bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №155038
 25.09.2020
Put the inflatable mattress back into the box. I never succeed. And with you?

We need talent and Chinese blood in genetics.

In Beijing, we were leaving the room, and the hotel administrator offered to help dress the older child while I was getting the younger out of the bed.

A couple of minutes later, I see a 5-year-old boy dressed in the costume of his 1-year-old daughter.

How he was able to fit there, he did not even understand.



We pulled him back much longer.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №155037
 25.09.2020
Xxx: I ride mountain skiing. At the descent, I am overtaken by a bunch of children headed by an instructor who cried out to them: Grandpa, we’re going to the right. I even looked around looking through the eyes of this grandfather, but, horrifyingly, there was no one else on the slope besides me. I was 34 years old at the time.

Yyy: Comrades... grandfather in the topic we answer polite, not rude!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №155036
 24.09.2020
When I was studying at the institute, we had such a drawing subject and for the student it was necessary to draw a workshop with machines. About 100 machines. I’d be upset with him, but this was a perfect perfectionist with a red pencil. That is, she finds a mistake in the drawing and surrounds the fat with a red cochinor, which cannot be wiped out with any pin.

The students are clever people and somehow before the consultation we borrowed this pencil from her. She searched for him for twenty minutes, did not find him and canceled the consultation.

Everyone has their joys in life.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №155035
 24.09.2020
No matter how stupid a girl is, it is important that the guy, looking at her, becomes even more stupid.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №155034
 24.09.2020
In order not to steal from the state service, there are two simple recipes:
Switzerland is the abbreviation of the term of power so that it does not take time.
Chinese is the abbreviation of life, if you still have time.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №155033
 23.09.2020
When I graduated from philosophy, I was not ready for the exam. And I decided that it would not be worse and started to wash away (hence I honestly don't even remember the topic of the question, it was a long time ago) and was very surprised by the four set by the predecessor. And since the sense of justice in me, unfortunately, prevails over the sense of self-preservation, I began to figure out the motives. Why is it four, because I am a wild nonsense? Prepod replied, "You expressed your thoughts, I tried to teach you this all the time." I say, “Why then four, not five?” The answer was, “You’re so wild, I barely got blood out of my ears!” and :-)

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №155032
 23.09.2020
A cold nerve in the neck. The pain is not strong, but I am a taxi driver, I have to turn my head, and I can't. Someone went out and a girl sat down for lunch. Seeing my reckless turns, I began to ask what and how. He suddenly asked to stop the car. The customer’s wish is the law. He takes me out, slightly presses on some points on the neck and neck, and the pain has retreated! To my surprise, she replied that she was a veterinarian, and so horses are rescued.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №155031
 23.09.2020
Fresh traditions tend to draw, and turn into duty.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №155030
 23.09.2020
Evgeny Roizman says:
In our country, when the Foundation was trying to defeat in 2012, UBOP came with special forces and television officers, used through the fence, stormed every one, got into the yard, watched, and there the gates were opened. It was uncomfortable, no, they rattled, went into the corps, built them all and asked, "Who wants to write a statement to the Foundation?"
And with them was a haishnik, he was specially taken so that he would break through our cars all for the subject of theft. And he rolls in the courtyard among the cars, smells, a ravenous such caught. And suddenly found one foreigner, clearly beat the robbery, rejoiced, flew into the corps and shouted to the UBOPovts: "I found it! I found!”
They jump out after him in the yard, he runs to the car and screams, “Here, this is in theft!”
They looked and said, “Listen, fool, not or, it’s we came on it.”

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №155029
 23.09.2020
St. Petersburgers are so polite people that they will never call a person.
They’ll say, “At the present time, a film with your role could qualify for an Oscar.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №155028
 23.09.2020
Xxx: I agree that unfounded puzzles for a couple or close to that are nonsense and wild. But sometimes puzzles are needed, I understood it from the height of the years, and in school years it was offensive and threatened to drop out of the house. But what if the child creates a hernia and the words do not understand? Here I got on the idea of a friend in 2003 and we went down a few packs of sweaters in the magnet, on the second trip we were caught. They went to school and called their parents. And the houses were puzzles, because they had to sell a view in favor of a fine, only if everything did not end with the police. Or when I decided in the same year to light a newspaper on the balcony or burn a piece of curtain with a hair lacquer. When I was in fourth grade, I walked home and walked for 3 hours instead of 30 minutes. My grandmother went and searched. And in the fifth grade, my sister and I and half of the class went to smoking, and then the director burned them all and it was a grand family. The Assembly. And there was a lot of similar fiction that we did in those years, words did not help, because every time we wondered.

