bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №20793
 27.09.2009
xxx: I go yesterday through the Soviet, two such drunk-boiled guys come out of the shed and see a cat quietly looking at him, then the dialogue:
If you look, go here.
Would I go crazy here?
xxx: our beast is going on so harsh that it gets even to cats =)
YYY: Did you not record their phones?
xxx is?
YYY: Yes, I have not been able to get out of the cockroach house for six months =)
xxx to))

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №20792
 26.09.2009
XXX is
It is incompatible with technology ?
XXX is
Sorry ladies ?
YYYY
Oh yes!
YYYY
I’ll show you how compatible they are. I don’t mean a vibrator.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №20791
 26.09.2009
Lenok
The world is cruel... earlier at 12:20 began the most interesting cartoons... and now a couple of people -___-

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №20790
 26.09.2009
efrem> I don't know - on what occasion - but right behind the door a neighbor said to someone - "Yes, there is nothing written - only a few letters."

[ + 81 - ] Comment quote №20789
 26.09.2009
In response to:

The tarakans got easy. I no longer know what to do.
I know the popular recipe, it really works.
I am registering!! to
- So you take a brick, crush it, mix it with black hammer pepper, wrote?
Yes Yes
You spread around the corners, the tobacco breaks, breathes pepper, sneezes, hits the head on the brick and dies.
Wall - Natural
This is a proven way ?
___________________________
You are a puppy!! Yahuie, Pammaglo O.O. I’ve already wiped out the fifth cockroach!

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №20788
 26.09.2009
Observations show that cheap bad little coffee, poured in a Lavazza bowl becomes one and a half, or even twice the taste)))

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №20787
 26.09.2009
The girls shoot with flowers and shoot with perfumes.
Eating should be normal, then the chair will be adequate.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №20786
 26.09.2009
A girl at our job today, the office manager, printed an A4 with the inscription: "Doesn’t you see that I am working hard??!! Please do not distract!!", clinged to the reverse side of the monitor and lay asleep on the desk in the presence of the director. ppc

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №20785
 26.09.2009
tapis chat: Finally, going to the toilet has become an exciting adventure. I bought a toilet paper called "CleanOK".
I feel like a fakir, wiping out the pop clink!

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №20784
 26.09.2009
Maroders and Mayor of Novosibirsk visited the place of the fire in the Central Market

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №20783
 26.09.2009
STALKER: today got up at 8 a.m. by habit turned on the telecome began to watch a cartoon about a curly tiger who jumps on his tail and hurts a lifetime, about a bear who brakes not childish and forever something bubbles under his nose not in the subject, the girl of the hermophradite who in my time was called Christopher Robin, and now Jessica apparently changed the sex. Although it can just be with the tiger, it can be with the tiger, because to talk to the rabbits, the tigers and the elephants, which are unknown where they came from in the forests of America, I think you have to be under a shrinkage or in a strong shrinkage. and be called this miracle cartoon for children "Tiger Winnie and I"
STALKER: and they also have a wonderful verse, to madness just logical you sit down " ask questions to everyone who where why and why, and you will find out without problems who where why and why". I would never have thought of this in my life before, and everything turns out to be so simple.
STALKER:There is another verse "day and night, even in the middle, the trail goes by"the hell with it with the rest, but why even in the middle?They have a weekend on Tuesday and on Wednesday, but even on Wednesday the trail is on track.
Anck-su-namun:O_o xD

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №20782
 26.09.2009
Entrance to the Gay Club:
Every tenth is every eleventh! ?

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №20781
 26.09.2009
At work, the cartridge began to leave stripes when printing. The employee after printing the document says to admin that the strip appeared.
Admin, thoughtfully looking into the monitor: white or black?
Employee : White
Admin: So in life is lucky, and also looks away in the monitor.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №20780
 26.09.2009
I am not as afraid of a mother as this fool" - the student's conversation and the hearing about the class leader

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №20779
 26.09.2009
Once I had to watch the weather forecast on BBC 5 years ago (the case was in winter): the picture moves smoothly east on the map from Britain, simultaneously painting the weather in almost every village. What a detailed forecast! As you can see, I know the weather. Here appeared on the map and Russia... On the part of the map that got into the frame, from Kaliningrad to the Urals, in huge letters only two words: VERY COLD. The curtain.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №20778
 26.09.2009
We talk about deodorants. My friend is "Axe" and I am "Old Spice".

XXX is
I just translated the title "Old Spice"

YYYY
You are fluidist.

XXX is
I never thought

XXX is
This is "Old Spices"!! to

XXX is
Do you smell old spices? and ROFL

XXX is
You are a shark!

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №20777
 26.09.2009
He: We shall die
She: Do not die.
She: We will not give you
You will not give us, and we will eventually die.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №20776
 26.09.2009
There is something to say most often to those who prefer to listen.

