In the advertisement of Dove chocolate, you are waiting for what they will say: unlike other chocolates, our chocolate consists of a quarter of moisturizing cream.

I am a pilot. On my birthday, and I am on the other end of the country, given the time difference, I rush to have time to congratulate her. I call. She takes the phone and shouts joyfully:
Are you not in heaven?? to
The Yellow!! "In the heavens" and "In the heavens" are different expressions.

The metrologist will tell you that after a kilogram comes a ton.
But the true Aitishneek knows that after a kilogram goes a meter, then - a hectare, and only after a hectare - a tonne.

Cocktail.Jazz-fest.Gathered in the evening for a concert.They took food, drinks and watermelon with them.But on the way it was torn down.As a result of which a small crack was formed on it.Later we met the Kievans (we ourselves from Donetsk), who offered us to drink a chacha with them:
Q: Do you have breakfast?
I: There is an arbus
Is there a knife?
Why a knife?
With these words, I grabbed the watermelon and broke it into two parts.For twenty seconds they were silent and looked at the watermelon, then at me.

From the website of the tattoo salon: "We guarantee that the tattoo will remain on your body for the rest of your life and for at least two weeks after your death..."

He wanted tea, opened the refrigerator, saw milk, wanted coffee, I sat down and drank quas.
I mean, am I not logical?

In order for the girl to not cool to you, it is better to fry her.

A man teaches a girl:
- Yes, now you take the flash and insert it into the camera until a click...
I said to the point, not to the point!!! to

Not so long ago I heard from the zombie painter that Peter’s students spent an annual stock of No. 2 products in 3 months. To the question: "What is it?" they calmly answered: "Fuck..."
You will not argue...

[Huragh]: Oh shit, it is enough to dime
To be fooled!
We will bring you a guild.
To be fooled!
Are you a bot?
To be fooled!
[GM#03]: Hello to you.
To be fooled!
Say hello to you.
[GM#03]: You have received a complaint.
To be fooled!
What kind of?
[GM#03]: You are suspected of using bot programs.
To be fooled!
It is sad.
[GM#03]: Please turn off the automatic response.
To be fooled!
I don’t know how >_<

He: How to combine my piston with your cylinder?
She: I can not.
He is :????? to
She: I am on the plan.
He is :????? to
She: Yes, I have monthly... monthly!

TunGer: For two and a half months now, my girlfriend and I have sex every day! I wonder how much more we will have?
>> ~FERZH~: A month does not bother?
>> TunGer: and she didn’t have them yet)
>> TunGer: I’m going to be happy!!!!! to

I work in resuscitation. We have a baby stool hanging on the wall, underneath it the inscription in large letters: "Emergency call of the surgeon!")))))

Kruger: I want to command the talks!! to
Kruger is fucking! The Nations!!! to

XXX is
What is the synonym for the word ' came'?

YYYY
slowed

XXX is
Of the 15 respondents, only three wrote 'stepped'

SE[re]GA: And I cut off at the last couple, and woke up from the fact that the teacher was singing the crib "I do not lie down on the edge" I raise my head and think:"All my fuck" but no, it was singing to another guy, who also slept =)

XXX - In China for bribery executed
Yyy – And in Iran – for homosexuality...
Zzz – Generally speaking, our officials would be executed both in China and Iran.

Q: How to bend a spoon with a look?
A: Throw a heavy look at her from above.

A neighbor in the apartment, being a blonde not only in hair color, but also in the state of the soul, brought her glamorous cat from the house.
I ask: Has the block hit the sky for a month, walking around your facade?
She (with sincere surprise): No, we have a high fence. Where are the fleas from?

We have a service called "Service for the implementation of electricity transmission services" - abbreviated SRU. Today, the chief of the same service from Zhygulevsk calls, suckles from laughter, says - I apologize, but I am from the ZPO of the SRU.