.
Okay, I am uncertain. How much do I owe you for a forel?
- Yes, I said that I just brought it, - Petrovich was already tired of my questions and obviously wanted to leave soon.
And for what?
These heroins are stinking!

Now it has clarified. The department with which Petrovich had a difficult relationship for centuries was the accounting department. And you need to contact them regularly, because Petrovich is the head of the transportation shop. In addition to being rigorous about excess gasoline and toilet paper, accounting is famous for having, like no other department, a strong herd instinct. One made the nails "with the design" - all ran and glued the same. One bought phalaenopsis orchid - in a couple of weeks, the entire department was filled with pots. One put a money frog on the table... and so on. And when I returned to work in this office, a great surprise for me (and I will not say that pleasant) was the passion of accounting with spirits with pheromones. The employees there are, of course, for the most part quite young (except for the headmaster), but, fucking, why women with a higher economic education and mostly family, perfumes with pheromones during working hours?

I don’t know much about it, but it doesn’t smell so bad. But... the smell of these hellish pheromones stood as if all the most stinking females of wild animals in the stream were gathered to attract sexual males specifically to our accounting room for mating and further joint upbringing of offspring. Whether they pour these pheromones wrong and wrong, whether they drink, whether they were sold cheap counterfeit from the snorkel, but it became impossible to be in the accounting office. And Petrovich was there, I repeat, regularly. Whether the pheromones did not act on him, or, on the contrary, they acted, but he spoke louder than usual and walked darker than the clouds, smelled his shirt and pleaded.

What do you smell like... interesting? - I wondered through vomiting when I also had to go to the accounting office. I used to feel that something strange stinks from the employees of this department, but when they are all together in the same herd in the same herd – it is really something that can knock down even a very large predator. I have already expressed my attitude towards the overuse of even normal spirits that are not chemical weapons.
- Parfums with pheromones, - proudly cheered ladies.

I did not hesitate to ask why they had all this animal magnetism at work (suddenly the chief of the centralized accounting office, when they go there with the papers, will not withstand and master them right on the desk), and the experimentators explained that these are spirits of the "new generation", and the real effect of them comes after a few hours of use, when the "all superfluous" is ventilated. In general, just in the evening they will delight in this personal husbands, not outsiders. Some of them have a sister who uses these magical tools for especially repelled fools.

- Girls, but do you know that breathing here is impossible? I have clarified.
So no one goes to us except Petrovich, and he doesn’t care.

No one walks. and UGU. Colleagues complained to me about our sexually concerned accounting packages, someone even went out to quarrel, but what else to do here if the accounting company wants to fuck up with the perversions and is petty to the suffering employees? In our internal regulations it is stated that it is forbidden to use perfumes and other substances with sharp odors at work, unless they are intended for disinfection or elimination of IBS. I know this rule precisely, because the relevant paragraph was put into the document by me personally, feeding an indestructible hatred for people who do not know how to use spirits, so they suck and sweat with them instead of applying them in small doses where only selected lucky people will smell them. However, there is no serious punishment under the law for violating these rules.

Director Sergey responded unreasonably to the complaints of employees. He is so... unstoppable. He tries to make less contact with the people, and to complain to him about any employees (if it is not about work matters, but about interpersonal matters) - a complete fool. And I understood that we and Petrovich would continue to act.

I came to him and said:

When will the director and the accountant go to the central accounting office together?
“On Thursday,” said Petrovich.
In different cars?
He responds with dignity.
“Maybe,” I ask carefully, “that one of the cars had to go to the service urgently, and the director had to go with the accountant?
Why in service? I don’t understand Petrovich’s words.
- Well, the lights wipe out... Water in the washer pour out...

Finally, I explained to him in direct text that he has the only chance to remedy his and our misery.

On the appointed day, the director was forced to sit in the same car with the accountant and the chief accountant. Moreover, in the car that the accountantry was driving regularly, and not in the one that usually carried him. Sergei returned with a taxi. He called the chief and said briefly: if tomorrow will smell at least a little, he will dismiss everyone and recruit others. Which do not smell.

And here Petrovich came to express my gratitude. When he left, he asked:

- And what, really, if you sprinkled with such spirits, then anyone will get up on anyone?
I don’t know, I haven’t tried...
"I think," said Petrovich, "that even Lenin will rise from this smell. He will flee into the forest and be buried there, so that he will not smell.

The method developed by the Ministry of Health to count patients saved Russia from a new outbreak of the coronavirus.

For two years we (I, the middle and younger brothers) were raised in a shelter. The pedagogical staff was very competently selected, all the educators and babysitters were kind, fair and never oppressed the students. This is what I now understand, and then... One day my younger brother fell sick with watermelon and he was placed in an isolator, he was 5 years old and I was 15. Every evening, before the draw, I went to him to read fairy tales or tell fictional stories with a good fair end, sometimes trying to teach him to write his name. He could not understand that the letters should be in one line and wrote them differently throughout the sheet. The letter "B" in the middle, the letter "i" in the upper left corner, the letter "t" in the bottom right, and the letter "I" in general on the whole sheet and looked like this: "R", but it turned out to be flat, accurate and very beautiful! Every time I sang him before I left, he fell asleep, I kissed him and left. That evening I closed the door of the insulator and went as usual to my group, along the way I remembered not taking my pen and returned. Quietly, trying not to make a noise, I opened the door and went to the table, took the pen and leaned to him to kiss again, and his cheek was wet from tears, he lay and silently cried, so as not to annoy me before leaving. I hugged him and cried, of helplessness, of the fact that nothing can be changed, of the fact that I can't protect him from being lonely in this damn isolator and have to leave him alone in a dark little room. 22 years have passed since then, but every time I recall that moment, my heart is shrinking from pain and I don’t know if he was crying every night when I left because he never asked me to sit down again, always slept or pretended to be asleep. I love you brother.