The song "Oh, Van, look what clowns" is recognized as discrediting almost everything around.

When a woman finds a goldfish, the fish says to her:

Let me go and I will fulfill your wishes.

I want my husband never to say “no.”

is ready!

The wife returns home and says to her husband:

Buy me a coat.

Go to Nashville

Of course, in ancient times people were less sick. Almost only once.

Once lived in an apartment house, there we have a man of an indefinite age with the underground name "Tarakan" (because he is sick).



It always arises suddenly and inevitably, as soon as the vanity begins (no matter on what occasion - a movie is filmed or an assembly of tenants, or an agitation for a member of the parliament) and some grandmother on the saucer pushes her spark "ah how do you get it done with us".

A terrible shadow from behind the back shows the fist of Tarakan first, then some part of it, and then a chilling laughing voice reports that the grandmother is pissing and .



Only new, inexperienced grandmothers who are not yet familiar with his capabilities enter the mess with Tarakan. It is impossible to overtake Tarakan - he is like a Gorec, cut off all the swallowing butterflies in the district in 50 years, gained their strength, and can laugh for hours without tiredness. He speaks quickly and it is unclear why this talk looks like a Predator's conversation with a Stranger.



And how he’s chatting with representatives of the ZKH – it’s just a look! Wet, sweaty, red representatives of bullets flew out of the entrances. The turtle of the march has more quantum properties and can arise in any entrance, in any houses relating to the local washing which is one (large) on 3 houses, so woe to the ZKHnjik who falls into his legs. It not only touches sanitary technicians, but sucks their brains with advice on how to do it best.



And Tarakan also loves to do repairs. I lived on a permanent basis for 12 years in this house (now the apartment is there, but I rarely appear there), the repair at Tarakan never ends. He constantly pulls something in bags, carries in bags, imports some boards, bricks, cement, foam, glands, etc.



I begin to suspect that it is not a man at all, but a reptile, and under the cover of repairs in the apartment he is building a spacecraft to fly away after destroying all humans (like in the series Alien from space, yes).

It’s good to work as a programmer – you were given a job for three days, and you did it for one day and two days free.

It’s bad to be a programmer – you got a job for 15 minutes, and you do it for a second week.

Judging by the emblem, this office should be called a point and two pieces.

History of my acquaintance. I met a girl in Tinder. Both in the questionnaire indicated the purpose of sex. They signed up, called. Going to her. She asks him to buy some products at the table. He is buying. She, say, a little delayed, leave the bag at the conservancy so that the heavy thing in her hands does not fade. He leaves out. is waiting. The girl disappeared. He comes to the conservancy, and she says that the foods a man has taken. No food, no girls.

I watched the movies One at Home and One at Home 2 and found no reference to Scandinavian mythology. 
Is it a new fashion trend – to give movies titles that are not related to content, or am I just lucky?

When my friend and I were 10-12 years old, the dog gave birth to five puppies at a building near the house, but soon it was found dead. We were so sorry for her offspring that we fed them all out of the nipple, equipped them with a warm place in Daddy's garage, and then, like this team of Timor, began to walk around the apartments and offer a puppy to completely strangers. Distributed all five! One of them, the girl Night, lived in the neighboring entrance for another ten years. And every time she saw me or a friend, she rushed to us, bowed, waved her tail, and rejoiced with the real dog joy. The owners were even a little jealous.

Xxx: “Teacher’s reception”

Stop running to school! Are you running at home too? (There is a trick that cannot be answered without being guilty)



Option 1: Yes, I also run! Go home and run, but not to school.

Option 2: No, I am not running. At home, you don’t run and at school you decide what you can do?! to

Politics is the same struggle without rules, only in dirt.

Quantum Mechanics for Blondes

At one of the drunkards of the “Popular Mechanics” college, we talked about science.

Again, some motherly words are written in the magazine! Complaints from the advertising department.
Where is?? to
“Boh-ze-en-stein-ovskiy Kon-den-Sat” is the name of the Not only does it break the tongue, it is not clear what it is and what it is about! You can’t explain it to ordinary people.

Even this way? Well, here is the boson condensate and quantum effects for blondes.

