From Habr:
A slow computer is when you know all the creators of Adobe Photoshop.

He is
Where to meet?
She
Their proposals?
He is
Married early, you won’t go to bed... I don’t even know what to offer... maybe we’ll meet in the subway? and]

Minecraft wants to add you to friends.
Hello, what is your name?? to
Romka17: Hi, can you guess once?
Serena to Serena???? to
by romka17: o_o

Where to complain that the neighbors wifi is far away and does not allow them to steal the internet at normal speed?

A forum of meaning. The phones.

XHH: Tell me, and the sensor responds only to the finger or even to the stylus, well or to the nail (in my case)???? to

Wow: Just a finger, like all capacitive displays

Zzz: You can use sausage instead of stylus.

xxx: if there is a body in space (well an asteroid) flying at the speed of light. This means that it is invisible in front and back.
xxx: it turns out you are in space, and here you are an asteroid, and you have not even seen him.
YYY: I don’t think you’re doing it at work.

XX: Remember I asked you to help with the iron bath to pull out of the runway?
WOW: Have you gotten off?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :)

xxx: you heard Chubais showed the world's first Russian tablet - killer ipad
YYY: Yes, a monochrome miracle... will you change your iconic tab?
If you get into the luggage, definitely.
What kind of luggage? And the batteries? It will be a trailer!
YYY: Self-propelled motorcycle car. It creates terror in the enemies. Self-planning route using the underwater grouping of Glonass satellites.)

At the end of the month, thousands of idiots will look into the night sky, looking for Mars the size of the moon.

Rom, I agree with you!
Stop talking to alcoholic drinks.

from 0:01) :
I am a whisper

I haven’t drank yet...

Jehovah’s Witnesses came, and I didn’t come up with anything funny, nor even opened the door to them.

xxx: The unexpected change of your nick on Skype makes me horrify. Just sat behind the computer, and here on my right comes out a red icon and the evil inscription "Universal Evil in the network".

Damn bought a dog to protect me in the woods from wolves and she fucking with them.

The fact that the mouse for a couple of weeks quietly bypasses all the mouse spots, unpunishedly eating cheese there is a little worried.
The fact that the husband proposed to call the mouse Jerry is already a bit stressful.
But when my husband proposed to put an ultrasound, that she would go crazy and we had the BEST JERRY... This is the reason for my urgent move to my mom..."
This is how smart men solve the problems of bored wives.

Stas [22:16:37]: Well, I saw this in his contact-list icq:
• Galia (board), Marina (board), Lenka (so for yourself), Alona (2 size), Julia (2 size), Light (3 size), Inna (3 size), Love (4 size!of the Goddess (Goddess of the Goddess).

XXX: I got a girlfriend. It is 90 60 90
What is violet?

Why are you so pale?
Yes, I ate yogurt yesterday, something I didn’t like immediately. And his name is striking – PVA!

The apogee of human criticism: I have a neighbor in the country, a small rooster, such a sweet grandfather. He has a garden, and all the winter he feeds the birds in his garden, admired them, constantly sitting with them, snooping, here comes the summer and this cute birdman with caution shoots at them from a two-stick that they would not eat the strawberries.

He was taken to the city hospital. D., who tried to rob an old archivarian-manufacturer with 50 years of experience. Numerous spotted and bruised wounds on the face and head, presumably from the blow of a hole or press paper, as well as the hands sewn to the buttocks did not hinder the gr. D. Joyfully run out to meet the ambulance.