Once I came from school and watched my grandfather lubricated the screws on bars, I decided that I would help now, because why lubricate rust? What to turn off. When my grandfather brought them with pride, I saw the sweat on his forehead. Who knew that he hadn’t anointed them for this and that they had held the balls? I had never seen him run so fast and speak in one tongue.

And every such exit cost a belt on the ass. deservedly. And I am not upset about this, because without them I could continue to smoke or switch to other things, as it happened with some friends, some of whom are already fed with worms. I could not learn, go to school and become a no-one on my parents’ neck, at best.

The belt is offensive, but it was all about the matter and I did not break any connections with my mother because of it. And looking at children born after 2005, I understand that sometimes you need to wear a belt. Even if he just hangs in sight with a hint.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №155027
 22.09.2020
I am standing at the station and waiting for my electricity. Nearly comes and stops a 17-18-year-old boy who has columns of blues for all the music. From the singing I uncovered only one line: "There are so many fools in the world." The poor, apparently, does not suspect that the song is singing about him too...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №155026
 22.09.2020
We sit with our wife, look at "Why Women Kill", and there discuss that in marriage, the spouses often keep some secrets from each other, and because of this, relationships collapse. Here I ask her, joking, “What are you hiding from me? “” I have never seen her so red. She said she did not hide anything, but the question was just unexpected.

But something tells me that there are some secrets.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №155025
 22.09.2020
And only Putin heard the calls of Svetlana Alexievich to the Russians for help and brotherly threw the money of Lukashenko.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №155024
 22.09.2020
I read about one Russian grandmother abroad and remembered about another. Twenty years ago, we went to Fort Ross with an institute friend from Silicon Valley for an annual Live History Day – a performance organized by volunteers from the local historical community. A friend captured his retired mother, who was just staying with him, looking after a newly born son. We walk through the fort, look at the life of the Russian settlers, as it is seen by the current Americans, and stumble upon a bowl of peelings. The American, depicting a Russian housewife, in front of the eyes of a respectable public blends the paste, catches, makes peelmen, immediately cookes them and sells them for some money. A friend’s mother looks, looks, and then says, “Who’s doing so?” He approaches and begins to show how to stick properly. The American fell in admiration. Then it follows:
“Well, you guys, go, and I still have to show her how to mix the paste.
How will you explain? You are not in English...
Don’t be afraid, the hostess will understand without words.

We return in an hour. Before the bowl a long row, two friends barely have time to let go of the goods, they just walked away from us: say, no time, walk again. Sometimes later, the best friends now ended the pain and they, under the applause of grateful customers, turned the bench, making, according to the American, almost three times the revenue compared to last year. On the way home, the friend’s mother thanked us for a wonderful day and warned us that for the next weekend she will not be able to sit with her grandson, because she will go to her new friend to show how to cook shell and borsch!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №155023
 22.09.2020
A hot line on heating has been opened. Now everyone can call and find out why the line is hot and the battery is not in the apartment.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №155022
 22.09.2020
He had trouble communicating with the opposite sex. It’s hard to get to know other guys. I went for a long time and complained, but then I was lucky. I met, I asked, how did it go? He told history.



I decided to go to the girl, she liked it very much. I picked up the air in my chest, it wasn’t. I approach and say:

“Hello to you! My name is Andrew. “Do you not mind getting acquainted?”

“I have a boyfriend!” the girl replies.

My friend replied, “I too.

Nothing else came to my mind because of the nerves apparently)

When I realized that I was scratching, I fell into paint. The girl laughed and mocked. He said of the guy to cut off.

They live together for the second year. and so)

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №155021
 21.09.2020
XX: All information is propaganda

yyy: What promotes the information that the sum of the squares of the catets is equal to the square of the hypothenus?

XXX: The superiority of the rectangular triangles over the rest!

Heal of Pythagoras!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №155020
 21.09.2020
When I was 20, I just got married and tried to do the farm, go there to cook and so on.

I went to the store and bought a stone. The living.

I wrapped it in paper, and I pulled it.

Just a few steps from the store passed, as he decided to free at any cost)

A bird flew out of my hands and the kajak crashed between the shoulder to a man who was three meters ahead.

He fell into the grass.

The man looked around and saw nothing suspicious. I naturally pretended nothing. It was a pity to cook it later.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №155019
 21.09.2020
xxx: I served in Germany in "The Smelling Village" ((

YYY: What was her name before you?

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