There are two types of particle people, “boys” and “girls.” The boys are dressed in pants that take 1 meter of canvas. This is a whole back. These particles are called bisons. The girls are dressed in sweaters that go 0.5 meters of canvas. This is a half-whole spin, and the girl particles are fermions.

They behave differently.

When the bosons gather together for a purely male party and discover that they are all dressed in absolutely the same costumes, they smile joyfully, sit next to each other, knock each other on the shoulder, give each other a beer, become best friends and act as a whole. This is the boson condensate (it is Bose-Einstein condensate). And when there is a scream "Our beaten!" all the particles-boys strive to defend - in the same direction and without interfering with each other. This is superfluidity.

And when the girls-fermions, gathered for the maid, find that they wear the same dress or sweat, they whisper, turn away and try not to get close to each other and not to sit on the neighboring chairs. This is the principle of Paulie’s prohibition.

Now imagine a shopping center with two entrances-outputs from different sides. This is a conductor. Inside there are many shops and boutiques. This is a crystal grid. If you run through one entrance a particle-girl (Fermion), then instead of going straight through and out on the other side, she will experience numerous clashes with shops, and will come out with a weight-loss wallet. This is an electrical resistance mechanism (electrons are fermions).

And now imagine that at the entrance a girl meets a girlfriend, and they get stuck in tongues and start talking about fashion, hairstyles and boys. In this case, two girls (fermions) act as a single whole. This is a couple. Enthusiastic about talking, the friends do not notice the shops and go through the shopping center, without experiencing clashes with the boutiques and without spending a penny of money, that is, they behave exactly like a boy (bozon). It is superconductivity.

Well, now you know as much as the students of physics will learn in the course of a year of quantum theory. Well almost.

© Dmitry Mamontov, physicist, scientific editor of the Polytechnic Museum

My husband at lunch:
Today’s soup or yesterday’s?
The Wife:
I’ll tell you more, it’s tomorrow.

To keep pace with time does not mean to keep pace.

My wife and I were in the guests of the father-in-law, he was a former military - a helicopter, further with his words.
In the early 90s he served on the Kuril Islands, the airfield with helicopters we had on a small island, several ships were constantly standing nearby. There were frequent earthquakes. After another strong blow near us, we received a message of a possible wave that could cover our airfield. The instructions from the chiefs were: "I don't know if this wave will happen or not, but as soon as you see that the ships are anchoring, lift all the helicopters into the air and hang over the airfield for how much fuel is enough." We sat in the airport all day, from the side of the moremans no movements, as if it cost. In the evening we went home, and met a group of sailors from one of the ships and in the meantime told them about instructions from the chiefs for laughter, which they replied to us - "our also did not know will the wave or not, so there was an order - as soon as you see that the helicopters in the air hanged, then raise the anchor."

My wife found me by herself. In 2004, in a neighboring town.
You should hide, not in neighboring cities.

Xxx is calling. My mother calls.

I: Hello Mom, I can't speak, I stand in my ears in the oil, I'll be free to call again.

Okay, I understand, listen to it.

I: €$π÷° to laugh, mom, I can't speak I say

He can’t talk to his mother, of course. Not to me.



And so every time.

Xxx: When I was 14, I had problems with girls, I had never even kissed at that time. And then I come to a friend for a visit, I go to wash my hands, and in the bathroom on the towel dryer hanging women's circular trousers. I have to say that his mommy had a straight very juicy milf, so I did not resist and safely smelled them. A little later, after eating the chips, we go with him to wash his hands, and he suddenly points his finger at the cowards and says (beautifully, again the grandmother puts her cowboys in the front corner to dry). I didn’t smell my trousers after that, as my grandmother whispered.

I took a pregnancy test today.

YYY : Oh! Which question was the most difficult?

You are fucking fuck?

YYY: And what did you answer?

I also decided to teach my wife to play poker. And I told her about the tells, this is a type of involuntary body and face movements to understand that a person is lying, anxious, etc. And she, my smart, in a few nights after the game bought a chip that when I lie, pupils "shoot" down and return to the place. It lasts a fraction of a second, I do it involuntarily and once, I cannot control it. Since then, I can’t lie to my wife in anything, looking in the eyes, and playing poker in mirror glasses.