[ + 58 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №20775
 26.09.2009
The boy

At first, no one planned a boy. What kind of boy, in fact, are all men over forty? All families and children. Who has grandchildren? The boyfriend is married for the third time, who is the boy?
Seroga said at the last game, "I'm waiting for you guys at the wedding of all of course, and the boy I'm not going to do anything. Not the boys anymore, Ferguson.

Well here. And on Friday morning, just on the eve of the wedding, Serega began to call everyone. “Boys, I removed the sauna in the pension. Well, wash there before the wedding, crush old sins, relax, think about life.
So go down after work, if anything.” It turns out, Seregina’s bride, who was getting married so far only the first time, decided to arrange a final dinner for her friends, and they took off some kind of cafe. Well, and Serogah rightly decided that nothing would happen if he washed under this matter too.

Okay well. No one was going to the sauna. What a Fig? The Friday.
Everyone has plans, families, aunts, dachas, children, dogs. What a sauna? “Sorry Sir, but not today. Friday is my. You are there to rest, shorter, curiously, pairing, relax, and tomorrow at the wedding we will see you. At the Wedding? and I? of course! As a sting! Sir, for whom do you take me? I won’t even drink today. To tomorrow at the parade like a cucumbers...” Well, that’s how everyone replied. So nobody went to any sauna.

By eight o’clock, everything was slowly moving. “Well it is my! It’s not every day I get married. The wedding tomorrow. Hole the wedding? Vanity is one, relatives, paphos, rings of squirrels. What will Serena be before us? So today to sit for the last time with the solitary one of the Grey Daq God Himself commanded.”
Well, this is how about everyone explained their sudden change of plans. In fact, it was a bit wrong. In the afternoon, after
Seregin's call, everyone called each other, of course, and everyone found out that no one goes to the sauna with Seregha categorically. And everyone thought of themselves that it was unclear, not so simple, to throw Seroga alone in the sauna on the eve of the wedding. If no one can, he will have to.
So it all slowly went up. Not all of course. Smoke could not. The smoke in the ambulance is working, he is on duty, and he just didn't have time to replace. Of course he would come too.

Well, we gathered, walked, it's a usual thing, this sauna is stably removed once a week. Everything is known, everything is known. A quiet place outside the city. We are here as weapons. There are no nuances.
The only beer. The beer came out. Siroga, when he called in the morning, he specifically warned everyone, “Girls, you are only vodka, if anything, don’t take it with you, okay? The wedding tomorrow. A little bit of beer, and well.” No one brought vodka. Why really? But everyone for some reason decided that no one else would remember beer except him. Because Siroga himself doesn’t drink at all, and he could easily forget about beer. Everyone took it. For everyone, if anything. So what?
Ten baggage bags of beer were carried and placed by a bar at the entrance. Rubbed and carried. And every newcomer came in with the words, “Boys, I’ve got a little beer there. When they brought it all, Seroga humorously asked, “Is there anything left of beer in the city?” What we don’t drink, at the wedding the next day all goes away!”

Then everyone did their usual work. The bullet on the table. Who is the fireplace. Who cuts meat on a shale.
Every time the same thing, the roles have long been learned. Well, first of all, of course, we went into the parish, well, so, it is supposed to be. We don’t have any special lovers except Sergei. That is yes, fan. It may not go out for hours. Moreover, it is such a degree that a normal person simply does not enter. He lies there, he decides. It jumps out for a moment, the beer swallows, the meat bites, and again. No one was in the pool at all.
I touched, water is ice. Someone says - and let's get the beer there, or it's hot. exactly! Throwing beer in the pool. Of course it didn’t come in. Well, the packages with beer do not sink, float in the same level with the surface, only the doughnuts thicken. The entire pool was stretched as a grid. Beautiful and unusual.

Okay well. We sit and relax. There is a knock. Who is? The Banker. “Girls, to you.” Behind the trunk, such a gorilla pushes two girls in front of them. “Accept the girls.” “Eye, my friend! Mistake probably! We didn’t order!” the gorilla
“No mistake though. Everything is paid. Do not offend the girls.” and disappeared. Girls are one name. Small children, school girls. There are no primary sexual signs. They are standing, climbing like twins at the board. They began to find out what, who, where, how. have found out. It turns out to be Dima, Dr. Blind Abolit.
He was driving from the call to Yaroslavl, looking at the girls standing. I decided to touch,
Make a pre-marriage gift. Since I couldn’t myself.
I went straight to the ambulance. The price when sounded, Dima feels - does not pull the doctoral budget of girls. Only wanted the dumb ones to curl, here from wherever to take their mommy, says with a human voice: "Dmitry
by Alekseevich! How many years, how many winters! Decided to rest? We ask for mercy, only the best for you.” It turns out that Dima was repairing her while she was working on the calls. People remember well. There is nowhere to go, he is about
Serena told me. As a result, two trainees were shot, no money was taken.
People of risky professions with good doctors try to be friends, you never know where to touch. Dima is a good doctor.

