bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №116957
 05.08.2015
green: I understood what the hoops at the beginning of the phrase say "E"
green: they want to open quotes to write a string in them, but they forget to switch the layout

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №116956
 05.08.2015
Meeting in the metro with a beautiful girl.
xxx: Girl, in the moscovite turmoil you look so calm and peaceful, can you find out your secret behind a cup of coffee?
Yyy: Do you listen to the Leningrad group?
Xxx :? They have one mat, there is nothing to listen to.
YYY: Then we have nothing to talk to you about.
She came out with a stone face, and he went to the shower.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116955
 05.08.2015
here here :
and----
Onishchenko: Refusal of foreign condoms disciplines Russians
– – – – –
It is a pity that he and his parents did not use condoms.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №116954
 05.08.2015
A glamorous brunette comes to the IT department.
We don’t have mail!
WOW: Natalia, we have a server failure, the mail does not work at the entire company, we are working on this.
The whole company??? Everyone is aware?
WOW: I guess it is.
HH: You don’t know for sure! Send a message to everyone by mail!
WOW:.... (what is the point)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №116953
 05.08.2015
We need to introduce such a weather phenomenon as Peter. Heat, frost there and Peter
and AGA. From the south to the capital approaching St. Petersburg, in the north of the country in places small Peter, at night possible Leningrad.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116952
 05.08.2015
The proposal to expand restrictions on public procurement of foreign medical products does not threaten the health of the population, and in the case of condoms will even help solve demographic problems in the country and will promote accuracy in the choice of sexual partner.

The proposed restriction on the purchase of foreign condoms should not lead to an outbreak of HIV infection.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №116951
 05.08.2015
Shit, she never gave me after all!
Wow: Okay, you need to get your wife, not to train on the weekend in a fast-training day.
Wow: Yesterday I was dealing with my perversions.
Oh yeah wow! More details from this place!
Wow: enters the room in the evening, the face is clever, behind his back something is hidden and dreaming so to me: "Dear, let's go, let's do the perversion"
WOW: I’m already overlooking options in my mind.
Wow: and here she gets a spoonful from behind her back: "Let’s go, eat a spoonful of watermelon!!and "
What am I, not a man? I could not refuse a woman.
The next time you call me the third, I also want a strawberry ;)
Tag: distortions

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116950
 05.08.2015
I came up with a way to check whether time travel is possible. Everything is very simple – you collect a lot of money and hire a staff of scientists. You write the money of the years and so for 1000 ahead and leave a will to your company so that, when the time machine is created, its drawings are delivered in that same day to that room in the evening. If at the end of the day the drawings are not delivered, you can shut down the company.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №116949
 05.08.2015
The commentary:

The idea for urban fantasy: Evil descended from the depths of Hell to Russia
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY

From the depths, it is 5.
— — —
Well, we have such a life that even the deepest depths of hell are at an unattainable height for us.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116948
 05.08.2015
Electricity was turned off in the office. I go out into the corridor, there is an electrician near the shield. The following dialogue:
Will there be no electricity for a long time?
E: Well, you need to get the wires, clean up, and then...
I: It’s all very interesting, but how much time?
The electrician looks at the clock and then answers me.
A: Without ten or ten.
The curtain!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116947
 05.08.2015
Thirteen years ago, a cat was taken from a country village. The cat is charming, only now can not tolerate men, he cries on husband and father, and he adores us and his mother. We’re walking around the village today, my mom points to one house and says to my husband, “Here’s our Smoke from this house. Husband: This is the same house from which you should not take cats under any circumstances.)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116946
 05.08.2015
This is how to solve problems:
I was constantly complaining to my neighbor that her guests were firing my lights.
I bought a box of fifty pieces today.
I wonder if it will last long...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116945
 05.08.2015
by youth

xxx: Dear Sergey, I was born to play guitar, but recently I plugged my guitar into the guitar processor and instead of the expected JJ, I heard Radio Baltica! Now the hosts of this radio comment on all my solo and grandfather in the morning listening to the anthem. How can I save my career as a legendary guitarist and drive the unfortunate Baltic out of my guitar? Thanks in advance)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116944
 05.08.2015
In Krasnodar, a criminal case was opened against a 31-year-old local resident who attempted to kill a woman in an elevator. The man is suspected of attempted murder of a 25-year-old girl and illegal gun trafficking. He was prevented by a faulty gun and a power outage.
<xxx> I think this is a guy from the future who came to kill his grandmother
<xxx> about that is what should happen

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116943
 05.08.2015
Paradox: those shouting that Microsoft is beginning to collect user information are not embarrassed by similar Google activities, which it has been conducting for 7 years.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №116942
 05.08.2015
The entrance through magnetic passes. At the end of the day I go out to smoke. I go back with a pack of cigarettes in my hands and put it on the machine. does not allow. So he stood for a minute and a half, until the guards, holding the rust, said: "The young man...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №116941
 05.08.2015
Thinking is so difficult. Therefore, most people prefer to call other fools.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №116940
 05.08.2015
About students

In my life at the Economy Factory at MGU, we had one student-genius. Let us call him Gosh.
Gosha was a natural genius - he had strong deviations in terms of mental development, and a special gift in the form of photographic memory of unlimited volume.
He did, of course, himself - mathematics and the test were a letter for him, and the trouble for a work written without a single mistake, still gave a passing point (the work separated the blat from the non-blat - because you can always prove that you are very literate, but not Pushkin:)

So, at the Gosh exams shone like a star. And his teachers were frankly frightened—for Gosha often went into the offensive where others cowardly pressed their tail, ran where the eyes could look.

The apogee was the scene at one of the general exams, I don't remember what specifically - but the subject was fierce, especially since it was called to take it instead of our lecturer. and зав. He was a well-deserved and even well-known professor in the world.

The next stage - everyone takes tickets, sits down, Gosha draws his hand.
Zero of reaction.
Gashi continues to pull his hand.
Zero of reaction.
Gosha can’t stand, stands up and sits in front of the examiner.
The further dialogue:

by Gosh Ivanov?
and I!! to
Give me a count.
But how? No one had automates. They promised to fight hard!! to
(At this point, the audience is very nervous)
Gosh, let’s take a look. They really promised. And I will. Only me, not me!
You shouldn’t look at me like that, Gosh!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №116939
 05.08.2015
In the store "All for 37 million" brought watches for youth.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №116938
 05.08.2015
M: Why did you buy candy, you are losing weight?
Yes, on a black day.
M: How interesting you "eat at night"named!

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