Well, this is so. We sit down and drink. They laughed, laughed, “Well, Dima, well fuck son!” To use them for the direct purpose of course nobody came to mind. I put the beer out of the pool and cleaned it from the table. The girls are happy, the Saturday is cancelled, they run there and there with their buttocks drifting. They hide something for themselves. and ho-ro sho! He caught one of his legs, he said.
“Take a cold beer, Seroge, and check how it is there. Did not overheat. He’ll get married tomorrow.” The virgin took a beer, ran, Vova followed her, “Yes, and you know what? You are a minion for him! From heart to quality. You know what it is?” the Virgin said, “Hi-hi! I know!” and ran away.

And here is what happened that should not have happened under any circumstances.

A minute after the door closed for the girl, and we began to wait for Seregina's reaction, suddenly a deaf blow was heard from the steam, a heart-breaking scream was heard, a whisper, the steam door opened with such force that it would open inside - it would go out with cracks, and Seregus flew from there. Compressing the perineum with two hands and shining his naked ass, he blindly, with his eyes closed, broke straight to the pool. He was wild all the time. Seeded up to the pool, jumped on the edge, pushed away, spread his arms, and with the cry of the wounded beast, the bird fell down. From the pool there was a heavy metal blow.
And there came silence... About Sereg beer, I did not know, or I forgot. We sat down, opened our mouths and looked out.

Siroga lay on the surface of the pool, on the banks, with the letter he, face down, and did not move. He just stood and slightly climbed on the wave. and live!
Carefully removed and placed in the corner of the couch. By force pulled out of the steam a girl, who pulled out and herself refused to go out. And began the investigation. This is what it showed. When the maiden entered the steamer, Seroga lay on his back on the lower shelf with his eyes closed, and was completely ready to use. The Virgin put a beer, sat down, took it in her hands.
Serenity farm, and motherly singing (the farm, of course, not
“It’s hot for you, poor, it’s hot for you, little,” she picked up a full chest of air and for some reason thought of the naked and already extreme woman.
The Serena flesh.

This is actually all. “Have you never been in the bathroom?” he asked the girl with a quiet, smooth voice, and therefore especially sinister voice.
and loose. Lecha in the world worked as an investigator in the prosecutor's office. “Byalaaaah!” the girl cried out. “So what do you do, fool, don’t you know that you have to be very careful in the bathroom?” – “Hey, you know it!” – Her girlfriend was sitting in the other corner. From the stories of more experienced merchants, she knew that she was buried for the company. Not to leave witnesses. “Okay, not a rev,” he said.
Lucia and I began to think about what to do next.

Siroga sat in the corner, all the same shrinking and clamping his hands on the burned farm. Thro his body there were siren circles.
Two clear prints were placed just around the eyes, like the glasses of the tortoise Tortilla, promising to turn into a pair of excellent blanches in a half-face tomorrow. One on the forehead, in the middle. Tomorrow I had a wedding. Oh yeah work! “Would he need to lubricate the end with oil?” “Is there any oil?” “Well, I have a formula container in my trunk. and good.” “The idiot! What a formula?“Everything in that spirit. Sirogah only wildly led with his eyes and swung. “I have a wedding tomorrow. And how am I now?” called Dime to the ambulance, to consult. Dima was on the call, the cell phone did not respond.
Then everyone began to offer their own options for the rescue of Sergey. No matter what nonsense they carried, not to pass on. Overlooked options from postponing the wedding to replace Seroga for the period of marriage with a suitable set.
The Goech. At the end of the day, Petrovich said, “Serge, don’t worry! I have
Ninja in the salon works! Come in the morning, she will make you such a beautiful girl! The cosmetics now do wonders!” Gundel of Seryoga. What about the first wedding night? What is this wedding without the first wedding night?"For our honour, no one offered to replace Serge at such an important event. Then the phone ringed on the table.

“Oh! Demon is ringing!” said Vova and removed the phone. “Hi, shit shit!” he shouted in the phone, listened for two seconds and passed the trumpet.
and sergeant. “You” Seroga listened to the phone and turned his eyes, periodically blinking and asking “Well, that’s okay?” Okay?” and put on the phone.

Then he wrapped our eyes and said, “Children! Demon is calling! The boys! He went out there... Short... Boys, short there... My bride, Lenka, in a cafe... Short, danced on the table, fell and broke her leg. In short, guys, sorry, but there will be no wedding tomorrow.

We stood around dying. And then he suddenly jumped up on the couch, blue as death in peas, sprinkled the towel, cried, and waving in the tact of the damaged organ whispered that there is urine: “PACANY!!! and Urrra! Weddings
There is no tomorrow!!“!”

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №20774
 26.09.2009
The United States refused to deploy missiles in Poland.
The Israeli Prime Minister arrived in Moscow.
Europe recognizes Georgia as an aggressor.
But Russia just sent a barge of timber to Iran.

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